How can I meet girls in a club or a bar?

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

I'm not looking for the perfect woman. I'm not looking for "the one" or the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. I just want a girl who's pretty and who's reliable (in other words, who won't cancel dates last minute, play hard-to-get or play phone-tag with me)

 

She doesn't have to be perfect in every way. She doesn't even have to have anything in common with me, because sometimes opposites attract; I'm a pretty clean-cut, conservative guy, but 2 of my ex-girlfriends were tattooed, wild-haired punk-girls.

 

There really is no other place to find so many attractive young woman packed together than in bars and clubs, especially the really upscale ones. But women there just seem so guarded and un-trusting of guys they don't know.

 

I go there well dressed, well groomed, and sometimes I just try to talk to them. And I'm not being lewd or anything; I'm not trying to cat-call or "holler" at them; I'm just trying to be genuine and sincere in introducing myself and getting to know them, but I usually just get a lot of blank stares and short, bored, uninterested responses. Sometimes these girls just ignore me outright and walk away.

 

And it's really hurting my confidence and my desire to try again and meet new women.

 

I was at a club just now; a really upscale place with ultra-modern lighting and furniture, a thorough dress code and professional DJs playing European techno, and there were so many beautiful women there all made up and well dressed, but they just looked snotty and pissed-off; like they'd stab you with an pick-axe if you just said "hi" to them.

 

Even on the night before Valentines Day, I didn't even try to say "hi" to any of them tonight not only because of the bad experiences I've had in clubs before, but also because I saw a really discouraging scene; a guy who was older, taller, had more muscles and was more handsome than me was attempting to talk to girls, but a lot of them were just rolling their eyes at him, giving him the hand or walking away.

 

And I couldn't help but think, "wow, if THAT guy can't meet a girl here, how can I?"

 

I'm really tired of this. I'm tired of going out and not meeting anyone. How can I meet girls in clubs and bars?

Edited February 14, 2010 by Don'tWannabeAWannabe

[USMCHokie]

How can I meet girls in clubs and bars?

 

 

Wait around until after last call.

 

 

Any time before that, and every woman in that club thinks she's the hottest thing to walk the face of this earth and will turn away every guy who walks by her thinking she should only be with the hottest guy.

 

That is, until last call...and she's alone...FTW...

[Zeegagge]

Make sure you're in the right club or bar. Make sure you're trying to pick up the right ladies.

[bluestraps]

Go to you tube and look up Pick Up artists, The basis is to do none of the cliche stuff guys do when out at bars or clubs. I haven't tried any of it yet but it makes sense to me. Some of the process is a little complicated at first especialy the lingo they use. Look it up if youre on tonite and leave another post about what you saw. Its also quite entertaining

[bluestraps]

I like another alternative . Meeting women out of the clubs and bars. The main thing from what i have learned is many guys are too obvious at first . Whats your name ,, ect ,introducing yourself. I dont want to start explaining because I may confuse things. You may already be good at talking to women but Check out videos on you tube by David Wygant. He 's a relationship coach . Hes legit as far as I know and from what i ve seen He seems to know his stuff. Hes not sleazy, but he doesnt sugar coat things either.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

I'd appreciate answers and advice from women too

[Kamille]

The only advice I give all my guy friends is this: introduce yourself, make a joke, but don't hang around. The night is young.

 

Approach women who are standing alone - or at the bar. Approach them at a moment when you won't feel like you need to impress them and all their friends.

 

the same rule as above applies: approach, be charming but keep the interaction short.

 

At the end of the night, if the girl hasn't started flirting with you (approached you herself at one point), and if you're feeling bold, approach her and ask for her number.

 

I think guys shoot themselves in the foot when they approach a woman and expect her to spend the rest of her evening with them. The approach and leave method makes you look mysterious and is the least awkward in my experience (and most lighthearted).

[alphamale]

I'm really tired of this. I'm tired of going out and not meeting anyone. How can I meet girls in clubs and bars?

try singles groups instead

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

The only advice I give all my guy friends is this: introduce yourself, make a joke, but don't hang around. The night is young.

