As much as I ever did

[LisaUk]

I probably could, but never would because you deserve so much more then what he could ever offer you. Besides, you hate him!!!

TOJAZ

 

Well, there is a very thin line between love and hate.

[LisaUk]

ARENT YOU SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING.

 

Yes, but I am having a breakdown instead.

[tojaz]

well, there is a very thin line between love and hate.

 

true, but you were on the right side of that thin line. Now go study!!!

[tojaz]

Yes, but I am having a breakdown instead.

 

OK i'M HERE IM ME!

[LisaUk]

true, but you were on the right side of that thin line. Now go study!!!

 

Can't concentrate.

[FeelingLonely98]

Can anyone talk him into coming back for me? I miss him.

 

Just because you miss him does not mean he should come back to you Lisa. YES, you miss him. You'll miss him more on the low parts of this roller coaster you are on. But as EVERYONE has told you Lisa You are too good for him. He does not deserve you and you deserve way better than him.

 

Post this message here --> "I deseve better than him and he does not deserve me".

[mikeymad]

"Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason."

[LonelyTiger]

"Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason."

 

I like that a lot

[LisaUk]

NOPE, someday you will learn the truth & know it wasn't good.

 

PW, this is driving me nuts! What did you mean? LOL

[Gunny376]

NOPE, someday you will learn the truth & know it wasn't good

 

Its hard to describe it? I guess its a zen thing certainly a paradox ~ unless you've gone through it and outside and the other side of the 'black hole' when one day you awake to a new awareness, a new reality, a new perception,........................a new and revised version of yourself?

 

Best I can describe it?

 

V.2 You Without Them!

 

Your stronger, better, more experienced, wiser, more knowledgeable

[Gunny376]

Sometime when you focus so much on what you don't have, you don't think about what you do have?

 

Count your blessings, not your troubles!

[trippi1432]

Lisa,

 

I think what PW and Gunny are trying to say is that you can't get back what was....it's a transition...it's either stronger or it's not worth the fight. Lessons are learned on BOTH sides or they were never learned at all.

 

What you think you had before was good enough, but is it really good enough now? With everything that you have learned about yourself, and what you now know about him, you can't go back to what you had....you have to move forward with what you have today.

[2.50 a gallon]

Lisa

 

He was a thief, he stole 18 years of your life.

 

Let us suppose that he did come back. Could you ever totally trust him again? He has already stole from you.

 

When he is away from you, would you be wondering what he was doing and who he was with? Is he conspiring?

 

Would you wake up every morning, with a little doubt in the back of you mind, is today the day he is going to break up with me again?

 

"Someday everything will make sense"

 

The old story of you can't see the forest for the trees. For some of your friends here, it already makes sense. You spent 18 years sharing your life with a loser, and in a sense in his shadow. After the break up you found your way here to LS, where your valuable words have helped and consoled many others.

 

Also you are now enrolled in law school with the goal of becoming a solicitor. A life time goal that you had let slip away. Soon, you will be emerging as a new butterfly, a reborn woman, able to stand on her own two feet and totally support herself in her new life.

 

When you choose to be in a new relationship it will be as equal partners.

 

It makes sense to me already

Edited March 9, 2010 by 2.50 a gallon

[PWSX3]

PW, this is driving me nuts! What did you mean? LOL

What I meant was in your eyes you thought he was everything, but once you are out of the fog & you can see him for who he really was, he might not be as good of a man as you thought he was.

 

 

I remember when I used to play volleyball. When we would call a time out I would go talk to my dad. He was watching on the side line & he could give me advice that I couldn't see because I was in the game & just focused on what I was doing. He could see the big picture or the hole court.

[LisaUk]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I really hope THAT was one of those nasty little e-book plugs on vunerable people, b/c otherwise your filpent, uncaring comment REALLY hurt me. Stop messing with peoples emotions and lives and go out and get a real job.

[LisaUk]

It's so frustrating. My whole life has been ripped to shreads and he doesn't care, he thinks "new friends and interests will help, time will heal" and "I don't want to prolong yours and my pain by talking about getting back together". PAIN! PAIN! you don't know the meaning of the f*****g word, you don't wnat to prolong MY pain? It's been a year, I'm still in f*****g pain mate, took you all of what? 3 seconds to move on, you f******g b*****d. NOW I'M F******G MAD!

