Ex's email

[HeavenOrHell]

Well since I said to him I need to walk away we have been emailing a bit When I wrote the goodbye email last weekend I said all the things I miss about him, then he replied and said could we email each other I then wrote a cold one back saying not sure about emailing as I've nothing left to say but he could email if he wanted Yes I was thinking of him again and what he wanted.

Anyway, I then had a flip out monday eve as I was missing not seeing him and got very low and emailed and said I was sorry for the cold email.

He replied and said the other night he'd wanted to write about missing things and that I'd written about what I miss and he said that was very touching and that he's barely begun to grieve for what we had once, and he said "I miss our intimacy terribly."

That made me feel happy and sad all in one Makes me feel not so alone with how I feel, but also what a waste.

I know I need to avoid further emails though.

[sean1]

yeah you really do need to go on a strict N/C

 

you can never heal if you always talk...everytime you move up the ladder to recovery and then talk to him you fall all the way back down!

 

just go out and enjoy life! remember its your choice on how you do things! what you buy, what you want and most importantly who you choose to love.

 

do you still think about him because you havent had time to heal? rejection causes obsession. basically when someone says you cant have something..you want it really badly!

 

dont let him gain and ego boost off you. if your emailing him he feels better but you feel worse! switch that around with N.C. then you can heal and hell be thinking "wonder what shes doing". it will drive him nuts. but dont reply to him unless its a...."omg im so sorry i made a mistake i want you back" he finished you? or you finish him? should of checked that before typing an essay!

[bettedaviseyes]

Enjoy your life without worrying about the emails.

It's hard to not miss the emails that you and him once shared.

But don't let missing these emails bring you down... just be happy

you and the ex did not leave on bad terms.

[nobmagnet]

ok......... looking into lowlys eyes **** it hurts,

 

 

 

i cant in any way give help.

 

 

bottle and a half later..............no better. im sorry babe, i feel it just not as much as what you had ....

your lovely. xxxxxxxxxx

Edited February 12, 2010 by nobmagnet

[curiousnycgirl]

Oh HOH -

 

My heart goes out to you. It's like you are an addict and he's crack. You know it's bad for you, but you just can't stay away.

 

Please, please try. For YOU because you are so worth it! As long as you read his words, you are not healing. You need to recognize the relationship is dead and gone. Dead things don't come back. We mourn them. You need to mourn. You need to cry your eyes out for days and days and weeks and weeks.

 

Only then will you wake up one day and realize hey you didn't cry yesterday. Ok you won't actually feel good yet, but just a little itty bit better. That will be the day you know you can and will be ok.

 

Please let us help you get there

[CaliGuy]

FYI it's really bad to send a cold email or a "final" email, only to apologize later and reinitiate contact. What you are telling him is that "You can treat me like crap and I'll get mad for only a little while then forgive you and start the cycle all over again..."

 

See what I am saying? If you're going to say a final anything, mean it.

 

Say what you mean.

Mean what you say.

[2sunny]

your words and actions are not in alignment - you need an adjustment.

[HeavenOrHell]

But you have some hope you will get an email from your ex saying he wants to get back with you, I read in some of your posts.

I don't have that hope.

I could say this same thing to you; "You need to recognise the relationship is dead and gone."

 

 

Oh HOH -

 

My heart goes out to you. It's like you are an addict and he's crack. You know it's bad for you, but you just can't stay away.

 

Please, please try. For YOU because you are so worth it! As long as you read his words, you are not healing. You need to recognize the relationship is dead and gone. Dead things don't come back. We mourn them. You need to mourn. You need to cry your eyes out for days and days and weeks and weeks.

 

Only then will you wake up one day and realize hey you didn't cry yesterday. Ok you won't actually feel good yet, but just a little itty bit better. That will be the day you know you can and will be ok.

 

Please let us help you get there

[teanoranges]

First, you need to go NC.. not for the idea of healing but for getting yourself settled. You probably have a million emotions running through you and changing so much that it drives you and him crazy.

For sanity purposes, you should distance yourself until you better understand the circumstances.

Set yourself a goal if you have to. say, I will not contact him for six months... if I happen to be all better before then.. fine... but really trust your gut when it says its not time.

 

whatever you do, and I mean whatever I do.... don't read between the lines. I did this waaay too much and started making up stories in my head about how he felt... and it turns out those stories were wrong.

talk about pain!

Take everything as it is and just live your life the best you can.

 

Since you've already gone back and forth so many times, I don't think he'll believe you much if you tell him you're going to go nc again....

Id just do it and answer the questions later... if there are any.

 

please stay strong.

[HeavenOrHell]

it's not emails I miss, I miss 18 years of being with him.

 

 

Enjoy your life without worrying about the emails.

It's hard to not miss the emails that you and him once shared.