 

Approach women who are standing alone - or at the bar. Approach them at a moment when you won't feel like you need to impress them and all their friends.

 

the same rule as above applies: approach, be charming but keep the interaction short.

 

At the end of the night, if the girl hasn't started flirting with you (approached you herself at one point), and if you're feeling bold, approach her and ask for her number.

 

I think guys shoot themselves in the foot when they approach a woman and expect her to spend the rest of her evening with them. The approach and leave method makes you look mysterious and is the least awkward in my experience (and most lighthearted).

 

Yeah, but I'm not going up to them hoping to latch onto them all night. Like I said, all I'm looking for is a conversation, a phone number and a chance of a date a day or two later (not that I'd deny hooking-up that night if the opportunity arose)

 

But why am I getting stonewalled just during basic introductions in the first couple of seconds? How could these girls be coming to the conclusion that I want to spend all night with them when they don't know anything about me?

 

How about this? Tell me what a good interaction between a guy and a girl meeting for the first time in a club is supposed to look like. What is the guy supposed to do and say?

[Kamille]

I don't think men realize how common the 'latch on' scenario is. In my experience, most guys who've approached me in bars have actually 'latched on'. It's like they won't be satisfied with just some random chitchat. Like in order for the guy to feel like the interaction was successful, it has to have an outcome (number, hookup or, more rarely, date).

 

So, two things, either you start being able to discern the girls who are interested in you - and only approach them (they'll dance close to you and smile at you) or you learn to be a bit more gentle in your approach.

 

My advice is to plan an approach that already has an exist strategy woven into it. Approach women who are 'in transit', not women who are sitting somewhere. That way she won't feel like you're invading her space. Say you are at the bar and this girl is ordering drinks, smile at her, see if she returns the smile and then make a joke or comment about the drinks (never about her). Flash a smile, make a joke about hoping to run into her at the next round of drinks and leave.

 

Try to arrange another run-in later in the evening and see if she demonstrates interest then. If she does, then you can have a longer conversation and possibly ask for her number.

[You'reasian]

Yeah, but I'm not going up to them hoping to latch onto them all night. Like I said, all I'm looking for is a conversation, a phone number and a chance of a date a day or two later (not that I'd deny hooking-up that night if the opportunity arose)

 

But why am I getting stonewalled just during basic introductions in the first couple of seconds? How could these girls be coming to the conclusion that I want to spend all night with them when they don't know anything about me?

 

How about this? Tell me what a good interaction between a guy and a girl meeting for the first time in a club is supposed to look like. What is the guy supposed to do and say?

 

I'm not a huge fan of meeting women at clubs, but if you must....

 

At a club, find a song that's got a good beat that you enjoy. Walk up to the lady, get her attention innocently and say "Hey"

 

Start from there.

 

If she's kind of by herself, ask her to dance. If she's hanging with a group of lady friends off the dance floor - same thing. If she is already dancing with a group of lady friends, DO NOT approach her - Don't be that guy.

 

After you're done dancing, compliment her and ask her if she's been here before. What she likes about this place. Tell her about the last time you came - maybe a funny thing that happened. Keep the conversation flowing. Once the conversation dies down, treat her to another drink (or better yet a glass of water to keep her hydrated). Tell her you'd like to dance again but you need to touch base with your buddies and walk away.

 

Come back 10+ min later and ask her for another dance. Get her some more water, keep the conversation flowing. Repeat. Before you leave, tell her she's a Dancing queen or some funny nickname, but she's no match on the dance floor for you - the Dancing king - and you want a rematch. Get her phone no.

 

Call her up later on the week. Hey Dancing queen, its the Dancing king. Let's meetup this weekend...

