Should I talk to my ex's friend?

[hellopeople]

So long story short... my bf broke up with me almost a month ago due to very personal issues on his part (being insecure, fragile ego, trust issues, emotional eater, constant need for approval). He claimed he went into the relationship for the wrong reasons - he missed having a gf, all his friends were happy with their gfs, blah blah blah. He wished he had known me better before we started officially dating.

 

So this is my interpretation on that: He pretty much he just wanted me as a "gf" - not as a person. He labeled me THE GF, not __(my name)__ the GF. Not once did he really seem to take an interest in ME as a human being. He didn't want to really get to know me on a deeper level. He would text/ hang out when it was convenient for him. Would call me by a pet name rather than my real name. He was going though the motions of being a bf - not really caring who he was doing it for, just as long as he had someone.

 

So, when we were apart for a couple of weeks due to winter break - all we could do was talk on the phone (i.e. get closer emotionally = freak him out).

 

When I got back, we hung out for a few days. He acted like nothing was wrong. Then BAM. He said he needed to talk NOW. And when I showed up at his house, the first thing he asked me what I wanted out of the relationship. No warning, nothing. I replied, "to grow and to get to know myself better as a person." (I thought that was a pretty mature answer if I do say so myself). When I returned the question, all I got was a "I don't know". BAD SIGN. Said he had a weird "feeling" in his stomach for the last week. He even went to his friend and talked to him about what to do. he told me he was scared. But when he was breaking up with me, he told me that "you're so awesome. Everything I want in a girl. I like you sooo much! I don't want to break up... but I have to. I can't do this. I'm not ready. I'm sorry. I wish you could understand. It makes sense in my head. I'm too immature. I don't want this, but need it. You're the first gf I feel I can trust - not like my ex (who cheated on him, and when he went back to her, cheated on him again) *start crying*". All I could do was sit there holding him as he told me over and over that he was sorry and that I must hate him. I told him that I couldn't hate him and that I wanted what was best for him. Wanted what made him happy. I asked for him to try and fight for it and he said he couldn't. Then he hit me with that "let's be friends line" because he really needed a friend. No sorry. Can't do that.

 

Anyway 5 days after he ended it (I had started NC and deleted him on facebook, my phone, and email the day after he ended it. I even switched out of the class we were in together to a different section) he texted me with a "hey". OOHHH. Big talker. I didn't reply.

 

And now, I keep running into him in the library where we both study. We're just studying on opposite sides of the room - but know the other is there. And it honestly feels like he's watching me. I went in there with a guy friend of mine and my ex was there. We went to a part of the room outside his line of sight. He then proceeded to move tables so he could see us! Another time I swear I could feel his eyes on me and it kinda freaked me out - like he's keeping tabs on me. So I've decided to not study there for a while.

 

But now I've found out that he and his friend who he went to go get advice from aren't talking - and haven't been since the break up. I was then told though a mutual friend, that advice guy thinks I'm mad at him - when I see no reason I should be. He even came up to me and made some small talk. I have also found out that his other friends aren't hanging with him anymore. And that he sounds depressed on the phone - not that I would know, they just told me.

 

So, I'm curious as to whether I should approach advice guy and ask him whats really going on with the entire situation. What's going on? Why did it really end (since my ex couldn't seem to really tell me). If he really didn't care too much for me (like I think) would he really say all that stuff to me? And that I'm really worried about my ex (very true given his emotional state). I'm also worried they aren't talking because advice guy was a very good influence in my ex's life.

 

What should I do?

[sean1]

First of all

 

your doing great. maintaining no contact and getting past the feeder texts and convos is great progress.

 

you do deserve better than this guy. yes ok you loved him but theres no way you can be with a guy with emotional problems and trust issues. sounds like he has no self confidence yet he wants to battle things out alone? he most likely broke up with you to be "free" as such. in other words not have to commit to doing anything. did you used to ask him round? when he said no ud say wellwhy not?

 

he may have also seen another girl he likes and got talking to her. hard to hear i know. but he wants tosee what would happen and have you as the safety net hence the "lets be friends" line.

 

if he keeps trying to keep tabs on you then as you have been doing avoid him or move to a place where its clearly obvious if he follows you. if it looks obvious he wont do it.

 

it would not be a smart idea to talk to his friends. not at all. anything you say ill be relayed back to your ex...however it will be twisted a chinese whisper typestyle as such. for example you could say "i stillcare for him, i dont want him to get hurt" its relayed to the ex as. "she still loves you and doesnt want you to get another girlfriend". causes lots of damage!

 

my advice would be to avoid him and maintain the brilliant no contact you have achieved so far. at the end of the day he finished you... you shouldnt want him back. its up to him what he wants solet him decide. but hes already said he doesnt want to be with you. so do as he says. stay away andlook after yourself! you sound like a nice girl

 

there is someone that will kill to be with you. someone that respects them for who they are. is honest and obviously like the rest of use only wants the best.

 

stay strong and remember! things always get better!

[hellopeople]

but hes already said he doesnt want to be with you. so do as he says.

 

I know. It just hurts

[sean1]

yup it really does. everyone on here will agree with that. i thought i was over her. thought i was moving on..then she text me 2nyt twice and now i feel like OMG i want to text but if i do..it causes moredamage than good!

 

we all have to support wach other stay active and post alot! keep our minds on other things! lets be strong and forget whats happened.

 

the thing that drives me through...

 

i say if my ex really loved me why would they put me through all this pain and hurt? why on earth would they do this to me..the person they love?

 

when you understand that you realise how better off you can be!

[hellopeople]

hen she text me 2nyt twice

 

Were you in NC?

[sean1]

Were you in NC?

 

yes in n.c.

 

but the fact is i replied i cudnt take it after she text me agen saying she doesnt want tolose me and wants to talk. i fort she meant she wanted sumet 2 happen. but no she wanted an ego boost which shes got....now im back to square one. feeling sorry for myself and feelin rejected. i will never break n.c again.