MN randomguy Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 So, Please don't tell me how you hate my belief system, yada yada yada.. OK, So, 30 y/o male. I meet a 30 y/o woman. She's wonderful. We started communicating on Jan. 10 over match. We live 45 min. apart. We go on 6+ hour dates over the weekends and there's lots of cuddling and talking. 1 to 2 hour phone conversations about nothing a couple of times a week. Then, out of the blue she doesn't want to date me anymore. I just bought a house another 15 min. away. and she now says the distance is too great. But, she knew I was working on this on our first date. I never imagined it would be a deal breaker. I call her and try to talk her out of it and she blurts out that she never told me her parents are divorced. I tried to be sympathetic, 2 hour phone convo. She had a charmed life until her mom ran off while she was in college. Mom ran off with a drunk and didn't even tell the family when she got re-married. I promise that I won't waste her time and that I'll do as much of the driving to meet as possible. She wants a BF that's around a lot. I tell her that my family isn't perfect either. At the end of the conversation she says she'll think about it. Talk to her sister. (They're really close) Then, after thinking about it, texted me saying that she "thought about it and, is not going to pursue anything." Does she want me to pursue her? I knkow the girl's got issues, but, I'm more hooked than I thought. Is there such a thing as a knight in shining armor to love her warts and all? Ideas on timing? Everyone I've talked to so far agrees that the distance thing is a bull$hi+ excuse. She's ignoring me now. Am I sunk? Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 So, Please don't tell me how you hate my belief system, yada yada yada.. OK, So, 30 y/o male. I meet a 30 y/o woman. She's wonderful. We started communicating on Jan. 10 over match. We live 45 min. apart. We go on 6+ hour dates over the weekends and there's lots of cuddling and talking. 1 to 2 hour phone conversations about nothing a couple of times a week. Then, out of the blue she doesn't want to date me anymore. I just bought a house another 15 min. away. and she now says the distance is too great. But, she knew I was working on this on our first date. I never imagined it would be a deal breaker. I call her and try to talk her out of it and she blurts out that she never told me her parents are divorced. I tried to be sympathetic, 2 hour phone convo. She had a charmed life until her mom ran off while she was in college. Mom ran off with a drunk and didn't even tell the family when she got re-married. I promise that I won't waste her time and that I'll do as much of the driving to meet as possible. She wants a BF that's around a lot. I tell her that my family isn't perfect either. At the end of the conversation she says she'll think about it. Talk to her sister. (They're really close) Then, after thinking about it, texted me saying that she "thought about it and, is not going to pursue anything." Does she want me to pursue her? I knkow the girl's got issues, but, I'm more hooked than I thought. Is there such a thing as a knight in shining armor to love her warts and all? Ideas on timing? Everyone I've talked to so far agrees that the distance thing is a bull$hi+ excuse. She's ignoring me now. Am I sunk? You are sunk.......I'm know it stings. Ouch! Really you should be glad that she didn't string you along for dinner, company, etc. and she was a nice enough person to be honest with you. She made it clear that she wasn't interested any more, so take her at her word. No chasing, no pursing her. If you do it will come off like she has a stalker. Better luck next time. Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 It sounds like she's making excuses and trying to spare your feelings. You live 15mins further away... her parents are divorced... etc. She's making excuses and trying to let you down gently, and is now ignoring you. In reality she probably met someone else, or simply decided she didn't see a future with you. The best thing you can do is to let it go and look for a girl who is interested in having a loving relationship with you. I wish you luck Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 It sounds like she's making excuses and trying to spare your feelings. You live 15mins further away... her parents are divorced... etc. She's making excuses and trying to let you down gently, and is now ignoring you. In reality she probably met someone else, or simply decided she didn't see a future with you. The best thing you can do is to let it go and look for a girl who is interested in having a loving relationship with you. I wish you luck Yes, I'm afraid that's what it sounds like to me. She's making excuses. An hour's drive is what people do for work each day, in traffic. And her mother? That's ridiculous and would have no bearing on anything if she really wanted to be with you. My guess? She met another guy on match. Don't waste your time on her anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Christian guy with girl problems, meet Christian girl with guy problems. Hey, I'm there with ya....k... different circumstances, same ending, and I mean ending. It hurts real bad, although you are young and sound like a really cool guy. My suggestion would be to wait on God, let Him lead you. I am chillin waiting on Him. I am not saying that God cannot use Match.com, although God doesn't need it. How about this...you lift me up and I'll do the same for you....I stand on this...It is not good for man to be alone, He will create a helpmate suitable. GBU!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MN randomguy Posted February 28, 2010 Author Share Posted February 28, 2010 So, Update, It wasn't pretty. But, I got the truth. It really is the distance thing. I was a bit too effectuated. She had 2 guys move away on her. One to my exact city. So, she's just a bit crazy and is effectuated with a new guy now. But, the good part... You know, she was actually into me. Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted February 28, 2010 Share Posted February 28, 2010 People can put on any front they want on an anonymous dating site, and it is difficult to check them out when you don't have any friends in common where you can check the "grapevine." That is why I think you have to be very wary of people you meet like that, and never trust them right off the bat. They are usually playing several people at once. Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff1962 Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 Sounds like fear of abandonment to me. If you do not abandon me, I will ruin the relationship and make sure that you do leave because this is a pattern, then I am vindicated in the fact that all men and all women leave. Counseling on both parts. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 She's not interested- that's the bottom line. She's trying to make excuses, and you're not listening... Listen- it will give you an honest (Christian or non christian) answer. It will be the same regardless of any ridiculous or mundane affiliations. Link to post Share on other sites
slatka_sarah Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 I would say move on the to next one that Match has to offer. I'm thinking she may have already done that Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 For whatever reason, this woman has lost interest in you, but is too cowardly to come out and tell you why. It is the only reasonable explanation for her rejecting your attempts to be accommodating. Unfortunately, too many people in this world are all about making things as easy as possible on themselves. Other people's feelings just don't count. This woman would rather give you some half-baked reason for wanting out of the relationship rather then have what might be a difficult conversation with you. Frankly, I think you're well rid of her. Link to post Share on other sites
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