Edited February 14, 2010 by You'reasian

[alphamale]

At a club' date=' find a song that's got a good beat that you enjoy. Walk up to the lady, get her attention innocently and say "Hey"[/quote']

 

If she's kind of by herself' date=' ask her to dance. If she's hanging with a group of lady friends off the dance floor - same thing. [/quote']

first you strike up a conversation and if she seems interested then after 5 or 10 minutes of chit-chatting then you ask her to dance. this is mainly because you only have a few minutes to make your impression and you can't talk on the dance floor

 

After you're done dancing' date=' compliment her and ask her if she's been here before. What she likes about this place. Tell her about the last time you came - maybe a funny thing that happened. Keep the conversation flowing. [/quote']

actually you should ask her questions about herself

 

Once the conversation dies down' date=' treat her to another drink (or better yet a glass of water to keep her hydrated).[/quote']

don't buy her any drinks, if she likes you she'll hang out no matter what

 

Tell her you'd like to dance again but you need to touch base with your buddies and walk away.

 

Come back 10+ min later and ask her for another dance.

by the time you come back she'll be dancing with someone else or talking to some other dude

 

Get her some more water

getting her water is even worse than buying her a drink cause then you look like a cheap ass

[You'reasian]

 

first you strike up a conversation and if she seems interested then after 5 or 10 minutes of chit-chatting then you ask her to dance. this is mainly because you only have a few minutes to make your impression and you can't talk on the dance floor

 

actually you should ask her questions about herself

 

don't buy her any drinks, if she likes you she'll hang out no matter what

 

by the time you come back she'll be dancing with someone else or talking to some other dude

 

getting her water is even worse than buying her a drink cause then you look like a cheap ass

 

I don't talk to women on the dance floor; I dance with them (or rather try to lol)

 

I've found that women who are willing to dance and have fun doing it with you are more than willing to talk to you afterwards. They are also more likely to want to talk with you even after the night has ended.

 

If she's dancing with some other dude, she's not that interested in you in the first place. Getting her the water can mean alot of things; if she's got a good head on her shoulders, she'll see that I'd hope that I wouldn't need her to be more intoxicated to wanna spend more time with me lol (but then again, I look in the mirror and could understand why ha!)

 

As far as spending money on a woman, the bar is the worst place for your dollars, considering the crazy high, mark-up but also you might not see her again, right?

 

Treating her to a nice restaraunt with something along the lines of filet mignon and a nice red wine on the next date is.

Edited February 14, 2010 by You'reasian

[bluestraps]

Three questions , have you ever had luck meeting anyone in a club? And when you are there do you drink and how much? Do you go by yourself or with a friend?

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

I'm not a huge fan of meeting women at clubs, but if you must....

 

At a club, find a song that's got a good beat that you enjoy. Walk up to the lady, get her attention innocently and say "Hey"

 

Start from there.

 

If she's kind of by herself, ask her to dance. If she's hanging with a group of lady friends off the dance floor - same thing. If she is already dancing with a group of lady friends, DO NOT approach her - Don't be that guy.

 

After you're done dancing, compliment her and ask her if she's been here before. What she likes about this place. Tell her about the last time you came - maybe a funny thing that happened. Keep the conversation flowing. Once the conversation dies down, treat her to another drink (or better yet a glass of water to keep her hydrated). Tell her you'd like to dance again but you need to touch base with your buddies and walk away.

 

Come back 10+ min later and ask her for another dance. Get her some more water, keep the conversation flowing. Repeat. Before you leave, tell her she's a Dancing queen or some funny nickname, but she's no match on the dance floor for you - the Dancing king - and you want a rematch. Get her phone no.

 

Call her up later on the week. Hey Dancing queen, its the Dancing king. Let's meetup this weekend...

 

 

Seriously? No really, are you joking right now?

 

Are you really suggesting that the way I meet a girl is to start buying random girls drinks and using the old "So, you come here often?" line?

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

Three questions , have you ever had luck meeting anyone in a club? And when you are there do you drink and how much? Do you go by yourself or with a friend?

 

I've only danced and made out with 1 girl a couple of years ago at a club. I drink, but usually only 1 scotch a night; it's so much just getting in (cover). I go by myself. Even though I'm back home, I consider myself "new" to the area since I just recently spent so many years away in college. I don't know anyone around here.

