moodoo Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 (edited) So Ive been on 2 dates, no making out yet, just a small kiss on the cheek after the first date. Yesterday at happy hour she casually says," my friends are getting together tomorrow you wanna go?" Of course I said yes, is this a reallllly good thing or is it just not a big deal at all. Basically, are we even talking, I mean we've know each other 6 months and been talking/texting for like 3 weeks now, small dinner before valentines day, great night out with my friends lots of laughing little kiss on the cheek goodnight, then a great happy hour yesterday, but we've never talked about being together or anything, is it just assumed that we're talking and moving towards something bigger??? Is tonight the night I go for the first kiss?? Edited February 16, 2010 by moodoo Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 So Ive been on 2 dates, no making out yet, just a small kiss on the cheek after the first date. Yesterday at happy hour she casually says," my friends are getting together tomorrow you wanna go?" Of course I said yes, is this a reallllly good thing or is it just not a big deal at all. No, this is not a really good thing. In fact, this is potentially a very bad thing. What it means is that she needs her friends' approval before she is willing to take things further with you. This is bad for two reasons. One, it shows that she places great value in what her friends think of you. And two, if it's a large group, there's a good chance that one of them would try to 'cock block' you (or even try to hit on you right in front of your date - happened to me before). If I was you, I would make some kind of an excuse and avoid meeting her friends until you actually become a couple. Once you are actually a couple, the dynamic will be very different and it would be much more difficult for her friends to ruin things for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Itzonator Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 So Ive been on 2 dates, no making out yet, just a small kiss on the cheek after the first date. Yesterday at happy hour she casually says," my friends are getting together tomorrow you wanna go?" Of course I said yes, is this a reallllly good thing or is it just not a big deal at all. Basically, are we even talking, I mean we've know each other 6 months and been talking/texting for like 3 weeks now, small dinner before valentines day, great night out with my friends lots of laughing little kiss on the cheek goodnight, then a great happy hour yesterday, but we've never talked about being together or anything, is it just assumed that we're talking and moving towards something bigger??? Is tonight the night I go for the first kiss?? No, it is a GOOD thing. If you can get along with her friends ... she'll LIKE YOU more. Do not kiss, before you make sure she knows that you have intentions for being MORE than just friends. Do not assume, make sure! Link to post Share on other sites
Malenfant Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 in response to Johnny's post, on the other hand, it can be seen like she is interested in being a proper couple. If she didnt really like you then she wouldnt be so keen for you to meet her friends. Also, it is a sign that she feels her friends would like you, that she thinks you would all fit in well together. Lots of people have friends, and its natural to want your friends and partner to get along. Whether people say it or not, it is usually important to a person that their partner likes their friends. it doesnt have to be a dealbreaker, but it is an ideal situation, that way you can socialise together and not have to choose between friends and your partner all the time. If you go, you'll also have an opportunity to see what kind of people she is friends with. friends do indicate alot about what a person is really like. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 in response to Johnny's post, on the other hand, it can be seen like she is interested in being a proper couple. If she didnt really like you then she wouldnt be so keen for you to meet her friends. If she was sure that she liked him, she wouldn't need to put on him display for her social circle. And what does 'proper couple' mean anyway? Are you saying that it's up to her friends to decide whether they are, in fact, a 'proper couple'? Link to post Share on other sites
Itzonator Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 in response to Johnny's post, on the other hand, it can be seen like she is interested in being a proper couple. If she didnt really like you then she wouldnt be so keen for you to meet her friends. Also, it is a sign that she feels her friends would like you, that she thinks you would all fit in well together. Lots of people have friends, and its natural to want your friends and partner to get along. Whether people say it or not, it is usually important to a person that their partner likes their friends. it doesnt have to be a dealbreaker, but it is an ideal situation, that way you can socialise together and not have to choose between friends and your partner all the time. If you go, you'll also have an opportunity to see what kind of people she is friends with. friends do indicate alot about what a person is really like. I support Malenfant's point! Even if you do not feel secure about yourself ... every person has approaching anxiety to see other strangers ... just Go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moodoo Posted February 16, 2010 Author Share Posted February 16, 2010 so basically you all are thinking she hasn't made out with me because she is waiting for her friends to approve of me? Link to post Share on other sites
