bananaboat11 Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 Thanks man -- I've seen you progress since your boot camp from hell and you're doing awesome yourself. So keep on truckin' ! is there an original thread with your story?? Link to post Share on other sites
DenverBachelor Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 I tell myself I'm lucky to have someone I love that much, even though he doesn't speak to me. It's as close as I'll ever get, so I have to try to find a way to be satisfied with it. You can get over it. You just have to allow yourself to open your heart and find someone new that you love. Then you can move on and forget about this BS with your ex. Ok, he was a skinny rocker -- get over it. He left you, and that should be your biggest clue that he's beneath you as a person. Once you can let yourself move on and find a bigger source of happiness, the happier you will become. The fact that you're allowing yourself to be stuck in the wallowing stage is your own issue. You need to figure yourself out first and then you can figure out why you're so hung up on one guy out of 3 billion. Link to post Share on other sites
DenverBachelor Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 is there an original thread with your story?? No original thread, really. It was a slow moving train wreck to tell you the truth. I'll spare you the long story, but basically she left me, I contacted her -- found out she had cheated on me and confronted her about it one morning. I must have royally pissed her off because she then went back, made up a story with her new boyfriend that I tried to break into her apartment and then I was on the receiving end of a restraining order that was served at my work. Probably one of the most bizarre endings of a relationship I have ever been a part of, but the one thing I took from it all was that she was a huge liar and just made up so much BS that I just gave her the 120 day restraining order in court because I didn't feel like airing dirty laundry in front of the court. But that court date was almost two months ago and I haven't heard a peep since. My repuration with her parents and friends was destroyed but after talking to some close friends (like Sean1970 on here), I realized it doesn't make a difference any more. You just have to roll with the punches and realize that you know who you are internally and brush that **** off your shoulders. Link to post Share on other sites
bananaboat11 Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 Wow db. I'm so sorry. NO one deserves that. OTher than actually getting a tro on me... I know How you feel to an extent. Glad you're doing better! Link to post Share on other sites
icyness Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 Like a few others have stated I guess it all depends. I was with my first ex for 9 and 1/2 years and I got over him in a few months. (it probably helps that I was the one who left him.) I'm still not over my last boyfriend who left me roughly 7 and 1/2 months ago, we were together for almost 3 years. I'm feeling particularly depressed over him lately and I still believe him to be the one for me. Most days I feel I'll never get over him. Link to post Share on other sites
t0ri Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 I dated my ex, who dumped me, for 2 years, and it took me about 8 months to get over him. It's been a year since he originally left me, and when I look back on him and our relationship now, I'm completely baffled as to why the hell I stayed with him or even loved him. I guess it helps that I am dating someone now, who blows my ex out of the water. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 I dated my ex, who dumped me, for 2 years, and it took me about 8 months to get over him. It's been a year since he originally left me, and when I look back on him and our relationship now, I'm completely baffled as to why the hell I stayed with him or even loved him. I guess it helps that I am dating someone now, who blows my ex out of the water. Yea I was about to say that meeting someone better than your ex is usually the final straw in getting over that person, so it sometimes depends on when that occurs. And this is not a rebound you know doesnt match up but you're using for comfort....but truly kind of healing then meeting someone you're compatible with who is better. When I met my current ex was when I COMPLETELY got over my other ex. Before, I compared all others to him then once I met him I never thought about my other ex like that anymore. He came back surprisingly after my current ex and I broke up but I was in nooo way interested in him. Link to post Share on other sites
Sadbutrelieved Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 It's only been a few days for me, so I don't know how long this is going to take but I hope it's not long. I do well during the day but in the evenings I am very sad. I just keep telling myself that the person I thought he could be was the one I love, not the person he actually is. I have an ex or two pop up once in a while, one I thought I'd die when we broke up, but as time goes by we've been able to be friends again even though there's no interest romantically. Well, one keeps asking me out but I'm not even going there Link to post Share on other sites
