pureinheart Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 'No contact doesn't open up the gates of heaven and let you in, it opens up the gates of hell and lets you out.' This statement is truly profound...one of those statements that takes your breath away and leaves one with the feeling of power and encouragement....wow...all of this timing is unbelievable... Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 FO, just curious, did you ever go NC while you were still in the throes of loving your MM and wanting to be in a relationship with him, or was it not until you were good and done with him, having decided once and for all that you wanted the relationship to end? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fooled once Posted February 16, 2010 Author Share Posted February 16, 2010 Hey Alg --- I want you to read this again! If needed -- past it up around your house!!! Link to post Share on other sites
alg24 Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 I have read this twice today!!! Even printed it out =) Your the best FO, really. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Forever is a long time. It is totally unrealistic to expect yourself not to be in contact with the person you love, if you are not ready to say goodbye to them. The problem is if the person you were with does not love you back the same way you loved them. At some point I think a spade is a spade and it is time to move on. NC is a BIG healer in that. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 FO thanks for this thread. A HUGE thank you. If it wasn't for NC I would have been admitted to the psych ward by now. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 I just don't believe NC is the way to go unless you are done forever with the MM. The pull back to the MM is so strong if you are not done, that it is very unlikely that NC will succeed in those cases. Forever is a long time. It is totally unrealistic to expect yourself not to be in contact with the person you love, if you are not ready to say goodbye to them. The problem is if the person you were with does not love you back the same way you loved them. At some point I think a spade is a spade and it is time to move on. NC is a BIG healer in that. Yes, I agree, that should read: Forever is a long time. It is totally unrealistic to expect yourself not to be in contact with the person you love and who loves you, if you are not ready to say goodbye to them. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Forever is a long time. It is totally unrealistic to expect yourself not to be in contact with the person you love and who loves you, if you are not ready to say goodbye to them. Completely agree. It would be pure torture in that case:) It's torturous not having the love reciprocated (as in my case:( but it is what it is). I do hope to see you with your MM in the future. It is the best feeling in the world to love someone deeply and have them love you the same way. I think that is what we are all searching for. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Completely agree. It would be pure torture in that case:) It's torturous not having the love reciprocated (as in my case:( but it is what it is). I do hope to see you with your MM in the future. It is the best feeling in the world to love someone deeply and have them love you the same way. I think that is what we are all searching for. Thanks, ladydesigner, that is so sweet of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fooled once Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 FO thanks for this thread. A HUGE thank you. If it wasn't for NC I would have been admitted to the psych ward by now. BIG hugs to you LD ((hug)) You have come a long way!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tashcw Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 THANK YOU FO! My DP (!) left his wife after a year to be with me for nearly 7 months, but has now gone back. I am on day 5 of NC and feel like I need to do this. Jennie - can completely see your point of view, however our relationship wasn't even and that's why backing away now is the right thing to do for me. And I might not ever want to let him go, but it has ruined me pining after someone that deep down doesn't want me. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 THANK YOU FO! My DP (!) left his wife after a year to be with me for nearly 7 months, but has now gone back. I am on day 5 of NC and feel like I need to do this. Jennie - can completely see your point of view, however our relationship wasn't even and that's why backing away now is the right thing to do for me. And I might not ever want to let him go, but it has ruined me pining after someone that deep down doesn't want me. Good luck, Tashcw, hope everything works out for you! It must be so hard that your MM flip-flopped after so long. Link to post Share on other sites
biqboy42o Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 Very resourceful information! Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 THANK YOU FO! My DP (!) left his wife after a year to be with me for nearly 7 months, but has now gone back. I am on day 5 of NC and feel like I need to do this. That's rough. Sorry that has gone on for you. Good for you going NC. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 I know where you are Coming From.. Your mm is more special, more caring, and more fitting with you than anyone can imagine - thus the willingness to wait .. You Have taken second place because of your love for him.. The only way you can realize a complete, fulfilled life with him is: If he divorces his wife, If she divorces him, or If she dies. All outcomes will put you in a position to be compared with her. The long blank stares into space ... Do you want this incomplete life for yourself - when in fact, you are a Complete woman. How long can you self-sacrifice without feeling hurt and incomplete .. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I missed this thread somehow. Beautiful quote, FO. In no way do I intend for this to come off as if I am patting myself on the back, but I have never had an issue with doing NC. It may be because of other issues in my personality and character, though. I have always felt that it let me off the hook - the opening the gates of Hell and letting me out part. I no longer had to deal with the situation. Maybe, I'm just a closeted conflict avoider, and just don't know it. If anyone ever needs any hints on how to maintain NC, I am FULL of them. NC is hard, even when I chose it for myself. Its so tempting to pick up the phone or shoot off that phishing email. But it takes away the momentum of successful NC. Good luck to all on this hard, but often worthy path. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fooled once Posted November 23, 2010 Author Share Posted November 23, 2010 Thought I would bump this up for the newer members.... Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 Glad you did, FO.....I've got a girlfriend who needs to read this...... She's getting involved with someone married, she's married herself, and I can already see how much it's messing up her head..(having the vantage point of third party observer..) The OP was very eloquently written......*tipping my hat* Link to post Share on other sites
Author fooled once Posted November 25, 2010 Author Share Posted November 25, 2010 Thanks Free! Hopefully, your friend will really see how destructive it can be to her (and others) and not romanticize it as many tend to do. Link to post Share on other sites
siuys Posted November 25, 2010 Share Posted November 25, 2010 NC is my only saviour from a highly toxic situation that was ruining my life. Yes, I miss him, yes, i love him, yes i'd rather be with him. But unless he wants the same and takes action to make that a reality, then it's not worth it to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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