hazzed Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 First time poster here. We met online almost 10 years ago. We were both 18 at the time. After a couple of months, we decided to go to the same college. After 1 year of dorm rooms, we decided to get an apartment to save on school costs. The first 6 years of our relationship were tough. We were both young, getting our finances straight etc. But after 6 years, he proposed and I of course said yes. At the time of the proposal, he had taken a new job, night shift. We barely saw each other and it caused some strain. We started getting into fights which led to our breakup and me moving out. We decided we needed a break. I got my own apartment, and we started to "date" again. It was great. It was like we were getting to know each other again. After 1 year of "dating" I moved back in. It has now been 1 year since I moved in, and we have begun to speak more openly about marriage, kids, etc. But he hasn't proposed. Our 10 year anniversary is in a couple of months. I have stopped nagging him about marriage becuase i don't want it to be that i am pressuring him into it. But i have told him in the past that i want to be married before I am 30, which is not too far away. The last time we had the conversation about marriage, he said that we just weren't ready yet. I am in the process of completing my last semester of college right now and he is busy with work. Am I waiting too long? Am I overthinking things? He says he loves me and that I just have to stop nagging him. Maybe he is just waiting for me to finish school? I know that he has been instensly saving up money and stuff becuase he wants to buy a home. Am I just impatient? Valentines day is near and I always feel a little down this time of year Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 Stop nagging for a while, and see what happens. Some guys have this dumb idea in their heads that it would be sooooo great if they surprise you with a proposal, despite the fact that they're ruining the relationship by stringing it out for so long. Some guys believe they have to get all their financial, job, etc., ducks in a row before they are read to marry. Some guys don't feel the need to ever propose because they feel they already have everything they want since you're already living together. Some guys aren't into marriage, or aren't into marriage to YOU. You won't know which he is until you do what he asks - stop nagging. But set a timeline in your head for when you won't wait around anymore. And when that time has come and gone and he hasn't proposed, then you take steps to move out and get on with your life. If marriage is important to you, then spending more time with someone who isn't ready after 10 years of being with you isn't going to get you closer to having a relationship with a man for whom marriage to you is important. So give him some time without any pressure, but only as much time as you are comfortable with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hazzed Posted February 12, 2010 Author Share Posted February 12, 2010 norajane, TY for your response. I know that a big fault of it is my nagging. I know that he wants to get all his ducks in a row, but it sometimes feels like i am just sitting on the sidelines. Not only do I love this man, but a man like him, is hard to find. I got lucky. I used to have severe insecurity issues, one of the problems for our breakup, but have gotten over them. I guess i just need the final say you know? It;s like why make me wait? It's not like he is not going to do it. I have no patience, LOL Link to post Share on other sites
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