Taucher Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 We were together for just under a year. It has now been two years and seven months and I'm not even close to over him. I'm not even ready to date yet. At this point I'm fairly resigned to the idea that I found the love of my life, and I'll love him forever, but he'll never love me so I'll just have to settle for my memories of him. It's a kind of love, I suppose. I tell myself I'm lucky to have someone I love that much, even though he doesn't speak to me. It's as close as I'll ever get, so I have to try to find a way to be satisfied with it. This made me feel very sad. I feel the same as you, sedgwick. I get some kind of weird comfort by the fact that I am still in love with my ex. Like I am being true to myself. I feel that I will love her forever too and she will probably be unaware of this. Her next boyfriend, the man she marries, all unaware that she is loved by someone else. Sigh. To answer this post, I have 2 meaningful relationships in my past. The first was a 5 year relationship, I was 24 when it ended. I was completely over it in about 3 weeks. My most recent relationship was, again, 5 years. She left me nearly nine months ago and I am not over it at all. It is definitely less horrible then the beginning, but it still shocks me that we are not together, I still think about her. I still love her. But I guess 9 months after a 5 year relationship is not unusual? T Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 We were together 1.5 yrs, been broken up for 8 months. Is it true it takes twice as long to get over your ex from the amount of time you dated? ex it will take me 3 yrs to get over him? The time it takes to heal is really dependent upon when you personally have accepted that it's over. The longer you hold out hope for a second chance, the longer it takes to heal. For some, they can heal from a LTR in very short time (weeks, few months tops) if they accept that it's over and move forward with their lives. Meeting someone new definitely helps the process, I freely admit that. But for many who continue hold a candle for their ex, their healing process can take years for a relationship as short as months. This is simply because they refuse to REALLY accept that it's over... Link to post Share on other sites
now_what Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 Let's see, we dated for 3 years, were married for 30. He left me September 12, 2008 to shack up with some old biker chick he had known for two months. We divorced March 30, 2009, he married said biker chick April 2009. I have been over him personally for quite a while, but all the changes he has caused in my life are taking quite a bit longer. I resent what this change has done to me financially, I hate him for what he has done to our children. He is somewhat still involved in their lives, but for the most part he just stays in his little hick town with his little old hillbilly biker woman. Whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chitowngirl Posted February 12, 2010 Author Share Posted February 12, 2010 The time it takes to heal is really dependent upon when you personally have accepted that it's over. The longer you hold out hope for a second chance, the longer it takes to heal. For some, they can heal from a LTR in very short time (weeks, few months tops) if they accept that it's over and move forward with their lives. Meeting someone new definitely helps the process, I freely admit that. But for many who continue hold a candle for their ex, their healing process can take years for a relationship as short as months. This is simply because they refuse to REALLY accept that it's over... LIGHTBULB MOMENT --- THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! I am holding a candle to him and holding out hope he might want to come back. I need to realize it's not gonna happen and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
just1guy Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 The time it takes to heal is really dependent upon when you personally have accepted that it's over. The longer you hold out hope for a second chance, the longer it takes to heal. For some, they can heal from a LTR in very short time (weeks, few months tops) if they accept that it's over and move forward with their lives. Meeting someone new definitely helps the process, I freely admit that. But for many who continue hold a candle for their ex, their healing process can take years for a relationship as short as months. This is simply because they refuse to REALLY accept that it's over... I'm almost healed after almost two months from a two year relationship. There's just that small thought inthe back of my mind that refuses to accept it and hopes for a reunion. That part is tough for me to let go, no matter what I do to keep busy, or tell myself to stop thinking that. Hope sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeymad Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 IMHO You never get over someone completely. If you fully entered a relationship, you give a part of yourself to someone else. That is why when a heart joined as one is torn, it is a jagged tear, and not a clean cut. Parts of them will always be with you. Although it gets easier over time, we can heal to the best of our ability. One must think that of all the people in the world, the fact that "the one" happened to be someone we came in contact with and met is statistically not likely. There are, however, many people who can and have the ability to love us in a very deep and satisfying manner. And below that on the scale are many, many who can provide us with adequate love. And below that are many more who provide with inadequate love or no love. Our goal should be to be a high up person to someone, and to get that back. just my 2c. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 LIGHTBULB MOMENT --- THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! I am holding a candle to him and holding out hope he might want to come back. I need to realize it's not gonna happen and move on. Acceptance is very hard, but this is why NC is so important. The more you try and remain in contact with your ex, the longer you will hold the candle because you'll always hold hope that your attempts to contact your ex will somehow "reignite" that fire. The sad part about this is continual attempts at contact after being dumped serves the opposite effect. It doesn't make your ex want you more, it simply pushes them away further. NC is excellent for healing because it forces you to go cold turkey and come to the realization that, for now at least, it's just you. That part of your life, much like the end of a chapter in a book, is over. You have to move on to the next chapter like it or not. Besides, if the RIGHT person was to walk into your life while you're pining over someone who doesn't want to be with you, you'll not even notice them... I'm almost healed after almost two months from a two year relationship. There's just that small thought inthe back of my mind that refuses to accept it and hopes for a reunion. That part is tough for me to let go, no matter what I do to keep busy, or tell myself to stop thinking that. Hope sucks. It's actually better for you to fake like they have died. At least for me, it worked wonders because even though deep down I know they didn't, it forced me to move on without them. I no longer care whats going on in their lives yet now, even 4 years later (with one of them) they still occasionally check up on me online. If anything, that's a good confidence and self-esteem boost..... It doesn't matter if they want me or not anymore. What matters is that I had a lifelong effect on them and I know they will never forget me. What that means is when the right one does come along, not only will she knock my socks off, I'll do the same for her. Link to post Share on other sites
ginyi1111 Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 We were together for just under a year. It has now been two years and seven months and I'm not even close to over him. I'm not even ready to date yet. At this point I'm fairly resigned to the idea that I found the love of my life, and I'll love him forever, but he'll never love me so I'll just have to settle for my memories of him. It's a kind of love, I suppose. I tell myself I'm lucky to have someone I love that much, even though he doesn't speak to me. It's as close as I'll ever get, so I have to try to find a way to be satisfied with it. Oh dear, I was with my ex for 10 months and I am still in the dumps after he dumped me more than 2 months ago... I hate to say this but I hope it wont be like you Sedgwick because currently I am in hell and I just wanna be happy again. I understand that this is sort of your way being 'loyal' to the man you love but please please do not waste your love, laughter and tears on this man that does not want them in his life anymore. If you let go of your love for him doesnt mean you are untrue...it just means you have to love yourself more...love HAS to be mutual. Link to post Share on other sites
Len Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 As previously stated it all depends on the circumstances but I was always told it takes half the time you were together to recover. At least that rang true for me. I was with my ex with for 9 years and it took about 4-5 years to get over it, rebuild and move on in life. Although some parts do still remain and probably always will. For me it was the shock of it all that took time to recover from. Even the day before she left she was telling me how much she loved me and what she wanted our future childrens names to be. On the day she left she called me at work to ask what I wanted for dinner that night. I returned home from work to an empty house. A couple of weeks later she called to say it was over and absolutely refused to tell me why. I can remember the times I wondered how long it would take to get over it all, wishing it would hurry up so you can move on. Often you think you are better then something jumps up and bites you again, but it does get better. Time, faith and patience and all that jazz. Trust them and keep looking forward. Link to post Share on other sites
