texastapper Posted January 6, 2004 Share Posted January 6, 2004 I have been through a lot of things in my life and I have never cried as much as I have these past months. How can someone eat at somebody so much? I spent three years with my girlfriend and all for what, so I can sit here and have endless tears falling. The emptiness that swallows me whole, and you want to hide just for the sake of hiding. I have been so empty and feel so worthless about myself for seven months now. Does this feeling ever go away, Does somebody that claims they still love really ever come around? I'm not sitting here waitng for her, but at the same time I feel like I am. I go out, I try to have fun but every spare second of everyday goes right back to her. Everyone makes mistakes but is it worth being hurt over and over again by the same person just because you want to be a part of their life, Is that really fair??? How do I stop these unexpected tears from falling??? Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted January 6, 2004 Share Posted January 6, 2004 i suggest you see a counsellor or therapist. perhaps you need some meds to get stabilized. it's been a while, it's time to seek just a lil bit of help with getting past this break-up (not that you won't eventually overcome it on your own, but why waste time crying for so long, right?) best of luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted January 6, 2004 Author Share Posted January 6, 2004 I am stable but just affected by whether I am always doing the right thing or not! Emotions take over so easily now and its such an insecure feeling that you feel so worthless and unattractive. I need to break the ice but cant shake her, its not like she is the only girl on this earth it is just the wonderful person she was to me that a little mistake of not telling her the full truth about something so stupid, put an end to us. I question that everyday and I question our outcome. I guess I always will. Link to post Share on other sites
Paulie Posted January 6, 2004 Share Posted January 6, 2004 Dude, look at my very first posts on this website...same sentiments as you exactly. Yes, the pain does get over...took me about 2 years. Experience it...its good for you (no, Im not crazy...what I mean is that its how you heal. I would also say that if you are constantly thinking about this, then you ought to go see a counsellor...there might be underlying Obsessive-Compulsive disorder which is only making these otherwise normal feelings worse. The feelings are normal, but to let them get to you the way that you are describing is not. None of this makes the way that you are feeling WRONG. Noit healthy, perhaps, but never WRONG. They are your feelings, and and accept tht they are OK. Now...there are several things you can do in order to help yourself: First off, force yourself to go to work or school as normal.....hunt for chicks, but not obsessively in order to replace your ex gf, you cant (however those same experiences and traits that your ex-gf had YOU WILL ABSOLUTELY find better in another woman. That is undeniable. But you wont be able to feel that way until you experience this pain and then let it go. Do not avoid places where you feel you might run into your ex-gf....and dont go there specifically in order to see her...and be honest with yourself about both....LEAD YOUR LIFE No, those experiences with that ex-gf are not in vain, but you are wasting your time to continue to breath a dead spirit Finally...dont do anything stupid Paulie Link to post Share on other sites
Paulie Posted January 6, 2004 Share Posted January 6, 2004 dude, she broke up with you....mark my words, if you continue to contact her, this will only make you appear clingy and desperate, and drive her away.......move on and be a man about it Link to post Share on other sites
Paulie Posted January 6, 2004 Share Posted January 6, 2004 and I say that with every degree of respect and compassion.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted January 6, 2004 Author Share Posted January 6, 2004 Thanks Paulie..I know you werent trying to say anything in a harsh way, I totally got your point. Sometimes you have to have someone else there to smack you back into place. I know that once I get off this dam emotional rollercoaster that things will get better. I have cut contact with her and I am doing my best to move forward. I have just been letting my emotions get the best of me, and I have been reminising on the good times when I really felt so loved by her. But I know I can t continue to crush myself over this and let her run my life the way she has. I am trying to put my balls back where they belong and suck it up, easier said than done. Link to post Share on other sites
thehappyclam Posted January 6, 2004 Share Posted January 6, 2004 Texastapper, I feel your pain. Our situation are pretty similar. I'm 23 and was with my ex g/f for over 3 years. She ended it in Sept, which was about 4 months ago. When we were going out, she was my world. I gave her my heart, and honestly, during those years we were together, I never went a minute without thinking of her. We spent pretty much every day together, were very intimate, etc....Really really tight relationship. It got to the point where, I would say, she was the single most important connection in my life. Sounds familiar??? The thing is, after the breakup, I spent 2 months wallowing in depression, pining for her every day. I never made the mental leap to accept that we are no longer together. This is what dragged me down, the uncertainty that things are indeed OVER. Whenever the phone rang I hoped was her, whenever I got an email my heart skipped a beat. My head told me that it's over, but my heart holds on tighter than ever. She became the only thing I could think about, and the more I thought about her, the more I hurted. My social/personal/professional life suffered in a BIG way. So yeah, much like you, a part of me say it's over, but deep down I believed she would come to her senses and come back. Only when I talked to her on the phone after 2 months and had it spelled out for me: "THERE IS NO US ANYMORE," did it really sink in. Ever since then, I mentally closed that door and finished