Do girls dump guys more often guys? who usually moves on first?

[loveinlife]

It's happened to me the most frequent. I'm a guy and throughout my adulthood relationship. I've been dumped three out of four times. I'm 29 years old. the most recent is two days ago. I'm having a difficult time coping with it. it usually takes me 6 months to the longest of three years to move on. how was your relationship like?

 

sorry to double post.

Edited February 12, 2010 by loveinlife

[DolceVenganza]

Girls: They unequivocally dump men more often than men dump women.

 

Why?

 

Because their feelings change and often are to change back. This is also why when a woman likes a man who is not right for her no amount of logic or rational, tangible benefits or conversation will convince her otherwise until she FEELS that you are a better choice (not thinks).

 

Looking at all the friends in my life, women definately do it. This isn't really one-sided, because it takes 2, men and women, and from friends, either the girl ends the dating experience OR she ends the relationship or divorce.

 

Quite often, men can RATIONALIZE (RATIONAL - LIES; i.e. our thinking deludes us) away problems or feelings, putting thoughts FIRST and feelings SECOND, keeping us in a bad situation out of some misguided duty or self-identity issue that makes us want to be HONORABLE and standup people.

 

False.

 

A scorned woman is worse than a preying mantis, especially when it comes to the laws in our country. I have a client has had a faux marriage going on 10 years, perhaps doing so only for the benefit of the children and that the costs of 2 separate households is a VERY expensive lifestyle, but recently they have gone through with a divorce. She initiated it AND went a step further by calling the cops about domestic abuse, filing assault charges and getting a restraining order.

 

He has told me it is all BS and I do believe him. What do you gain in modern society by doing this? In a court of law, they will skew benefits toward the woman.

 

I learned long ago NOT to take time. The reason it takes time for a MAN is we are not seeing the woman as she is TODAY. A woman is constantly asking herself ABOUT you:

 

"What have you done for me lately?"

 

If your recent track record is bad and the relationship is going south, she no longer sees you as the cute, fun, adventurous, inshape guy, she see's you as the worthless, useless, careless, slob you are TODAY and she will move onto a version of the OLD you who has his ish together.

 

Guys on the other hand finally get sentimental, never listening to their emotions until WAY later. We often subjugate our GUT/feelings to the forms of thought we are raised by. We don't want to be dogs. We believe our nature to protect, provide, and even be noble through our committment is some form of entitlement, a badge, or will our case if she does flake.

 

This is no different than if a guy tries to give gifts and nice talks with a woman as a means to ATTRACT her from friend status to lovers. A man in a relationship should keep boundaries. Present day media and stupid psychologists with failed relationships are perverting our truths. TOO many divorces are occuring. Too many psychotic breakups and situations are allowed to pass because we sink into the comfort of "HAVING SOMEONE" and thinking we can bare our often crazy souls. False. A person is not your doormat upon which to dump your inner psychosis.

 

MOVE ON NOW. NEVER WALLOW. I know this is hard, but it is also SIMPLE. There is no magic arrow here. NO CONTACT. Move on IMMEDIATELY. EACH DAY IS YOUR LIFE. DO not lock back on 29 or 30 having wasted it with YOUR MIND in the past and your BODY AND LIFE in the TODAY. You can only live today.

 

If she isn't calling, reciprocating, giving, caring, texting, and being everything a NEW woman ought to be, DON"T BOTHER!

 

A slice of my own story...

 

Years ago during college, my senior year and her junior year, we broke up prior to starting Semester. We moved into our separate places together in a shared UHAUL, making it tougher on me. HER being pissed was a solid enough wall to tolerate my presence without feeling weak or upset. HER anger was enough to shield her off from me and not give into the past or positive emotions.

 

Needless to say, a few weeks into the semester she was having a grand old time. She would party with our old friends, go off campus, and I even bumped into her on a date! I woke up right there. All of September had passed by with me being asleep! Life and my feelings WOULD NEVER change until I was in the NOW moment. EACH day was and would be another brick on my road to a new future, to redemption, to feeling BETTER.

