I am so pathetic Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 I am a 21yr. old female. When I was 17 I had my first serious boyfriend (had many previous ones, but not serious) and I thought he was the one. I lost it to him although I wasn't even with him for more than a year. Then months go by and I found out he cheated with one of his coworkers. I felt that my whole world felt apart. At first i was so angry, then when it finally hit me I couldn't stop crying about it. I couldn't believe it that the person I loved so much could have done this to me. Time went on and I forgave him, but I did not get back with him it got worst. He would just called me for sex. And the funny most pathetic part of this is that it's been 2yrs later and I am still in the same spot i was after the break up and worst. I have had other b.f's but still run back to him. I don't put much effort into my relationships because I know i can run back to him. It has gone worst whether I don't know if he can be married, have kids, be gay, etc..... I mean I have become so depress about my life that all i do stay at home and have sheltered myself from the world. I mean a lot people consider me a very smart person yet i am so stupid at the same time. How can I let myself be so stupid and be used by this guy like that. I have more things going on in my life than he does, I am attractive, and I am very nice person, yet he doesn't appreciate me. Also is that nobody know about this....my family, friends, etc.They don't know i am still seeing this individual, and it's embarrasing how pathetic I am being used like this. I am so ashamed of myself and now I finally decided to stop talking to him, but then again i have said that a million times and run back to him, using the excuse that there no one else in my life right now so yeah i can be with him just for fun since I am young........ Any advice will be appreciate it P.S You probably what kind of advice I am asking for, honestly I don't even know myself, just had to tell someone since I am to ashame and have too much pride to tell anyone that knows me. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 You have developed a sick addiction to this person. You need to do what every addict needs to do. Quit. Cold turkey. Get it out of your system. You may need the help of a counsellor to get yourself out of this destructive pattern. There are books about being addicted to love and one of those might also help. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 You definitely need to get away from this person. I actually have a book called How to Break Your Addiction to a Person. It really is a great book and if you can't get into counseling, I would highly recommend it and would be more than willing to give you the author's name...or hell, you can even have my copy. You deserve a lot more than this guy. You are only 21 years old and there is so much out there for you to experience. Don't lock yourself in your house over some worthless guy. Sweetie, get yourself some help and get better and move on. You are not pathetic. We all have problems. You've recognized that this is unhealthy...now do something about it and stick to it. Good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 addiction sounds right - plz don't think of it as fate or love or anything like that - it's a chemical problem in your brain that makes you addicted to a jerk despite your own disgust with yourself because of it. plan of action: - cease all contact, force yourself not to contact him and tell him to stay away as well - pick a bad memory and invoke it every time you think about him i don't mean to compare you to a rat, but psych. scientists have done an experiment, in which rats would tolerate huge amounts of pain to get through to something that was once pleasurable to them. similarly, this ex of yours was once the best thing in your life ... and now, just because of the way you're wired, you're tolerating huge amounts of pain on your path back to that pleasure. now, your mind is aware of the fact that you can't have a sane life if you keep going like this. so you have to re-train yourself - associate him with the pain he's been causing, not the pleasure he once gave you, and seek pleasure elsewhere. another thing to consider is ... is there any part of you that's enjoying this shameful situation? there's smth poetic about mysery, isn't there? being torn and going crazy is more dramatic than being in a healthy loving relationship, isn't it?... i can relate to your feelings, and i wish you best of luck getting through and out of this yuckiness. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 I can relate to what you are experiencing also. As I stated, get some help. I've been dating this man for a while who once made me completely whole and happy and is now turning my life upside down and making me terribly miserable. I know I can get through it and so can you. We have to learn to look to ourselves to make us feel good and not try to get pleasure out of these men who have long since stopped giving it to us. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a private message. Link to post Share on other sites
Patheticgirl Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 another thing to consider is ... is there any part of you that's enjoying this shameful situation? there's smth poetic about mysery, isn't there? being torn and going crazy is more dramatic than being in a healthy loving relationship, isn't it?... Well I enjoy sleeping with this person. Also sometimes I find it convenient since, I find myself very busy with work and school. (or maybe that's just my excuse) There is a good posibility that he might have a g.f and she doesn't know about me. (and the fact that he cheated on me, most likely he will cheat on someone else) And by the way I never call him, look for him, etc. Every contact is initiated by him. He uses me for sex, everytime he calls me is for sex. I want to be more than just that, but don't find the words to tell him. I have had other boyfriends (for like a month), but is the slightest thing goes wrong, I am like ok is over and run back to him. I ask him numerous of times to stop calling and he says he can't help himself, but then again I always answer each of his phone calls. (when I am able to) Thanks for all the advice, let me know the author's name of the book sounds like a good advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted January 5, 2004 Share Posted January 5, 2004 The book is by Howard M. Halpern, P.HD. and again, it's called How to Break Your Addiction to a Person. It's a good place to start, although you should look into personal counseling. The book has some good starting pointers though. It's helping me along, although I still have a ways to go. Again, if you ever feel like you need someone to vent to, there are plenty of people here for you, including me. Link to post Share on other sites
patheticgirl Posted January 5, 2004 Share Posted January 5, 2004 Thank you for all your help. I'll try to get the book soon. I think I will be ok, overall. I just need to get it through my head that he is not the one, and I shouldn't sell myself short. Is just funny how a small good thing that he does makes up for a million bad things he does....... Link to post Share on other sites
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