But don't let missing these emails bring you down... just be happy

you and the ex did not leave on bad terms.

[HeavenOrHell]

I don't have hope of getting back together anymore, but would it not have confused you if your ex said they miss the intimacy terribly?!

I haven't replied to his last e-mail, so that's that now.

[2sunny]

I don't have hope of getting back together anymore, but would it not have confused you if your ex said they miss the intimacy terribly?!

I haven't replied to his last e-mail, so that's that now.

 

so he is saying that HE has a void in HIS life that you filled - to some extent... so what?

 

that is just HIS selfish nature wanting to fulfill HIS selfish needs. are you going to be the one to do that for the NEXT 18 years? if not - something needs to change.

 

YOU are in charge of how to change that - and how YOU will make YOUR life look different in order to make the changes necessary in order to make room for a happy life that doesn't include HIM.

[McGrupp]

but would it not have confused you if your ex said they miss the intimacy terribly?!

 

he misses sex.

[Sadbutrelieved]

18 years is a long time HoH, not something a person can just get over quickly unless they have no soul. You obviously do have a soul, so I can see why you're feeling the way you are. I'm having a hard time with 8 years and my ex was a big turd most of those years. I can't imagine 18.

[curiousnycgirl]

But you have some hope you will get an email from your ex saying he wants to get back with you, I read in some of your posts.

I don't have that hope.

I could say this same thing to you; "You need to recognise the relationship is dead and gone."

 

You may be 100% right in this. I had given up all hope until his friend told me had an epiphany and would be reaching out. Yet that still hasn't happened so I may be a fool.

 

However almost 11 weeks ago, when I was smacked in the face with the reality that only one of us was trying to make this work, I did walk away. I went full NC from day 1 (ok day 4 was the last email). I have not heard his voice since December 1st. And if he does not reach out, I will not be initiating contact.

 

That does not make me better or worse - it just is what it is. I will tell you though it has allowed me to realize some things about myself, some good some not so good, and about the relationship I had.

 

Regardless of what happens I would like to think that I will not lose thoes insights I have had and that I will continue to grow and improve on those things.

 

I'm sorry if my post offended you, I certainly did not mean for it to do that.

[HeavenOrHell]

Yeah but why with me, he has others he fancies now. Anyway, whatever, No more emails.

 

he misses sex.

[HeavenOrHell]

Sorry hun, I was wrong to sound harsh, forgive me

It just felt like everyone was saying what he said means nothing, which I KNOW is true and there's no point wondering what things mean, I just felt that others in the same boat as me would surely feel confused by what he said too.

You sound really strong, especially knowing he may want to get back in touch with you, I know I would be itching to get in touch and say what's going on. Argh!

You are definitely going about things the right way

 

 

You may be 100% right in this. I had given up all hope until his friend told me had an epiphany and would be reaching out. Yet that still hasn't happened so I may be a fool.

 

However almost 11 weeks ago, when I was smacked in the face with the reality that only one of us was trying to make this work, I did walk away. I went full NC from day 1 (ok day 4 was the last email). I have not heard his voice since December 1st. And if he does not reach out, I will not be initiating contact.

 

That does not make me better or worse - it just is what it is. I will tell you though it has allowed me to realize some things about myself, some good some not so good, and about the relationship I had.

 

Regardless of what happens I would like to think that I will not lose thoes insights I have had and that I will continue to grow and improve on those things.

 

I'm sorry if my post offended you, I certainly did not mean for it to do that.

[HeavenOrHell]

Thank you for your messages everyone, I'm as sure as I can be that I won't email him again, I know it's for the best.

[HeavenOrHell]

Thanks hun

I have cried so many times since he left, I don't cry as much now, which is something I guess! I have done so much mourning, I think I am getting there slowly.

 

Oh HOH -

 

My heart goes out to you. It's like you are an addict and he's crack. You know it's bad for you, but you just can't stay away.

 

Please, please try. For YOU because you are so worth it! As long as you read his words, you are not healing. You need to recognize the relationship is dead and gone. Dead things don't come back. We mourn them. You need to mourn. You need to cry your eyes out for days and days and weeks and weeks.

 

Only then will you wake up one day and realize hey you didn't cry yesterday. Ok you won't actually feel good yet, but just a little itty bit better. That will be the day you know you can and will be ok.

 

Please let us help you get there

[teanoranges]

My ex said he missed me plenty of times and on occassion we got back together, and repeated the dreadful pattern.

 

He's told me he misses 'us' (this was before, not currently) I was confused... happy beyond belief.. only to have it all turn around once I was excited.

and soon the missing became a 'when I said I missed you, its the friendship.. I need your love in my life but I'm not in love with you'

 

I only say not to read between the lines because life is too short to hang your hopes on something.

If its possible he loves you and wants you back nothing will stop him.

