Want to e-mail the ex, what to do?

[Kanuk]

We've been apart for 10 or 11 weeks, i can't rememebr exactly without checking a calender. So lets just call it 2 and a half months. I haven't contacted her since the 6th of december. And i so desperatly want to talk to her again.

 

I figured i'd give her her exam break (3 weeks of no schoool, no pressure, just work) to think about our problems or if she wanted to talk to me again. After all, she did say "i'm not ready to talk to you yet, but i'll let you know when i am".

 

So, i was hoping she would finally talk to me sometime... Well, she starts school again today, a new semester. New classes, new projects, new this and that.. busy busy busy. too busy to talk to me it would seem. OR at least i'm paranoid about that. I think she doesn't even think of me, which could be the truth for all I know.

 

I want to send her an e-mail, something short and sweet like "Hi, hope your new classes are all going well. I miss you and i hope to hear from you soon".

 

But then there's the no-contact thing. Sometimes i think, 'what harm could i possibly do by talking to her? How could this POSSIBLY get worse?". And then other times i think "she obviously doesn't want anything to do with me, and I love her, so why would i want to force her to do something she doesn't want?"

 

But she's probably blocked my e-mail and y icq etc. She probably wouldn't even receive anything i sent her. But i don't want to use that as justification. The last thing i want is her having to change her phone number/e-mail etc. just to avoid me.

 

I wish i could just let this go, but i can't seem to get over her, even after 2-1/2 months i still feel the same as i did the first day of the breakup. My love for her and desire to have her back/talk to her again hasn't faded even a tiny bit.

 

What to do.. what to do?

[GoldfingerCymru]

Kanuck,

 

I know how you feel. I am in the same boat (except that at the moment mine is closer to you than me, skiiing in Whistler).

 

I have had advice from friends :-

 

Some say just leave it and move on (which I should do, but I love and miss her so much).

 

Some say contact her as you have nothing to lose.

 

I wish I could give you advice, but I have a Christmas present for her here which I am too scared to drop at her Grandparents house in case it annoys her when she gets back.

 

I am feeling the same too - Feeling as bad now as I did the week she left.

 

I have asked for the same advice as you in my thread.

 

Best bet for us poor souls is to look at the responses in each others threads and hope for the best.

 

Hope it all works out for you.

 

Regards

GoldfingerCymru

[dyermaker]

Don't contact her.

[Kanuk]

I suppose you're right. I got this message from a friend, after i buggered some info out of her

 

"i think she broke up with you and she now sees you as the pathetic guy she used to date. the guy who won't accept the truth and needs to leave her alone

 

...

 

she sometimes asks if you still ask about her. when they say yes, she rolls her eyes. they went out to the bars a few weeks ago, and she told her friend that she was out to pick up and a guy and kiss him b/c "jason was the last guy i kissed"

 

that pissed me off b/c i think she's a little ****ing whore who messed around with your midn and made you think your relationship meant more to her than it did

 

i know that you and her hadn't been intimate for a last few months of your relationship

and that she wanted to end it a few months ago but coulnd't ...

"

 

Wow.. that's a lot to swallow. It's probably the truth too. Apparently i wasn't told because people were afraid i couldn't handle it. So, if it's all true, and likely is, how much of it is said in anger and will pass as regretted, and how much is honest truth. I'm guessing all.

 

If i wasn't heartbroken before, i surely am now. I just wish she would have told me. Damn for still loving her and caring about her, even now.

[Kanuk]

I wrote her a letter... and droped it off at her house...

 

i just found out that her best friend told my frineds when they were out the other night that she didn't even read it. That's she's moved on.

 

I guess i'm just **** that doesn't ****ing matter.

[InLoKo]

Well, if what your friend said is true, you're not in love with the girl you thought you were. So, come on, pick yourself up and start getting out to find someone far, far better. You've been told now. You've learnt something. You meed to move forward now, knowing you're a better person than she clearly was.

[Kanuk]

Apparently she's already interested in another guy.