 

And I did. In short time I was partying with new friends who matched WHO i was then in my life and I would eventually meet several girls who were better for me. Many months later, around March, April, nearing graduation, my X wanted to open communication and begin anew. Obviously, she was not sentimental that she had lost out on a whole year @ college with me!

 

Well, I bowed out of her request. I was done for good. I had met girls I was attracted to more so that I had NO bad past with, no issues to leap over, and no worries of who they had been with. I had a sour taste in my mouth because all the positive memories were just that! MEMORIES! How could I see her any differently?

 

If you roam facebook, you will see how dedicated women are to their feelings. You will also see that they will lie or discard feelings like tissues! I recently had an old X from HS contact me through facebook miserable about her current marriage (5 years dating, 5 years married). She was very nostalgic about our HS relationship and longed for those days. She told me how they were on the bring of divorce and she feels she made a mistake breaking up with me during Freshman year of college.

 

NEEDLESS to say, I feel creeped out because she is married to a guy I knew from HS and know to be a psycho. I also feel awkward because she is now quite obese, has 2 kids, and is loaded with baggage. I am 29, doing well, and have no baggage. She would talk openly about sex and such, which creeped me out more. I broke off contact. Just recently I have seen how IN LOVE SHE IS WITH HER HUBBY through various channels, including FB.

 

Imagine being her husband and knowing she did this, talked with an X so openly, downing you, and now you're the center of her world? No man would do that! How could you look her in the face when you make love? When you provide, protect, and care for her and your offspring? YOU COULDNT!

 

Women are very tricksy, as much as I love them. There's not a one I have EVER known NOT to lie. I have NEVER lied to get my way. EVER. I have been lied to about the severity of situations JUST to get me to do something, whether it was ditch friends, come over, or take care of her. How do you give EVERYTHING, money, life, hand over laws and trust, when someone would lie about the simplest of things?

 

I wish you the best my friend. Please do not dwell ONE SECOND on a woman who does not want you! IF she isn't banging down the door to hang out, LEAVE her. If she rejects your offers to chill, MOVE ON! Her ACTIONS are all the info you need. Or her LACK of action, meaning, does she call, send tells, reciprocate or PROVIDE affection? No? MOVE ON!

[USMCHokie]

Dolce, very good post. +1.

[Exit]

Very good post Dolce. I'm basically ending the relationship that I'm in, sitting here having doubts and second thoughts, but some of the things you pointed out, and the questions that you asked point-blank at the end of your post, made it pretty easy to stick with my decision.

[skydiveaddict]

Do girls dump guys more often guys? who usually moves on first?

 

question 1: Yes

 

Question 2: The girl

[bananaboat11]

Wow Dolce... well spoken.

[HeavenOrHell]

I'm female, I have been dumped more times than I've dumped.

Questions like these are pointless because no-one has the answer. I imagine it's 50/50 to all questions like these.

Every break up is different so there are no set answers. It would depend on how long the relationship, how serious it was, what the problems were, how compatible they were, how the individual reacts to heartbreak etc etc etc.

[HeavenOrHell]

Dolce, your post is sexist c*** !! I didn't even read all of it as it's too annoying

 

I have never lied to get my way, I think my ex (male) has maybe not lied as such but has denied the truth to himself and to me out of cowardice when it came to the truth about our break up.

My feelings don't change easily like you suggest, I solidly loved my ex for 18 years until he bailed on us. He has left twice before and he has not known how he has felt at times and his feelings have seemingly changed quickly, ie within space of a few weeks "I'll never leave you again, I cant believe I ever left you, I'll never leave you again." Then soon after "I'm not sure how I feel about you."

Said one thing and done another when it came to our relationship.

