Addicted to counselling

[nama]

Hi guys,

I will have been in counselling for a year in April. I can nolonger really afford it but I can't seem to let go. I have packed it in a few times but just lasted a week or two and have then gone back. I have a great relationship with my therapist - she is great. I feel as though I'm addicted. In terms of progress, I have made lots. I went to see her initially because I wanted to get my life on track - so nothing majorly serious.

Has anyone experienced this? What should I do?

Thanks,

N x

[josie54]

Would it seem ironic if I said I thought this was something you should talk about with your therapist?

 

You've brought up three central issues in your post:

 

1) the counseling has helped you get your life back on track

2) you have a great relationship with your therapist

3) you can no longer afford counseling

 

So to the first....is your life back on track? Do you have control now over the issue(s) that brought you to counseling in the first place? If the answer is yes, then you have no more reason to continue to go, particularly if more visits will bring financial hardship.

 

To the second....if your relationship with therapist is based on trust, you can discuss this openly with her. She is in a good position to help you determine whether you're coming to therapy out of need, or just because you enjoy the friendship. If you both determine it's the second case, then you're essentially paying for friendship, which is your choice, of course, but not really a great use of money. If, however, you don't want to bring this up with your therapist because you're AFRAID that she'll stop seeing you, or if you begin to make up problems so you that you can make her think that you continue to need therapy when you don't, you definitely have a problem.

 

And to the third....if you truly haven't conquered the issues you've been struggling with, and counseling helps, then you should find a way to afford it. Many therapists will reduce their rates, for instance, if the financial situation of a client won't allow them to pay full fee. Or you could schedule fewer appointments. But again, this option is only if you NEED it.

 

Addiction means that you cannot stop doing something, even if you choose. It means that it's starting to interfere with your daily life and healthy relationships. So, imagine what you'd do if your therapist had to stop seeing you for some reason--she was retiring or moving or taking a break. If you think you'd say, "Well, I'll miss you, but good luck," and then go on with your life, then you just like the relationship, not necessarily the therapy.

 

If, however, you think you'd have to go out and get a new therapist, regardless of whether you need the therapy or not, then yes, you probably have an issue.

 

So, if you still have issues that need to be resolved, if you still view your relationship with your therapist as a professional one, and if you can make arrangements such as I've suggested above to be able to afford it financially, then continue to go as much as your finances will allow.

 

But if you realize that you're essentially paying for the friendship, stop going NOW. It's like a patient falling in love with his or her doctor of the opposite sex--nothing good can come of it. It's a relationship that has certain boundaries, and once you try to make it personal, you've crossed those boundaries.

 

Or if you know you wouldn't want to give up therapy even if your issues were resolved and your current therapist dropped the relationship, also stop going NOW. You need to take a break, get some perspective, and find other outlets (i.e., real friendships).

[Ross PK]

I take it you've got your life back on track and don't actually 'need' to see a therapist anymore?

[nama]

Thanks for the feedback. If she said she could no longer see me I would probably contemplate finding someone else. I feel as if I need to report everything to her every week. Issues/problems that I have been thinking about that week. She has helped me gain confidence and I suppose I'm scared that once I leave I will go back to what I was.

[Eve]

I would discuss this with her. A gradual reduction in appointments could help, with maybe an appointment set three months away or something.. See what you both come up with.

 

It is unhealthy to be in counselling for too too long but each case is unique. Btw, well done you for your achievements!! Its time to make them truly your own now methinks..

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[josie54]

I agree with Eve....no need to stop all at once, but you could challenge yourself to maintain your confidence without the need for continuous feedback.

 

If you're going every week right now, talk to your therapist about scheduling your next appointment for one, two, or even three months away. Your therapist might even be willing to maintain limited contact--or "check-ins"--by e-mail or phone. (I say "limited" because you don't want to turn these check-ins into a crutch OR try to monopolize your therapist's time out of session).

 

But the only way to test yourself is to see what happens when you aren't in weekly therapy. If you maintain the habits that you've achieved with your therapist, you'll probably surprise yourself.

[skydiveaddict]

Hi guys,

I will have been in counselling for a year in April. I can nolonger really afford it but I can't seem to let go. I have packed it in a few times but just lasted a week or two and have then gone back. I have a great relationship with my therapist - she is great. I feel as though I'm addicted. In terms of progress, I have made lots. I went to see her initially because I wanted to get my life on track - so nothing majorly serious.

Has anyone experienced this? What should I do?

Thanks,

N x

 

 

Personally I hate counseling. I went to see a shrink for a while after my last tour, didn't do a thing for me The thing that got me back on track were the right meds. But there are many therapists out ther who have 'sliding scales" when it comes to paying them.

[nama]

I think I will probably cut back on seeing her - maybe once a fortnight to begin with. In terms of money, I can actually afford it, I guess my dilemma is that I'm trying to save to buy a place of my own and can't really justify spending this money every week. I guess I have answered my own question there - counselling is nolonger a priority. I'm just wary of slipping back into the old ways.