[You'reasian]

Seriously? No really, are you joking right now?

 

Are you really suggesting that the way I meet a girl is to start buying random girls drinks and using the old "So, you come here often?" line?

 

I don't know what you are picturing, perhaps some guy in a Leisure suit, with a cheesy grin asking "So, do you come here often" - but I can't even pull that off...

 

I don't use lines. I suck at those, because once you've used them all up, you've got to come up with something else - so I be myself and flow. I don't care about getting a phone number; I don't care about trying to impress or please, but I can show some humor and a little respect.

 

I'll even say I've got no game - atleast in the conventional sense of the word, but when I used to frequent clubs, I did fine.

 

After dancing with the woman, I ask if this is her first time here. Its not a line - just a sincere question. Yeah, they treat it as such and are like "Yeah this is my first time here" or "I was here last year during the pub crawl festival" - then you keep the conversation going. Maybe I'm doing something right on the dance floor?

 

Women are more attuned to non-verbals.

Edited February 15, 2010 by You'reasian

[Kamille]

I like the meeting while dancing idea.

 

As to the suggestion that you compliment her... I remember reading in psychology today that the best way to talk up strangers is to talk about a third subject, one that is outside of the interaction. So, best practice, until she shows some interest, avoid talking about yourself and avoid complimenting her. Talk about the music, the bar scene, her drink, whatever.

 

Once she shows some interest, then you can start asking her question about herself. I would reserve giving compliments for when she starts asking you questions about yourself (usually a sign of interest).

 

Also, if at any point during an approach you feel that she isn't really into it, smile, excuse yourself and leave. I think 'latch on' scenarios happen when a perfectly nice, goodlooking guy realizes he's getting somewhat cold-shouldered and then tries his best to 'save the day'. For your own sake, don't be that guy. There are other girls in the room.

 

And don't forget the power of eye contact and smiling. That's how women let guys know they think he's cute. So try to pay attention to the women who are paying attention to you.

[bluestraps]

This is so interesting as I am now single after a long relationship. And I am not loking forward to the single life at all. Now with that said I know that Most men either say the wrong thing or seem too desperate.

 

Maybe this will work . The next time you go out, is there some other nice place where you are where you have never been before. If not then go back to the club you go to But, If so, then go there but dont try to pick up any women at all , just make friends with the bartender the door people maybe security guy . You want to make that place comfortable for you. You want it to be like your home, where you feel comfortable.

 

If you have been to this club many times do you see the same women there .

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

I like the meeting while dancing idea.

 

As to the suggestion that you compliment her... I remember reading in psychology today that the best way to talk up strangers is to talk about a third subject, one that is outside of the interaction. So, best practice, until she shows some interest, avoid talking about yourself and avoid complimenting her. Talk about the music, the bar scene, her drink, whatever.

 

Once she shows some interest, then you can start asking her question about herself. I would reserve giving compliments for when she starts asking you questions about yourself (usually a sign of interest).

 

Also, if at any point during an approach you feel that she isn't really into it, smile, excuse yourself and leave. I think 'latch on' scenarios happen when a perfectly nice, goodlooking guy realizes he's getting somewhat cold-shouldered and then tries his best to 'save the day'. For your own sake, don't be that guy. There are other girls in the room.

 

And don't forget the power of eye contact and smiling. That's how women let guys know they think he's cute. So try to pay attention to the women who are paying attention to you.

 

Are you sure about the dance floor? I was reading this book "The Pickup Artist" at the book store today. The guy says "the dance floor is a trap." The music is so loud and there are so many people bumping into each other that it's impossible to get to know someone or even speak to them.

 

What's even worse is that if a guy is rejected by a girl, then his value diminishes in the eyes of every female close by; they think "That girl just turned that guy away. There must be something wrong with him. I don't wanna be his second or third option," which is probably why that guy at the club last week was getting turned down left and right.

 

Unfortunately, the book doesn't give much info on just basic introductions. Is there anyway around those obstacles?