 

 

>Women are very tricksy, as much as I love them. There's not a one I have EVER known NOT to lie. I have NEVER lied to get my way. EVER. I have been lied to about the severity of situations JUST to get me to do something, whether it was ditch friends, come over, or take care of her. How do you give EVERYTHING, money, life, hand over laws and trust, when someone would lie about the simplest of things?

Girls: They unequivocally dump men more often than men dump women.

 

Why?

 

Because their feelings change and often are to change back. This is also why when a woman likes a man who is not right for her no amount of logic or rational, tangible benefits or conversation will convince her otherwise until she FEELS that you are a better choice (not thinks).<

[skydiveaddict]

Dolce, your post is sexist c*** !! I didn't even read all of it as it's too annoying

 

Girls: They unequivocally dump men more often than men dump women.

 

Why?

 

Because their feelings change and often are to change back. This is also why when a woman likes a man who is not right for her no amount of logic or rational, tangible benefits or conversation will convince her otherwise until she FEELS that you are a better choice (not thinks).<

 

 

I don't think it was sexist . You just said it yourself

"Girls: They unequivocally dump men more often than men dump women."

He was just elaborating on that point

[Sharla]

I don't think it was sexist . You just said it yourself

"Girls: They unequivocally dump men more often than men dump women."

He was just elaborating on that point

 

Don't mean to chime in here, but you are missing her point. She stayed by her man for 18 years. Not knowing their entire relationship history, I am sure emotions were volatile throughout (as they often are). Point being in this case, is that her feelings did not change for him, they may have gone up/down during those 18 years, but they did not change....until, he bailed.

[skydiveaddict]

Don't mean to chime in here, but you are missing her point. She stayed by her man for 18 years. Not knowing their entire relationship history, I am sure emotions were volatile throughout (as they often are). Point being in this case, is that her feelings did not change for him, they may have gone up/down during those 18 years, but they did not change....until, he bailed.

 

 

Good points all . I'm just saying that statistically, women dump men more than the other way around. And she agreed.

[DolceVenganza]

Dolce, your post is sexist c*** !! I didn't even read all of it as it's too annoying

 

I have never lied to get my way, I think my ex (male) has maybe not lied as such but has denied the truth to himself and to me out of cowardice when it came to the truth about our break up.

My feelings don't change easily like you suggest, I solidly loved my ex for 18 years until he bailed on us. He has left twice before and he has not known how he has felt at times and his feelings have seemingly changed quickly, ie within space of a few weeks "I'll never leave you again, I cant believe I ever left you, I'll never leave you again." Then soon after "I'm not sure how I feel about you."

Said one thing and done another when it came to our relationship.

 

You are the exception to the rule then, HoH. 18 years? For that I am sorry. My aunt was divorced after 16 years recently and has been now single for the last 5 since it was finalized. However, the warning signs WERE THERE!

 

Her family (my grandparents) never liked him - bad gut vibes - if a family doesn't like your S/O and you have a tight family, the chance is high he/she ARE WRONG FOR YOU.

 

In my aunt's case, my X-uncle was a bad guy. He played women, made alot of money, and his background left him very close to his family (his Jewish parents did not approve of him marrying a non-Jewish woman). She went forward with this marriage anyways and it sprouted 4 beautiful and wonderful children, so it wasn't all for naught.

 

Again, point is, viewing relationships not only through MY eyes but those of friends, female and male, by and large WOMEN DUMP men. They also have no problem utilizing that grey area to get men to do what they desire Or 'think is right for them.' If this doesn't apply to you, fine, I'm not BLANKET stating, rather my post is meant to be viewed to men as a STOP loss. I>E: most of the time, THIS OCCURS, be prepared! Sort of thing...

 

It is RARE that when a woman dumps a man she comes back UNLESS he really moves off (go watch SWINGERS, the movie). The rub here is, a woman won't want to get back UNLESS you have moved on, then you are who you were when you met, you are appealing, the lingering problems and issues have frittered away and she sees you in a positive light.

