Emotional Hell

[TRaczaj]

First thing's first. I'm in love with my best friends girl.

 

I never planned any of this. I'm not the type of person who would ever hurt my friend on purpose.

 

I've known her longer then I've known him. Her and I used to work at the same place a long time ago. This was over a decade ago. I found her attractive then, but didn't really have the courage to ask her out. And she had a friend with benefits back then. I wanted to wait until things were less complicated for her. Then she didn't work there anymore and I figured she was lost forever.

 

in the meantime I became friends with this new guy who started there. I kinda took him under my wing because he just moved here from really far away for college. So we became friends and got an apartment together down the line.

 

Quite a few years passed. We went to meet some friends of ours for a drink, and there at the bar with them was that girl. The one I worked with and had a crush on. I was sorta newly single at the time and so glad to see her. But, that night she hooked up with my friend and they started a relationship not too long after.

 

Now it's been four years. They're still together and all three of us live in the same house.

 

For a while I thought of her as a goof friend, who's dating my other good friend. Even if I thought she was attractive. I knew she was off limits.

 

This is where things get kinda weird. About a year ago we all three got drunk and one thing lead to another and we had a threesome. Since then its hard not to feel something for her.

 

I'm here alone with her a lot too, and it's hard. I've drunkenly blurted out the way I feel about her while her and my friend weren't around.

 

I'm crazy about her. I won't lie. And I feel trapped in this situation. I can't move out for financial reasons. And a part of me doesn't want to move out because I just want to know she's sleeping in the next room safe. As cheesy as that sounds it brings me some comfort.

 

And my friend and I are like brothers. I know for a guy to say this about another guy is weird, but I can't imagine myself not being friends with him.

 

This really is hell. I'm starting to get depressed and stressed out over this whole thing. A part of me wished I'd never met either of these people. But at the same time I don't want either of them out of my life.

 

What do I do?

Edited February 16, 2010 by TRaczaj

[Meaplus3]

Well it sounds like this is a tough situation. This is a good friend of yours and I am very certain your friendship with him will be on the line big time if you start messing with his GF. You need to try and get your mind off her.. and realize that she is taken. I think that moving out would be a big benefit to you. Are you willing to find a new place to live?

 

Mea:)

[TRaczaj]

Well it sounds like this is a tough situation. This is a good friend of yours and I am very certain your friendship with him will be on the line big time if you start messing with his GF. You need to try and get your mind off her.. and realize that she is taken. I think that moving out would be a big benefit to you. Are you willing to find a new place to live?

 

Mea:)

 

That's a hard one. I don't want to be one of those people who brushes off every solution.

 

My friend lost his job in November and was denied unemployment. He's currently fighting the denial and also looking really hard for a job. He's had a few very short term temp jobs, but nothing bringing in a steady paycheck.

 

She works two part time jobs. It takes two incomes to support a household, and if I moved out they wouldn't be able to make ends meet.

 

He is from another country and since he lost his job he started talking about moving back there. She's willing to go with him. Right now there are no immediate plans to move. But to tell the truth I'm scared of them moving away. These are two people I really care about and being without them is daunting.

 

Her and I aren't here alone together as much as we were when he was still working. When he was working still we spent a lot of time together here without him. When he was working nights her and I would cook dinner together because we both like to cook and then we would eat together and watch TV and bs about how our days went, etc.

 

So it's a good thing that he's home more because it's harder to strengthen that bond with her.

 

Nothing physical has ever happened between her and I that he wasn't right there to witness. Other then that one drunk night a year ago I've never done anything with her. But God do I want to.

[Meaplus3]

You sound like a man who is very sincere and full of compassion for those he cares for.. that's an awesome way to be. But, in this situation it's your feelings that are going to get hurt here, if you have it good for her and she is with him. Do you see what I'm saying? Now, is there anyway another friend or family member can help them to make ends meet? Really, if your still living in the same house with them.. I don't see how your going to get past your feelings for her? Do you?

 

Mea:)

Edited February 17, 2010 by Meaplus3

[TRaczaj]

You sound like a man who is very sincere and full of compassion for those he cares for.. that's an awesome way to be. But, in this situation it's your feelings that are going to get hurt here, if you have it good for her and she is with him. Do you see what I'm saying? Now, is there anyway another friend or family member can help them to make ends meet? Really, if your still living in the same house with them.. I don't see how your going to get past your feelings for her? Do you?

 

Mea:)

 

Most people don't see that side of me. I'm usually just a wisecracker who's known for having a sense of humor and nothing else.