[Lindarose84]

Something I never thought I'd say...I met my current boyfriend in a bar. Never in a million years did I ever think I'd meet someone with relationship potential in a club or bar but it happened.

 

As a woman I will admit I tend to go to bars closed off not really wanting to meet guys but more so to just relax with some drinks and hang out with my friends. So what did my boyfriend do that made the difference? As it was, I was in a bar that I hated and had already gotten into a huge fight with one of my friends. I was definitely not approachable and pretty much stood in the corner with a scowl with one of my friends who was trying to talk me down Given all of that, my bf approached me and made the silliest joke I'd ever heard which ultimately made me laugh. I appreciated that given that my night was not going so well.

 

Strategically, he had one of his friends talk to my gf who was standing with me and the friend actually placed himself between me and my gf and they slowly moved further and further away from me. I don't know if that was done on purpose but in hindsight it was pretty smart because now I had no one to talk to but my now bf. So I was forced to open up and engage him in conversation.

 

In the end, I gave him my number because I appreciated his persistence given the fact I was in b*tch mode that night, he made me laugh when I needed it, not to mention that he kept me company when I couldn't find any of my friends in a crowded bar.

 

I emphasize the importance of wingmen. That is the only way you're going to pry a group of girls apart and even have a shot at talking to the one you like. Make sure they position themselves in a way so as to force the girl you like to talk to you and only you. Of course this is not a sure fire method especially since the girl may not find you at all attractive and still just walk away, but it helps. Also, laughter goes a looooong way.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

Something I never thought I'd say...I met my current boyfriend in a bar. Never in a million years did I ever think I'd meet someone with relationship potential in a club or bar but it happened.

 

As a woman I will admit I tend to go to bars closed off not really wanting to meet guys but more so to just relax with some drinks and hang out with my friends.

 

Are you REALLY sure? Are you being truthful? Because the guy who wrote the Pick Up Artist talked about this, saying something along the lines of "If girls just wanted to relax have some drinks and hang out with friends, they'd have stayed at eachother houses with a bottle of wine," or something like that.

 

He discussed that no girl ever goes out without the un/subconscious urge to find a mate; why else would the dress up and wear makeup and dance?

 

 

So what did my boyfriend do that made the difference? As it was, I was in a bar that I hated and had already gotten into a huge fight with one of my friends. I was definitely not approachable and pretty much stood in the corner with a scowl with one of my friends who was trying to talk me down Given all of that, my bf approached me and made the silliest joke I'd ever heard which ultimately made me laugh. I appreciated that given that my night was not going so well.

What was the joke?

 

Strategically, he had one of his friends talk to my gf who was standing with me and the friend actually placed himself between me and my gf and they slowly moved further and further away from me. I don't know if that was done on purpose but in hindsight it was pretty smart because now I had no one to talk to but my now bf. So I was forced to open up and engage him in conversation.

 

In the end, I gave him my number because I appreciated his persistence given the fact I was in b*tch mode that night, he made me laugh when I needed it, not to mention that he kept me company when I couldn't find any of my friends in a crowded bar.

 

I emphasize the importance of wingmen. That is the only way you're going to pry a group of girls apart and even have a shot at talking to the one you like. Make sure they position themselves in a way so as to force the girl you like to talk to you and only you. Of course this is not a sure fire method especially since the girl may not find you at all attractive and still just walk away, but it helps. Also, laughter goes a looooong way.[/Quote]The Pick Up Artist author said you can go into a club or bar solo and meet a girl as long as she has 3 or more friends. If you try to meet one girl, the other girls can keep eachother company, but if there are only 2, no girl will leave the other alone.

 

Like I said, what were the jokes and what did he talk about?

[Lindarose84]

Are you REALLY sure? Are you being truthful? Because the guy who wrote the Pick Up Artist talked about this, saying something along the lines of "If girls just wanted to relax have some drinks and hang out with friends, they'd have stayed at eachother houses with a bottle of wine," or something like that.

 

He discussed that no girl ever goes out without the un/subconscious urge to find a mate; why else would the dress up and wear makeup and dance?

