summerlove Posted January 3, 2004 Share Posted January 3, 2004 I ve been with my bf now for over 7 months ! i am now to the point of where i can't handle it anymore and i have no one left around me! all my friends are gone or have better lives now and i cant seem to just break it off with him ! i am scared of being alone and worried it would be a mistake! i love him more than words but its just that he is getting tired of me! i think and has the biggest attitude ever towards me anymore! he makes me cry over stupid stuff and i feel bad cause i have no life around me with out him ive put my whole self into him and now i'm in love and cant get out! its like i'm in a box and i'm living for him but yet he does want me!but yet wont break up with me or i can't break it off i don't know how and don't know if i even want to! i need help ! i need to know how and what to do ! i don't think i can break it off cause the love but what else? im lost! and need a life! Link to post Share on other sites
confuuuuused Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 First have you talked to him about your fears? Asked him how he feels about you? Second, if your intuitions are right and he has lost interest, then I think you know what you have to do, which is get out first. Unless it is something you / he thinks can be fixed But in terms of being scared to start out on your own, unless you can see yourself with him forever then sooner or later you'll have to start out on your own anyway, better to get started sooner!! Link to post Share on other sites
theophilia Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 wow.. how old are you? now, are you sure you love this boy? what you've described doesn't sound like love to me (no offense). it just sounds like you're just afraid of being alone: i used to feel the way you did about a certain someone. it wasn't that he grew tired of me, but that i grew tired of him. i would unintentionally have an attitude with him or find the once cute and endearing little things he did annoying. after a while i realized that i didn't feel the same way towards him, but instead of facing that fact i faked being happy because i was so afraid it would be a mistake to leave him. i had the serious case of the "what if's." we eventually broke up and after a few months of pain i've come to realize that i'm better off. it sounds like he's growing a bit tired of you and that he doesn't know if it's right to break up. maybe he's in the same situation you're in, but is handling it differently? but, if this is the case you shouldn't stick around. it isn't healthy - for either of you. if he feels/acts this way now, imagine how bad it could get if the two of you stay together? more crying. more pain. maybe even some hostility and resentment, if it hasn't already happened. i ask your age because the "isolating yourself from your friends" thing seems like something a younger girl would do (no offense, im not trying to be mean.. i let myself do that as well). what i did was i slowly started to reconnect with the people i lost contact with. i would IM/call them every once in a while, just making small talk - how was your day? how are your classes? how is the family? things like that. then i would eventually tell them i was sorry for losing contact with them and that i really appreciated that they still gave me the time of day. (and the simple fact that you put this guy above everyone else is something that could cause resentment.) and after a while i really started to appreciate my friends and how they had my back.. something i never did when i was with that guy. you really need to sit down and think about this. you might be afraid of being alone right now and who isnt? who wants to be alone? no one. but sometimes.. it's necessary! one needs to be comfortable with being with just themselves. the first few months will be painful no doubt but you will soon come to realize that there are many people to meet and many experiences to.. well, experience! and you can't experience all these new people and events if you are with someone who isn't the right person for you. i know this is prolly not the advice you want. im sorry if i offended you in any way, i didn't mean to. good luck with your situation and keep in mind.. solitude and loneliness are two very different things. once you're past the loneliness you'll find that solitude is welcomed and enjoyable. xoxo ps - i was with this person for 4+ years. Link to post Share on other sites
SmittenKitten Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 Mayb he senses that u put him b4 all others and r revolving ur whole world around him? Could this make him feel pressured? His abruptness toward u seems to say there is some uncomfortability he's not able or yet tell u about.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author summerlove Posted January 4, 2004 Author Share Posted January 4, 2004 thanks for the advice it really helps! i am almost 19 !i know he loves me. he talks of the future all the time! i think we just both love each! i just feel like i need more i want to spend all the time i can with him but yet he doesn't .he wants his friends! and now its to the point where hes with his friends and im stuck at home! ive never really had any true friends there has always been a guy in my life and this is the first guy that has acted or pushed me away from his friends! i love meeting new people and being with all different kinds of people but also when i want to meant someone new theres no one here where i live. when he goes out with his friends thier gfs are even there but yet he just tells me " i'm with you a lot and when i'm with my friends i want to be with them " i just don't get it ! his friends gfs are ther but he doesn't want me there? it use to not be like that! so im thinking maybe were are tired of one another! just yesterday i went to his house after work to find out y he hadn't called all day and he said i slept and that he had only been up for 3 hours! i cied and bitch as he says! he said he just wants his friends? i