Itzonator Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 so basically you all are thinking she hasn't made out with me because she is waiting for her friends to approve of me? No ... I am saying you GO, without thinking about any approval. She invited you, because she wants you to meet her friends. About the making out part ... be sure she knows you like her more than just friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 so basically you all are thinking she hasn't made out with me because she is waiting for her friends to approve of me? Correct. Don't listen to the female posters above. They are just trying to justify the common practice of "trial by friends' approval". I find that women are far more likely to do that than men. Guys usually couldn't give a rat's ass what their buddies think of their girl. But for women, approval by their social circle is extremely important. Link to post Share on other sites
Itzonator Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 Correct. Don't listen to the female posters above. They are just trying to justify the common practice of "trial by friends' approval". I find that women are far more likely to do that than men. Guys usually couldn't give a rat's ass what their buddies think of their girl. But for women, approval by their social circle is extremely important. I do not mean to disagree with you. Do you think you put too much MEANING to her request for him to see her friends? Why not seeing her friends? What harm this may cause? It may only benefit both of them. It is always good to MEET more/new people, even though for approval or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome Username Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 Correct. Don't listen to the female posters above. They are just trying to justify the common practice of "trial by friends' approval". I find that women are far more likely to do that than men. Guys usually couldn't give a rat's ass what their buddies think of their girl. But for women, approval by their social circle is extremely important. And if you're not a total jerk and know how to handle yourself in a social situation, I'm sure you'll do just fine. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to see if your potential partner gets along with your friends! Sometimes people are infatuated in the first stages, and blind to obvious flaws in a partner that normally would be a dealbreaker. There is a good reason for people to introduce their more serious dating partners to their friends. Go and have a good time. If you're decent and polite, I'm sure you'll do great. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 Do you think you put too much MEANING to her request for him to see her friends? I don't think I am. I've been in such situations before, so I'm speaking from personal experience. Why not seeing her friends? What harm this may cause? Read my first post in this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to see if your potential partner gets along with your friends! That's one way of putting it. Here's another: There's nothing wrong with letting your friends determine whether your potential partner is good enough for you! Doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it? On a related note, would you be comfortable with a guy who wanted you to meet his parents after two dates? Link to post Share on other sites
Itzonator Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 I don't think I am. I've been in such situations before, so I'm speaking from personal experience. Read my first post in this thread. Ok, cool ... I understand. You had experienced something unpleasant in this regard. And that's fine, you've learned something and you want to express it now. Let me ask you this ... Is it your life experience the same as Moodoo? Do think the people you had experience this are the same people Moodoo is going to meet? So many different factors can play a role here. I am not saying you are wrong, your scenario may happen ... but it is really about how you interpret things. If I was moodoo, I would go, because this is actually an advantage to see her friends. If I can get along with them ... this could be only PLUS. Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome Username Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 That's one way of putting it. Here's another: There's nothing wrong with letting your friends determine whether your potential partner is good enough for you! Doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it? On a related note, would you be comfortable with a guy who wanted you to meet his parents after two dates? Friends and parents are two different groups of people though. Parents for the most part are droning in on their kids' dates to see if they are husband/wife material, and what kind of grandkids they might have. Friends are more casual, but still concerned. They want to have fun with you and make sure that you're happy and making smart decisions. A friend's input matters, but it isn't everything. Sometimes when you like someone but don't click with their friends (In some ways, birds of a feather flock together and people who are REALLY good friends often share the same core morals and culture) it means that you might just be attracted on a purely physical level, and nothing else is actually compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 Is it your life experience the same as Moodoo? Do think the people you had experience this are the same people Moodoo is going to meet? Yes. The social dynamic is always the same. To be clear, by personal experience I do not mean only things that have happened to me. I am also talking observing the way people behave in these situations on a great multitude of occasions. So I'm not talking about some isolated incident here. The bottom line is that nothing good can come out of it. There are no real advantages to meeting her friends, and there are plenty of potential pitfalls. