what to do

[J]

I am really good friends with this girl i have a crush on, we hang out and do stuff together and we have a really great time. I want to tell her that i have fallen for her but i dunno if i should since it might ruin a great friendship. she does still does stuff with her ex, who is kind of a friend of mine, but she always insists to me they're "just friends" and i think she like the attention she gets. anyway should i tell her that i have pretty much fallen in love with her or should i just stay back and be thankful for the friendship that we have?

[Randy]

This is a difficult question and it is asked almost every day.

 

It will be very difficult for you to spend a lot of time with someone that you are falling more and more in love with every day. It is also living a seriously lie to pretend to be just friends with someone for whom you have deep feelings.

 

You're going to have to take a risk here. Three risks, actually. First, you're going to have to risk coming out and telling her of your feelings. Secondly, you're going to have to risk her telling you she doesn't have those same feelings for you. Third, you're going to have to risk losing the friendship you have if she's not mature enough to handle things.

 

It's my feeling that if she had strong feelings for you, you would probably know it or have that feeling.

 

At any rate, you really don't have a lot of choice here but to take these risks. In your heart of hearts, I don't think you could live with yourself if you decided to keep your mouth shut. You would never know if this lady was the Ms. Right and had special feelings for you or was at least willing to explore that possiblity. And I really don't think you could handle it if she one day told you, as her buddy, she was madly in love with someone and wanted you to me him. Yeah, right.

 

This being a good bud with a girl you are in love with stuff is for the birds. Let the cat out of the bag, tell her, and see what happens. The absolute worst thing that can happen is your heart will be free to find love elsewhere. If she's really your friend, she'll stay friends.