 

This is why NO MATTER what happens, sulking, being down, depressed, whatever after a bad break really never happens, at least logically. Emotionally it is near impossible to accomplish, but for the man who is blindsided by such actions, NEVER LINGER!

 

She could have had backdates just WAITING for the moment she was single! Lord knows BEFORE a woman's relationship is done many people AROUND her know about it coming to a close, thus preparing new men to come in. Her female friends will encourage her to date and she will. Most men probably won't. They will be pathetic like FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL.

 

I use the references because they are all too true accounts of how men often act AND SHOULDNT in these cases. During college and even now too many guys do this junk. Its terrible. When the relationship words are spoken, it was done long before that and perhaps at the moment what is prompting her is an impending date or a date soon in the future and she wants to be GUILT free on both sides of her fence.

 

Men aren't as tuned into their feelings as we ought to be, both during relationships and after them. This isn't a jab nor a blanket statement, but having been the one confided in and also the target, I know women will use emotions and statements, because intuitively they KNOW US.

 

So needless to say, the OP should immediately move on. If she comes back, great! If not, oh well, something better DEFINATELY will. But your future won't improve or happen if you do not take an active interest in it NOW. No one is going to put girls in your path for you to meet, and even if some miraculous person did, you must be of the mindset to be able to enjoy her presence, not sulk and project that you long for another. (This she will feel and sense).

 

--------------------

 

To HOH, I would say your X probably has a sense of loyalty and committment to you all, but not the passion, emotion, and heat you may be seeking. As I mentioned, men give into such concepts of loyalty and devotion BEFORE the passion, romance, or heat that women may. Hence, his confusion.

 

He probably wants to do right, but after that long a time period and lord knows what occurring, he is checked out romantically, but he still cares and loves you, just not like the romance novels or movies would portray.

 

My suggestion in those circumstances is to back off, in a positive way, as odd as that may seem. We generally want to strangle the person with answers, to find out and lock them down, to secure some committment once again. However, COMMITTMENT is often based on some factor of how INTO YOU a person is. From there, depending on the sex, it comes down there sense of loyalty and love.

 

I am sorry for your situation, but the OP's situation and your's are vastly different. Do not mix my words with your situation. Moreover, it is 2 opposite sexes. But again, women most often do the dumping, this I promise and I think most women would agree.

 

DV

[ginyi1111]

It is RARE that when a woman dumps a man she comes back UNLESS he really moves off (go watch SWINGERS, the movie). The rub here is, a woman won't want to get back UNLESS you have moved on, then you are who you were when you met, you are appealing, the lingering problems and issues have frittered away and she sees you in a positive light.

 

This is why NO MATTER what happens, sulking, being down, depressed, whatever after a bad break really never happens, at least logically. Emotionally it is near impossible to accomplish, but for the man who is blindsided by such actions, NEVER LINGER!

 

 

Well i think the best way to look at the situation is that assume the ex would never come back. My ex dumped me more than 2 months ago and he has not initiate any contact at all or even try to see if im alive.

 

So not only women are capable of being ruthless in breakups, men too. Dumpers are dumpers regardless of sex.

[loveinlife]

thanks everyone for making this thread so interesting. I appreciate your good writings here Dolce. you make it easy to interpret relationships issues. ever thought about writing a book? I believe you have a wonderful way of writing

about the dating realm.

[FreeNow]

DolceVenganza... thank you for posting your insight. Based upon my years of experience, which includes having raised girls to adulthood, I agree completely with what you have written. I'll probably save those posts out for my adult children to read and understand as you have expressed it so very well.

 

Please consider writing an article, book, or post your thoughts around the web where young men can have an opportunity to read and understand.

[HeavenOrHell]

I didn't say it myself at all, I was quoting the OP

How can anyone possibly know who dumps who most, are their proven statistics?

 

I don't think it was sexist . You just said it yourself

"Girls: They unequivocally dump men more often than men dump women."

