As much as I ever did

[LisaUk]

The idea of perfection came from your being such a self high demanding ~ self expecting individual (of yourself ~ not others)

 

Your just going to have to admit the fact that you're way above average in intelligence, capacity, and skill of the average bloke out on the street.

 

You cannot be something your not. Just that plain and simple.

 

That means you can exclude about 80% or better of the male population in your locality. Your just way too far ahead and way too far educated, informed, read, for them.

 

Which means? Your just too fast for them. Which alludes to the twenty somethings out to just get laid. What a freaking joke they are!

 

I can just imagine! "Been there, done that and back! Already gone back "there" again, and your nothing but a joke!"

 

Gunny, I am not more intelligent than other people, far from it, there are many many others who are much more intelligent and well read than me. I have to work very hard to get the grades that I do get, there are people on my degree who do a fifth of the work I do and get better grades.

 

In terms of my ex, he was educated at a red brick university (kind of like your Ivy Leagues, Harvard etc), I wasn't. His complaints on leaving were that I was not good enough for him, as in I wasn't independant enough and I was boring. Lets face it he didn't leave me b/c I was the best thing since sliced bread did he?

 

Yes, I am a perfectionist, I have to be b/c all I ever recieved in my childhood was criticism, nothing I ever did was good enough and it really hurts to know that even when I do my best it still isn't good enough for people in my life. I'm just worthless.

[trippi1432]

Thanks for the replies. I don't know where this idea that I am expecting perfection has come from? My ex was far from perfect and I accepted his flaws, all of them, even his lying. With hindsight I was wrong to allow him to cross my boudaries though, that isn't about perfection its about self respect for what you will and will not allow others to do to you.

 

Regardless of all that, which I would really like to drop now if that's OK b/c it is upsetting for me to keep going over, I cannot see how I will ever feel any different about losing him. I never wanted him to go in the first place, I can't convince myself that I am better off without him b/c I'm not. I miss him so much it hurts to breathe sometimes and I am back to waking every morning crying. I don't want to go through life without him and some days I think there is no point to being alive any more. I'm not saying I am suicidal or that I am going to act upon my feelings, but I just don't see me being happy ever again. I think of how my life is streching ahead of me without him, never seeing him again and I just don't want to go on, there seems to be no point. People say you will meet someone, I don't think that is true. In a whole year since he has been gone, not one man my own age has asked for my number or even shown any interest in me (except one that I met online). H**l I haven't even met one who is not married. Just a load of 20 year old boys looking to get laid. I don't see happiness in my future b/c I won't be with the man I love, nothing is going to change that, no matter if I get my own place, job, new interests etc, non of that will be my life with him and remembering my life with him pales all else into insignificance.

 

Lisa,

 

You just aren't able to look in the right places. At Uni, they are all young, immature and, in some cases, still haven't learned how to treat a woman. Another reason why you probably haven't met anyone is because you expect them to be exactly like your ex...if they do not fit in that nice package of being him, they just will not do. That's unrealistic expectations because everyone is different, even now, you are different. You are learning about yourself and you are not the exact same person you were today when you were with him, you are better.

 

You say that you have only met one person online that has shown an interest in you, I'm sure that there would be plenty more. I've seen your pics and you are a very beautiful woman with above average intelligence. Since you say that you met someone online, I decided to do a dating site search in your country and, in my opinion, you have a pool of men over there with a much better selection than my state. Even established men with Graduate degrees.

 

Honestly, if we all sit around wanting what we can't have is life really stretching out before us, or are we standing still watching it pass us by?

Send me a PM if you want to know what I found over there.

[LisaUk]

Thanks Trippi, I didn't meet that guy on a dating site but i'm not ready to date anyway.

 

I'm so sick of life, I wish I could just die, everyone would be better off without me anyway, all I ever get is complaints, I'm never going to be f****g good enough so why bother to keep trying, why bother to try at all.

[LisaUk]

I just don't see any point anymore, I'm not going to do anything, I realise how that last post sounds, but I just don't see any happiness in the world. I am so lonely and I only have myself to blame, if I had just been good enough for him he wouldn't have left. Why wasn't I good enough? What is so wrong with me that makes people leave? Am I that terrible a person that people can't stand me?

[aimchase]

Thanks Trippi, I didn't meet that guy on a dating site but i'm not ready to date anyway.

 

I'm so sick of life, I wish I could just die, everyone would be better off without me anyway, all I ever get is complaints, I'm never going to be f****g good enough so why bother to keep trying, why bother to try at all.