He already knows you love him and that you'd accept him back... there's really nothing left to say to him... besides trying to convince him NOW.

I think you should just let time play its game in your life and try not to let it get you down...

 

Live your life in your own pursuits and let things that you're interested in happen to you.

[HeavenOrHell]

Thanks Sean, I have kept myself busy since he left, meeting new people too, doing all the right things

I still think about him because 18 years is a long time, half my lifetime I was with him and we were so close, so I think about him because he was my best friend as well as partner, I think about him still because I will miss for a long time what we shared together, I miss sharing my life with him, he misses me too. I still think about him because I didn't want to lose him and it's often still hard to accept the enormity of it. We thought we would grow old together.

I am trying NC now

 

yeah you really do need to go on a strict N/C

 

you can never heal if you always talk...everytime you move up the ladder to recovery and then talk to him you fall all the way back down!

 

just go out and enjoy life! remember its your choice on how you do things! what you buy, what you want and most importantly who you choose to love.

 

do you still think about him because you havent had time to heal? rejection causes obsession. basically when someone says you cant have something..you want it really badly!

 

dont let him gain and ego boost off you. if your emailing him he feels better but you feel worse! switch that around with N.C. then you can heal and hell be thinking "wonder what shes doing". it will drive him nuts. but dont reply to him unless its a...."omg im so sorry i made a mistake i want you back" he finished you? or you finish him? should of checked that before typing an essay!

[HeavenOrHell]

Exactly hun, I've read between the lines far too much the last few months and it's all pointless and painful

Maybe I've turned the corner finally, hope so...

 

My ex said he missed me plenty of times and on occassion we got back together, and repeated the dreadful pattern.

 

He's told me he misses 'us' (this was before, not currently) I was confused... happy beyond belief.. only to have it all turn around once I was excited.

and soon the missing became a 'when I said I missed you, its the friendship.. I need your love in my life but I'm not in love with you'

 

I only say not to read between the lines because life is too short to hang your hopes on something.

If its possible he loves you and wants you back nothing will stop him.

He already knows you love him and that you'd accept him back... there's really nothing left to say to him... besides trying to convince him NOW.

I think you should just let time play its game in your life and try not to let it get you down...

 

Live your life in your own pursuits and let things that you're interested in happen to you.

[teanoranges]

I forced myself to cry the other night. Couldn't bring myself to do it in a loooong time, but felt it inside.

I've been really good since. I really opened up my heart to all the drama involved and admitted to myself things I didn't want to.

I'm still fighting not to send him an email to be friends again.... but I know if its possible it will happen.... and until then I really have to define myself first.

Time is a horribly wonderful thing.

[curiousnycgirl]

Sorry hun, I was wrong to sound harsh, forgive me

It just felt like everyone was saying what he said means nothing, which I KNOW is true and there's no point wondering what things mean, I just felt that others in the same boat as me would surely feel confused by what he said too.

You sound really strong, especially knowing he may want to get back in touch with you, I know I would be itching to get in touch and say what's going on. Argh!

You are definitely going about things the right way

 

I don't know if your ex means it or not, and part of me doesn't care. The plain fact of the matter is you cannot move forward the way things are going at the moment. He drops these compelling little phrases that keep you on the hook, hoping that he'll realize he wants to come back. I don't know if it is his intention - but it's cruel.

 

So let me ask you this, do you truly feel ready and able to pursue a relationship with your ex or with anyone else for that matter? If you say yes, then I don't think you are being honest with yourself. If it were me I in your shoes and I got back with my ex I would always wonder if today was the day he walks again. And I would wonder if that silly thing I said would push him away, or whatever.

 

That's not what you want or deserve. You need to heal from everything you've been through. You need to focus on you and stop thinking about him and what he wants and what he says. Focussing on you will mean taking responsibilty for what you've done (which you have pretty much already done and then some) but also realizing that you were not alone in the demise of your relationship. It will mean you can finally forgive yourself, improve what you think needs improving and discover what it is you think you might need in the future.

 

I cannot imagine what it must be like in your sohes, other than unfathomably painful. But I do know that you deserve better than what you are getting right now, and the only way you can be ready to get it is to start moving on.

 

All my best to you - always.

[HeavenOrHell]

The opposite to me hun, I cry easily and feel I can't stop and it's scary, but it happens much less now.

Don't email him until you know for sure you are no longer in love with him.

As far as I'm concerned I will never be friends with my ex again, that's the only way for me to move forward.

 

 

 

I forced myself to cry the other night. Couldn't bring myself to do it in a loooong time, but felt it inside.

I've been really good since. I really opened up my heart to all the drama involved and admitted to myself things I didn't want to.

I'm still fighting not to send him an email to be friends again.... but I know if its possible it will happen.... and until then I really have to define myself first.

Time is a horribly wonderful thing.