tbbearcat5 Posted January 6, 2004 Share Posted January 6, 2004 I hate to break up the happiness, but I have a situation that you guys might be able to dissect for me. Now it has been almost three months since my ex and I split, and I am doing quite well. I have been able to move on, but I still am very attached to her. I care about her a lot and talk to her once or twice a week on msn, I haven't had a phone conversation with her in ages, but that is ok. Here is the situation. I'll give a little rundown. I dated this girl for six months. I could just tell there was something special about this girl from the first time I laid eyes on her. She seemed happy and comfortable and was talkative. We continued our little friendship for about three or four weeks and decided to make it official. She had told me that she had been through a lot of crap in her life (exes hurt her, overprotective parents, she was kinda of a rebel before). But she said that in the weeks leading up before she met me, she had a sense that she needed to grow up and find someone who would let her be herself and bring that out in her. She told me that I did that for her, and she had never felt this way in her life ever. About three months into the relationship, I got off work one night and I was planning to see her. Well when I got to her house (she lives 2.5 hours away, too) she had a surprise planned for me at her place. Her family had gotten into the act, helping her fix a surprise candlelight dinner for me! And she wore the most beautiful dress ever...I was shocked. I had no idea. She had surgery as well over the summer...I decided I would pay her back for the dinner by taking off of work and surprising her at a hospital four hours away that she was at. I bought her a rose and gave it to her as she lay in the bed, and I took care of her at her house for a few days afterwards...man how I wanted to switch places with her...but anyways, she really appreciated that I took the time to do that for her. One night she went out with a few galpals to a friends house, and I tried to call her on her cell but no answer. Her mom said that she had gone to the friends house in a nearby town, and that the reception might be bad. I got a call from her at 1 am saying that she was sorry. I was upset, but we took the time right then and we worked it out. I was just worried that something had happened to her. The reception just turned out to be bad. She started college this last fall, which is fine. (I am a sophomore) and she goes to a different school three hours away, she had already picked her college before she met me. She was dating a guy that lived in that area at that time. And things went very well...we saw each other every weekend or every other one, and we talked everyday and emailed sometimes. I even gave her a promise ring....which I don't really regret because she still has it...and my class ring too....but now that I look back it wasn't such a good idea at the time...maybe later. But she was only acting weird up until a few days before the split...she was withdrawn and didn't say much. She finally called it quits a few days later, saying that "she was going through the motions" and hated feeling like that because it was with someone she cared about so much. But here's what gets me: She has started dating this guy. Ok, fine. But she has already gotten serious...I don't know about sexually but I know that my ex and I didn't have sex for a good two or three months starting out. Her roommates have said that he is a nice kid, but is just desperate and wants a relationship, but I think it's just for the sex. One of her 'mates told me that he tried putting moves on her and a few other girls early in the semester, and right as my ex breaks up with me and is all torn up over it, here comes this guy to "save the day". Guys aren't dumb, they can smell rebound from five miles away. I think that's what this is here. She was, on MSN, putting her sn as "I wish he was here by my side" or "All I really want for christmas is him". But now, that has stopped for the time being. Does that mean anything? Also, she never mentions him when we talk...it's all normal chat when we do talk. It also helps that her friends are behind me...they think she is making a huge mistake. She had everything she could have ever wanted. Her parents and family have also been very supportive and still want me to be in their lives, including my ex's, as well. If I get the chance to talk to her, I don't want to rush anything, I want to make sure she wants what I want. It's late here, so I'm out. I appreciate all comments, and I know I might get some negative ones as well. Bottom line, I just don't think she is thinking clearly right now, and her friends and family think the same thing as I do. Like a phase or something. To go from what we had to what she's in now boggles my mind. I just simply care about her so much, and don't want her hurt, but I know I cant do much about it. I really, really hate to say it, but she may have to get hurt for her to finally get it. Anyways, If you want to know more, just ask. Thanks, guys, and God bless. tbbearcat5 Link to post Share on other sites
Marty_McFly Posted January 6, 2004 Share Posted January 6, 2004 I have a lot of sympathy for you, as there are some similarities in our situation. My ex was also the perfect girl, the only one I ever wanted, and we were just about to get engaged. And like yours, mine is also now dating someone else. I know how you feel about her needing to get hurt to realize what she has. But you have to also think that she probably IS hurting right now, because it wasn't easy to leave you, as much as it may appear to you right now. I'm torn in my mind because on the one hand, I kind of hope that the new guy hurts her, and she will realize her mistake (I know this is a selfish feeling to have). On the other hand, I don't want her to get hurt because if she ever comes back to me I want it to be because she has gone elsewhere and experienced good things and realized that I am still better than all of those things. I'm also torn because I want the new guy to be a great guy because I hate to think that a total slimebag was able to take her from me, but I also know that the better he is, the lower the chance of her eventually realizing I was better. This may not help, but I'm just trying to let you know you're not alone. It wasn't very long ago that I was in college, and there are so many new experiences there for people. When she sees her friends meeting new people and having new experiences, she probably feels a little bit left out, and also feels like she needs to experience those things as well so that she doesn't have regrets in life. I had a lot of friends in school, girls and guys, who broke it off with their pre-college loves because of this need to make sure they've explored everything in life. Some ended up back together, and some didn't. I think she probably just needs to have some of these experiences, and if you were really the best for her, she'll eventually realize that. But I think the only way she'll realize that is if you give her the space and time, and be her friend. Don't make her feel guilty or angry, because then it will just leave a bad taste in her mouth for you. If you handle this situation maturely (I know it's not easy), there is a much better chance her new experiences won't measure up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Marty_McFly Posted January 6, 2004 Share Posted January 6, 2004 Also, take this time to have your own experiences too. I know you probably feel like you've already done that because you were in school already a year before you met her. But you still have at least two and a half years left. And I have to tell you there will NEVER be a time when there are more single, attractive girls all around you than when you are in college (a reality that hits me everyday since this is the first time I've been single and out of school). You are probably thinking that none of them will measure up (and maybe they won't) but you can sure have some fun trying to find out. Join a fraternity or other social club if you haven't already, and take advantage of the opportunities you have right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tbbearcat5 Posted January 6, 2004 Author Share Posted January 6, 2004 It's good to know that I'm not the only one. You make a lot of good points. I am 100% confident we will be friends, no doubt about it. But there was just something I saw in her that I had never seen in anyone else. True, there may be something better, and I havent been dating exclusively, but I have been hanging out with other girls, but so far no luck. I still love my ex, but I do know that it will take time with that. Honestly, I don't think I would jump back into anything with her immediately if she so desired, just for the fact we went a little fast in the first place, and I know she would respect that. She just deserves to be happy, and I just don't think she truly is. It made me extremely happy that I made her feel that way for six months...I just want it to be me making her happy again!!! LOL Anyways, if you want to know more, just ask...I'm willing to share, and good luck with your situation. tbbearcat5 Link to post Share on other sites
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