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 Friends and parents are two different groups of people though. Parents for the most part are droning in on their kids' dates to see if they are husband/wife material, and what kind of grandkids they might have. Friends are more casual, but still concerned. They want to have fun with you and make sure that you're happy and making smart decisions. A friend's input matters, but it isn't everything. Sometimes when you like someone but don't click with their friends (In some ways, birds of a feather flock together and people who are REALLY good friends often share the same core morals and culture) it means that you might just be attracted on a purely physical level, and nothing else is actually compatible. In other words, parents look at your date's actual good qualities, while friends look at whether he or she is a 'fun person'. Based on your own analysis, it makes more sense to get input from parents... Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome Username Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 In other words, parents look at your date's actual good qualities, while friends look at whether he or she is a 'fun person'. Based on your own analysis, it makes more sense to get input from parents... I think that your ability to be casual and have fun (aka personalities are well-matched) with someone should come way before thinking about whether or not they're super long-term relationship material. First friends, then parents is usually how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Itzonator Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 The bottom line is that nothing good can come out of it. There are no real advantages to meeting her friends, and there are plenty of potential pitfalls. I will give you some advantages: 1. If you get along with her friends, you are more LIKEABLE to her! 2. If you get to see her friends, you get MORE connections, and eventually you may GET MORE FRIENDS. 3. You are going to have FUN around people that make HER feel comfortable, that means you are GOING to see the other MORE OPEN side of her. 4. She WILL adore the FACT that you CAN GET along with others 5. You get to see HER friends, and see with what kind of people she hangs out with, which will say something about HER personality. People are influenced by others in their social group, so if you get to hang out with her friends, you will get to know her better. Nobody knows YOU better than YOUR friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 I think that your ability to be casual and have fun (aka personalities are well-matched) with someone should come way before thinking about whether or not they're super long-term relationship material. First friends, then parents is usually how it goes. So you are incapable of deciding whether you are having fun and enjoying someone's company without getting your friend's input first? And why is there such a gender divide when it comes to this matter? Link to post Share on other sites
Author moodoo Posted February 16, 2010 Author Share Posted February 16, 2010 You guys should be put in a boxing ring and just duke it out with jonny haha. Thanks for your input, but I guess the big question still is..... Ok we'll have done 3 dates after tonight, lots of texting, lots of laughing on our dates, no signs she doesnt like me considering she invited me out to meet her friends, but no signs she's romantically considering me.....do I go for the kiss tonight, or is she not into me? Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 .....do I go for the kiss tonight, or is she not into me? Depends on her friends' evaluation of you Link to post Share on other sites
Author moodoo Posted February 16, 2010 Author Share Posted February 16, 2010 so you're saying yes she likes me romantically and im not in the friend zone or anything like that where I could embarrass myself potentially Link to post Share on other sites
Itzonator Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 You guys should be put in a boxing ring and just duke it out with jonny haha. Thanks for your input, but I guess the big question still is..... Ok we'll have done 3 dates after tonight, lots of texting, lots of laughing on our dates, no signs she doesnt like me considering she invited me out to meet her friends, but no signs she's romantically considering me.....do I go for the kiss tonight, or is she not into me? Right, I HATE arguing with people, but sometimes it gets VERY ADDICTIVE ... just can't stop yourself I am a win-win situation person, if I argue with someone ... he/she or I is eventually going to step back ... what is win or lost? Nothing ... so it is pointless. The answer to your question is NOT to wait too much for the kissing part. When you create "sexual tension" is the best time for kissing. When you laugh RELEASES this sexual tension ... so keep this in mind, before you bust the move Link to post Share on other sites
Itzonator Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 so you're saying yes she likes me romantically and im not in the friend zone or anything like that where I could embarrass myself potentially When you go to hang out with her friends, you are not going to kiss her there for sure. It is an intimate process of relating to the other person. Some people like to do it in public, well it is a personal preference. When you laugh together and have fun, this usually gets to the friends zone. If she wants you to go to see her friends, it is more likely that she thinks of you as a friend. To be honest, I do not know what she thinks of you, nobody in this forum is qualified to answer to this question. It is HER ... behavior, attitude, actions that can show you where this is really going. Link to post Share on other sites
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