I plan to use the next guy I date

[SilkRose]

Angry? I would just be sad. And sad people make great paintings.

 

My bf drives me nuts and because of that anxst, I make great art. well it helps me do great art.

 

If you love someone, and they want to go - just let them go.

 

So so true! Glad you can turn a negative into something positive and productive.

[Ross PK]

By all means get any guy back who has used or abused you, but don't hurt an innocent guy, ffs.

[Silver_star]

After reading this thread it pretty much confirms why I feel the way I do about women.

 

Then you are just as filled with anger as she is. Take a good long look in the mirror and stop being a hypocrit. Apply the same logic to yourself as you would to her and DONT generalize an entire gender over the bad experiences you may have had.

[Silver_star]

Thanks. I'm sure I'd regret it, like I have some of the mean things I've done to people. I thought for sure it would work with him, which is why I gave it a chance. I've always liked him because he's like my clone.

 

You keep posting "i might not be able to move on, i might not ever find someone like him" as much as you love and care for him you need to realize that you are not the only girl in the world to hhave loved and lost. Its a part of life. You will learn to deal with it. You are still going to be alive tomorrow. and as long as you are you will be capable of love, and capable of being loved. It may take time, and maybe your ego is a little crushed and bruised because it seems like you were used to having things go your way, but you can either be a rotten individual who uses men for attention and gifts just to spite your last lost love(who wont be too interested in your actions anyways if hes over you) or you can just learn to find out who YOU are and do things you like to do. Relationships are great, but they are not the end all be all of existance. I think you have some growing to do.

[greatgirlfriend]

Maybe he is alot like you in lots of ways except knowing when he has a good thing!

Have you spoken to him since?

 

Last time I spoke to him ended with me telling him I was fine with being friends now. It's funny because he's doing the exact thing I did to him years ago. He told me he's telling me now he can't be more than friends and he'd rather tell me now than have me fall in love with him. I intend to tell him I am going to date others. Maybe when we spend time together again he'll realize he is ready to get serious again. At least I hope because this means so much to me.

[greatgirlfriend]

Well then you are not taking responsibility for your choices and really all you want to is to act on your original post. So I am done here. I tried and it is just not worth the stupid accusations by some nut jobs around here, and your stubborn attitude to want to make others pay for your mistakes.

 

Good luck in whatever you decide to do. Peace out.

 

Because I don't want anyone else to even try to get close to me. I was even dreaming up terrible ways I could hurt someone and I came up with perhaps the worst one of all: that I'd get a guy to fall so madly in love that he'd want to marry me. To spite the guy I like, I'd do this. On the wedding night I'd tell the guy I married that I never loved him and only did it to spite the one I really want.

 

Would I actually do that? I doubt it because it would be be expensive (wedding, then divorce) or many years of a terrible marriage with a guy I didn't love.

[Kamille]

Okay, what I'm hearing in your last post is that you are fantasizing about ways to spite this one guy ("the one"). this has nothing to do with "all men". And, also, I'm glad to see you're now making the distinction between fantasy and reality.

 

I go through similar scenarios when a guy breaks my heart: usually, it involves the guy realizing that he missed out on a great thing - usually after a "run-in". We run into each other, years from now, I am looking and feeling fabulous and the guy has remorse and regrets.

 

It'll likely never happen. I for one believe that dumpers mean what they say when they break up with us. (I learned that the hard way, by trying to convince a dumper that he could still fall in love with me). But it does make me feel better to fantasize about that scenario when I'm hurting.

 

I interpret it to be linked to our wounded egos. You are hurt that this man, for whatever reason, doesn't see himself falling in love with you. You are hurt that in spite of the time you are willing to commit to trying to win him over, he claims he will never fall in love. I think you are taking his rejection be a personal commentary on your worth as a lovable human being. I also think that deep down, your biggest fear is that you are unlovable (in other words, you yourself doubt that you are worthy of love). You would therefore be compelled, in order to prove to yourself that you are lovable, to hang on to the only scenario which, in your mind, would dismiss your biggest fear: if this guy falls in love with you (in spite of what he says), then that would prove to you that you are lovable.

