How can I stay positive while people judge me and annoy me for being single?

[CarmenSandiego]

I've been officially single for just over 2 yrs. I was in a 4 year, committed relationship, living with my ex boyfriend and looking at engagement rings. Then I decided I wanted to prioritize MY needs and make my life exactly how I wanted it (the old cliche, "find myself), so I left him. I never regretted it.

 

After he reacted like a maniac to the breakup and threatened me with suicide for months, I was finally able to date again. However, it's been working out with no one.

 

On top of that, I got a full-time job I hated, so I decided for more college--full-time night classes, which leaves me very little recreation time on week days.

 

Since I am very busy, made career first, and I am being careful that my next boyfriend is someone that I definitely want to dedicate time, energy, and attention to (rather than lead on SIMPLY to say I have a boyfriend), it's been kind of hard to find one!

 

Alas, people pass constant judgement on me. I get pitiful looks from people when they find out I'm single, I get excluded from couples outings because I'm not a couple, I get hooked up with guys I would never have a smidgen of interest in (because I must be lonely), and people speculate about what must be "wrong" with me, because I am not steadily with someone, engaged, or hitched. (And, I do not broadcast to people about my hookups and very NOT serious men because I think it's kind of trashy).

 

I have to admit, this brings me down! A lot of people think there must be something "wrong" with me if I'm single, but there are so many factors involved!

 

How do I stay positive and not take people's relentless judging and pity to heart until I can finally find another good guy?!

[Disillusioned]

Let me ask you this: do you have definite goals in mind which have nothing to do with a relationship? I mean, have you always wanted to start your own business, buy a house, or do something creative which will bring you extra income? Then do it!

 

I could rant and rattle off to no end about my lack of success in the relationship department (turns out I think with my head when I should think with my heart), but hey... loneliness has not kept me from writing and publishing my first novel, and that's the way I look at it now: a relationship would just be icing on the cake. I didn't start out wanting to be an author, but I figure if I can do it well, I might as well use it. I didn't want my dear old mother to die, but she did anyways and I ended up with a house (it was paid for 60 years ago). I never wanted to be a homesteader, but that's what I learned how to do.

 

A couple of days ago, someone down the street threw out a pair of French doors which need a little work, but since I inherited this house, I've been wanting to replace a window in one of the 3 bedrooms with a pair of French doors, just in case I might happen to meet the right woman, and then I could give her one of the bedrooms to stay in, I'd put the French doors on it and think nothing of it, if it would make her happy. Does that make me an overly sentimental, creepy person? That's not a question for me to answer.

 

But, whaddya do... I think too much like Mister Spock to get into a relationship just like that... whaddya do. A man's home might be his castle, but without a queen, it feels more like my prison. Go figure.

[DiscoChick]

If you're not ready or don't have the time for a relationship, you shouldn't worry about what other people think. Listening to other people tell ME about MY life is annoying enough. I'm 24, and my life has already been mapped out for me by my mother. I'm going to be the old woman with six cats. I do like cats, but I don't want to take care of any. I am a giving and honest person, but some people still think I am mean (it has to do with my brutal honesty and little pity policy).

 

Then someone else tells me I'm going to be this great writer (I wish). I've also been told I'm going to be a great missionary. People don't know anything. You're the only person that can make yourself happy. I know I don't NEED a guy to make me happy, but I want one later in life for the few children that I hope I can have. See? Even the doctors' look of disappointment, when I talk about having children, does not discourage me. Make yourself happy, like the guy above me said. Above me. Haha. I understand him too. I think more with my brain than with my heart. When I use my heart, I am too emotional and almost incapable of rational thought. I hate being like that, so I rarely do it.

 

Anyway, anyway. Don't rush into a relationship to make other people happy. Again, do what makes you happy, and just accept that most people are nosy idiots.

[Odyssey]

OP, They're just making plenty of noise, whether it's complimentary or belittling to you. It's how you react that really matters. Always remember that people don't know you as well as yourself. Their views can only go so far, because in the end, you run your life. That's how i see things and it helps me ignore those negative people.

 

illegitimi non carborundum

[stillafool]

It's time to find new people to hang out with. Seriously, why should you continue to socialize with people who make you feel bad about yourself. I would make friends and plans elsewhere.

[nefarious]

CS: who is making these comments and giving you these looks? Friends, co-workers, or casual acquaintances?

 

Also, are you happy being single? Or if not, are you at least happy despite being single?