Does this mean he's gay or bi

[dyermaker]

I love my ex, because he could see the little girl inside me.

 

Little girls are inexperienced, quick to emotionally attach themselves with blind trust, and very easy to manipulate and exploit. Do you see where I'm going with that?

[confused44]

Yeah we're not together anymore. i haven't seen him for about 4 months now. We talked online for a little while up until about a month ago, but we're not in any way together at present.

 

I haven't done anything with anyone except kiss one guy and that still didnt feel right. I know i sound sweet and innocent, and while i'm not a bad person, i'm not sweet and innocent either. I do have a lot of support from my friends, i guess because they know me and know how much i really love him. They've heard every story from the beginning as well.

 

As for the whole family thing, nobody really knew about it when i was dating him. I dont think my family would have been very supportive if they did know though. He's really not such a bad guy, there are so many times when he's been a complete angel to me. We used to talk about everything for hours, and the first time i shared his bed, he did just hold me all night.(that was the night i wanted to be with him forever)

 

I'm trying as hard as i can to move on, but its really really hard. You guys have been great, especially considering you dont know me and stuff like that. I just miss how sweet he could be or how safe he could make me feel.

 

If i did have my first time with him, if it had happened, I'm sure it would have been great, because i really do lovehim, and it wouldnt have been about the sex for me. I'm sure i've hurt him in ways that i'm unaware of and i'm sure i did a lot of things wrong as well.

 

How do i be with someone else though, knowing that he is in my heart. I dont want to hurt anybody else or use anybody. I also dont want a new guy in my life to feel like they are in a competition with a guy who owns my whole heart.

 

Like if he came back right now, and wanted to be with me, I'm not going to lie and say i'd say no, I'd believe him, because i so badly believe he's good inside. No man could hold me all night and make me feel safe and be bad, no matter what he's done to prove otherwise.

 

I make it really hard to get through to me...and i'm sorry for that. My friends get frusturated at me for that too, so i'm sorry if you guys are getting frusturated.

[VivianLee]

I'm not frustrated, you can't be frustrated with someone in love. I'm frustrated with him and how he's treated you...sometimes bad can actually outweigh good.

 

If you think something is wrong with you because he didn't want to have sex with you then NO WAY, it wasn't you it was him. I'm sorry but I may be so very naive but I think he's a little more kinkier than the "average" guy sexually and I don't think nice sweet love making is what he's into. And that's what you need, especially for your first time. Personally it had to be some sort of turn off for you to see him "going down" on a big black dildo....most average guys just don't do that, at least not in front of their girlfriends.

 

It will take time to get over him, that happens with love but surely in your heart no matter how tender he "has" been or can be, this man isn't what you'd want the rest of your life....could you trust him? Would his verbal abuse be something you could stay with? What would become of you if you actually had a more committed relationship? What if you got pregnant? What if he doesn't practice safe sex? Could you live with the big black dildo in your bedroom?? See you need to ask what you would want for the future.

 

Watch out if he comes around again, he may realize that the only way he can get you to take him back for a while is if he has real sex with you. Guys like that will do that then just think what hold he'll have over you!!

 

Just date whether you want to or not. Notice and look for guys, don't spend your sweet, young life waiting on this type of person. If you do, one day you're are going to wake up (we all do) and regret this!!

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by confused44

How do i be with someone else though, knowing that he is in my heart. I dont want to hurt anybody else or use anybody. I also dont want a new guy in my life to feel like they are in a competition with a guy who owns my whole heart.

 

The answer is, you don't. Not until you are over this guy. You don't want to have a series of bad relationships following him that will only make you want him more. Everyone moves on with someone else in their heart, it's part of what makes people able to understand their own relationships clearer. Not every breakup is a quick angry rush to get rid of someone, in fact, most of them aren't. As for the competition, this guy is a part of your heart, it's you who is letting him own it. Remand your heart to proper custody before moving on.