 

Not true. After being cooped up all week after work, it's nice to get out and be around other people. I have friends that live in all different parts of the city- it would be ridiculous to expect to travel to each other's places when a good central meeting ground like a bar or a club would suffice. It's also nice to get out and listen to music- something you can't really do at midnight in someone's apartment without disturbing others. Plus, I tend to like to go out to people watch and a bar/club is a perfect place for that- it doesn't necessarily mean I'm going out to find a mate. Plus, I wear makeup because I want to look presentable not attract men, and secondly, I don't dance

 

 

What was the joke?

 

Honestly, I don't even remember it- it's been a few months since it happened.

 

The Pick Up Artist author said you can go into a club or bar solo and meet a girl as long as she has 3 or more friends. If you try to meet one girl, the other girls can keep eachother company, but if there are only 2, no girl will leave the other alone.

 

Like I said, what were the jokes and what did he talk about?

 

Again, no. Obviously, my scenario worked perfectly with just 2 women standing alone. If anything, it's better. If you have 3 or more women, chances are one, that the solo guy is going to feel super intimidated to even attempt to approach 3 or more women, and two, with 3 or more women you will definitely encounter the "pack mentality". Good luck trying to even separate one woman from the pack- the other women will eat the guy alive before they let that happen . It's more of a protective thing, in my opinion.

 

Obviously this Pick Up Artist guy is nonsense since already two of his theories have big flaws in them.

[BobSacamento]

Again, no. Obviously, my scenario worked perfectly with just 2 women standing alone. If anything, it's better. If you have 3 or more women, chances are one, that the solo guy is going to feel super intimidated to even attempt to approach 3 or more women, and two, with 3 or more women you will definitely encounter the "pack mentality". Good luck trying to even separate one woman from the pack- the other women will eat the guy alive before they let that happen . It's more of a protective thing, in my opinion.

 

Obviously this Pick Up Artist guy is nonsense since already two of his theories have big flaws in them.

 

Please, a protective thing? I see it as more misery loves company. Protection is purely secondary. I'm not so nieve to think that a group of 3 single women don't view each other as competition.

[Kamille]

Are you REALLY sure? Are you being truthful? Because the guy who wrote the Pick Up Artist talked about this, saying something along the lines of "If girls just wanted to relax have some drinks and hang out with friends, they'd have stayed at eachother houses with a bottle of wine," or something like that.

 

 

I think LR was being truthful. I have a bf and I still enjoy going to bars with my friends. I'm completely in love with him and therefore my goal in going to a bar isn't to hopefully meet someone. I just want to hang out, have fun, watch sport on tv, have potential run-ins with other friends, etc.

 

do you mean to tell me you only go to bars to meet women and never to just be out, in a public place, spending a good time with your friends?

 

And even when I was single, I mostly hung out in bars to have fun with friends. I wouldn't have turned a cute guy down had he approached, but that wasn't my objective in being there.

 

Notice I said "mostly". I have gone out with the hope and objective of meeting guys. At such times, I find every excuse to "stand alone". I will show up early, go get my drinks at the bar (instead of staying seated at the table waiting for the bartender to show up), walk slowly when coming back from the bathroom. I have a hard time believing that I would be the only woman in the history of the universe who creates these approachable opportunities... If I were a guy, I would simply try to pay attention to the women's cues. If a woman gets up to go to the bar (and flashes a smile on the way there), by all means proceed! If a woman is in a group with other women and they are giggling or leaning towards each other, I believe it's safe to assume they're not really interested in entertaining a stranger for the night. Approach if you want, but your chances of getting turned away are going to be higher.

 

Really, it isn't rocket science. Not every woman in a bar is at all times open to being approached. Women have multiple reasons for going out and dressing up (ever heard of fashionistas? They don't dress up to impress men, they dress up to impress other fashionistas). But even with the women who aren't there to meet guys, there still remains a number of women who interested in meeting someone. Hopefully, these women know how to make themselves approachable. Pay attention to their cues and approach them.