lisette Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 I turned 30 at Xmas time last year, a month before that I broke it off with a guy I was seeing for under a year. Anyway, at the time I followed my heart and felt I had no option but to say what I honestly felt: That I could not see us lasting for the long term future. What I am looking for is a husband, and I think, in my limited experience, you do know if the person is someone you might want to marry (I mean, so far I've felt this for people who've not felt it back). Anyway, so I broke it off. But for a long time since I have felt at sea - lost, alone, in a big city (London) and I want to share my time with someone. I keep busy every night mostly with hobbies and interests. But it feels very lonely and empty in my heart and I didn't have that feeling when my ex was in my life - I could always call him up to talk about something funny at work, or some problem. He was a very good friend as well as lover. But as I say, at the time and for a long time before, I had sensed it was not a marriage potential because he would not take the lead, which felt important as I don't want to be the man or strong one in relationship entirely, plus maybe was just a suspicion it wasn't long term and doubt in love is bad. But I'm 30 and feel I have only 3 or 4 years in which to meet the right one. I'm scared!! What if I stay like this - never meeting anyone I care for again and then I've missed the chance to have children and I'm all alone with just maybe cats for company. I'm petrified and feel that if it is not going to change over next few years, then I have made a mistake. Because I care a lot for this boy, respect him and get on with him - he's the best one I have met in my life that I've had a relationship with. But I am sure he has moved on so my talking is pointless. But even so, I need to set my heart and mind at peace, to feel that I have not cursed my life to be an old hag and spinster forever more. I deeply, deeply want a husband and family - I am ready for it at my age and don't know how to hang on and believe that it can happen for me. Please help me please. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 Don't be scared. 30 is SO young. You will find someone. I'm curious, have you talked to this guy since you broke up? It sounds to me like you might be thinking you made a mistake. Just a guess. But really,you are still young and the right one WILL come along! Just one more thing: don't "settle" for someone you really don't love because of fear. You will be ok. good luck to ya sda Link to post Share on other sites
purplehouse Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 Ho does your ex feel about the break up?? Was he afraid to move it to the next level or something??? Sorry you feel so down, but ake it from me you don't want to settle just because your worried time is running out. I am the opposite to you. I am nearly 26, i spent 7 years with a man that and had a family. I wish i had spent more time searching for someone who really was the right match for me, i wish i knew who i was so i knew what i wanted.... i was sooo young and had no clue. take it easy, enjoy some peace and he will show up. Link to post Share on other sites
The Paper Knight Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 It sounds like you are looking for 'the one', but this is a fools errand a fairy tale you where told at primary school. We all know that unicorns don't exist, so why should we believe in 'the one'? Happiness and suffering have no limits and couples rarely meet at the same point on the scale. Having a relationship and or a family requires more than just being 'in love', it also requires sacrifice. Someone has to sacrifice the chance of ever being higher on that happiness scale. If you feel lonely without your last partner, then he probably helped you feel complete and somewhat happy. Complete enough for you to make that sacrifice and to spend your entire life together?... That is for you to decide. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisette Posted February 15, 2010 Author Share Posted February 15, 2010 Thank you guys for your advice. When I am peaceful and happy, what I do is enjoy my surroundings, my interests and life. I don't think about him at those moments. Its when I'm lonely and want to talk and when I want the physical side of things. I don't suppose its right to want someone just to fill the hole of when you're down. I know that I over think things. Your decision should be a 'sacred yes' (from a poem somewhere) not a long drawn out thing, you let a decision sit in your heart and mind and then you you do what you have to do. I did those things when I made this decision those months ago, so cannot have been wrong! Now I just want to find my life partner and I'm probably being impatient. I hope I am not under a fairy tale illusion, paper knight. I could say this with more confidence if I had found person I had long term feelings for. I know people aren't perfect, and loving someone's imperfections is part of it. But you still have to have the compulsion to spend a lot of time with the person, to not look at other people, to talk about them with great enthusiasm (at least at beginning) and for me, to have a sense of curiosity and love for something (like rock formations, or making art, or philosophy - I say that because men I have met before and since I have been really attracted to and enjoyed their company, because they had these passions. It doesn't really matter that much what it is). Anyway, in short - what I am doing is scary. Being single is scary and the harder choice now. But I must go for the thing that scares me. This is not a job or career - I'm not making this decision out of wish for security, being sensible and comfort and feeling good about self. You can't apply that to love. You must be brave! Ok, so that's that. 'No condition is permanent' Thank you, God bless Link to post Share on other sites
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