He was just elaborating on that point

[Joe Normal]

Well as a guy I've almost always done the dumping, and had no real problems moving on. Can't speak for everyone but I suspect it's more down to the individual and the relationship you are in, than your gender.

[counterman]

I do not know who gets dumped more. I know of guys who got dumped and I know of girls who got dumped. From the ones I know of, there are more guys that got dumped. Though, this is hardly representation of any greater population.

 

DolceVanganza, I liked your post and I hope it gets to a lot of others who have been recently dumped. I realised that there is no point lingering around and what was happening to me awhile back now, but I wished I had known it earlier. It would have saved me a lot of pain and I would have made less mistakes. Alas, we learn.

[HeavenOrHell]

Exactly!

Also to the OP; what is the point to this thread/this question? Just seems like a way to get at women cos you've been dumped. So should I start a thread asking if guys dump more often than girls, just cos I've been dumped by men more than once?!

 

 

Well as a guy I've almost always done the dumping, and had no real problems moving on. Can't speak for everyone but I suspect it's more down to the individual and the relationship you are in, than your gender.

[carhill]

Reading strictly from the OP, I'm getting the sense that he's smarting from a breakup and is trying to make sense of it and find a common ground with others. Historically, my experience mirrors his, including my marriage. The only caveat is that some of those 'endings' were results of my erecting solid boundaries which the affected ladies chose to move on from rather than respect. So, while they might have 'dumped' me, it resulted from proactive efforts on my part. My stbx moved on far more quickly, as I'm just starting to consider dating now that our D is nearly final, out of respect for my own feelings as well as those of women whom I might date. As the lady I'm seeing told me a couple days ago, it's not 'wrong' to date while finalizing a divorce, but I wanted her to know that the process, even when the relationship is done, has emotional bumps and those matter to me if they affect my interactions with her.

 

OP, the two most significant relationships of my life have taken substantial time to 'move on from', in the realm of years, generally two to five. Everyone's emotional makeup is different, as are individual levels of self-awareness. You take as long as you take. If you feel the process is or has been unhealthy, get professional help. I can tell you that MC prior to our getting a divorce has helped me 'move on' from my marriage in a healthy way, and has helped with life in general. YMMV. Best wishes

[DolceVenganza]

Exactly!

Also to the OP; what is the point to this thread/this question? Just seems like a way to get at women cos you've been dumped. So should I start a thread asking if guys dump more often than girls, just cos I've been dumped by men more than once?!

 

HOH, I sympathize with your position. I do. And I can tell you are hurting from whatever relationship woes are going on in your life.

 

I am merely pointing out the REASONS why women often dump men first AND why they are able to move on FASTER. This isn't a blanket statement, but fighting your position with really no evidence does not help anyone. It does make me believe you are hurting deeply and deflecting that at me because you feel my posts are disingenuous toward your plight, but what I am saying is to HELP the op

 

Ranting that I am wrong with no reasons as to why: "NO MEN DO IT MORE" doesn't help the OP or future posters, nor does it result in a conversation that can progress this particular matter.

 

----------------------

 

By and large women can move on easier because...

 

> They live/feel in the moment, men don't. Often the shock of something doesn't hit us for a while and it might be something nostalgic that triggers it.

 

Read any post here about a guy lamenting a breakup and what he recalls is the good time, normally the beginning of the relationship, but he isn't seeing her behavior now! A women IN LOVE, caring, feeling, is expressive! By the time a guy comes to make a post on a relationship that is waning here, it was LONG over. She was mulling over the decision to breakup long before the trigger was pulled and her mind is made up. Men will attempt to use logic or rational-lies, or even their beginning times, or BUT BABE I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE MY WORLD lines and they won't work.

 

> Women have options. Whether in and out of a relationship, women are bombarded by offers of various romantic situations with women. Men, no matter how good looking are rarely propositioned. The better looking men intimidate great women, so it isn't like looks matter at attracting females. Appealing men may get more looks inviting them to approach and make it easier, but he first has to APPROACH.