 

Ok Lise, i'm going to really set the stall. We're pretty good friends on here and you know i've always got time for you. I also know that you appreciate honesty, so i'm doing this because that's what you'll get. If you don't want to talk to me anymore, that's fair enough.......

 

Your post above really REALLY irritates me! You're exhibiting the sort of comments which my stbxw did with her 'poor me' cries to whoever would listen.

 

Your depression and inner feelings are clear, but there has been a huge amount of positive support, both constructive and explanatory, to help you find the path to moving on. You seem to be intent on rejecting it though, preferring to wallow in self-pity.

 

You're going to have to do this yourself. People can point you in the right direction, but they can't do the journey for you.

 

The big world. You either turn with it, or you stand still. But if you stand still, I promise you, the world won't give a flying sh*t. It'll just leave you in the gutter for as long as you want to stay there. It owes you nothing.

 

It's your choice Lise, but if you choose life then it's time to look in the mirror and tell yourself, 'i'm proud of who I am', then go out there and fulfil all of your dreams.

 

If you choose to mope, then you'll be in this position for a long time to come - not progressing, not living your life. Again I repeat, the world won't give a flying sh*t.

 

It's really tough. You know that i've been manipulated, lied to, sent to hell and back several times by my BPD/NPD ex, but i'll tell you what, no f**er, and I mean, NO F**KER, is going to ruin me. I am damn proud of who I am, perhaps even arrogantly so, and whether I find relationships or not in the future, I will live my life with decency, integrity and continued purpose.

 

You've got to do find the strength to do the same. This guy didn't make you, you made yourself and all the power of healing and moving on is within.

 

So there. You're getting NO sympathy from me now. You might think i'm a complete ba***rd now, but if it brings out a bit of anger, a bit of pride in yourself, a wake-up call, then it proves that you do have it within you.

 

There's people out there terminally ill, severely handicapped, living under awful dictatorships where their families are murdered/raped, starvation, disease, no homes etc etc. We are damn lucky Lisa. We have our health, we live in a wealthy, democratic society, with houses, transport, communication, etc. We've got it all!

 

Let's be grateful for what we have, and utilise it while we're on this planet. Yes, relationships can be terribly traumatic, but today is the start of the rest of your life. NOW GO OUT AND LIVE IT!

[LisaUk]

That was my point Aim, no matter what I do or don't do it's never enough for most people. Now I am told by you I am wallowing in self pity that I am not "performing" correctly, b/c people are taking the time to support me but b/c I am not doing as you would expect or want me to do I am not deserving of your care. I know the world doesn't give a f**k about me. I'm not your ex, I don't have a personalitiy disorder and I'm not posting for attention or to create drama or any of the reasons your ex would. I'm posting b/c I have NOONE else to talk to, no where else to let this out. Of course I realise that there are people worse off than me, that have cancer, no homes etc, that does not make my pain any less real to me and I shouldn't be made to feel guilty about it. I am struggling and I can't help that, if you want to call my depression wallowing in self pity that's up to you, but at the end of the day you don't know me. Your post has had the opposite effect of what you intended, I don't respond well to criticism, it just makes me even more aware of how worthless I am, that's what years of abuse wil do to someone. All you have done is make me even more acutely aware of how when you don't do what others want you to or expect you to they give up on you, instead of looking at why you are doing what you are doing.

Edited March 21, 2010 by LisaUk

[aimchase]

That was my point Aim, no matter what I do or don't do it's never enough for most people. Now I am told by you I am wallowing in self pity that I am not "performing" correctly, b/c people are taking the time to support me but b/c I am not doing as you would expect or want me to do I am not deserving of your care. I know the world doesn't give a f**k about me. I'm not your ex, I don't have a personalitiy disorder and I'm not posting for attention or to create drama or any of the reasons your ex would. I'm posting b/c I have NOONE else to talk to, no where else to let this out. Of course I realise that there are people worse off than me, that have cancer, no homes etc, that does not make my pain any less real to me and I shouldn't be made to feel guilty about it. I am struggling and I can't help that, if you want to call my depression wallowing in self pity that's up to you, but at the end of the day you don't know me. Your post has had the opposite effect of what you intended, I don't respond well to criticism, it just makes me even more aware of how worthless I am, that's what years of abuse wil do to someone. All you have done is make me even more acutely aware of how when you don't do what others want you to or expect you to they give up on you, instead of looking at why you are doing what you are doing.

