OnlyJake Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 As I read these forums, there is a lot of information/problems in regards to Narcissists, Gaslighting, Manipulators/Controllers, Emotional Abuse, and so on, and often these issues are tied into cheating/affairs. Why is that? Can anyone point me to threads and/or information that they've found helpful that had to do with Borderline Personality Disorder? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 Can anyone point me to threads and/or information that they've found helpful that had to do with Borderline Personality Disorder? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder . Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder about 10 years ago, now that I have had more life experience and some limited treatment for it, I no longer satisfy all of the requirements for it. The best resource I have come to find is the book Sometimes I Act Crazy by Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus. It gives some good guidelines to help you deal with a person afflicted with BPD. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Attwood Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 The best resource I have come to find is the book Sometimes I Act Crazy by Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus. A very good read!! I also recommend it. My wife is a borderline. The key, for me has been solid consistency and resitance against provocation. Not always an easy thing to do .. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 My advice is to stay away from anyone with that mental health problem, you will never get anywhere and leave with no self esteem and the blame placed firmly on yourself It must be terrible to have it but just as bad to live with someone with it Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 (edited) My advice is to stay away from anyone with that mental health problem, you will never get anywhere As someone with BPD who did a year and a half of four-day-a-week Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and busted my ass to get better, this statement breaks my heart. I am SO grateful for those who felt differently and loved me despite my diagnosis. I couldn't have survived if everyone felt the way you do! BPD is an eminently treatable disorder, and today more than ever there are effective therapies. DBT is nothing short of a miracle, and if you're in a relationship with a borderline, I hope you'll do everything in your power to convince them to try it. If DBT isn't available in your area, regular CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) can also work well. There's a newer treatment known as Schema Therapy -- I don't know a lot about it, but I know it's borderline-specific, as is DBT. Please read everything you can about the work of Marsha Linehan, asap! I've also written a memoir that details my DBT experience and subsequent recovery; it comes out in Jan '11 and if you message me I'll be happy to tell you the title. And, of course, if you have any questions, feel free to ask! My wife is a borderline. The key, for me has been solid consistency and resitance against provocation. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!! Edited February 16, 2010 by sedgwick Link to post Share on other sites
dyzfunctioned Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 As someone currently dating someone that might have BPD, I'm also curious.. I've been told to stay away by so many people, seen posts on here that say it makes your life hell, etc... but i refuse to believe it. I've been with this girl for 5 months and yea there's been a few rough patches but with a bit of time and effort she goes back to normal. Maybe I just started seeing her during a good period or whatever as she says she has been really bad during the past. But she's on meds (not sure exactly what, i think they're just mild antidepressants) which she recently started taking but I don't notice much difference from now and before she was on them. Doctors have tried to commit her a few times but she doesn't want to get treatment (typical of BPD as I understand..) but I can hardly try to force her to do something she doesn't want to especially when she seems to be handling it well. Sedgwick - I've done lots of research into this, talked to lots of psychologists, etc... but I've never had the chance to actually talk to someone who's had BPD. Any tips/advice you could give me would really help... if you don't mind could you e-mail if you have time? slazen93 at yahoo.com If you don't want to email/don't even read this post it's all good haha. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 If you decide to get involved with someone with a Cluster B personality disorder, expect that you're going to have a rollercoaster ride relationship. Unless they're determined to change, which includes therapy and possibly medication, reliant on what their disorder is, their reactions to issues can easily hurt and harm someone who's vulnerable to them, someone who's in love with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Attwood Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 If you decide to get involved with someone with a Cluster B personality disorder, expect that you're going to have a rollercoaster ride relationship. Unless they're determined to change, which includes therapy and possibly medication, reliant on what their disorder is, their reactions to issues can easily hurt and harm someone who's vulnerable to them, someone who's in love with them. I think that applies to all romantic relationships and not just ones involving "Cluster B disorders", doesn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 www.bpdfamily.org or the book "Walking on Eggshells" Link to post Share on other sites
FreeNow Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 www.bpdfamily.org or the book "Walking on Eggshells" IMHO, that site is the best web resource for those in some sort of relationship (including family) with someone suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. After thoroughly checking that information out then one can more clearly decide if they want to gamble their time and life in a relationship with someone afflicted so and not seriously into proper treatment like DBT. For my life, unless it was one of my children, I'd walk on by or run the heck away. Been there, done that more than once... it ain't worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Attwood Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 (edited) . The key, for me has been solid consistency and resitance against provocation. Not always an easy thing to do .. I thought this might benefit from further clarification; First, it’s important to understand the root of the borderline/narcissists behaviour. The evolutionary path of the human mind has resulted in much internal conflict. Those that we would consider balanced or stable people, are people that, due to their personal development and the stability and consistency of love in their early years, have developed the tools to manage this conflict. Those; whose early years have for some reason lacked the opportunity to develop the managing skills, have a greater tendency towards borderline/narcissistic behaviours. There are other factors to take in to consideration, such as brain chemistry/wiring, etc., but the important factor is the early nurturing has been insufficient to allow the managing skills to develop. The instability of the borderline/narcissist stems from an infantile internal battle between primitive mechanisms of the mind and the conflicting needs of these primitive mechanisms. It is important to remember that the “balanced person” also has these conflicts yet that these conflicts are kept under control and are usually, for the most part, background noises. For the borderline/narcissist, these controls are poorly developed and they cannot help these internal battles from pouring out in to their world and they see these internal battles as external. Defensive mechanisms of their poorly developed and fragile identity protect them from seeing that the source of these conflicts are internal and autonomously seek external targets for the projection of these conflicts. Anyone that has had dealings with people that portray borderline/narcissistic tendencies will know how skilful they are at detecting triggers or finding and pushing those buttons within us that trigger the behaviours they crave in order to facilitate their projections. It is because virtually all of us have latent borderline/narcissistic personality traits, and in order to manage those buttons/triggers it is very important to recognise these traits within us because recognition of our own triggers desensitises them from the provocations of others and provides us with better defences against projections. For the conflicts that arise are just that; our own latent borderline/narcissistic traits being brought to the surface. So as I said above; “consistency and resistance to provocation”. The consistency is the consistency that was lacking in their early development; with consistency the seesaw personality begins to find some sense of equilibrium. The resistance against projection and projective identification comes from the recognition within us of our own latent borderline/narcissistic tendencies. It's not foolproof by any means, but it facilitates better coping tools for dealing with extroverted borderline/narcissistic personalities and taming the beast within. Edited February 22, 2010 by Simon Attwood Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 I think that applies to all romantic relationships and not just ones involving "Cluster B disorders", doesn't it? It's by degrees. Link to post Share on other sites
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