 

On the other hand, if he persists in his ambivalence, you feel that your biggest fear would be confirmed (which is why it would hurt so much and why you can't imagine yourself allowing yourself to get close to anyone else).

 

 

I wonder: do you think maybe you struggle to let go because you need to prove to yourself that you are worthy of love?

[threebyfate]

ggf, consider this analogy:

 

Your cat bites you one day. So the next day you deliberately find a kitten and kick it hard, enough to disable it for life.

 

Would you honestly do this?

[greatgirlfriend]

I am worthy of love, and deserve it. Many people don't understand why this guy is important but I've always known I wanted him. He even said that if we had gotten together years ago we'd be married now. It's not like my other disappointments/break ups. As strange as this sounds, he's like my other half because we feel the same way on everything. I have to see where this goes for my sanity, but not dwell on it. I can't give up yet because it's early, he's hurting, and I was where he is.

[Phateless]

Because I don't want anyone else to even try to get close to me. I was even dreaming up terrible ways I could hurt someone and I came up with perhaps the worst one of all: that I'd get a guy to fall so madly in love that he'd want to marry me. To spite the guy I like, I'd do this. On the wedding night I'd tell the guy I married that I never loved him and only did it to spite the one I really want.

 

Would I actually do that? I doubt it because it would be be expensive (wedding, then divorce) or many years of a terrible marriage with a guy I didn't love.

 

Sorry, this has already been done and is played out. Haven't you seen Great Expectations?

[Silver_star]

I am worthy of love, and deserve it. Many people don't understand why this guy is important but I've always known I wanted him. He even said that if we had gotten together years ago we'd be married now. It's not like my other disappointments/break ups. As strange as this sounds, he's like my other half because we feel the same way on everything. I have to see where this goes for my sanity, but not dwell on it. I can't give up yet because it's early, he's hurting, and I was where he is.

 

Clearly you dont or you would be with him right now, no?

[greatgirlfriend]

Clearly you dont or you would be with him right now, no?

 

But we do feel the same way on everything. That's why this is weird. I am giving him space since he did mention I am rushing him.

[TW2010]

Hi,

 

OP Yove been posting arnd the clock for 3 days strght, and I dont get the sense that you are trying to apply the advice in real life, that many people have so nicely taken time out to give you. There are other sites where you can create a blog which might be more beneficial to you...

 

Hugs.

[txsilkysmoothe]

Because I don't want anyone else to even try to get close to me. I was even dreaming up terrible ways I could hurt someone and I came up with perhaps the worst one of all: that I'd get a guy to fall so madly in love that he'd want to marry me. To spite the guy I like, I'd do this. On the wedding night I'd tell the guy I married that I never loved him and only did it to spite the one I really want.

 

Would I actually do that? I doubt it because it would be be expensive (wedding, then divorce) or many years of a terrible marriage with a guy I didn't love.

 

You just keep digging yourself into a hole -

Let me see if I understand, you wouldn't destroy a man's life because:

 

1. marriage/divorce would be expensive, and

2. YOU would be stuck in a terrible marriage

 

This would be laughable if it wasn't so pathetic.

 

"I" seems to be the only word you understand. I've tried to be understanding as have many, but you feel no compassion for any other human being. 90% of LSers knew from your first post this man was not going to stick around. You are in DENIAL.

 

A great girlfriend doesn't need to name herself "great." A very attractive woman doesn't need to tell everyone repeatedly she is "very attractive." Same goes for a "hot" woman. A former model doesn't need to tell everyone repeatedly she was a "model."

 

This must be an act. You're just trying to get attention.

[greatgirlfriend]

No, I am hot and was a model, that is true. No, I wouldn't do the marriage thing, but it would be something I'd consider just to screw over a guy. The thing is it would screw over me too.

 

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that many don't get it. This guy was a long time friend.

[Tony]

OK, after nearly 300 posts on this blog/thread, I think we've explored the subject sufficiently. Thank you all for participating.