[LisaUk]

and falling apart. This is never going to end, I don't have it in me to stop loving someone b/c they s**t on me, that isn't love in the first place, so on that reasoning I guess he never loved me. Breaks my heart. (APologies for the language earlier).

[aimchase]

It's just a bad day Lisa. You've been showing a lot of progress of late, but progress comes over time. Let it out, and know that you're on your way to a better place.

 

It will end - scout's honour!

[mikeymad]

lisa

it is best that he just left. take heart that in some corner of his mind, he knew that he wasnt coming back, and it would be best if he didn't string you along. He either was a robot and had no idea about human feelings, or actually cared enough about you to not prolong the inevitable. Messed up I know. But in the grand scheme of things, leavers are usually illogical, unreasonable, and self centered.

 

You now control how you feel. Did you ever do the affirmations I told you to do? I bet not. You need to get some sort of base foundation to help yourself feel better. You need to break this cycle of gaining ground and going back to square one. If you look back you are on the grandaddy of all rollercoasters. You need to transfer to that little kid train ride. It goes nice and slow, no ups or downs. It just constantly goes forward. After that, if your confidence is "tall enough", you can be allowed on the big kid rides

 

Unfortunately, I think that means taking some time away from LS. You are on here a LOT. Don't take this the wrong way, but when I was in divorce care they talked about divorce recovery addiction. I was a classic example of this. I bought all the relationship books, I read all the websites, trolled through all the forums here, started posting like mad, talked to whoever, whenever, anywhere and everywhere. You get sucked into a world that is filled with hurt about relationships and talking about it and trying to figure it out, and pretty soon that's all you know. It's an online version of soap operas. We need to take a break from this online world and experience the real one around us. If you notice, the people who are making progress slowly take time away. Gunny, FP, tnttim, tojaz, MMI, etc are all on here much less than when I joined. There is a reason for this...

 

That's the natural progression of things. People come here in pain, and it's all about them and what they can do (selfish). They get counseled. They grieve. Some recon, most do not. They are given an outlet, shoulders to cry on, and advice to move on in the best way possible. They slowly heal, and at that point they don't need LS as much as they used to. They help others out more than posting about their own situation. Eventually they bow out, as the people they know leave and new people come to take over.

 

You've been though hell in a handbasket, as many of us have. It's time to channel that energy into something greater than yourself. You're a veteran now. Think about who you turned to on here in your dark days. There's newbies on here who need your help in much the same way. They need YOU to be their pillar of strength, because they are where you and I were when we first got here. Don't let their stories be drowned out. Now that you have the knowledge you do (and trust me, you've shown plenty of learning) it is your RESPONSIBILITY to help others.

 

How do you want to be remembered? What is your legacy? Someone who let her life fall apart because of someone else? Or someone who was the victim of a sh*tty situation, but became stronger and more resilient, and made that sorry f-er realize he made the mistake of his life by living the life of her dreams. You can do it. You are woman, hear you roar.

 

RRRROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!

[LisaUk]

OK Mikey, I know you probably mean well, but I REALLY did not need this today. You don't know me, you have been here all of like 5 mins. I have taken time away from LS and I found I was suicidal for it. I have NO ONE else to talk to about this. I live with an emotional abusive mother who has told me if I even MENTION my ex she will put me on the street. And you want to make me feel unwelcome at the only place of outlet (I am not allowed to show an emotion at home, must be perfect, must be happy ALL the time) and support b/c you think i am addicted? How would you feel if you had nowhere else to talk about your problems? Would that mean YOU are addicted to LS?

 

lisa

it is best that he just left.HOW DARE YOU! Being abandoned is never best, you have NO IDEA how that felt after being with someone from adolesence and having no idea or opportunity to resolve anything. take heart that in some corner of his mind, he knew that he wasnt coming back, Oh, really? Well you obviously know him better than me then, I'm sorry, you were there when it all went down were you? You were there when he called me one day crying saying he might come back, he wasn't as certain in his decision. My ex was all over the place, conflicted doesn't even begin to describe it. TAKE HEART IN IT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?and it would be best if he didn't string you along. He either was a robot and had no idea about human feelings, or actually cared enough about you to not prolong the inevitable. Messed up I know. But in the grand scheme of things, leavers are usually illogical, unreasonable, and self centered.

