Emotional Hell

[TRaczaj]

Well, that is good news right? Then he will be making money and he and the GF may very well be able to afford the place themselves. And that would be a good thing.. right? I see it as a positive.

 

Mea:)

 

Yea, it would be a good thing... Assuming he gets the job. He's had a few interviews since he lost his job that were unsuccessful. I think a lot of people are put off by him being foreign. We live in a part of the country that's pretty conservative and people are pretty close minded here.

 

The job he's interviewing for is an executive job, but with a very small company. So it's hard telling how the pay will be. It's not like it's an executive job at IBM, it's an executive job at some locally owned manufacturing company.

 

I'm going out tonight with both of them and a few other people. It's way too long since I had a night out. All the snow on the ground the last few weeks has made hard. I'm looking forward to it.

Edited February 20, 2010 by TRaczaj

[linwood]

I haven`t read this whole thread but to the OP...

 

You have three choices.

 

1:Move out.

 

2:Tell your roommates exactly what you said in this OP and discuss the possibilities of a poly relationship.

 

3:Discuss the possibilities of a poly relationship and then move out.

[TRaczaj]

I feel so drained today... I have a few things I want to post about and no energy to do it.

[Meaplus3]

I feel so drained today... I have a few things I want to post about and no energy to do it.

 

Well, share when your ready. We are here to listen.

 

Mea:)

[TRaczaj]

Saturday night I almost got in a fight defending her. I don't make this kind of thing a habit. But we were out and my friend just looked the other way when some guy was being pretty out of line with her. Then my friend got up and went to the bathroom and about a minute later this guy grabbed at her.

 

I told him "Why don't you touch her again, I dare ya." And then there was a lot of yelling and insulting, but no violence. We all almost got kicked out.

 

Then yesterday my friend and I had some nasty words.

 

I'll have to go into more details later. Right now I'm getting ready to leave for work.

Edited February 22, 2010 by TRaczaj

[Meaplus3]

 

Then yesterday my friend and I had some nasty words.

 

I'll have to go into more details later. Right now I'm getting ready to leave for work.

 

It sounds like you need to have a talk with your friend. Sorry this happened. Hang in there.

 

Mea:)

[TRaczaj]

Since we argued this weekend things have been a lot calmer around here... Problem is not completely solved, but now that my friend and I had it out and he has a better understanding about how I feel, I am not as tense.

 

I told them both how much I hate this, and if it was up to me it would have never gotten to this point. I told them both how sorry I am for everything, and on and on...

 

What started out as a nasty argument ended up with him and I (and her, once she came home from work) talking things out.

 

I won't lie though, it did feel good defending her the other night. I felt like her protector I guess. I haven't been in a fight in over ten years, but I was ready to whip some ass if this guy didn't stop what he was doing to her.

[TRaczaj]

I haven`t read this whole thread but to the OP...

 

You have three choices.

 

1:Move out.

 

2:Tell your roommates exactly what you said in this OP and discuss the possibilities of a poly relationship.

 

3:Discuss the possibilities of a poly relationship and then move out.

 

Beleieve it or not, I've thought about that. No I haven't thought about actually sitting down with them and asking, but I've thought about what that would be like.

 

I'm an open minded person. I would share her with him, as long as there never had to be anything between him and I.

 

Some friends of ours over the years have thought this about us already. People have said she acts like she's dating both of us.

[spiderowl]

Gosh, I really feel for you. This is a tough situation. In a way it's like being part of a marriage without the sex because you and these two have been close and lived together for so long. You'd be leaving much that you are familiar with and for what probably seems a worse lifestyle for all concerned.

 

Unless she changes her mind, and she's not giving you any signs that she would from what I can tell, this is not going to go anywhere for you. Also, while you are still close to her and thinking about her the whole time, you are not emotionally open to meeting another woman. When you are open to meeting someone else, doors will start to open that you never saw before, but you are a little way off that yet.

 

You do need to get out of this hothouse somehow. You are a kind guy and are thinking of your friends. Maybe you could let them know you are thinking of moving out, to give them time to adjust to the idea and start thinking of alternative ways of dealing with the rent. You don't have to do it immediately, but bringing it out in the open like that might help you to move on yourself. Put out 'feelers' for other accommodation and see what turns up. If this move is meant to be, something will and it might be just what you need - people to be with, new friends, new possibilities.

 

I do think that making small changes in the direction you know you need to go in, might help you to disconnect from this girl. While you feel you can't do that, you are stuck. Talk to other people who are not connected with the situation - honestly, this is where a counsellor or similar therapist could really help. Just talking about this with someone, when you've kept it bottled up for so long, could be the start of a way out of this painful trap.