that chapter of my life. I started focusing on myself, my family, and my friends. I went snowboarding, I lifted weight, I play basketball, I go out and drink with the guys, I go clubbing to check out girls, I read, I even went on a few dates....I just started living. And yes, it's hard at first. My brain kept bringing up memories of good time during my spare moments, but then eventually it stopped. When I think of her, I no longer think that I lost out on a great girl. I think about her as a happy chapter of my life, while strongly believing that I will have many other chapters written before it's all said and done. This is true for you too!!! You're only a year older than me, so you're SO YOUNG. You're in your prime man!!! See my ex-girl was nice enough to spell it out for me instead of dragging me along. It sounds like that's what your ex is doing to you. Cut all ties, man, at least for now. YOU ARE IN NO SHAPE TO BE JUST FRIENDS RIGHT NOW. I haven't talked to my ex in the last 2 months, and let me tell you, it's beautiful. If you have ever tried quitting cigarettes, you would understand. The cravings come fast at first, then less and less until you don't even want to talk to her. You will get there. You will definitely get low moments, when you want to run back. But then one day the epiphany will come. This will pass. No sadness and sorrow stays with you forever. You will become happier, and you will eventually find a girl that will make you happier than your ex could ever wish. Chalk this one up to experience....I mean, you had a good time while it lasted and you learned something, right? What more can you ask for? Paulie, I want to give you a shout out because I think your posts/advices are awesome! Texastapper, I hope this year brings you much happiness, joy and love. You will get over her! Never lose sight of everything you have. You are strong. Keep your head up and you will come out of this. Trust me! ps. Oh yeah, if you haven't seen the movie Swingers, go out and buy that DVD, then watch it religiously. Laughter is the best therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
MercyRose Posted January 6, 2004 Share Posted January 6, 2004 I see two problems here: 1: You feel guilty/responsible because if only you didn't lie blah blah the break up wouldn't have happened. 2: You had great dreams that she was 'the one' and your dreams have been broken [/list=1] A broken heart is actually a broken dream. It has nothing to do with the person. 'If onlys' feed your guilt that it could have worked out or it wouldn't have gone wrong 'if only...' Stop focusing on the 'if only...' trap. What happened happened. End of. If you tried to talk to her about it and she won't forgive you, then you have to accept that. That is the reality. The facts here are: 1: You are not 'the one' for her. 2: Dwelling on the 'if only' factor will keep you in a state of unhappiness, despair and guilt 3: You had a dream. Now you cannot have that dream with her in it anymore. [/list=1] You need to forgive yourself and let go of the past. Accept the facts/reality. Dream a new dream. Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted January 7, 2004 Author Share Posted January 7, 2004 I am all ears to what you guys have to say, and I am going to do my best to keep my head up and move forward. I am a good looking guy and I have a lot to offer. Not to be all about myself but I do. Any girl would love the opportunity to share what I have to offer. I'm going to consider this matter her loss and do my best to move forward and cut this crap out. I have definitely seen the movie swingers, and I used to be the guy yelling at the TV for him to quit being such a baby about everything. NOw I see myself in those shoes and I cant live like this anymore. I know that I will find happiness again I just have to open my heart and mind back up to someone that I can give a chance too. Thanks for all your advice and setting the stage of reality, I just needed a boost, and I just need to stay positive about everything. Thanks again!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 texastapper, i too am told i am a good looking guy etc. but remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder Any girl would love the opportunity to share what I have to offer not necessarily as for a relationship to work or even start there has to be sparks, now i know that most people in the world will not feel this way about each other, this is why i feel like it is so hard for me to meet a girl i can have a meaningful relationship with... most girls i would meet and date for 1 night i wouldn't want to see again as the chemistry just isn't there between the two of us most people i think are incompatible for various reasons, this is why it is so hard to make these relationships work good luck on your future hunting! Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted January 7, 2004 Author Share Posted January 7, 2004 I was just trying to stay optomistic about everything, I wasnt trying ot come off cocky at all. I am not a cocky guy! I just know that I have to start thinking more positive about things and hopefully the nature of things will become positive also. I have dated other girls and have faced the ones you speak of. To me girls have no respect for themselves and jus throw themselves around like they dont care. To me that is so unattractive and it seems like that is all I seem to meet are these types of girls. What is it with these woman, dont they have any respect for themselves. I mean where can a guy go to meet somebody that carries themselves like a lady yet can have a good time, without jumping down my shirt before the night is over. This is another reason I have had a hard time letting go of my ex, she was as pure as you can find and she respected herself. That is just so hard to find now a days!! Link to post Share on other sites
greentea Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 I am sure there are still some girls who have been raised well, have good values and respect for themselves. You can still find someone as pure as your ex. Just think positive. Have a nice day! Link to post Share on other sites
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