 

Wow.. i feel like the end of the world is here. I don't even know if i felt this bad when the initial breakup happened. At least then i felt some sort of hope. Now I am hopeless.

[GoldfingerCymru]

Kanuck,

 

If I still have a little hope (0.00001%) so can you. I read in a post earlier about a shiny penny (not sure which one), it may be true. Maybe at the moment he is a shiny penny and your not. It sounds like you have done what I have and stated your true feelings for her, deep down that should be enough for her to see what you are really like. There is nothing wrong with that as too many people (especially blokes) just can't show feelings (or don't really care) - if this dude doesn't do this after the fun period - she may just realise what she is really missing. This is what I am telling myself anyway, it doesn't stop the hurt; but anything can happen in life.

 

You sound like a really nice, sincere person and I hope that you bare up well through all this. It does hurt, but I have found the advice in LS really helpful.

 

If it can give me a ray of hope, then it should for you.

 

Stay Gold, Dude.

[trulyme]

Sounds to me like this girl needs to get some of her own medicine.

 

I know it is hard as hell to get over these women, but really you found her and you will find another one. Show her how much you are thinking about her by getting another girlfriend!! LOL

Women love attention and when they lose it, they want it back. Do not contact her, get other women in your life and convience yourself that she is not the one, even if you think she is.

 

Honestly, looking at what you just wrote and what her friend said they think about you, why would you want this girl?? Its obvious her intrest level in you is at ZERO right now. Been there dude, I may be there right now. Yea I love and miss my ex, but she is not my life. I had life before her and I will after her.

 

Would I like her to be back in my life? Yes, becuase I was the one that pushed her away and was a commitment phobe. We are apart now and I am trying to get my life together to where I am ready to settle down with the one. I am BETTERING MYSELF. Women ultimately want what they can't have and at the sametime a guy that they feel is the best out there or the best for them. Try to make yourself be all 3.

 

What is attractive to a girl is a guy that has his life together. I KNOW its hard to concentrate just on yourself, but if you pick up new hobbies and start living your life without her things may fall into place. You may find a girl 10x better then her and be even happier. Or you may find yourself still thinking about her in 6 months from now. Whatever the case may be, you will be a better person! Why, because this time you have now you are going to spend getting stronger (mentally and physically) getting your life more in order (priorities) and setting new goals.

 

Dust your shoulders off man, become an alpha male that all the women want. The rest will fall into place. Take charge of your life and women will want to come along for the ride!!

 

Andrew

[InLoKo]

Originally posted by GoldfingerCymru

Kanuck,

 

If I still have a little hope (0.00001%) so can you.

 

I don't think false hope is the answer here.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by InLoKo

I don't think false hope is the answer here.

 

I would agree, as far as shiny pennies go, a penny isn't worth bending down to pick up if you already have one in your hand, no matter how shiny it is... It's just a cent.

[Kanuk]

Nah, the girl doesn't need a dose of her own medicine. I don't want that happening to her at least. I just want her to be happy

 

Obviously she wasn't happy with me, so what can I do?

 

I just don't like the fact that she never told me any of this. And the day she 'broke up' with me she still swore up and down that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me etc etc.

 

Hell, she never even told me it was over actually. I had to find out everything from friends. Somehow i come across as the pathetic guy for just wanting answers. What can you do? Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

 

At least she found someone else who, i'm sure, will be much better to her than I was. I pusehd her away, so now she can get someone who will treat her with the respect she deserves that I never gave her. Or maybe i did, i don't know anymore.

[NatoPMT]

you have the reason to move on now, befor eyou found out how she was feeling you could still hang onto the 0.00001% that everyone wants to hang onto. you have to just sit it out and get through this now, shes not going to come back to you sweetie, i am sorry & youll get through this.

 

the closure can hurt just as much as the initial break up - if not more. its there for a reason and it means you can start getting better. sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can start to make it back to the good place.