[confused44]

As for the big black dildo......i have to admit i enjoyed that. it was kinda cool and nice to have control in what we were doing sexually to some degree. Usually he would never take a submissive role, so that was interesting.

 

You are right about him being turned off by making love. He has said that before that he wants to **** me but he does't believe he could ever make love. He says he's only done it once in his life and that was when he was very young.

 

I have thought about what it would be like to have kids with him and i've asked him what would happen if i ever got pregnant. Believe it or not, i think there are parts of him that would make a great father, and i dont think he would be so promiscuous if that were the situation. I think he would "grow up"

 

He knows that I can only be with him if we're together properly, because i do only want to be with one man for the rest of my life. As for the things i like sexually in bed and stuff like that, I dont think any thing is wrong and i'd be willing to try a lot of things. I was surprised with how much i enjoyed the big black dildo, especially seeing how much he enjoyed it, so i guess my mind is not as innocent as i am.

 

I've dated other guys, but i usually end up forming good friendships with them, depending on if thats okay with them or not, but generally thats as far as its gotten. I'm very young or naive, when it comes to my emotions and how i handle them. Like most of you guys have commented its like talking or giving advice to someone younger. when it comes to relationships, i guess i am very young

 

I really do appreciate all the advice and patience you all are showing. I enjoy the different perspectives.

[AprilFool]

I'm am 21, 5'5, 120 lbs, and by 89% of men's standards HOT! Men drop their jaws when I walk by. EVERYONE stares at me when I enter a room. Every time my husband and I go out, he says, "Did you see that guy looking at your butt!?"

 

Ok....we've established I'm attractive.

 

Now, my husband is a 25 year old HEALTHY american male. And guess what, tonight, he told me that I wasn't getting any until I get my driver's license renewed. We have been married 9 months, and haven't had sex since last Thursday.

 

A LOT of times, I'll try to initiate sex with him, and he will actually turn me down. I will walk into the room in sexy lingerie, and parade around in front of him, and love on him, and he won't even be able to get his soldier up.

 

NOW. If you think a man who is so madly in love with me that he gets up early on his day off so he can cook me breakfast can't get it up for his sexy wife who is barely dressed, and rubbing him, why is it a far cry to think that ALL men just aren't in the mood sometimes???

 

My husband says it's not me, it's him...he's just not in the mood.

 

Sometimes, my husband will go wild over the lingerie and lovin, but sometimes, he just doesn't.

 

Your guy probably wasn't in the mood!!!!! it's not that far of a cry!!! My husband looks at porn, and I post threads all the time about it, so we know he is a horny, sexual man, but sometimes, he's not in the mood.

 

Now. If he's not in the mood, he may not be able to get it up. If he's not in the mood, he may not want to give you your first time because it would suck.

 

Sex is a lot of work! Sometimes, I don't want to do it, no matter how in the mood I am, because of the motions. It can be a lot of work...sometimes my legs get cramps. It would be easier to just bob my head up and down to pleasure him, that bob my whole body. UNDERSTAND. Maybe you cought him when he was tired.

 

Or maybe, he knew he was getting ready to break up with you, and even though he's a jerk, had enough dignity not to take your virginity right before he dumped you. If a man leaves you, he's not worthy. That was always my philosophy. Just be glad you got out with your virginity firmly in tact. I had a guy take mine, and dump me 2 days later. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT!?!?!?

[confused44]

Well i'm not so sure what to say on the last reply. See there is a lot i miss out on because i haven't had intercourse. People will say i'm missing out, or people will say how awseome it is, or people will say its not so great, or people tell me things get complicated after you have sex. I dont know. The best is people say, its easy for you to say no, because you've never had it, and virgins dont get horny.

 

Well on the last one, virgins definately get horny, and they definately crave sex. My body does, but I've waited this long and i want my first time to special. My first time is not about sex, its about the person i'm with. I pray to god its with my future husband, and even better if i can actually wait till our wedding day. I'm also human though, and sex is a large part of a relationship, i mean you're going to be together with that person for the rest of your life. You and your husband seem to have an understanding with each other, and you guys dont question anything if you go with out sex for a couple of days...i think thats great that you guys have that.