 

Nobody has given up on you. Look back at the many many great posts on this thread from various individuals, which tell you that you have value, will prevail, your ex doesn't deserve you, that you inhabit a good spirit with great qualities etc.

 

I know that, everyone on LS knows that, but it doesn't matter a tuppence if you don't come to realise that.

[nobmagnet]

Nobody has given up on you. Look back at the many many great posts on this thread from various individuals, which tell you that you have value, will prevail, your ex doesn't deserve you, that you inhabit a good spirit with great qualities etc.

 

I know that, everyone on LS knows that, but it doesn't matter a tuppence if you don't come to realise that.

 

lisa darling,

 

 

im sorry. i have spent the day looking for a responce. I would love to help if i can.I will pm you and give you my number. use it if you wish. Im here.

 

 

Nobby xx:love:

[PuggaGirl]

Regardless of all that, which I would really like to drop now if that's OK b/c it is upsetting for me to keep going over, I cannot see how I will ever feel any different about losing him. I never wanted him to go in the first place, I can't convince myself that I am better off without him b/c I'm not. I miss him so much it hurts to breathe sometimes and I am back to waking every morning crying. I don't want to go through life without him and some days I think there is no point to being alive any more. I'm not saying I am suicidal or that I am going to act upon my feelings, but I just don't see me being happy ever again. I think of how my life is streching ahead of me without him, never seeing him again and I just don't want to go on, there seems to be no point. People say you will meet someone, I don't think that is true. In a whole year since he has been gone, not one man my own age has asked for my number or even shown any interest in me (except one that I met online). H**l I haven't even met one who is not married. Just a load of 20 year old boys looking to get laid. I don't see happiness in my future b/c I won't be with the man I love, nothing is going to change that, no matter if I get my own place, job, new interests etc, non of that will be my life with him and remembering my life with him pales all else into insignificance.

 

Lisa - I started reading your thread and skipped to the end. This post really struck me as you wrote how I feel right now. I have only been separated for 4 months, but it feels like a life time. I can't seem to get over my H and move on. I know everyone at work is sick of me going on about how miserable I am and how I can't see a life without my husband. Some days I get so sad, thinking about going home to an empty house; having to spend an awesome spring day along while he's with his new friends... I can't see any point in even getting up some days. I wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I am not as far along as you, but the feelings - they are also very real for me. I am thinking about you...

[dgiirl]

That was my point Aim, no matter what I do or don't do it's never enough for most people. Now I am told by you I am wallowing in self pity that I am not "performing" correctly, b/c people are taking the time to support me but b/c I am not doing as you would expect or want me to do I am not deserving of your care.

 

Lisa, that is not fair! All of us are trying to help you. The ONLY thing we expect from you is for you to learn to help yourself too. You are kicking yourself into the ground every time you tell yourself you are not "good" enough. We are simply calling you out on it and telling you to stop. If that is too much of us to ask of you, then none of us can help you. We're not expecting you to be over your ex. We're not expecting you to be happily ever after. But we DO expect you to not continue the same abuse that others have inflicted. You are no longer a child. You are a grown woman with lots of choices. Just because you had a ****ty childhood does NOT mean you have to continue to live that way.

 

I think it's great that you are starting to get sick of pleasing others. I think it's great that you stop trying to make everyone happy. **** the world and live for yourself for a change. If that means you want the right to kick dirt in your face and abuse yourself, so be it. You have the right to live as happy or as tortured as YOU choose. In 5, 10, 20 years from now, are you going to still be telling yourself you are not "good" enough because this guy left you? If that is the life you envision and want for yourself, then realize that is YOUR choice.

[Gunny376]

Lisa, that is not fair! All of us are trying to help you. The ONLY thing we expect from you is for you to learn to help yourself too. You are kicking yourself into the ground every time you tell yourself you are not "good" enough. We are simply calling you out on it and telling you to stop. If that is too much of us to ask of you, then none of us can help you. We're not expecting you to be over your ex. We're not expecting you to be happily ever after. But we DO expect you to not continue the same abuse that others have inflicted. You are no longer a child. You are a grown woman with lots of choices. Just because you had a ****ty childhood does NOT mean you have to continue to live that way.

 

I think it's great that you are starting to get sick of pleasing others. I think it's great that you stop trying to make everyone happy. **** the world and live for yourself for a change. If that means you want the right to kick dirt in your face and abuse yourself, so be it. You have the right to live as happy or as tortured as YOU choose. In 5, 10, 20 years from now, are you going to still be telling yourself you are not "good" enough because this guy left you? If that is the life you envision and want for yourself, then realize that is YOUR choice.