 

I really hope some of this helps. You sound a lovely guy who deserves a special girl for himself.

[TRaczaj]

Talk to other people who are not connected with the situation - honestly, this is where a counsellor or similar therapist could really help. Just talking about this with someone, when you've kept it bottled up for so long, could be the start of a way out of this painful trap.

 

 

That's actually why I came here. I just needed an anonymous place to ramble about everything.

 

I was rushed when I wrote my last two posts here, When we all argued this weekend I was ready to start packing, I really was. And it wasn't out of anger or anything to them. I want her to be happy, and happy is with my friend. So in the heat of this argument I kept thinking what a strain this might put on their relationship. So I was ready to pack up and go to my Mom's house then. But they both talked me out of it. And I am glad they did. If I do leave I wouldn't want to leave under those circumstances.

 

Your suggestion is helpful. When thinking about moving out it does seen less daunting to take it in steps. And your point about marriage was brilliant. I never really thought of it that way before now, but you're right, This is like a marriage with no sex. (Well, except for that one time last year, lol) And to leave would almost feel like a divorce. but hopefully with less bitterness.

 

I do want to wait until my friend finds a job before I start making any real plans. He had an interview on Monday morning. He was told that they will be making their decision in two weeks.

 

Thank you for replying.

[Meaplus3]

Then do take it slow with regards to moving out. Little steps. and I'm sure you will get there. You sound like such a caring, loving guy.. and I give you a ton of credit just to be able to deal with this situation as well as your are. So, do give yourself some credit here. Best wishes.. and keep us posted on your progress.

 

Mea:)

[TRaczaj]

I've been working a lot this week otherwise I would have posted this update sooner.

 

I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll just come out and say it. There was some intimacy between her and I last Saturday.

[freestyle]

Ruh-roh...................

 

This complicates thing even further, doesn't it?

 

Guess we'll have to wait for the details.

[TRaczaj]

Ruh-roh...................

 

This complicates thing even further, doesn't it?

 

Guess we'll have to wait for the details.

 

There was a lot of alcohol involved... My friend was actually present at the time.

 

I don't even remember all the details, things were fuzzy the next day. But I remember enough. And she remembers some of it, and my friend remembers some of it. So, we were able to kinda piece together what happened.

 

It was our friend's B_Day on Saturday so a bunch of us met at the Mexican place. As soon as we got there we all did some shots and then got food. But it took them like an hour to bring our food out, so what do you think we did in that hour? We drank.

 

We left that place and hit a few more bars. We ended up back at some friends' house.

 

Us three guys did some more shots while her and our friend's girlfriend played cards.

 

Then we all were sitting in the living room for a while watching tv, and my friend got up and went to the bathroom. He was in there a really long time. There bathroom joins to their bedroom... So I had to go to the bathroom after a while> I walked through the bedroom and saw my friend laying on the bed. He told me to tell her to come in there, so I did.

 

I came out of the bathroom, my friend and her and on the bed just talking and stuff, so I sat on the bed with them.

 

Things start getting fuzzy here... I don't remember exactly what lead to what. But what ended up happening was some very hot and heavy foreplay between all of us. My friend and I did not do anything together, but she was kind of switching back and forth between him and I.

 

I remember kissing her a lot, and grinding against her, and touching her... And all this is going on with my friend right there and he obviously doesn't care.

 

Drunk or not... I was in heaven. I won't lie. I would have probably went for it if our friend's girlfriend wouldn't have walked in to use the bathroom.

 

That was when reality hit and we all started realizing it was time to go home.

 

I hope that wasn't too much detail for anyone... If it was I'm sorry.

[TRaczaj]

Wow... I guess this situation has everyone speechless.

[peanut butter]

I just wanted to chime in and say that I don't have any advice, but you should write a book. I'm completely enthralled by your story and can't wait for more updates

[TRaczaj]

Lol... I feel like I haven't really found my calling in life. Maybe that's what I should be doing.

 

Thank you for chiming in. I really do appreciate it. After writing about what happened a week ago I was hoping more people would have something to say.

 

Earlier today she was laying on the couch sleeping with her kitten. (A present from him.) And I just couldn't stop staring at her. I wanted to take a picture of her with my phone but I was afraid she would wake up and catch me. She was just laying there asleep and the kitten was cuddled up next to her. She looked so peaceful and innocent.