 

What your saying makes so much sense. It's killing me that I can't see it like everyone else. I know the best thing to do for my sanity and for their relationship and for all three of our relationship is get the hell out of this house. But I wonder if it's better to live in the same house with her and see her every day knowing that I can never have her, or live somewhere else and not see her and still know I can never have her.

 

His family wants nothing to do with him. That's the biggest reason he hasn't moved back to his home country. Her family is a blue collar family without a lot of money to throw around.

 

The fact that we've all three gotten financially comfortable in this arrangement is certainly not making this any easier. I make good money. She makes good money, and when he was working he made better money then both of us. I feel like I have to at least stick around until he finds another job or at least gets unemployment. I can't just leave them high and dry like this.

 

If anyone is wondering, they don't really know how I feel. They know I am attracted to her. But they don't know how deep these feelings run.

[Meaplus3]

Most people don't see that side of me. I'm usually just a wisecracker who's known for having a sense of humor and nothing else.

 

 

Your only human! Each and every one of us has a few sides that the whole world does not always see.

 

What your saying makes so much sense. It's killing me that I can't see it like everyone else. I know the best thing to do for my sanity and for their relationship and for all three of our relationship is get the hell out of this house. But I wonder if it's better to live in the same house with her and see her every day knowing that I can never have her, or live somewhere else and not see her and still know I can never have her.

 

 

Seeing her every day is only going to make this ten times worse.. please trust me on this. But, even if you do move out your going to have to come to terms with the fact that she is off limits to you at this point as she is with your good friend.

 

His family wants nothing to do with him. That's the biggest reason he hasn't moved back to his home country. Her family is a blue collar family without a lot of money to throw around.

 

 

What about another friend? Or perhaps they could put an ad in the paper and look for another person to rent a room in the house. Just a thought.

 

The fact that we've all three gotten financially comfortable in this arrangement is certainly not making this any easier. I make good money. She makes good money, and when he was working he made better money then both of us. I feel like I have to at least stick around until he finds another job or at least gets unemployment. I can't just leave them high and dry like this.

 

I see what your saying, but gosh the longer you stick around the harder this will become for you. I can tell that you know that.. and you know what? Your worth more than going through the agony of all of this.

 

If anyone is wondering, they don't really know how I feel. They know I am attracted to her. But they don't know how deep these feelings run.

 

Your good friend knows your attracted to her? And he is not worried? You know I'm thinking here.. this is your out. You can tell him very honestly that the attraction is to much for you to deal with and you think it's best if you move out. Again just a thought. Look, what ever ya do, try and hang in there. I can see how tough this must be.

 

Mea:)

[TRaczaj]

 

Your good friend knows your attracted to her? And he is not worried? You know I'm thinking here.. this is your out. You can tell him very honestly that the attraction is to much for you to deal with and you think it's best if you move out. Again just a thought. Look, what ever ya do, try and hang in there. I can see how tough this must be.

 

Mea:)

 

Yea he knows. He doesn't know it to be anything other then a physical attraction though. The only reason he knows is because I was drunk at a party a while back and I told some people and those people all told him.

 

He confronted me about it. I used the word confronted loosely. He didn't act confrontational, but he told me he heard about it and asked me what was up with this. I told him I was just drunk and being stupid. But the deeper he probed the more came out. I told that yes I'm attracted to her. But it's hard to not be attracted to. She's beautiful, her and I have a lot in common, we have the same sense of humor and we make each other laugh all the time. Add all that up with the fact that we live in the same house and I've had sex with her and it makes sense that I'm attracted to her. I told him that he's my best friend and I would never make any moves on her behind his back and he could take that to the bank.

 

He seemed Ok after our talk. He's a pretty liberal thinker about stuff like this. I don't know if it's because he's European and has a more relaxed attitude about sex or what. He told her and she also seemed fine with it.

 

So they know I have a physical/sexual attraction t her. They don't know I really love her. You guys here on this forum are the only people who do. It feels good to confess it.

 

She'll be home from work soon and even now I can't wait to see her.

Edited February 17, 2010 by TRaczaj

[Meaplus3]

So they know I have a physical/sexual attraction t her. They don't know I really love her. You guys here on this forum are the only people who do. It feels good to confess it.

 

She'll be home from work soon and even now I can't wait to see her.

 

If you love her.. you are going to get hurt here. Why put yourself through this. Just think about it ok?

 

Mea:)

[TRaczaj]

If you love her.. you are going to get hurt here. Why put yourself through this. Just think about it ok?

