wierdmunky Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 I love them. I appreciate them. I respect them. Despite all of this, they think completely opposite. I'm at my wits end in dealing with them healthily! I know that since I am 2nd generation and they are 1st, that our communication styles are a contributing problem in regards to respect. My dad heavily believes (he prayed this last night) that the American country is going downhill because of the issue of respect. He recognizes that in America respect is earned, and in our own culture, you plain respect your elders. I don't disagree with that at all, but I can't pray in a family setting without hearing how he turns that particular moment in talking to God for his soapbox. I'm not saying anything bad about our faith either. Things get misinterpreted all the time, and instead of talking things out, I'm expected to not "talk back", and even in explaining things, all these thoughts are so deeply rooted in their emotions, it's impossible to say things without the parents taking it seriously and bringing it back down to the issue of respect. I don't know how to handle this. I'm going crazy trying to come up with a solution. I'm also seeing that I'm internalizing this, and thinking I'm really actually stupid and ignorant because I can't understand. The only reason I can get some sanity out of the majority of things, is that at church, I can be surrounded by great people (they're educated too!) and see how they react to me, and know ok maybe I am normal after all. I also directly ask my close friends this, so I can somehow ground myself, and I do get some reassurance. I'm helpless in trying to explain myself right now, and feel I can't succeed anywhere in public. I don't hang out with friends a lot, I study, read, go to church, go on the comp, and occasionally hangout with friends. I know it's good to have a balance and with school, hey I don't mind being able to concentrate on it more, I know friends will be there. It's the time that I spend at home that nags me. I feel like the parents don't really "want" to operate on their own principles and preachings, but just want to be heard, vent, and somewhat make up some rules that that are indeed applicable, but they themselves will always forget. We the kids (left at home right now) have to be the ones responsible enough to remember all of this, and take the personality bashing because they are trying to "teach us" to be better people, when I feel they don't really apply these principles to themselves. I'm trying to do my best, my heart isn't in purposely trying to make their lives miserable. I'm just tired of feeling responsible for their happiness and my own. It's making me depressed, which is making it harder to productively put up with this, and it's driving me insane. Any positive input will help, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
stanlovesJ Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 i am going through the same thing with my parents, dont think you are the only one.. Just keep praying about it to God and hope that somehow he will show you the answer. one thing you could try doing is telling your aunts and uncles what you are going through, becuase they know your parents really well and can also talk to them with the knowledge they have. or your grandparents . i find that after i tell everything to my aunt, i feel like i have some support and she is in the struggle with me ... you know? or call a christian hotline or your pastor see what their viewpoint is on this situation! best of luck, Stan Link to post Share on other sites
Author wierdmunky Posted March 9, 2010 Author Share Posted March 9, 2010 thanks for this..it does help knowing that you aren't the only one. I feel like I'm just being an enabler because all they do is vent to me, i get enough of it, react badly, then i'm being disrespectful. I really do care about them. They think I don't think about all the problems the family has, and no matter many times i've actively tried to help figure things out in their lives, it just seems they really don't want to work to solve things, they just want it plain solved in 3 seconds. i don't want to be their listening ear anymore:( Link to post Share on other sites
Confusedguy81 Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 families that don't drive you crazy are abnormal. So welcome to normal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wierdmunky Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 families that don't drive you crazy are abnormal. So welcome to normal. hmm strangely helpful, and yet seems so illogical??! Link to post Share on other sites
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