 

You now control how you feel. Did you ever do the affirmations I told you to do? I bet not. You need to get some sort of base foundation to help yourself feel better. You need to break this cycle of gaining ground and going back to square one. If you look back you are on the grandaddy of all rollercoasters. You need to transfer to that little kid train ride. It goes nice and slow, no ups or downs. It just constantly goes forward. After that, if your confidence is "tall enough", you can be allowed on the big kid rides

 

Unfortunately, I think that means taking some time away from LS. You are on here a LOT. Don't take this the wrong way, but when I was in divorce care they talked about divorce recovery addiction. I was a classic example of this. I bought all the relationship books, I read all the websites, trolled through all the forums here, started posting like mad, talked to whoever, whenever, anywhere and everywhere.I come on here for a few minutes in the evenings after I have finished my 12 hour day of studying law, so yeah, I have other things in my life and I personally do not have time to read relationship books or otherwise. You get sucked into a world that is filled with hurt about relationships and talking about it and trying to figure it out, and pretty soon that's all you know. It's an online version of soap operas. We need to take a break from this online world and experience the real one around us. If you notice, the people who are making progress slowly take time away. Gunny, FP, tnttim, tojaz, MMI, etc are all on here much less than when I joined. There is a reason for this...

 

That's the natural progression of things. People come here in pain, and it's all about them and what they can do (selfish). They get counseled. They grieve. Some recon, most do not. They are given an outlet, shoulders to cry on, and advice to move on in the best way possible. They slowly heal, and at that point they don't need LS as much as they used to. They help others out more than posting about their own situation. Eventually they bow out, as the people they know leave and new people come to take over.

 

You've been though hell in a handbasket, as many of us have. It's time to channel that energy into something greater than yourself. You're a veteran now. Think about who you turned to on here in your dark days. There's newbies on here who need your help in much the same way. They need YOU to be their pillar of strength, because they are where you and I were when we first got here. Don't let their stories be drowned out.Right, so I've had my fill have I? Mike has decided that Lisa has had enough support and she is detracting from the newbies threads? OK so I have no right to my feelings then? Right I'll just suffle off quietly and you can have your wish then Mike, just KNOW that YOU just took away my ONLY source of support. It is NOT for you to say whether my feelings are vaild or not, or whether I have a RIGHT to be here, but you have made me feel sufficently unwelcome and uncomfortable to not return.Now that you have the knowledge you do (and trust me, you've shown plenty of learning) it is your RESPONSIBILITY to help others.

 

How do you want to be remembered? What is your legacy? Someone who let her life fall apart because of someone else? Or someone who was the victim of a sh*tty situation, but became stronger and more resilient, and made that sorry f-er realize he made the mistake of his life by living the life of her dreams. You can do it. You are woman, hear you roar.This is not a game Mike, I am a real person sat here behind this screen and I am in a huge amount of pain, yes it may be taking me a long time to recover, what is they say at least one month for every year you were together? You were with your w 5 years correct? So I guess YOU are almost done, well good for you. Like you said to me, come on Mikey, times up!

 

RRRROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!

Edited March 9, 2010 by LisaUk

[mikeymad]

You're right. I was trying to help. I apparently overstepped my bounds. Even though you admitted that I was likely meaning well doing this, you blast me 2 sentences later, and throughout my message.

Most of the ideas I was talking about were apparently miscommunicated on my part, and none of it was meant to insult you, invalidate your feelings, or put you down. I did not say for you to not ask for help or to not be here. I meant it as people need your help and you have great things to tell people. I was trying to inspire you, yet you took that as an apparent insult, and have lashed out at me. You aren't ready to hear some of those things yet, as things are still very raw for you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I will refrain from commenting on your threads anymore if you see it that way.

Edited March 9, 2010 by mikeymad

[tojaz]

You're right. I was trying to help. I apparently overstepped my bounds. Even though you admitted that I was likely meaning well doing this, you blast me 2 sentences later, and throughout my message.