 

Mea:)

 

I know... I didn't plan any of this.

 

I liked her back when we worked together all those years ago. Every day I kick myself for not asking her out then. And then I get wrapped up in the what if game. I think about how if I would have started a relationship with her back then we might be married and raising a family now. But in reality I have no way of knowing how things would have turned out out if her and I would have git together then.

 

And then I had another chance with her the night we met our friends at the bar and she was there with them. I am so pissed at myself. Why didn't I take the opportunity that was put in front of me for the second time?

 

But I also think things happen for a reason. And I know she is in a happy, loving relationship with my friend. He treats her like a princess. At least I'm thankful for that. He treats her the way she deserves to be treated. If she was with some complete douchebag then I would have to step in.

[Meaplus3]

I know... I didn't plan any of this.

 

I liked her back when we worked together all those years ago. Every day I kick myself for not asking her out then. And then I get wrapped up in the what if game. I think about how if I would have started a relationship with her back then we might be married and raising a family now. But in reality I have no way of knowing how things would have turned out out if her and I would have git together then.

 

 

But that was then and this is now! She is in a relationship with someone else. Focusing on the "What if's" will keep you stuck. I happen to suffer from health anxeity.. and each and every "What if"that comes to my mind takes me a step backwards.. when I need to move forward. See what I'm getting at?

 

 

 

 

But I also think things happen for a reason. And I know she is in a happy, loving relationship with my friend. He treats her like a princess. At least I'm thankful for that. He treats her the way she deserves to be treated. If she was with some complete douchebag then I would have to step in.

 

And this is where the beatles song comes in. "Let it be". You really need to. Just no point in having feelings for someone who is in love with another. I think you should get out there and date. Play the field a bit.. and shift your focus to a wonderful single girl, who is just waiting for a great guy like you to come along. You can do this. I have faith in you. Keep posting and venting.

 

Mea:)

[TRaczaj]

I was going to mention this in an earlier post but forgot... On Valentine's Day I was out with some friends and pretty buzzed. I sent her a sappy text. I didn't get a reply from her but early the next morning my friend sent me the same text and wrote below it "Aw, WE love you too."

[Meaplus3]

I was going to mention this in an earlier post but forgot... On Valentine's Day I was out with some friends and pretty buzzed. I sent her a sappy text. I didn't get a reply from her but early the next morning my friend sent me the same text and wrote below it "Aw, WE love you too."[/QUOTE]

 

And I'm sure the WE implies both her and your friend. You probably mean a ton to them from a friend standpoint. But I think your fooling yourself, if you hold onto the idea.. that you love someone elses girl. Just don't want to see you get hurt. You need a plan to move on.

 

Mea:)

[freestyle]

I was going to mention this in an earlier post but forgot... On Valentine's Day I was out with some friends and pretty buzzed. I sent her a sappy text. I didn't get a reply from her but early the next morning my friend sent me the same text and wrote below it "Aw, WE love you too."

 

 

I think that was her gentle way of putting you in your place........letting you know where she stands, and where her first loyalty is.

 

Mea's right, you need to extract yourself from this situation.I look back and wish I could reclaim all the time I wasted pining over someone who was unavailable.I could just kick myself..............

[TRaczaj]

I was going to mention this in an earlier post but forgot... On Valentine's Day I was out with some friends and pretty buzzed. I sent her a sappy text. I didn't get a reply from her but early the next morning my friend sent me the same text and wrote below it "Aw, WE love you too."[/QUOTE]

 

And I'm sure the WE implies both her and your friend. You probably mean a ton to them from a friend standpoint. But I think your fooling yourself, if you hold onto the idea.. that you love someone elses girl. Just don't want to see you get hurt. You need a plan to move on.

 

Mea:)

 

I know I'm fooling myself. I know this is all a fantasy at this point. I can;t just turn it off though. It's so hard.

 

I was thinking today at work about how my life would be if I moved out.

 

The three of us together can afford t rent this nice house thats a decent size. I by myself could probably afford a one or two bedroom apartment. I could try to find a room mate, but usually guys my age are passed the stage of life where they living with room mates. If I put and ad in the paper I'll just get a bunch of younger people who think I'm creepy.

 

So I would be living in a small apartment. I'm a social person and our house has always been the hangout house. If I move out, that house will probably still be the hangout house, assuming my friend and his girl can still afford to live there. So, if by some miracle they do stay there, then I'll always be the guest and not the host. In all these years I've gotten used to being the host.

