maxmuscle Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Kanuk, Love is love! Unfortunately its a one way street in your situation. I am sorry to hear that. I understand if you don't have it in you to go out and date casual. I haven't felt the desire to casual date since my ex left. I know for a fact that me and my ex probably will not end up together. The realization is there. I am not fooling or kidding myself. Kanuk, she is gone forever and she was not very sensitive or compassionate about the break-up. It happens! You learned something from all of this. Please apply it to you next girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldfingerCymru Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Kanuck, I know how you must be hurting - It is not so dissimilar from my own situation. My ex-gf actually told me on the phone she is CONSIDERING seeing somone after only a few weeks. I still try to have some form of hope as I am not sure why mine said this : a. To hurt me and stop trying or b. It's true and she did not love me and the proposed engagement was a farce. I am still so f****d up at the moment as I also still love her, and know that with all my problems, it was me who pushed her away and not my ex-wife. I also cannot just go out and meet someone yet as I do not just give out my love so easily (plus I do not and never will do casual sex, in my opinion that just demeans love). I have not mailed mine since 12th Dec - i am considering writing one last letter at the end of Jan, just to apologise and state how good she was and I was at fault for letting things get me down. I was looking to your situation for hope and now I feel a bit down again. My ex-gf was my soulmate and I know this now as I have been married and had other relationships, but have never felt like this about someone befoe. Keep in touch butty, as I know it hurts like hell to lose your soul mate. If we on LS can cheer you up - we will try. Regards Alan Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kanuk Posted January 7, 2004 Author Share Posted January 7, 2004 I was deleting her contacts out of my e-mail, msn and icq lists when i descided to see what this 'sms' thing was. I know she doesn't even have text-messaging on her phone, so i didn't think anything would ever get thru to her. SO i thought what the hell and wanted to see how it works. I punched in her phone number into the appropriate fields and i didn't even think i did it right. I wrote "hey, i miss you" And then sent it. No reply or confirmation or anything so i thought that was that. That was 3 hours ago or so. I logged on again about 5 minutes ago and low and behold i got an icq message that receipt of the sms was confirmed. What the heck!? She doesn't even have text messageing. Ah crud, and i was doing so good at not talking to her ever again. Looks like that all just got shot to hell. That'll elarn me to experiment with things i know nothing about. Anyone know more about this sms thing? If the person isn't subscribed to text messaging, can they still receive those things? Please say no. Oh well, she doesn't want me anyways, not like i could possibly do any further harm. And some of you may be proud of me, i have a date for tonight. I don't think it'll go well cause my mind isn't where it should be, but i thought, 'what the hell' my solemate is gone, might as well start trying to find miss second best' I hate to think that way, but it seems to be the way it is now. No one can replace her, yet at least.... So second best is what i'll have to settle for (for now at least). Link to post Share on other sites
GoldfingerCymru Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Did you send the sms to her mobile ??? In the UK all mobiles have SMS as standard. As for the delivery confirmation, you will get the delivery confirmation when it is delivered to her network supplier and not her actual phone. It is freaky how alike some people can be across the globe, I also feel that anybody other than my ex-gf will be second best. If I were you I would stay single for a while. If my last attempt fails, that is what I plan on doing as second best will hurt me more and the unfortunate person who is second best. I would rather be alone than hurt myself more and also another innocent person looking for love. Alan Link to post Share on other sites
InLoKo Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 You know what we need on here? A No Contact thread. Then everyone who is on the "no contact rule" can add the message they would have sent to their ex to that thread instead of breaking the rule. Good idea or not? Link to post Share on other sites
GoldfingerCymru Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Bloody good idea. But it is so hard - no contact could lead to forever How do you express your apologies and love with no contact ???? Why is love so bloody hard ??? Love is like looking for the meaning of life. AAAhhhhrrrgggg Bollocks. Mine is due back from Canada tomorrow - I am having a down day ( I mean right at the bottom ). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kanuk Posted January 7, 2004 Author Share Posted January 7, 2004 Great idea. But i wasn't trying to contact her, i was playing with a new toy. Stupid as it was. I should have picked another person on my list to send a messsage to. But i sent it to her cause i was deleting her anyways. Oh well, it's not like her opinion of me can get any lower. The damage was done long ago and is irreperable as far as I can tell. She's already moved on and wants nothing to do with me. SO i'm not really that concerned. I know it was stupid as hell, but i learned quite a bit/. Link to post Share on other sites
InLoKo Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Originally posted by GoldfingerCymru How do you express your apologies and love with no contact ???? It's usually assumed you have already expressed your apologies/regret/undying love on breaking up. No contact rule is usually imposed because the Dumpee has expressed it too much and has suffocated the Dumper. Originally posted by GoldfingerCymru Why is love so bloody hard ??? Love is like looking for the meaning of life. If it was that easy, we would neither want nor appreciate it. Love is very closely tied into the meaning of life. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 hello i am along with you all Time to find someone else. The problems is, i don't want anyone else. How do you move on and love (or at least try to) another when you still have so much love for someone else. If anyone has the answer to that, then i'd love to know the solution so i can get on with things. this is natural to not want someone else right away, it will take a long time ( especially me, i am terrible at moving on! ) there is no solution, all i suggest is you make yourself go out with friends and drink if you like, as for girls we are not ready for a relationship with anyone right now... all i suggest is you just talk and be friendly with girls, kiss them if that happens or more if you like too, i have sort of done this since my breakup and despite having not enjoyed it one bit maybe it isn't as bad as standing in the corner by yourself at least it is a bit of human interaction and NO you won't enjoy it as much as being with your true love but its the best of two s****y situations Link to post Share on other sites