 

OooooRaaahhhaaah! (Marine Corps War Cry ~ similar to the Spartan War Cry of Raaah! Raaahhh! Raaaahhh! While beating shields and chests)

 

This guy that you've got this eighteen year history with? He's not perfect?

 

The only man in history that is purported to be perfect was Jesus Christ.

 

And he never married, (at least by historical and Biblical accounts)

 

But lets say he did?

 

He leaves on Friday is gone for the entire weekend with His thirteen buddies, comes home after being gone for the last three or four days, crucified on the cross, declared dead, goes to Hell, resurects from the dead ~ there's not a WOMAN on the planet that's going to buy that story!

Edited March 22, 2010 by Gunny376

[LisaUk]

Lisa, that is not fair! All of us are trying to help you. The ONLY thing we expect from you is for you to learn to help yourself too. You are kicking yourself into the ground every time you tell yourself you are not "good" enough. We are simply calling you out on it and telling you to stop. If that is too much of us to ask of you, then none of us can help you. We're not expecting you to be over your ex. We're not expecting you to be happily ever after. But we DO expect you to not continue the same abuse that others have inflicted. You are no longer a child. You are a grown woman with lots of choices. Just because you had a ****ty childhood does NOT mean you have to continue to live that way.

 

I think it's great that you are starting to get sick of pleasing others. I think it's great that you stop trying to make everyone happy. **** the world and live for yourself for a change. If that means you want the right to kick dirt in your face and abuse yourself, so be it. You have the right to live as happy or as tortured as YOU choose. In 5, 10, 20 years from now, are you going to still be telling yourself you are not "good" enough because this guy left you? If that is the life you envision and want for yourself, then realize that is YOUR choice.

 

Point taken Dgirl, but I would just like to say that perhaps YOU have the choice to live how you want to live b/c you are a grown adult. Unfortunately, I have to live with my mum, that means that although I am a grown women I am not allowed to be one. You say just b/c I had a bad childhood does not mean I still have to live that way, but I do. I am back in the enviroment in which I grew up and I am being abused and treated the same way I was as a child every day.

 

Maybe it's hard for someone who has control and choices over their own life to understand what my life is like? So here is an example of how my day starts -

Get up, go downstarirs and the first thing I am greeted with is

 

"Oh, you're up then, where did you put the ironing?"

I answer

"you stupid f****g girl why do you always have to be selfish, I am so f**** tired of you, all you are is a drain on me, I'm so tired, I'm so old, you have no consideration for me whatsoever. You always argue with me, why can't you do as your told, why can't you just be considerate, you stupid b***h, get out of my f****g sight, I can't stand to look at you"

 

If I want to apply for a job or spend my own money or do anything really, watch TV, go out, everything is controlled. EVERYTHING! I am not allowed to take a shower without permission.

 

Does this make sense to you now Dgirl? I take your point that you are telling me I am a grown women, that I have a choice about whether to be good enough, I wish it were a ssimple as that b/c I am living in the same enviroment in which I grew up, my life is CONTROLLED, I can't even flush the d**m loo at night in case it wakes her up, I'm not allowed to run water to wash my face for more than a set amount of time, I must not close the door to loudly, it goes on and on. This means that the not being good enough is reinforced everyday. It is difficult enough to break the feelings as it is, when it is reinforced over and over it is even harder.

 

I only have two choices, live here and tow the line, do as I am told and try to be good enough to keep the peace, or, live on the street. What would you do? If I don't act and fell the way she wants me to she threatens to throw me out. I have had friends say to me before that I shouldn't allow her to treat me this way, to them and to you I will say the same thing, you don't understand because you are looking at it from the perspective of someone who has control over their own life and choices, I have no choice unless I want to live on the street. I know you will come back and say I do have a choice and am allowing her to control me and all I can say to that is spend a day in my shoes and see if you still think that. I'm not expecting LSers to solve my problems for me, there is no soultion to them, I just need some support, that's all, just some understanding, someone to talk to, not someone to fix and tell me I am doing it to myself when I am not.

Edited March 22, 2010 by LisaUk

[Gunny376]

"Oh, you're up then, where did you put the ironing?"

I answer

"you stupid f****g girl why do you always have to be selfish, I am so f**** tired of you, all you are is a drain on me, I'm so tired, I'm so old, you have no consideration for me whatsoever. You always argue with me, why can't you do as your told, why can't you just be considerate, you stupid b***h, get out of my f****g sight, I can't stand to look at you"

 

The Internet isn't the best medium of communication.