[maxmuscle]

Kanuk,

 

I agree with Bigbelm. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to realize its over. That 0.00001% is hourse manure. If you have to recite "its over" to yourself a million times before you go to bed then do it. I wouldn't want a second chance with her no matter if I fall into an emotional coma. Become an Alpha Male and when you meet another woman love her and don't push her away. I am starting to loose hope of my ex, but everytime I go into no contact mode she calls me and tells me she misses me and love me. I am so confused. But she rather have me as a freind because she is so distrated of how her life is going. She is not happy. Your ex is not meant to be. There is someone far better for you. I wish she can come into your life now so she can take your feelings and attention away from your ex. There is a 99.9% chance that i will join you in the category of hitting rock bottom before I realize that I need to move on. I am right behind you.

 

Everyone on this forum has a low probability (0.0001%) regarding reconciliation. Is it a fairy tale to live happily ever after with a love one? Is it just in the movies?

[maxmuscle]

As I finishes typing the above reply to Kanuk, I check my email and my ex emailed me to tell me she loves me. What the hell is going on............................

[Marty_McFly]

In response to maxmuscle's comment about everyone having a 0.00001% chance: I like to think that's not true. It seems that many who come to this forum to post are hurting and come here to feel better. My theory (maybe just my hope?) is that by the time many people here who are looking for second chances don't get them until they've gotten over the hurt and don't come here to post anymore. Maybe they eventually get that second chance or the contact they want from their ex, but by that time we haven't heard from them for a while. Let's face it, you're not nearly as likely to come post here when you're happy as you are when you're hurting.

 

Anyone think that's true or am I just full of it?

[InLoKo]

It may sound harsh, but I just think many people are selfish. I came here to post, but made the decision to give back a little to the forum as well as taking out of it. I don't believe you should just take. But how many people actually bother to hang around and share advice with others? I bet the per centages are small. Lots just post their own problem and that's it. Others just respond to any post that is similar to theirs and ignore everyone else's pain. But people are like that.

[NatoPMT]

i'm still here. i cant find my way out. im trapped, help me.

 

ha

 

i am over my ex, although he made me MAD last night, i have moved on but while its still fresh in me mind id hope i can offer support to others, plus i am interested in people, plus id like to be more prepared for next time it happens so i am never scared of it again. and i like to see how others that were going through the same thing at the same time are getting on.

 

and he did half try to come back. last night. VERY annoying. but i am sad for him hes not moved on now i am not mad at him. i did get over it before he came back, you are right on that score.

[trulyme]

When I say give her some of her own medicine I simply mean that you should ignore her as she is doing to you. She will never want you back if you never stop wanting her.

 

As fairy tale would have it, you chase her and chase her and she then falls in your lap and says," I love you to kanuck".

 

As reality has it, you leave her alone and live your life.......you both heal (wether that means seeing other people or what not) and the possibly talk later on when this break up is not fresh on the mind!!

 

Fact: what you are doing right now is not working.

 

What is the opposite of what you are doing right now??? Leaving her alone!!

 

Try that!

 

I not trying to sound like an a$$ but do the math here man. We all know that you love her, she knows that you love her. What else can you do??

 

Andrew

[Kanuk]

Oh, don't worry. I'm not chasing after her. I haven't contacted her since the 6th. I just posted here cause i WANTED to contact her.

 

Then i found out those little tidbits from my friends and i descided to throw them inthe same thread. I really wish they wouldn't tell her i still think about her. I mean, obviusly i can't stop it completly, but they shouldn't be telling her that.

[trulyme]

Well, you know that they are going to tell her s***. So if you don't want her to know, then you probably should not tell them.

 

But, when you start seeing another girl.........watch out for that ex man. She WILL know that you are seeing another girl. Have fun with that. Although it seems like you are a little hurt to be moving on right now. I hope you get out of that soon and meet another girl. You have it in you, I know it. Your a guy!!!

 

Im taking my own advice, although this is not my advice. Its advice from men and women on all of these boards all over the internet.

 

Just curiious, but you pushed her away right?? And if that is true can you tell me why please? I dont want to read old post, i would just like to know the answer to those questions.

 

Relax.....well try at least. YOU ARE #1 now, start acting like it. Concentrate on yourself!!

