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Why do i NEED his approval so much?


usababe

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I don't understand it, I'm an intellegent person and I know in my heart and soul that this guy is no good for me.

 

He emotionally abused me for 2 years, he would pick fights to draw distance between us, tell me he wasn't ready for a new girlfriend but to wait and he would be, then anytime we would argue over something he had done he would say you're not my girlfriend so I don't know why you're so upset, then he would come back all apologies and be the nicest guy ever and draw me back in again.

 

Anyway he finally texted me one day saying "hi im just back from my girlfriends house, how are you?" I was completely devastated that he would commit to someone else after everthing we had gone through and telling me the way he did was plain cruel. We cut contact then.

 

It's 5 months on now and after all that time without contact he texted me the other day just chatting like nothing had changed, when I didn't reply he sent me numerous texts asking if I was not speaking to him anymore. I finally gave in and replied thinking we could at least be civil to eachother. He then asked me over to see his new place but I told him I was busy. We were talking last night and I told him I heard him and his girlfriend had broken up and is that why he's come back to me and he really didn't like it and walked away. I text him today and now he won't respond and I feel like I won't feel ok again until he does.

 

I can't believe that I'd gone out on dates and was moving on and now I feel like I'm literally hooked again. Help!

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SincereOnlineGuy

First order of business for you is to separate "him" from what is "your emotional/personal investment in him".

 

HE is obviously a classless fool, for reasons not limited to those cited above.

 

 

 

Your investment IN him is something that you should recognize as a good thing, in that you were and are capable of letting your feelings show, and really caring about (what at least evolved to be an unacceptable person).

 

Part of what keeps you interested is the same reason people hang on to terrible stocks when they have cascaded downward in value by 90% or more.

 

The notion that "the only way you can get anything for your emotional investment is to hang on and hope that he rebounds in a highly improbable way".

 

In the stock market, someone who invested $1000 two years ago, and who has seen the value of that investment dwindle down to $220.42, has the following choices:

 

Stick around and leave that money there hoping that a nosediving stock will suddenly bounce back like a dead cat might bounce after a 25-story fall.

 

OR

 

Take that perfectly good, perfectly useful $220.42 and go out and invest in a different stock which is showing many signs of promise and of good times to come.

 

 

Think of your emotions like your bloodstream, where even though you just have $220.42 in emotions remaining after this guy, your emotions will repair and replenish themselves if you just get them to calm, comfortable waters for the journey ahead.

 

 

Give yourself a chance at finding true happiness, and step one is to eradicate this guy from your world, permanently.

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