moimeme Posted January 5, 2004 Share Posted January 5, 2004 I had the opportunity to ask several people who had been married for many years what it was that kept them together. The answers I got were very interesting. So here's a thought. Have any of you asked people you know the same question? If you know someone, friend or family, who has been married for years and years, ask them the secret of their happiness (if they have been happy). It would be great if people could do this and then post the answers they get here! Any takers? Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted January 5, 2004 Share Posted January 5, 2004 compromise Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted January 5, 2004 Share Posted January 5, 2004 I've had talks like that with several family members and friends. They all said basically the same thing; know when to shout, know what to shout about and for the most part just keep quiet! LOL! Be mindful of whats under your foot when you put it down. Don't run away - face your actions and your reactions with honesty. Patience. Patience. Patience. Expect nothing from your spouse but give 110% of yourself. Act as though each time you see each other will be the last time. She or He could walk out the door in the morning and never make it back. He or She could go to sleep in your arms and die in their sleep. Always kiss each other good-bye. Always use breathmints. Thump each other on the head every so often - for no reason at all. Learn to love your in-laws (or at least tolerate them while putting on an award-winning performance of honest caring for them) Love your pets like your kids and train your kids like your pets. Laugh at yourself when you cut wind in public and can't blame it on your spouse - but pass the gas blame if you can! Say I Love You once a month (too often and it doesn't mean so much) Goose your partner when you are walking in the mall. Hold hands when you go out. Don't bring up the past when having a fight. Know when to get outside help (if an argument or hurt feelings last longer than 48 hours its time for counseling.) If you feel bitter about something - or resent something talk to your spouse about it - don't let it fester. Play a few practical jokes on your partner every year. Get exercise together - bike riding, swimming, sitting on the floor facing each other and doing situps -- just get some exercise together. Play jokes on your kids sometimes - conspiracy makes good bedfellows! Do NOT clean out the garage together - let one go first for an hour and then let the other have a shot at it. Then let the kids finish. Leave each others "stuff" alone. Don't interuppt dad in the den or bathroom - the bear needs his cave. Don't interrupt mom when she's reading -- she's trying to escape so let her, she'll be happier when she returns. Avoid calling each other "mom" or "dad" unless you are addressing the children "what did your mom say?" Play with your food. These are some of the tidbits others have told me, and/or I have told others (I've been married a long time). Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 5, 2004 Share Posted January 5, 2004 My grandpa says "distribution of marital assets". He's cute like that. Link to post Share on other sites
CostumeSmile Posted January 5, 2004 Share Posted January 5, 2004 My parents have been together for 27 yrs they are both only 43 years old now. They got married at 16 after only knowing each other for 2 weeks, by 20 they had a family of 5 (them + 3kids). How they did it and continue to do so is a wonder to me. My mother is the "man" of the house, I wonder if that had anything to do with it. My father is the brain. They still get a long great, it's amazing. Not an answer but thought I'd share, I'm very proud. I think they'll be together for ever now, all of us are finally out the house and they are in heaven. They'd have to go through us (my bro's & I) if they wanted to break up, wouldn't be easy! Link to post Share on other sites
steveb Posted January 5, 2004 Share Posted January 5, 2004 I agree with everything wise Errol said. I would like to add that it is very important to make your spouse feel special. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 5, 2004 Share Posted January 5, 2004 Great list, Errol! Did you put that together all by yourself just for this thread? Outstanding job! Link to post Share on other sites
Author moimeme Posted January 5, 2004 Author Share Posted January 5, 2004 I'd like your list better, Errol, without the head-thump thing Maybe if you substituted 'kiss' for 'thump' in this one: Thump each other on the head every so often - for no reason at all. I'd be much more enthusiastic Link to post Share on other sites
steveb Posted January 5, 2004 Share Posted January 5, 2004 Today, I was walking with my wife in a restaurant for lunch and I knocked myself into her shoulder. (with a smile) It made her giggle. Maybe that's what he meant. Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted January 5, 2004 Share Posted January 5, 2004 Yes, I came up with this list on the spur of the moment for this topic - taken from my own experience mostly (except we wait longer than 48 hours before we go to counseling -- but that came from someone who had some serious problems in their marriage and that is the rule they use) Have you ever used your thumb and forefinger to thump a mellon? Or flick a fly? That's what I meant about thumping on the head. We do this sometimes as we pass the otherone sitting the sofa we'll reach out and "thump" them as we pass by. Or when we are out and not paying attention to the other one we'll reach over and gently thump the other on the head to get their attention. It doesn't hurt. Maybe I should have said "flick" instead of thump -- be we call it a thump. Sometimes we'll mutter "hmm.. hollow" or "listen to that echo!" or "not quite ripe" etc. when we do it. It makes the other smile. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moimeme Posted January 5, 2004 Author Share Posted January 5, 2004 OK, I'll trade your 'thumps' for 'establish little rituals that have meaning for you both' Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted January 5, 2004 Share Posted January 5, 2004 People I have spoken to , say communicate openly and honestly, be prepared to compromise, accept each others differences and respect them...allow space in your togetherness. My man and I are working on all these things and getting better as we travel along. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 5, 2004 Share Posted January 5, 2004 I like what Kahlil Gibran wrote about marriage in his book, "The Prophet." You can read that chapter by going here -----> http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibran3.html Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted January 6, 2004 Share Posted January 6, 2004 Some things are key to most relationships, others vary depending on the nature of the relationship. My husband and I are not solemates - we are very very different. We have been together for 17 years. Our happiness formula includes: love generosity of spirit wanting the other person to be happy, to succeed at whatever brings them happiness (and acting accordingly) compromise humour honesty respect attraction giving each other space to pursue differing interests/friendships. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted January 7, 2004 Moderators Share Posted January 7, 2004 Oh So True, Tony... Your words could not be truer...Kahlil had wisdom that transcends time and tide. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
AprilFool Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 My husband and I grabe each other by the hair, and shake the other's head. It is too funny. I will be looking at me, then he'll reach over, put his hand on top of my head, grab my hair, and shake my head back and forth. Then, I'll go, "AAAAAAAHHH!" I do it to him all the time too. When we do this to each other, we end up laughing histerically! It's extra funny, because the first time it happened, I did it to him, and he yelled, "AAAAAHH!" then when I let him go, he grabbed my hair, and I went, "AAAAAAAHH!" then, my dog jumped up on the couch....we both looked at him, then I grabbed the fur on his head, and shook his head back and forth, and he opened his little mouth, just like us! I went, "AAAAAAHH!"...it looked like the dog did it. IT MAKES ME LAUGH HISTERICALLY JUST THINKING ABOUT IT! Yeah, thumps and shakes will make a marriage last Link to post Share on other sites
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