 

But realistically they would have to move out. So they would be living in some small apartment also. I am so used to being around them that I probably would always be at their place or the other way around. I would always wonder what she's doing. I almost wonder if I would think about her more out of missing her. It's that whole idea that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

 

Sometimes when I get off work I stop in where she works (she tends bar a few nights a week) and talk to her if they aren't too busy. Today I tried so hard not to think about her while I was at work. Then I got off work and drove passed where she works (it's right on the way home.) And I was so tempted to stop in and just have one beer and talk to her for a bit. But I didn't. I restrained myself.

 

I'm hoping I can take care of this without having to move out. Moving out is a last resort at this point.

[TRaczaj]

I think that was her gentle way of putting you in your place........letting you know where she stands, and where her first loyalty is.

 

Mea's right, you need to extract yourself from this situation.I look back and wish I could reclaim all the time I wasted pining over someone who was unavailable.I could just kick myself..............

 

I agree. The text I got back was from my friend not from her. But she would have had to forward it to him for him to send it to me. I think they were really tactful about it actually.

 

I would have never sent that text sober. I think they both know that.

[Meaplus3]

 

I'm hoping I can take care of this without having to move out. Moving out is a last resort at this point.

 

I think the only way your going to be able to live with the two of them without moving out.. is if you shut off your feelings for her, and get out there and meet someone else. There is just no point in having feelings for this girl when she is with your good friend.. it's a big waste of your time.. and you deserve more.

 

Mea:)

[TRaczaj]

I'm so bad at meeting women... I am really. Actually I should correct myself and say I'm bad at holding the attention of women. I'm really outspoken and sarcastic. This gets a lot of people's attention, but it always fades fast. I have no staying power.

 

I'm not very attractive either. People have told me I have 'character,' but that's about the closest thing I've gotten to a compliment on my looks.

 

I work in a factory, something most ladies aren't impressed with.

 

My friend is so the complete opposite of me that at first I was glad that he started a serious relationship. He's really good looking. And he's high educated. In the time I've known him when he wasn't a student, he's always had impressive jobs. And ontop of all this he's foreign and has an accent that drives women crazy. And he's the quiet type. He doesn't talk a lot like I do. I was thinking about this... On the surface it seems like he would have better luck. But looking back, I've dated more then he has.

 

There is a point to all this drabble. At first I was glad he found someone because I didn't feel like I always had to be in his shadow whenever we were out somewhere. Him and I would go to a bar together and girls would come over and talk to us because they were interested in him. Then they would realize how shy and uninterested he was and move on.

 

Tonight my friend is at his friend's place drinking. She came home for a little bit on her lunch break. She told me she was surprised I didn't stop in today after work. And I felt bad. I told her it was because I was tired and dirty from work and just wanted to get home and take a shower. She didn't seem upset or anything. I didn't want to get to wrapped up in being here alone with her so I went and hid in my room until she left.

 

Just a musing... Why do my posts always end up so long? I wonder.

[Meaplus3]

I'm so bad at meeting women... I am really. Actually I should correct myself and say I'm bad at holding the attention of women. I'm really outspoken and sarcastic. This gets a lot of people's attention, but it always fades fast. I have no staying power.

 

 

I find that hard to believe.. because you have held my attention on this thread.

 

 

 

I'm not very attractive either. People have told me I have 'character,' but that's about the closest thing I've gotten to a compliment on my looks.

 

I work in a factory, something most ladies aren't impressed with.

 

 

There is much more to a person than looks. As for your job.. there is nothing wrong with factory work.

 

 

 

I didn't want to get to wrapped up in being here alone with her so I went and hid in my room until she left.

 

 

Good for you. You took a step back from her... be proud of that. Have you thought anymore about how your going to deal with your feelings towards her?

 

 

Mea:)

[TRaczaj]

I find that hard to believe.. because you have held my attention on this thread.

 

*Tilts head a little looking embarrassed...* Are you flirtin' with me?

 

is much more to a person than looks. As for your job.. there is nothing wrong with factory work.

 

Nothing wrong with it. I love my job. But most women I meet are turned off by it. I don't know if they don't want to date someone who is blue collar or what. Or maybe it's because a well trained chimp could do my job and they can sense that. I stand at a machine and push a button for eight hours. Woohoo, rocket science!

 

I like my job though because I like the way the company treats it's workers. I like the people I work with, my boss included. And I make good money.

 

Ladies are turned on by intelligence. And sadly a lot of factory workers are labeled stupid.