Most of the ideas I was talking about were apparently miscommunicated on my part, and none of it was meant to insult you, invalidate your feelings, or put you down. I did not say for you to not ask for help or to not be here. I meant it as people need your help and you have great things to tell people. I was trying to inspire you, yet you took that as an apparent insult, and have lashed out at me. You aren't ready to hear some of those things yet, as things are still very raw for you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I will refrain from commenting on your threads anymore if you see it that way.

 

Ok, Ok, back the truck up! First of all, before I am used as an example, I am on LS everyday! usually twice. I do not post much anymore unless I am asked or I feel it is necessary.

 

Everyones experience is different Mikey, and for many different reasons. Had that post been directed at me after the end of my 13 year relationship, I would read it as an insult just as Lisa did. I know you are trying to help, but everyone deserves a sensitive response to their own situation, I don't care if it was a 2 week relationship or 50 years, hurt is hurt and should be treated as such.

 

Part of helping here and trying to give advice, is listening to the person asking and trying to give what suits them best. Some need a slap in the face and others need a velvet glove. I believe I have drawn the analogy of a Chainsaw v/s a scalpel before. I am familiar with lisas story and her helping others here. As someone that has been here since her first post, she has helped MORE then her fair share, myself included and any perceived RESPONSIBILITY to the newbies has long since been fulfilled. Not that it is anyones responsibility to give back to LS as far as I know.

 

Lastly, I'm sitting here in front of my computer, acrooss from my shelf of relationship books, looking at a relationship forum. Yet nobody calls me an addict, and when I take a break from LS, many people ask me back. Everyone has a right to cope and heal, and hurt their own way and as long as they need to. This is about helping people survive for the long haul, not mass production.

 

I'm glad you want to help Mikey and I hope you continue to, you've had some inspired posts, but I also hope ou keep some of these things in mind.

 

TOJAZ

[unsureLP]

Lisa,

 

I don't know your story so I will refrain from making comments on that, but... Sometimes all we need is unconditional support and love. I'm sorry you're not getting that from your mom; on the contrary, she's making you suffer even more. *hugs*

[LisaUk]

Ok, Ok, back the truck up! First of all, before I am used as an example, I am on LS everyday! usually twice. I do not post much anymore unless I am asked or I feel it is necessary.

 

Everyones experience is different Mikey, and for many different reasons. Had that post been directed at me after the end of my 13 year relationship, I would read it as an insult just as Lisa did. I know you are trying to help, but everyone deserves a sensitive response to their own situation, I don't care if it was a 2 week relationship or 50 years, hurt is hurt and should be treated as such.

 

Part of helping here and trying to give advice, is listening to the person asking and trying to give what suits them best. Some need a slap in the face and others need a velvet glove. I believe I have drawn the analogy of a Chainsaw v/s a scalpel before. I am familiar with lisas story and her helping others here. As someone that has been here since her first post, she has helped MORE then her fair share, myself included and any perceived RESPONSIBILITY to the newbies has long since been fulfilled. Not that it is anyones responsibility to give back to LS as far as I know.

 

Lastly, I'm sitting here in front of my computer, acrooss from my shelf of relationship books, looking at a relationship forum. Yet nobody calls me an addict, and when I take a break from LS, many people ask me back. Everyone has a right to cope and heal, and hurt their own way and as long as they need to. This is about helping people survive for the long haul, not mass production.

 

I'm glad you want to help Mikey and I hope you continue to, you've had some inspired posts, but I also hope ou keep some of these things in mind.

 

TOJAZ

 

Lisa,

 

I don't know your story so I will refrain from making comments on that, but... Sometimes all we need is unconditional support and love. I'm sorry you're not getting that from your mom; on the contrary, she's making you suffer even more. *hugs*

 

 

Thank you both!

 

MM, I was not able to read your PM, but thank you for apologising, whilst I think you may have been trying to help, there are many aspects to me and to my realtionship with my ex that you don't know about and that is why I got so upset at some of your comments. We all deal with things in our way and our own time, that is why grief is different fro everyone.

[LisaUk]

Something Tojaz posted on someone elses thread really got me thinking, I always acted with the best of intentions, never did anything to try and hurt him only acted with both of our feelings taken into account. ALWAYS. He on the other hand made the CONSCIOUS decision to deliberately HURT me when he walked without communicating his issues (even admitting later that he had kept them hidden on purpose) or trying to work them out with me.

 

He really does not deserve me and I will be so much better off without him in the long run.