monkey Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 It's quite true that no 1 situation is alike & wether the no- contact thing works is a debate in itself. My gf wants space from me, but how i de-cipher space & how someone else might de-cipher space mabe totally different! Although i am in England & my gf is in Texas, that is 6000miles of space but i don't call her, i just email her whenever i need to say something & try not to be pushy, which is kind of hard when your a jealous guy like me! My situation is that my gf is Hungarian & before she came to UK & we met, her friends said to her,"why you go to UK , they are all cold unemotional people there", & then she met me!, she eventually fell in love with me because she loved my heart & emotion. Now 15 months down the line, we've spent too much time together & we've had our problems & she says she may never want to be with me & only be my friend. But i never say never & will persevere because i love her so much! I am following my heart & have just sent a letter to her that i wrote on paper, along with a scroll stating the 100 reasons i love her along with nice personal touches from my heart. I may watch too many movies, but it is me & i hope she sees this. I am a romantic & i tried my best, this is all you can do!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 monkey, you have did all you can now so if i were you i'd leave her alone, if she wants you she will come back and if not you give it all you could and theres nothing else you can do i used to go out with a girl from Wigan so i know too her hungarian friends are wrong! good luck Link to post Share on other sites
InLoKo Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Originally posted by monkey along with a scroll stating the 100 reasons i love her Have you been watching Emerdale?? Link to post Share on other sites
GoldfingerCymru Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Brainrightheartwrong, Where are you from ??? Only asking, because I don't get the Wigan comment. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 OK OK OK, Brainrightheartwrong, thats it, done all now. Inloko, Ok Ok , i did happen to accidentally switch on t.v. as this happened on Emmerdale.. BUT, BUT,, this is me, i would, eventually have done this (yeh, yeh) & it did bring an idea to my head & she might, just might,look at it & say, with a smile " You big Monkey, you" in her sexy Hungarian accent.. aaahh. Sust out! Goldfinger, I didn't get the Wigan bit either! Link to post Share on other sites
InLoKo Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Originally posted by monkey whether the no- contact thing works is a debate in itself. The no-contact rule can give you the best chance you may have of getting back with someone. Sometimes, you may have no chance whatever you do as the Dumper has made up their mind. What can also give you no chance whatsoever is when the Dumper has requested "space" (in a variety of formats) and the Dumpee, desperate to ensure the Dumper knows the hurt caused and the depth of love, disrespects that request and bombards the Dumper with messages. It is the equivalent of suffocation of the remaining flame left and is extremely unattractive. It makes the Dumper want to get as far away as possible from the Dumpee, makes them feel stalked, suffocated, smothered, pestered, imprisoned. If you want to be missed, be missing. Remember this just before you send JUST ONE MORE message to your loved one. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldfingerCymru Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 InLoKo, Link to post Share on other sites
GoldfingerCymru Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 OOPS, Pressed too soon (also common amongst me What I was about to say was :- How long do you not bother to contact for (rough guess) or do you never contact ever and wait for them ??? I am asking as my future fiancee finished with me over the phone. I never got to say all the things I wanted too and the mails I sent initially probably won't show the sincerity of my apologies and the depth of my love. Alan Link to post Share on other sites
InLoKo Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 My opinion only: This is difficult. I don't think you should really contact them again. What would be the point? If you leave it 3 months, that may not be long enough. Leave it 6 months and you may seem very sad to the Dumper that you haven't moved on. The Dumper has your number, knows where you live, etc. And if you do contact them and they agree to get back with you (but wouldn't have contacted you by themselves) how long will it last? If you are over them, why would you want to contact them again? And just for the record, I have experienced both: I have been pestered (still am being to a lesser extent by ex ex) and I have bombarded my current (ex) b/f to the point that he threw is phone and broke it. Twice. And he doesn't have a temper. Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 inappropriate as it is, this thread has amused me in parts. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldfingerCymru Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Depressed as I am about my loss - we still need to smile. If you've ever been to Wigan, you'd laugh your socks off. Alan PS - you ain't seen my socks have you? Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 i've never been to Wigan but i heard many many stories from my ex about it heard a good story about Richard Ashcroft anyhows: If you are over them, why would you want to contact them again? true, what do you do if you want to try friendship and that both of you want to try friendship but you had to wait x amount of time to be completely over each other ( if this ever happens! ) or is it just impossible? has anyone ever heard of a dumper wanting to be friends with a dumpee and then the dumper wants them romantically again? i would say this is rare actually at the minute i'd like to get in contact someday with my ex from 4 years ago, i have definately got over her now as i was recently in love again, i'd just like to know how she is and what she has done with her life , marriage or whatever, would this be a good idea? we had an amicable breakup Link to post Share on other sites
mr_roggger Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 "what do you do if you want to try friendship and that both of you want to try friendship but you had to wait x amount of time to be completely over each other ( if this ever happens! )" I gave it a month of no contact. We are back on very good terms as friends now, almost as good friends as we were during the relationship. We have met up for dinner, gone out drinking and hung-out a few times too, but that's as far as it goes right now. I wish that I could get it that little bit further so that we could re-kindle the relationship romance etc. Link to post Share on other sites
mr_roggger Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by BrainRightHeartWrong what do you do if you want to try friendship and that both of you want to try friendship but you had to wait x amount of time to be completely over each other ( if this ever happens! ) I gave it a month of no contact. We are back on very good terms as friends now, almost as good friends as we were during the relationship. We have met up for dinner, gone out drinking and hung-out a few times too, but that's as far as it goes right now. I wish that I could get it that little bit further so that we could re-kindle the relationship romance etc. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 a month isn't long enough mr_roggger and you are not over her as you are still hoping to get together again you are going to put yourself through more hell, i know as i did it recently, being friends was just too much for me Link to post Share on other sites
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