don't get it! should i be mad that there other girls there or what or should i just give him time with his friends! its a wierd stuation and i just love him so much! we were even friends before we started dating! i'm kind of afraid of losing everything friendship and all! i love him so much and it has been an awesome 7 months ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author summerlove Posted January 4, 2004 Author Share Posted January 4, 2004 one more thing i also think if i had my own group of friends it would trun out different! so does anyone have any ideas of how to make friends in a very small town where theres not much to do? if i had friends i think it would be easier to decide what i really feel towards him friendship or love! right now i feel love and just want to be around! but yet the advice might be right i would be better off with out him just one question how do you stop calling and think of him when you do break it off? i don't think i could ever do that! his been here for me for a while now not just as a lover but a friend someone the only one who has been here what do i do? Link to post Share on other sites
xalysabethh Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 well all i can say is that i've been there... my husband (whom i'm seperated/divorcing now) are high school sweethearts been together since 15.. well I felt the way you feel i abandoned alot of friends for him, He had this hold over me.. I cnat explain it, we broke up tons of times in teh past 9 years (everytime him leaving me) and me feeling helpless lonely like i needed him . and Just when i'd start feeling better he'd be back in my life and i'd get attatched again. We had some awful times. he lied alot and just wasnt always thenicest But i could never bring myself to leave him, even when we broke up i'd call him and keep hoping.. well now here i am two kids later, one marriage later. getting a divorce. I'm the strong one now i finnanlly had had it and its so hard but i've had to be the one to put my foot down for the sake of the kids. Not saying anyof this is your situation just that I know its scary to want to leave and to be lonly but there is someone out there who wont have an attitude or will want you . i've foudn that out. so the only suggestions to you is if you want to try to work things you need to get your life back too. i was lucky my ture freinds were always still there when he left and are still here today. but i lost alot of people and missed out on a bunch of stuff thanks to the situation i put myself in by secluding myself. good luck xalysabeth Link to post Share on other sites
Author summerlove Posted January 4, 2004 Author Share Posted January 4, 2004 gosh i'm so lost! i don't know what to do! all the advice says it wont work or that person put there all into it and it still ended later on! but yet to get it to end you have to stop commutation and i can't i'm in love! it just seems impossible! i want to talk to him but the fear of making him mad again! he tells me to back off everything is fine! well fine for him but what about me?! i want him and to be with him! i just don't get it should i just forget about what i want and sit at home and wait until when he wants to hang out? its just so hard ! i don't know it seems like theres no one out there right now? and i'm stuck here doin nothin y other people are out on a sat. night having fun partying doing things i would or use to normally do! Link to post Share on other sites
xalysabethh Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 I know its hard and confusing. like i said out of all the times me and my ex broke up i couldnt stop calling him.. we would talk several times a day i felt like he was my everything. when we first broke up i ws 16 my mom made me go to the cousnler i remember her saying why dont you just not call him... umm easy for her to say/do i couldnt do it. but what kind of realtionship is that?? think about that he most likely wont change. evne know after my ex cheated on me while me being pregent and other things i have finnanly found the man i was looking for who is everything and our primarly goal is to make each other happy. there are times i still think back to my ex but i have let that grip he had go, now he wants me back. but i know deep down he cant change.. ok this turned into just another long example of mine. but i wanted u to feel that there are people who've been there and can relate xalysabeth Link to post Share on other sites
Author summerlove Posted January 4, 2004 Author Share Posted January 4, 2004 well thanks! one thing is my bf would never cheat its all about the friends and what he wants! and it use to not be like that!it just over the holidays all his friends came in and there here until schools back in !its like he found them again and is dropping me! i just want him to show me his love! i haven't seen it in a while! i need and want to know if he loves me as much as i love him and if so how do i find that out i mean you can ask but it doesn't really show! how do i get him to show me his love! i don't know what to do !? my head say leave , leave fast, but my heat says NO! which do you listen to you head or you heat? Link to post Share on other sites
theophilia Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 sounds like you might be smothering him? too much of a good thing can be bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author summerlove Posted January 4, 2004 Author Share Posted January 4, 2004 well i let him have one whole day now to him self he has call once today it was earlier he didn't have much to say! i'm suprised i held off from calling him but this day has been so boring ! i know i'm not hovering over him he has plenty of time he doesn't work all he has is me and his friends! i have no clue how strong i will be tommorrow though? Link to post Share on other sites
theophilia Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 you're hopeless, sweetheart Link to post Share on other sites
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