 

Here is a dumb question, but is going a week without sex in a marriage abnormal......i thought once you were married it slows down a lot anyways???

 

I dont want Mr. Perfect, i mean i'm not perfect. I'm very attractive as well, as i said i'm 6'1, pretty, and fit. A lot of people think i should model. As for guys, most are infatuated or intimidated, its really hard to find real people, especially ones that you can get close too. I dont want to go out with a guy who just wants me for sex, whether my ex was faithful or always cheating, he still was there for a long time. He was the first big man in my life, he is a part of me....i'm just trying to keep him a good part of me, and realize that its okay that he didnt want to be with me, the way i wanted to be with him.....does that make sense?

[AprilFool]

Well, my girlfriends who have been married less than a year usually get it every night...that's why I said it like it was weird to be married 9 months and not have had sex in a week...expecially if you're getting along.

 

One thing you did say, though, is virgins do get horny. Yes they do. I did. It is, however, a lot different after you've had it. I don't know what it is, but once you've had sex, it's hard hard HARD to stop. I was a good moral person, and once I finally let go of my virginity, I craved sex FAAAAR more than I did when I was a virgin.

 

I was in love with a guy, who dumped me. Everyone said he was a jerk, but I still hold fast that he was a golden person. In my memory, he is still wonderful and amazing, even though he did dump me. All you have to do is keep your ex in your happy thoughts....but just keep him in your thoughts.

 

I think that after two years of this relationship being so rocky, it's time to move on.

[confused44]

well now this thread has completely changed.

 

Your ex sounds a bit like my ex. My question is do you still love him? Now that you have this great guy who treats you well, do you still think about your ex. I mean he was your first. Do you ever have that what if in your mind?

 

once it was finally over and you had moved on, did he try and come back? Whats the best way to move on?

[AprilFool]

lol, I've always heard the best way to move on is to find someone else

 

Yes, he crosses my mind in a good way. I don't really wonder what would've happened if we'd stayed together...I pretty much know He would never get a real job, because they didn't pay enough. He was always going for odd jobs with a lot of money.

 

If I'd married him, I would've ended up living with him and his parents, in the same town that I grew up in. I would've resented him for not getting a real job, and we would've probably fought a lot.

 

No, he never really tried to get me back. My dad ran into him after I got married, and told him of my marriage, and my dad claimed that he looked disappointed...but of course I'm sure my dad is prejudiced

 

Trust me, I do not regret not trying to win him back one bit. He dumped me, and if I'd married him, I believe that I would always be afraid that he'd dump me again. I didn't want to live like that.

 

I love my husband more than anyone....he gets on my nerves, though, which is why I'm a member of loveshack

 

I went through a spell there where I dreamed about my ex ALL the time. I would dream that I was married to him, and I would be sitting there, thinking, "Something doesn't feel right....wait...WHY DID I MARRY HIM?! I'M IN LOVE WITH *insert my husband's name here*"

 

Then I would wake up, roll over, see my husband laying there asleep, and sigh with relief

 

Getting over someone takes time. It sounds like you can do much better than your ex, so I figure once you find someone else, your ex will pale in comparison. Once you find "the one" you'll look back at your ex, and think how lucky you are that he dumped you

 

I do that I look back at my exes, and then see my husband, and think, "THANK GOD THEY DUMPED ME!!!"

[confused44]

sounds like you got a good head on your shoulders and that you've been through a lot.

 

I hope one day i can say thank god he dumped me. I really dont want to be with anybody else and i feel guilty when i try to be with someone else.

 

anyways i appreciate everybodys help and i guess i just need to see what time brings me. I think all of my questions have been answered and now i just have to see whats in store for me next.

 

THANKS AGAIN