nolanola Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 This is a very comforting thread, for some reason. I think it helps me feel not so pathetic. My most recent ex and I were together off and on for 3 years and I'm still not over it two years later. Of course, it doesn't help that he keeps popping up in my life like a bad rash about once a month or so. My ex prior to that one, we were together for 7 years. He was my best friend and my first love. It took me so long just to accept that he was moving on (he married someone else a few years ago). In that case, we remained friends after we split up. We stopped talking after he got married and honestly, that's helped me move on quite a bit. I still love him but I've made peace that I can love him but let him go at the same time. I still miss him all the time but it's easier to deal with. Thanks for all of your stories. Link to post Share on other sites
luke1081 Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Oh goodness, unlike the post above, reading these replies fills me with utter sickness and dread. Im only day 4 into a breakup (of a nearly-2 year relationship) and it fills me with dread knowing I may be like this for so many more months to come. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Oh goodness, unlike the post above, reading these replies fills me with utter sickness and dread. Im only day 4 into a breakup (of a nearly-2 year relationship) and it fills me with dread knowing I may be like this for so many more months to come. Meh, you will get over it. Not everyone you date is MEANT to be with you forever. You'll know the right one when you meet them and you'll never feel badly about the stuff thats happening now. Love who you are -- other people will love you too. Link to post Share on other sites
gister Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 Let's see my ex and my first ever relationship, that was a LDR, and with a girl that I loved and thought loved me too (it was a 13 month and a week relationship) took me about 2-3 days after a decent 4 days of being extremely depressed and hopeless. I still am healing from it though especially after she gave me the last pieces of the puzzle, from our last phone call last night. Found out she stopped loving me about 2 months ago and that she lied to me several times during that time and lied to me especially on our anniversary. Luckily I've learned my lessons and admitted my faults, which she still hasn't admitted to and is still blaming me completely for why it failed. Too bad I feel more sorry for her now because she is now interested in someone that is a pot head (someone she admits shed never go for). Also because she keeps telling me she wants me out of her life; even though she messaged/poked me (after she removed me from her friends list), asks how I am, and says she would hurt if something bad happened to me (even though I apparantly made her emotionally numb towards me). Wow after typing that, I realized, she just can't let a supportive/nice/good guy like me go anyways /rant /vent and tldr: 3-4days to get over her but the effects I'm still healing from. Oh yeah and NC does work, just need to actually do the whole ten yards and then some, good friends help with that too Link to post Share on other sites
lisal0u Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 Hi, I was with my ex 14 years so Im really hoping it doesnt take 7 years to get over it! I know its going to take a long time! Its been 2 months and Im still in pieces most of the time! It was out of the blue, he's been good at answering questions but I dont think he's been honest! I think he's left me for someone else but just wont say and its that that is holding me back at the minute! He says they are just friends but men dont throw away 14 years and a newly bought house for nothing! Its nice to see that people do get throught it but sad to see how many are really struggling! I just dont know if you ever really get over relationships of this length?! Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 I think i'm finally over my ex now, 11 months later. I don't know that I am completely but I think now that I don't want to be with him; only when I feel lonely or bored. There are things I miss but I no longer think he is 'the one'. I think we had something incredible but it didn't work. And I have my weak moments, but I think they are just weak moments. If someone makes the choice not to be with you, well it wasn't YOUR choice, so them moving on is naturally, stemming from a premeditated choice, our moving on is frought with complications, doubt and fear because we have no choice BUT to move on, but its the last thing in the world that we want to do. I've developed LOADS of crushes lately, not on anyone I know, but on celebrities, and I think this has really helped me, to feel that spark and have a frivolous crush Link to post Share on other sites
TGK Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 That will vary amongst all of us. I've been NC for around 8 months now. I have gotten a lot better but still am not over her 100%. Link to post Share on other sites
ingridh Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 (edited) NC for two months now. Not a beep from him. He is happily engaged with his beautiful and much younger girl whom he dumped me for. I am feeling less sad everyday but I do not want to forget and forgive for how he had so very cruelly treated me. Nor will I want to stop hating him. Edited April 9, 2010 by ingridh Link to post Share on other sites
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