 

Besides, women WANT men to approach them, ESPECIALLY the ones they like, so by that fact alone, it is like having a Dunkin Donuts at the corner of a high traffic location that is always in view and available.

 

> Rebounds. Alot of men utilize, unfortunately, the rebound, whether they realize that or not. This means they rarely are over their X in a short time frame, even if they are. Again, more evidence they are not present with their emotions. If men begin the clocking ticking and took reality checks on his feelings about the relationship, he would be more in-tune with the woman.

 

I don't mean sappy crap, I mean the atmosphere, communications, presence or absence of contempt in discussions, etc. Are you trying? Is everyday a new day, or is it one long bad dream? Are you on the same page? Does she want to be out partying and jetsetting and you are settling down and want to be insides, building a future, saving money, building a business, etc?

 

---------------------

 

I genuinely FEEL BAD for the men who are in such pain about relationships. Being a 29 yo male I have witnessed my fair share of wounded soldiers coming back from the love battle, all-too broken and beaten from his attempts at love. Worse yet is that because men take such a HUGE amount of time to bounce back and see her for what she is, not was, he then carries massive amounts of baggage, and too many posts by WOMEN here indicate that to be truth.

 

If men were more present and truthful about their feelings, life would not linger in the -in between-. Hopefully they would have less flings and rebounds. Hopefully they would keep less women confused and waiting on baited breath.

 

-------------------------------------

 

But I'm like loveinlife, in that I was normally the dumped. As I look at the decisions, my ability to be noble and dedicated was trumped by her need to feel a different way and be present.

 

I was dumped by a HS gf in the 1st semester (as mentioned in the 1st post) because she didn't feel it would work. I was there because things were still reasonable good and I remembered our past during HS, but she needed more @ her college which was 3.5 hours away.

 

During college my GF finished it after she was bombarded by too many things; college, her parents divorcing, health scares, pressure and jealousy issues. For me, dealing with difficulty was normal. I cared for her, so I saw through the problems.

 

If you examine many hollywood movies, they are written in 2 basic ways...

 

>Either the chick dumps the man and he is blindsided by it, and she has another man waiting, and the protagonist is a loser, OR

 

>The woman is the victim because the man is a prick.

 

I can reference any Adam Sandler movie (big daddy to happy gilmore), Swingers, Forgetting Sarah Marshall; it's the basic theme.

 

Movies aren't life, but they do portray art in a way we understand the human condition at times.

 

Women have OPTIONS at all levels, from looks to individual personality. A man in modern society is built upon a great many factors: looks, earning ability, presence and personality, strength (physical or emotional). Men have LESS options, at least not without significant EFFORTS to find and meet women. THEY DO HAPPEN, we just have to find you hidden ladies!

 

 

Happy Valentines Day

~ DV

[eXtremeMan]

Good posts DV.

 

The fact that women are biologically wired to look only after themselves and their offsprings, combined with ruthless selfishness that this society is encouraging, this pattern doesn't surprise me at all.

 

I remember, several years ago... I was talking to a chick (who I banged and dated for a year later) and asked her if she had a boyfriend. Since she was interested in me, she said "Well I do, but we've become really distant so it's kinda like he's not my boyfriend anymore". But she stayed with him for a couple months more. Funny thing is, she broke up with me in exactly the same manner a year later. This taught me that you should never give your heart to a woman.

 

I know that guys deal with this in many ways. Some become jaded and misogynistic and stop dating. Some become players with multiple relationships and tolerate zero drama from their women. Some just look for the first chick who wants to get married to tie her down.

 

Truth is... it's best to just live your life the way it makes you happy and keep women who treat you well. The moment they start misbehaving or disrespecting you in a big way, it's time to kick them to the curb and go get some new women. As a result, a man should never get married in this day and age. It's just too risky. And it removes your options of other women should your woman start to disrespect you and your relationship.