 

It's looking like my friend isn't going to get this job he interviewed for. He hasn't heard from them, but he saw the job posted today in the paper, so they obviously aren't going to hire him.

 

She's starting to get worried about him finding a job, and so am I.

[Meaplus3]

Earlier today she was laying on the couch sleeping with her kitten. (A present from him.) And I just couldn't stop staring at her. I wanted to take a picture of her with my phone but I was afraid she would wake up and catch me. She was just laying there asleep and the kitten was cuddled up next to her. She looked so peaceful and innocent.

 

It's looking like my friend isn't going to get this job he interviewed for. He hasn't heard from them, but he saw the job posted today in the paper, so they obviously aren't going to hire him.

 

She's starting to get worried about him finding a job, and so am I.

 

 

Hey TR. Looks like a few things have developed since I last checked your thread. Anway, I see you two are getting close. Has she ever stated her feelings for you?

 

Mea:)

[Awesome Username]

Oh, your story breaks my heart.

 

You need to find a way to eventually get out of that house. To be honest, I think that your friend isn't doing you any favors by letting his girlfriend be intimate with you both. What is he thinking?

[TRaczaj]

Hey TR. Looks like a few things have developed since I last checked your thread. Anway, I see you two are getting close. Has she ever stated her feelings for you?

 

Mea:)

 

No, she's never stated any kind of feelings for me other then feelings of friendship. But I can't help but wonder if she doesn't feel something. Maybe I read to much into things...

 

Her and my friend might be taking a trip to visit some friends a few states away. I am going to miss her like crazy when she's gone. But I also think maybe it will be good for me to spend some time without seeing her every day.

[Meaplus3]

No, she's never stated any kind of feelings for me other then feelings of friendship. But I can't help but wonder if she doesn't feel something. Maybe I read to much into things...

 

 

Ok.. this is good. Forget the wondering.. you need to move on from that!

 

 

 

Her and my friend might be taking a trip to visit some friends a few states away. I am going to miss her like crazy when she's gone. But I also think maybe it will be good for me to spend some time without seeing her every day.

 

It will be very good for you. Take that time to see that this can cause so much pain for all 3 of you.

 

Mea:)

[TRaczaj]

Oh, your story breaks my heart.

 

You need to find a way to eventually get out of that house. To be honest, I think that your friend isn't doing you any favors by letting his girlfriend be intimate with you both. What is he thinking?

 

I don't know... I hate to stereotype. But stereotypes are rooted in truth. He's from Europe. Europeans are supposedly more liberated about sex and all that then Americans are. And also, he might not admit it outright, but I think it turns him on seeing her with another guy.

 

Or maybe he feels sorry for me because it's been so long since I've dated anyone, so he thinks he's being nice by breaking me off a peace.

 

But I'll say this, she's a phenomenal lover. Both times we've been together there was so much electricity between us. Even though this last time we didn't have sex, it was amazing. Even though I was feeling love, I know she was probably feeling lust.

 

I really wish there was some way I could have some time with her like that alone. But I know that won't happen. The two times anything has happened between her and I, he was present.

 

It's not just sexual though... I would love to have one night with her as more then friends. I wish I could take her out and treat her like she's my girl, just for one night. But I know if I got one night, I would want another night, and then another night...

[TRaczaj]

 

Ok.. this is good. Forget the wondering.. you need to move on from that!

 

It will be very good for you. Take that time to see that this can cause so much pain for all 3 of you.

 

Mea:)

 

I'm just a curious person... Some of her actions have made me wonder if she feels something. Like the other day I was sitting on the couch and my friend was downstairs in the shower. She came into the living room and what I was watching caught her attention so she sat down on the couch. But she sat down right next to me. Not on the other side of the couch, she sat right by me.

 

It's stuff like that I notice... more body language stuff.

 

I think it will be a good thing that they are leaving for a week. I've never lived alone, so it will be strange having the house to myself. I guess I can walk around naked all week, lol.

[Meaplus3]

 

It's stuff like that I notice... more body language stuff.

 

And the more you take the note, the more you will wonder.. and this will go on and on and on! Time to not be curious about what could be. Focus on what is.. and leave it at that.

 

 

 

I think it will be a good thing that they are leaving for a week. I've never lived alone, so it will be strange having the house to myself. I guess I can walk around naked all week, lol.

 

 

Very well then!

 

Mea:)

[TRaczaj]

 

Very well then!

 

Mea:)

 

I'll make sure to close all the blinds though... My neighbors don't deserve to be punished that way.

 

I get to babysit the kitten while they're gone too.