Andrew

[Kanuk]

I don't know that i pushed her away, i only assume that I did. I thought i treated her well, but i obviously didn't.

I'd do little things that would annoy her, and then she'd tell me to stop, and i would. But I'd do them again at a later date. Stuff like that, till the point where she got pissed at me this much i guess.

 

The weekend that she actually "broke' it off with me (in her own mind at least). I drove all night to go see her and make breakfast in bed for her, as i live in a different city now, and i went to her house. I had the spare key, so went to let myself in. There was a chain on the door... instead of doign th smart thing and not bothering her until she was awake, i was bound and deterined to make the plan work. So i undidn the chain and 'brkoe in'.

 

It was a horribly ****ty thing to do, but it didn't seem that way to me at the time. Now i see i for what it was.

 

That night, we went to a freidns party and i was a little ticked off that she was with ehr friends the whole time in a seperate room talkign abhotu whatever, what i did that mronign for all I know. I talked to ehr and told her it upset me that i came all that way to see her and she wasn't even talking to me at all. we got into a mild argument, that was when she told em she wasnted a break because hse'd "never been in a relationship like this and she didn't know how else to fix it". we stayed at the party that night adn went back to her palce the next day which is when she confirmed she wanted the break and sent me home. I confronted her and asked if she ws just trying to break up with me and she swore she wasn't, that she wanted to 'keep me forever' and loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me

 

That night igot drunka nd called about 10 times, then i called the next day abot 10 more times. She never picked up once. I left a message on her machine saying i was coming down to pcik up some of my stuff and drop off her spar key. When i showed up, she blew up at me and said "you need to go home, not cal and not come back"

 

So ui scared the **** out of her, got upset with her and then scared the shti out of her again by comeing to her hosue the next day. I call that pushing her away.

 

But if what my friends say is true, and apparently it came strait from her, she wanted out of the relationship a couple of months before this. I had no idea, i thought we just hit a rough spot. That's what i say i don't know what to think anymor

[trulyme]

Damn dude...........thats all I have to say Damn.

 

No comment.

 

With what you just said........man that is ummm bad!!!

[jgiovanna]

I am in the same position as the girl who left you. I do have some love for my ex after 6 years, but I haved moved on emotionally and will not go back this time. He tried too hard to get me back recently and I broke down and said yes. Not only that,I said I would marry him. We struggled to keep it together for one month. It just didn't work. I left him again. He is broken, AGAIN.

Do not set yourself up and you ex up for another failure. Don't push her into getting back. Work on yourself, see friends, casually date. If she wants you she will find you. A WHOLE PERSON. There is a 0%chance it will work the other way. TRUST ME.

[Kanuk]

Yeah, i know it was really bad. Now at least. At the time i did it all out of love.

 

I drove 800 km that weekend to patch things up ad try to work it out.

I drove all night to see her and make breakfast in bed because we hadn't seen each other in 2 weeks. I guess i'm just a retard for thinking it would be romantic.

 

A lesson has been learned in spades. She's out of my life, and it's all my fault as far as i see it. Then again, i posted some msn messages that a friend recently sent me. Apparently those words more or less came strait from her, or her best freind.

 

Looks like she wanted out and this was just the straw that broke the camels back. Then again, she could just be saying these evil things cause she's incredibly mad at me, and i couldn'tblame her one bit. I doubt it though. She's gone forever.

 

Time to find someone else. The problems is, i don't want anyone else. How do you move on and love (or at least try to) another when you still have so much love for someone else. If anyone has the answer to that, then i'd love to know the solution so i can get on with things.

 

And no, i'm not chasing after her, for the last time, i haven't said a word to her since December 6th and I don't plan to. I mailed her a letter as my last words to her to let her know everything i felt etc. And i was just told that she didn't even read it. I dunno if she threw it out as soon as her mother gave it to her or put it away, but she definatly didn't read it cause as her friend puts it "she's moved on and is already interested in another guy". She probably threw it out. You really got to hate somone to not even read what they have to say, in my own mind at least.

 

Why should i care about someone like that? Why should i still love someone like that? I don't know why, but i do. Damn me for it.