Cake eating

[Ballerfamily]

finally back, heres an update:

 

my wife follows through with divorce. It was final on July 16. She got full custody of my 7 yr old because I missed a custody meeting that my lawyer did not tell me about. Kind of confusing, because I was running out of money and basically was in court without a lawyer at final hearing.

 

Were divorced. I walk out of court with out talking or looking at her. Texts 2 hrs later telling me how is going to miss my smile, and laughter, and she would do it all over again. Wanted to give me a big hug after court because she felt sorry for me. I ignored messages.

 

Fast forward to Aug 1, 2010. I have my son on visitation. I'm not working on Aug 2, so I ask if can keep him another day. She's ben drinking. She says OK. I then talk to her a little about her OM coming around in front of my son. She gets defensive and angry and I say good bye and hang up.

 

I text her for 1st time next morning between 5-7am, and text quite a few messages about OM, hes ugly, blah blah.

 

Leave with my son and go do errands. Dont have my phone. Return at 1 pm, and my oldest son is calling me telling me mom is upset and I better talk to her. She tells me to bring my son to her immediately. I tell her im taking him jet ski ing and hang up. I return home 3 hrs later, and 2 sherriff cars pull up. Handcuff me, and haul me to jail. $100,000 bond. Ha to borrow $10,000 to get out. She filed PR that I threatened her life and she feared for the life of my son. Aggravated Menacing, Harrassment. I spend night in jail and get out in the morning. Come home and for next 2 visitations, she doesnt show up. I plead not guilty. I finally am hired as a Direct TV installer. They do a background check an find the charges on my record. No previous anything ever. Send me an adverse notification.

 

Charges are still pending. I dont talk or see her from Aug 2 to Sept 15. She texts me and tells me she is so sorry, and hopes im ok. Then calls me 2 days later at 12:00 midnite and I answer phone in a sleep. Crying her eyes out, she is so sad, when will this ever stop. She told me she told prosecutor to drop charges which hasnt happened yet.Wanted to know why did I call her bad names, etc. She will never be able to forget being called a slut, etc lol

 

side note: her best friend(are best couple friends when still married) just divorced her husband. There living together. We both were best friends for 30 yrs. All pre-planned. He got her out fast, and now she does the same crap as a my wife, except there civil and as far as I know, there was no affair. He already has had 4 dates, and its been 2 wks. She wants to come by and see him and maybe go on a date lol

 

question: can I legally get any retribution from her for loss of job, etc when charges are dismissed?

[cyabye]

If I were you, I would be more concerned about getting joint custody with a set parental plan/visitation agreement in place (and adhered to it) ASAP so you will not be hauled off to jail again when she decides she does not like you again (due to the drinking). That would be my first move.

 

As time passes, you will see that you are way better off without this "woman" (if you don't see it already)!!! Work on getting joint custody and FORGET ALL OF HER DRAMA. FLAT OUT IGNORE IT! If the conversation is not about the child.......you know what you have to do (for your own sanity sake).

 

Cya

[tornandmarried]

Here is the issue to me. If I have to ever EVER check someone's cell phone records and not trust them again I am out that day. I did this and its not healthy. When following you around and checking your cell phone is part of the equation I am ending it. Been there done that. Never again. NEVER!!!!!!!

 

 

 

this hits home to me...i been there and its a deep dark hole...never again

[Ballerfamily]

I am trying to get the custody situation reworked. I have a normal co-parent visiting schedule as long as she adheres to it.

 

(Somewhere, she's carrying around pain that she never dealt with. Don't pity her because of this--it is her arrogance and stubbornness that have brought her to where she is now.

Your wife gambles with life and love and she will lose--it's guarantteed. When will her fall be--not your concern. Don't be an enabler. Don't give her what she wants in other words. Start putting yourself first. She is hurting you--and you continue to let her. You have to stop that cycle of abuse. You do that by realizing that she is toxic, and that you have to start looking out for number 1--that's you. When you take care of yourself--then you are capable of taking care of others, including your kids and relationships. So you take care of yourself. Let her fall into whatever abyss she is leaning over. You can't control her behavior--and you can't stop her train wreck. It's her destiny to learn the lessons she needs to learn in life, and you can't protect her, nor catch her when she falls.)

 

you go girl

 

words of wisdom after re reading this. You had some great advice along with others. thank you

 

No, I can't really think of anything I miss except being a full time father. That part sucks. Not waking up and going t sleep with the little guy every day. I just need to get the toxcity out for good. I just wish NC could be always, and I would be good. At times I do not go to sons games just so I dont have to see her. She always tries to look like she is so good with life in those situations

[HopelessinDTW]

I am trying to get the custody situation reworked. I have a normal co-parent visiting schedule as long as she adheres to it.

 

(Somewhere, she's carrying around pain that she never dealt with. Don't pity her because of this--it is her arrogance and stubbornness that have brought her to where she is now.

Your wife gambles with life and love and she will lose--it's guarantteed. When will her fall be--not your concern. Don't be an enabler. Don't give her what she wants in other words. Start putting yourself first. She is hurting you--and you continue to let her. You have to stop that cycle of abuse. You do that by realizing that she is toxic, and that you have to start looking out for number 1--that's you. When you take care of yourself--then you are capable of taking care of others, including your kids and relationships. So you take care of yourself. Let her fall into whatever abyss she is leaning over. You can't control her behavior--and you can't stop her train wreck. It's her destiny to learn the lessons she needs to learn in life, and you can't protect her, nor catch her when she falls.)

 

you go girl

 

words of wisdom after re reading this. You had some great advice along with others. thank you

 

No, I can't really think of anything I miss except being a full time father. That part sucks. Not waking up and going t sleep with the little guy every day. I just need to get the toxcity out for good. I just wish NC could be always, and I would be good. At times I do not go to sons games just so I dont have to see her. She always tries to look like she is so good with life in those situations

I know how you feel, but YOU HAVE TO BE THERE FOR YOUR KID...NOT HER. F**k her!!! She's just putting on a facade...a lie...that's the life of the MLCer...lie to make her be something/someone she is not. You need to be with your kids at every function and opportunity you have. It's sucks not being a full time father, but it suck worse if you don't spend quality time with your kid. Remember YOU are now the only parent that is there to set the right example for your child. In time they will see which parent it stable, which isn't. It doesn'r matter their age, or if you have custody or not. Don't let the hate you have for her affect your relationship with your kid...NEVER...