 

Many guys would get over any problems they might have, if they simple dropped silly notions of "the one" and "true love". A guy I know, he keeps multiple women on his rotation at all times and he simply says "there is no relationship, only sex". He's pretty happy though.

[XKatieX]

I agree with what HoH is saying, that there is no evidence that women dump guys more often than guys dump women, and that they move on quicker.

 

For me it all depends on the person. If you were with women that lied to you and eventually left you then they weren't right for you, but that by no means means that every other woman out there will do the same. That would be stereotyping. I would never cheat or lie to anyone, if an option was to leave it would be something mutual that we both decided on, I would never just leave someone in the dust. So..if every woman you've been with has treated you badly its no reason to bash on us other great women out there, you just have to keep looking until you find the right one. To answer your question, I believe there is no straight-forward answer, that it is not a gender question but a question that is what person is more likely to move on, leave, etc. Icould sit here and tell you countless stories of men cheating or leaving their SO's and women doing the same, it doesn't prove anything.

Edited February 15, 2010 by XKatieX

[bayouboi]

Dolce, your first post was amazing. Thank you for that.

[DolceVenganza]

Statistics on Who Dumps Who More:

 

Two-Thirds of the Time

It’s the wife who files for divorce in about two-thirds of divorce cases, at least among couples who have children. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the proportion has changed slightly over the years; for example, in 1975, approximately 72 percent of the divorces in the U.S. were filed by women, whereas by 1988, only about 65 percent were filed by women.

 

http://www.divorce-lawyer-source.com/faq/emotional/who-initiates-divorce-men-or-women.html

 

-----------------------------

 

Now you might think "What does divorce have to do with a general relationship?"

 

EVERYTHING!

 

Divorces are more costly, painful, time-consuming, wealth-destructive, problematic, complicated, nasty, dirty, difficult, public, and so on. If women initiate 2/3's of all divorces given the huge barriers to do so, yet the lack of social stigma now attached, why would they NOT be the ones initiating the relationship breakups as well?

 

The reason I am pointing fingers isn't to bad mouth one sex or the other, it is to ARM each sex with information AND enlighten them that their sexual differences are a factor to be watched for.

 

I have an aunt who is divorced after 16 years. My X-uncle wanted to be done after 3 children, but when he knew his daughter was coming he stopped moving forward with the divorce. My aunt knew none of this, simply that they were having problems. Move forward many years and loads of problems, this same rich uncle suffers a DUI, having to stop drinking and force him to re-evaluate his life.

 

He divorces. It has been incredibly difficult on him and the family. However, THERE WERE SIGNS there for my aunt to have picked up on. To her credit, she had many wonderful years together AND 4 beautiful and talented children, so there was much good to come of it.

 

Yet, women adhere to their feelings, men adhere to their thoughts, or ideals, which is why we can endure bad relationships for a long, long time. It is also why we can endure being soldiers in armies to protect our loved ones. It is why we can suffer greater emotional pain and physical pain, because the idea/ideal motivates us to greater things. It is a hard-wiring thing.

 

Men and women ought to be cautious. This is also why when a woman cheats he see's her act as a violation on level of a violation of trust and committment, when often cited sources say it was the emotional aspect of cheating that hurt the women most, for men it was the physical (knowing OUR woman was possessed by another men).

 

It isn't clear cut, but enough men are aware that women will say one thing and do another. I love women, but I am less trusting of them, than men. I have been around women who have problem claiming a girl is her BFF, and then bad-mouthing her behind her back. If this is how girls are, fine, but it confuses me to be so duplicitous.

 

I walk on no moral high ground, I'm just saying that if a girl is done a relationship, she was done long before the inevitable date. The internet is riddled with women who have jumped ship on relationships without a hint or clue as to why. Men have no problem sticking out a relationship that has gone south, if only to care for the woman and possibly children. I know there are some bad apples, and I hope that changes because bad men piss me off, but by and large I have been continuously amazed at a woman can do a 180 on her man.