Is it normal to not always orgasm during intercourse?

[Mira]

Perhaps this post doesn't have anything to do with pure, let's say "love", but it is very important for me to get some responses and feedback from others because I am too embarassed to talk to my friends about this.

 

I was just wondering how common it is for women to climax during intercourse, as I usually am able to do so if my partener stays long enough, but this last time I couldn't climax. Does this mean I could be becoming frigid? I was really worried with myself because my partener was very patient and understanding. Still no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't get there.

 

Perhaps I had too many expectations? How do men feel about this issue? Does it turn a man off if a woman can't climax during intercourse? (my partner wasn't upset or anything, but I'm just curious to know how other men feel)

 

Please respond.

 

Thanks,

 

Mira

[Randy]

It is seriouslly doubtful you are becomming frigid.

 

Straight from Dr. Ruth, don't make such a big deal out of this. Let things happen the way they will. If you continue having non-orgasmic sex over a period of time, then see a doctor. But once or twice is not cause for panic.

 

There are many factors that can cause one not to have an orgasm, including insufficient stimulation, insufficent excitement, stress, fatigue, one's emotional state, etc,. Remember, orgasms and everything else in the body are controlled by the mind as much as the body. If things aren't right in either place, it won't happen. Now if this continues, which is highly unlikely, then you may have some type of medical event that needs tending to.

 

I must also warn you that sometimes if you just try too hard to do something, you become anxious and set yourself up for failure. Just relax. If it happens fine and if it doesn't, that's what tomorrows are made for. There are actually times when a man cannot achieve an erection because he is nervous and trying too much. Honest.

 

Rational, sane men are very interested in pleasing their ladies but they don't go bananas if it doesn't happen. It may be disappointing to a man but it shouldn't make him feel inadequate, unless the woman makes a comment to do so. Lovemaking should be just that and not have so many requirements attached to it.

 

Men often fail to have orgasms themselves. While it's really great to have an orgasm, it sometimes just doesn't happen. Performance anxiety, a new partner, stress, effects of medication, etc. all can contribute.

 

So don't worry so much. It sounds like you have a really kind and understanding partner. The communication you have between the two of you could go a long way. You may even make an agreement that if this happens again, it's OK for you to take leave from your partner and use self-stimulation to achieve your desired result. This is no way diminishes the lovemaking experience and may enhance it for mature partners who are understanding.

 

Unless this problem persists, forget about this one time. Expect that from time to time, for many reasons, it may happen and there's no need to worry.