purpleknif67 Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 I met a guy on-line. He e-mailed me and we logged in a lot of telephone time, I swear about ten hours. Based on what I heard on the phone, he sounded like a lot of things I was looking for. We met, and there was a really strong attraction, and it led to us being intimate on the first date. After this whole thing, I felt a bit strange, and the next day i gave him a call to see what he was doing. He also mentioned he felt conflicting feelings himself and was worried that he had pushed things too far. I am usually a very cautious, thoughtful, and I thought intelligent person, but now I am really mad and I think I am mad at myself for being so weak-willed. I have pretty much decided not to call him again--if he is interested in getting together, perhaps...what can I do to feel better? Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 I have pretty much decided not to call him again How come? If you guys really hit it off so well, I would think you would want to continue your friendship... possibly leading into a relationship. I understand that you are feeling somewhat guilty for letting things go so far, but why not deal with that on your own? Instead of cutting off a good thing. **Also, I hope you used protection, as people tend to forget these things when they are caught up in the moment.** I wish you the best in whatever you choose. I hope you can either save your new friendship, or move on to something better. -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 You have no reason to HAVE to feel better, you shouldn't feel bad about this to begin with. You felt comfortable doing it, so did he, no worries. Who said there has to be a certain amount of time before you have sex with someone? If it feels right the first night, do it, don't let anyone tell you it's bad to do that. Only you can decide if it's right or not. Additionally, you have no reason not to call him. That's pretty lame. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 I say see a therapist because you obviously need to figure out what would cause you to meet a total stranger off the internet, meet him like that, and be alone and sleep with him. Talk about dangerous! You knew nothing about his history, you still don't. What if he's been accused of rape in the past? Molesting children? Beating women? Has a wife and 3 kids? Is a crack dealer? Is a stalker? Has HIV? Herpes? Hepatitis B? Is this kind of behavior common for you? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 Oh don't see a therapist, there's nothing wrong with you, gawd. Just use more discretion if your lack of discretion bothers you, but don't just not call him out of your guilt. Nothing's perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purpleknif67 Posted January 4, 2004 Author Share Posted January 4, 2004 YOU truly are an angel!! Many thanks for such a quick response!! I just want to cry! I think I am indulging in my most favorite behavior...giving myself a hard time. I just feel kinda...cheap. No, maybe that is not it. I really think that if I am ever going to meet anyone, and have a truly meaningful relationship, I have to start working on my self-esteem issues. I really think I am falling in love with this guy, is that possible in only two days of knowing someone. I have never experienced this strong feeling before. I am just so afraid to ask him if this was nothing to him but a convenient lay. He has issue too--and he was not afraid to lay them out on the table when we first started talking, (divorce, depression, he even mentioned he had a vasectomy(protection still used) Perhaps I am afraid to take the plunge? Am I just getting a little too comfortable being alone and convinced that every man is a pig, instead of giving life a shot! Ugh! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 Actually, for a first-timer, the feelings that can be evoked in one of these relationships can be startlingly powerful. Dyer's right. You were both swept up in the moment. Take a few steps back but don't give up entirely on this. Just go slow from now on. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 I wouldn't be too quick to jump to the conclusion that you're falling in love just yet. I know many, many times I've made the mistake of jumping in head first, falling head over heels and then finding out that the person is nothing like I thought. If you want to get to know this guy and the feeling seems mutual, by all means take the time to do so. But be sure and take it one day at a time and be cautious, esp. considering the list of problems you mentioned that he may potentially have. As for your feeling about sleeping with him on the first date, well, that's just because you typically use more discretion. But there's absolutely no need to beat yourself up because you didn't react how you normally would in this pariticular situation. We all act out of character sometimes, and that's not even a bad thing. It can be very, very good. Anyhow, like i said, if you two want to get to know each other, do it! No need to let the fact that this may have started out differently than either of you anticipated get in the way of that. Just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 I am just so afraid to ask him if this was nothing to him but a convenient lay I can understand that you now see that as a possibility, and are starting to have thoughts of being "cheap", etc. I agree with UCFKevin's post earlier: only the two involved can decide when they're ready to be intimate. I think if you choose to keep contacting him, you might find that you are able to express this concern now, telling him you are truly interested and you hope his motives weren't all bad (well, don't say it exactly like that Just let him know you really like him). You have to remember: you were there too, you weren't forced, you were having a good time. LOL - perhaps he feels he was used for a "convenient lay"? Give him a chance. All guys are not pigs... though I've been at points in my life where I have wondered the very same thing. -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
Author purpleknif67 Posted January 4, 2004 Author Share Posted January 4, 2004 I was 22 when I was first intimate with a guy. We were both in college, we met at a summer job. (not on a internet dating service like this time) We had sex on the third date--like I said, I had never been with anyone...I had opportunities but it did not feel right until I met him. We were together for one year and eight months. He was two years younger than me. I regularly went over to his house--his mother adored me, and was always so kind to me. I was not from the area and she made me feel so much at home. I felt like I had a second mother. We would often go to the beach all together. I would see her in town and her face would brighten when she saw me. After about two months of dating, he told me he loved me. He would say it every day. I felt the same way too, and said so. We started going out in June and by January, he proposed marriage, and I wanted to marry him. but after that, things started to slide...I felt that since we were planning on being together, I wanted to occasionally be able to speak to him about problems that were effecting my life. He was so wrapped up in becoming a doctor, graduating near the top of his class, etc. I think he considered me secondary. Anyway, I think he started to sense that I was not happy. Near the end of the relationship, he would bully and nit-pick me (he especially like to do this when he was with his friends at his ivy league school) and one day he dropped a DOOSY(SP?) He said that he felt we had become sexually involved to soon. That really hurt. He was the first, it felt so right, things were right for so long, why did he say that. Ghosts are haunting my past and effecting my future, Link to post Share on other sites
Author purpleknif67 Posted January 4, 2004 Author Share Posted January 4, 2004 Yeah-- a part of me feels for this guy, all of us have been in difficult situations in life, his father died this year, his mother is in a wheelchair, divorce year and a half ago, he was involved with some women earlier last year and she broke off the relationship with him...he even said he takes meds and see a psychiatrist. THEN, there is a part of me that says and I know this is not politically correct but, I ask myself, "what am I doing with this basket case?"--sorry, honest answer, but I think your advice, taking it one day at a time, is good--I think his good qualities is that he is sensitive and he really is so intelligent, he is this big brawny guy, looks a little like Mel Gibson, but has a tender heart--now he has to stop interrupting me when I am trying to talk! LOL Yeah, maybe things will be allright, you guys made me feel much better--you guys rock(wow, what an expression!) Link to post Share on other sites
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