[LisaUk]

The Internet isn't the best medium of communication.

 

I think you know Gunny that I meant I answer then my mother says what is in quotes.

[BB07]

Lisa......is there not somewhere, almost anywhere else that you can go to get away from the abuse? Friends, friend of a friend? Is there a possibility you could exchange services such as domestic duties/baby sitting/elderly care for your room and board?

[LisaUk]

lisa darling,

 

 

im sorry. i have spent the day looking for a responce. I would love to help if i can.I will pm you and give you my number. use it if you wish. Im here.

 

 

Nobby xx:love:

 

Thnaks so much Nobby but it is difficult for me to use the phone, first off b/c I have to ask due to the phone bill and second b/c I can be heard on the phone. Being on here helps a lot though.

 

Lisa......is there not somewhere, almost anywhere else that you can go to get away from the abuse? Friends, friend of a friend? Is there a possibility you could exchange services such as domestic duties/baby sitting/elderly care for your room and board?

 

Hi, no afraid not, I'm working on it, I'm doing a post-grad in law, for the most part I am out during the day and I camp out in the library a lot. It will be the summer holidays that are going to be difficult, but I am competing for an internship to work for 8 weeks over the summer (not paid unfortunately, but would mean I am not in the house and gaining useful work exerience, if I get it). What I really need is a training contract I'm trying, but they are really hard to come by in this economic climate. The abuse isn't all the time, it's just I walk on eggshells b/c I just never know when it's coming, so I am really careful to try and be perfect so as not to set her off. I feel really bad talking about her like this, like I said it isn't all the time, sometimes she is really nice to me and she did take me in when I had no where else to go, plus they support me financially whilst I am studying.

[nobmagnet]

lisa,

 

 

i havent got a big home to move to but there is room for you always. I have a cracking family law solisitor here that would be interested in you im sure. Look into the midlands (east) i will house you free of charge. no nothing. feed you and we can go out and have fun too. please consider it.

 

Nobby is here and she has a similar mother. Not mummy. Mother.

 

come??

 

PM me if you would like to come. im here and always will be.

 

Nobbyxxxx

 

[aimchase]

lisa,

 

 

i havent got a big home to move to but there is room for you always. I have a cracking family law solisitor here that would be interested in you im sure. Look into the midlands (east) i will house you free of charge. no nothing. feed you and we can go out and have fun too. please consider it.

 

Nobby is here and she has a similar mother. Not mummy. Mother.

 

come??

 

PM me if you would like to come. im here and always will be.

 

Nobbyxxxx

 

With the greatest of respect (as you could potentially be the second Mother Theresa), that is just freaky and damn alarming.

 

You don't offer a home to someone you don't know and haven't met.

 

Lisa, you don't accept such offers from people on the internet, who you don't know from Adam.

 

I'm sorry but this is just odd. If you ever want to meet, you start by doing it in a neutral and public place, and you get to know each other a bit. You don't turn up with your suitcase at a stranger's front door.

 

Sorry Nobby but I find your posts bizarre.

[Gunny376]

Trust me I know that moving back in with the parents isn't easy. I had to do so for about six months after I initially retired from the Corps, was taking the XHEX back to court, going back to college full time to finish my degree, trying to find a job.

 

It was anything but pretty and anything but fun. I don't care how old you are if and when you move back in with your parents? Your automatically 16 X 2 all over again!

 

Its as though your some kind of abject failure just by having to do so and not having any other choices.

 

It got even worse once my Dad realized he had but a short time to live. He was all over my @zz like a pack of hungry, starving wolves on the trail of a sick, hair-ball hacking, three legged cat!

 

I understand it and appreciate that it was done out of love and concern for me when he told me ~ "Once your parents are gone? Your pretty much on your own!"

 

Your being way, way too hard on yourself ~ I did the same thing. I beat myself up for years and years, back in tha' day before there was such a thing as the Internet, LS and such.

 

Your situation would be easier to handle and deal with if you didn't have so much pressure and stress on you that you do? And you've taken a lot on quick, fast and in a hurry like ~ you didn't have any other choice!

 

Your not only carrying a full plate? Your carrying someone elses as well!

 

Hang in there Marine! It DOES get better, it just seems like it never will with the "Storms Of Life" keep rolling over you one after another.

[Gunny376]

Hang in there Marine!

 

BTW for me to say that to someone who's never been in the Marines? Is the HIGHEST compliment I as a Marine can pay to someone!

 

Preserve and carry on!