 

Good for you. You took a step back from her... be proud of that. Have you thought anymore about how your going to deal with your feelings towards her?

 

Mea:)

 

Soon enough they're going to wonder why I am avoiding her. When she was here tonight on break I really wanted to sit in the kitchen with her while she ate. I made a certain thing that she really likes a couple nights ago and I knew she would want the last of the leftovers so I saved them for her.

 

I feel like if I keep avoiding her like this I am also losing a friend, Because regardless of my other feelings for her, she was my friend first.

 

So I thought maybe I could stay in my room or leave instead of be here alone with her. But I cans till hang out with her when my friend is also home.

 

At first I thought that would be a good thing because I would see it more as hanging out with them and not with her. But that could also be a bad thing because I don't want either of them to lose their separate identities in my eyes. I want to think of her and him both as two people, not one functioning unit, you know? It's hard to explain.

[Meaplus3]

*Tilts head a little looking embarrassed...* Are you flirtin' with me?

 

 

Me?.... Nah.:laugh:

 

Nothing wrong with it. I love my job. But most women I meet are turned off by it. I don't know if they don't want to date someone who is blue collar or what. Or maybe it's because a well trained chimp could do my job and they can sense that. I stand at a machine and push a button for eight hours. Woohoo, rocket science!

 

I like my job though because I like the way the company treats it's workers. I like the people I work with, my boss included. And I make good money.

 

Ladies are turned on by intelligence. And sadly a lot of factory workers are labeled stupid.

 

 

 

Then perhaps your hanging around the wrong women. What matters the most is that your happy with your work.. and it sounds as if you are.

 

Soon enough they're going to wonder why I am avoiding her. When she was here tonight on break I really wanted to sit in the kitchen with her while she ate. I made a certain thing that she really likes a couple nights ago and I knew she would want the last of the leftovers so I saved them for her.

 

I feel like if I keep avoiding her like this I am also losing a friend, Because regardless of my other feelings for her, she was my friend first.

 

So I thought maybe I could stay in my room or leave instead of be here alone with her. But I cans till hang out with her when my friend is also home.

 

At first I thought that would be a good thing because I would see it more as hanging out with them and not with her. But that could also be a bad thing because I don't want either of them to lose their separate identities in my eyes. I want to think of her and him both as two people, not one functioning unit, you know? It's hard to explain.

 

 

Your right. If you keep avoiding her.. it may very well become obvious to them both. And it's possible that they may have questions. Then IMO, that would be your chance to fess up to how your really feeling. I'm not saying you should do this, but it may very well get you out of this situation. If your good friend were to know your are in love with his GF, My bet is that other living arrangements would become a thought in his mind and this might take you off the hook here. Look, I know this is tough for you. I think you have a great take on how your feeling, now it's just a matter of figuring out how your going to remain living with them and not become involved with her. Or if you can once and for all break free. You will figure it out.. I'm sure of it.

 

Mea:)

[TRaczaj]

This morning I was getting ready to leave for work and I had to scrape off my car. Her car was parked right behind mine so I decided to scrape hers off too. She would be leaving soon after me.

 

Half way through I thought "What the hell am I doing?" These mundane little gestures are just going to send the wrong message. Either if she sees it as a good thing or a bad thing, it will still send the wrong message.

 

But I finished because it couldn't just leave her car half scraped.

 

I know this post is random and pointless.

[Meaplus3]

 

I know this post is random and pointless.

 

Not at all. Keep posting. It's a good way to get out your feelings. Hope your doing better.

 

Mea:)

[TRaczaj]

Not at all. Keep posting. It's a good way to get out your feelings. Hope your doing better.

 

Mea:)

 

I'm in a decent mood today. I got sent home early from work this morning because we ran out of parts. I got to take most of the day off with pay.

 

I spent all day hanging out with my friend. What a couple lameasses we are... After an hour or so playing Guitar Hero we decided to make a run to the store. Well I was being an idiot and I locked us out of the house for an hour.

 

She (the girl this thread is about.) had to leave work and come home and let us in the house.

 

It's Friday, everything's better on Friday.

[TRaczaj]

I keep forgetting to post this... My friend has a job interview on Monday. I've been thinking all day about how things could change if he gets this job.

[Meaplus3]

I keep forgetting to post this... My friend has a job interview on Monday. I've been thinking all day about how things could change if he gets this job.

 

Well, that is good news right? Then he will be making money and he and the GF may very well be able to afford the place themselves. And that would be a good thing.. right? I see it as a positive.

 

Mea:)