Nikki Sahagin Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 Theres alot of talk on the boards about nice guys and nice guy syndrome. But what I want to know is, what about the nice girls? I see many beautiful, classy, intelligent and funny girls who would give their all for a man who are cheated on, lied to or otherwise dissrespected. I know if I dress up in a little pair of shorts and a top and do my hair and makeup and look nice, i'll still be passed out for the girl with her boobs out, hair extensions, fake tan, a boob job etc. To an extent I actually give up. My ex used to treat me so wonderfully that I felt like the most beautiful girl in the world. I loved him so much and made mistakes but did everything to make it right. He'd rather fly off to a Greek island and flirt and worse with endless promiscuous 'up for a laugh' girls instead of me who would give him everything (including sexually) but just not ACT like it with EVERY guy. What i'm saying is, you can be beautiful, a nice person, faithful and have a wild sexual appetite and STILL be passed up for an 'easy' girl. So really whats the point? This isn't meant to be a bitter post but its how i'm feeling. If nice guys finish last, then so do nice girls. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 The crux of the matter is common, and gender-neutral. Attraction and want aren't matching up. Think of all the good men you've met who 'didn't do it' for you. The 'do it' lies within you. On the male side of the ledger, it's the same. It's simply a matter of, for a man, pursuing an incompatible woman. Why? Because he's attracted to that woman. His people-picker is impaired. Link to post Share on other sites
sean1 Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 hmm funny. but yet that post is so true! tbh though when i look for a girl. i tend not to go for the ones with fake tan boobs out makeup on. the way i see it they are out for one thing and one thing only. another knotch on the bed. but there is guys like that to! just want a one night stand. personally i tend to talk and not get into a position where they would want sex 5 hours after meeting them. i respect women for their trust and loyalty. if they trust me and i can trust them then its a valuble factor for a strong relationship. i dont want a girl that goes out partying trying to impress guys when they have a man already in their lives! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 Thanks for the responses guys. I know its not all men but seeing as men are supposedly visual creatures I almost think anything internal about me like intelligence or sense of humour are wasted because they'll only judge me on my appearance. I've gone off clubbing purely because I see it now as just a place of prostitution pretty much. Maybe I see things too intensely but i've only slept with 2 people and had 2 boyfriends and most people my age seem to have slept with the whole world and there neighbour and I feel so out of place. I don't want to be like them to fit in but then the alternative is being lonely and feeling as I do now which is that my idea of the dream man isn't real and wont come true and I should get used to being alone and the man I did have that was my dream turned out to be a fake. I also feel for the nice guys too. It isn't easy being good in this world! Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 I think it applies to truly 'nice girls' too. It's not gender specific. Nikki, if these guys rather go for chicks with fake boobs, fake hair and fake tan, fake attitude...superficial. immature. insecure. Like attracts like, i guess. I'm sure you wouldn't seriously want those guys anyway. There are men that don't make it blatantly obvious. But believe me, they're definitely checking out the girls with "little pair of shorts and a top ...and makeup and look nice". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 I think its just damage left over from my ex where he was with me but chatting up a model and all manner of other really horrible girls on msn (only 1 of them was naturally very striking, the others from the conversations I read were physically fake and most of them cheaters). Because of that he turned from the man who valued me and made me feel beautiful into a big fake that made me sick and the disapointment that he isn't that man is still there deep in my gut like a knife twisting. I think if he can fool me, any guy can. And I have so much resentment built up for these kind of girls because at the end of the day, I was worth throwing away, for them. I'm too hurt and damaged to enter the competition that is the dating world. Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 lol. Jaded much? same here. that's why i've given up on dating for now (it wasn't right or fair for anyone). All our exes leave a mark on us. The real issue is trust. when will we trust again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 VERY jaded. Zero trust in any male at all. Its horrible. But i'd rather be like this than naive and trusting like some people I know. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 I think that both gender can suffer from it but it is seen more of a weakness in a guy. It is a role most expect and accepted for women to play; being the giver, care taker, the one to sacrifice. It many way women our encouraged to take on this role. Though you are absolutely right. It is a co-dependency where one person tries to get their self worth by sacrificing themselves for another to get future love and affection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 Yeah and I know I will never sacrifice myself to a relationship again. Its great to be giving and to give of yourself but sadly too many people take and empty you and you lose yourself. Its just not worth it which is why I think women being independent is a necessary thing but I think its gone too far where men and women have all been hurt and have built walls and no-one wants to be the 'weak' one and so we all dance around each other. I agree its seen as acceptable in women. I think girls are brought up to always be nice and always say yes and always smile and be giving and sensitive. I think the only way to survive is to ignore that to an extent and toughen up. For instance when I worked as a secretary fake-smiling all day and making tea and cleaning up grown mens and womens mess I just thought 'this is a bloody joke. I can't imagine a guy being such a dogs body'. I've learning not to be little miss nice anymore...but I wont turn into little miss b**** either. Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 It's not about being only nice or a bitch. I think going to extremes on either end of the spectrum is bad. The hardest thing is trying to find a balance. Balance is key... "Nature rule, Nikki-san, not mine". Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 Yeah and I know I will never sacrifice myself to a relationship again. Its great to be giving and to give of yourself but sadly too many people take and empty you and you lose yourself. Its just not worth it which is why I think women being independent is a necessary thing but I think its gone too far where men and women have all been hurt and have built walls and no-one wants to be the 'weak' one and so we all dance around each other. I agree its seen as acceptable in women. I think girls are brought up to always be nice and always say yes and always smile and be giving and sensitive. I think the only way to survive is to ignore that to an extent and toughen up. For instance when I worked as a secretary fake-smiling all day and making tea and cleaning up grown mens and womens mess I just thought 'this is a bloody joke. I can't imagine a guy being such a dogs body'. I've learning not to be little miss nice anymore...but I wont turn into little miss b**** either. And there is nothing wrong about being a giving person, who sacrifice for others. If fact it is quite noble and refective of real love. But it is important to do so in a healthy way. If your going to sacrifice for your partner is should be that they are willing to do the same. Which mean choose carfully, move slowly into realtionship, and keep high expectations when you get there. With "nice guy/gals" their implicit contract in there giving, if I do this you must love me. I will let you walk all over me so you will not leave me. They are willing sacrifice first in hope for something in return latter. In meny ways it is not about being giving but being controlling. I will make these scrifices becouse you will then owe me. Or the other side is that they believe they are not good enough as they are so they constatnly try to prove their worth by giving. And often will find someone who agree with their low option of themselves and take advantage of them. This is why the advice of self improvement and self discovery that goes along with NC is so important. If you love your self enough and know your own worth, you do not have to build wall to protect you from the evil ones;) Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 Most men I know would give their right arm to meet a truly nice girl. Also many not so nice women are good actresses who know how to play the part. It is sad how much bitterness there is between men and women. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 It is sad how much bitterness there is between men and women.It's only sad if you actually believe that and it follows you for a life-time. You choose whether you want to happily live without worrying about trying to impress anyone or a loner putting a phony ''nice mask'' in order to get attention. Link to post Share on other sites
rand0m Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 I'd rather the down to earth, girl next door any day over those pushed up barbie doll wanna-be's. Not to sound cocky or anything, but I think I'm good looking, have a good job and my own place. Girls seem to come my way more often then not, it's sifting through the trash that annoys me, and I don't have time for that **** anymore. So, I don't even bother if a girl looks anything like some 2-bit bar-star; they won't even get the time of day from me. I'm sticking the grocery store, coffee shop, and local "hip" stores for any hope of pulling something worthwhile. Then again, I'm not even looking.. I'm having too much fun being single, sometimes it would be nice to have more female companionship tho. I ditched a lot of female friends because the ex would get jealous. Burnt those bridges so now I gotta build new ones. Link to post Share on other sites
leoine Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Agreed. Especially when you are still in your 20s. Nice girls come last when most guys are just looking for fun. Then guys want nice girls when they finally want to settle. But those nice girls have been turned off those guys for rejecting them earlier or have been taken and guys wonder why the 'quality' of wife-material girls is so hard to find !!!! WELL I WONDER WHY ?!?! I try to only get involved with nice guys, and I want a relationship not just f.buddies. But in the end, its never for the long term and young nice guys all still seem to want to get around as much as before they settle. I had talked to my ex about this and that's what he wanted - even if in the end; he's gonna marry someone he doesn't really love, but does so because he'll worry about not being marriagable later. As a young person, who is welcome to a long term relationship, its hard. Link to post Share on other sites
leoine Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Guys like us are out there. Just look in the right places. Yeah - I know. But being 22, the places where your geared to meet people are clubs/bars and uni (if you're lucky to still be there). Where do you socialise?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 You are right most people do not talk about what "nice girls" go through. Let's face it not all of these 'bad girls' come with fake tans, fake boobs, fake hair, etc., some of them are just naturally beautiful and can get anybody they want. Men are attracted and want to "capture and conquer" these women because it is a challenge to win their heart. It could be that these women are more free spirited and young men view them as more fun. The good news is there are a lot of young men out there who think like you and are not on the 'wild side', it's just a matter of meeting them. Look at all the threads started by young men here on LS who are looking for a girl just like you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 It's too bad there isn't a club or society for nice girls and nice guys. That would make it so much easier for you guys to meet and marry. Link to post Share on other sites
nowomanocry Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 If nice guys finish last, then so do nice girls. Nikki No one has ever said the opposite, someone who would not agree to that would simply be an idiot anyway... Nice guys or nice gals.. At short, nice people. All the same. And, yes we do finish last, but that is the ever changing rule of the game called life innit hun? Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Nice girls generally end up with no one. That's why there's a book called "Why Men Marry Bitches." Men LOVE bitches. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 If a nice girl can't find a man then maybe she is not so nice after all. Most men would love a woman like this. Link to post Share on other sites
nowomanocry Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Nice girls generally end up with no one. That's why there's a book called "Why Men Marry Bitches." Men LOVE bitches. Halleluljah Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 I know its not all men but seeing as men are supposedly visual creatures I almost think anything internal about me like intelligence or sense of humour are wasted because they'll only judge me on my appearance. Sounds to me like you've been dating very shallow men; maybe it's time to look a little deeper. I've never been with a man to whom looks were more important than intellect. You're most likely not going to find an intellectual in a dance club. Those guys are in the club to get laid not to find a wife. People attract certain types of folks because of they way they present themselves, so if someone goes out looking like they just want to get laid that is the type of man they will attract. Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Oh and also there is a big difference between nice girls and doormats. If you give your entire self to please someone else that's a doormat. Nice girls have their own lives, are strong and confident and don't get their worth from the person they're dating. I think most guys appreciate nice girls. That ‘why guys marry bitches’ is one of the stupidest, anti female books on the market. Link to post Share on other sites
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