[dgiirl]

Does this make sense to you now Dgirl? I take your point that you are telling me I am a grown women, that I have a choice about whether to be good enough

 

Actually, my point is for YOU to stop inflicting abuse upon yourself. The same type of abuse that others have inflicted upon you. I understand your mother is demanding and sometimes abusive. I understand how difficult it is to bear. I have my own issues with my own mother. But I also see that your mother and your ex are not the only two people who inflict pain upon you. I see you doing a lot more damage to yourself. You say some pretty awful things to yourself. You take up the slack for when your mom and ex are not there to do it.

 

In the quite times, when you are alone, what are you saying to yourself? Are you telling yourself you are beautiful? Are you telling yourself you are worthy? Are you telling yourself you are lovable? Or are you just repeating the same abusive words that others have told you over and over and over again? This is where you have the choice. This is where you can be an adult. You do not need to repeat the same abuse others have inflicted upon you 24/7. You can stop processing everything personally and start to realize the issues your mother and ex have are THEIR issues.

 

And every time someone tries to point out that you are pretty cruel to yourself, you come up with a "Yah but". No one is denying that your mom and ex have mistreated you. But let's leave them out of the picture for the moment. How do you treat yourself?

[Gunny376]

actually, my point is for you to stop inflicting abuse upon yourself. The same type of abuse that others have inflicted upon you. I understand your mother is demanding and sometimes abusive. I understand how difficult it is to bear. I have my own issues with my own mother. But i also see that your mother and your ex are not the only two people who inflict pain upon you. I see you doing a lot more damage to yourself. You say some pretty awful things to yourself. You take up the slack for when your mom and ex are not there to do it.

 

In the quite times, when you are alone, what are you saying to yourself? Are you telling yourself you are beautiful? Are you telling yourself you are worthy? Are you telling yourself you are lovable? Or are you just repeating the same abusive words that others have told you over and over and over again? This is where you have the choice. This is where you can be an adult. You do not need to repeat the same abuse others have inflicted upon you 24/7. You can stop processing everything personally and start to realize the issues your mother and ex have are their issues.

 

And every time someone tries to point out that you are pretty cruel to yourself, you come up with a "yah but". No one is denying that your mom and ex have mistreated you. But let's leave them out of the picture for the moment. How do you treat yourself?

 

that's what i'm talking about!

[PWSX3]

Lisa, do they have anything such as battered woman or a safe house that you could go to?????

 

I would think there is some type of government help. I understand you are in the UK & I have no clue what or if they have anything but it would be worth looking into.

[trippi1432]

Thanks Trippi, I didn't meet that guy on a dating site but i'm not ready to date anyway.

 

I'm so sick of life, I wish I could just die, everyone would be better off without me anyway, all I ever get is complaints, I'm never going to be f****g good enough so why bother to keep trying, why bother to try at all.

 

Lisa,

 

The worst thing in the world is to think that someone you respect. love and admire has a low opinion of you....believe me..you want to crawl into this protective cocoon and push the world out....hide....because it hurts. But it is not just your hurt....there are so many that hurt from much more. You can't help but want to wrap them in your arms and show them the love they deserve.

[soheartbroken]

Actually, my point is for YOU to stop inflicting abuse upon yourself.

 

Are you telling yourself you are beautiful? Are you telling yourself you are worthy? Are you telling yourself you are lovable? Or are you just repeating the same abusive words that others have told you over and over and over again? This is where you have the choice. This is where you can be an adult. You do not need to repeat the same abuse others have inflicted upon you 24/7. You can stop processing everything personally and start to realize the issues your mother and ex have are THEIR issues.

 

 

Hey Dgiirl. I admire many of your posts and consider you to be a very compassionate listener and advice-giver.

 

In Lisa's defense, these types of affirmations are very difficult to say to oneself and to believe when one is depressed. In fact, depression wouldn't really exist if people could just talk/think themselves out of it, right? At the very least, it's extremely hard work.

 

Anyway, I'm not trying to say that there is nothing Lisa can do, or that affirmations and a change in thinking can not be helpful, I'm just trying to point out how hard it is to think good things about oneself when depressed.

 

I think the standard advice is to say these things to yourself even when you don't believe them, try to start a habit of realistic thinking. But I know this is so hard to do.

 

Lisa, I'm really looking forward to when you finally get some counseling (I know you've been on a waiting list forever). I think you'll really see some pieces of the puzzle falling into place when you get to talk things out, if you're willing to do some digging into your past with an open mind etc.