Chinook Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Okay so we got engaged at Christmas. We've known each other 29 years and been friends all that time. We finally got together last year and because we're both in our 40s decided not to waste any time and just make decisions and go ahead and spend our lives together. Now... he is literally almost 100% perfect... of course, I am kidding but he's a decent 'nice' guy. He takes care of me, I take care of him. He has two kids by his former wife. They have to speak to each other each week regarding the kids. Now, don't get me wrong, I have noooo problems with the kids, her or his contact with her. None at all. It's all part of him and I accept it. But get this... picture the scene... It's his Father's birthday meal (which I had suggested) and we're in a Chinese restaurant. [Nice guy] is relating a funny story about me... except he says '... and [ex-wife's name] did this...' ... after which there was totally stunned silence. Then Mom, Dad, Brother and Sister-in-Law all burst out laughing and jeer at him. Don't I feel just great then...?! Nope. Now, normally I'd put it down to there being regular contact for the kids and an old habit dying hard when under pressure (to tell the funny correctly). But here's the thing... I've noticed recently that 'things' seem to happen after he has had to have contact with his ex-wife. Last week he saw her on Friday lunch-time to discuss swapping arrangements around for regularly seeing the kids. The week before, she was miraculously stranded in the snow (UK snow) even though her Father lives up the road and my DP lives across town. The week before that, after dropping the kids at home after seeing them, she texts him to tell him the youngest one was watching football at 10pm at night. All pretty innocuous stuff in my book... but I'm just getting a bit tired of her sticking her oar in ... and now I have to 'accept' being called by her name because it's a habit! Sorry. Bit of a ranting session. Ho hum. I'm sure it will all work out [cue optimism]. As you were LS'ers Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Whether this helps or not, I've called both my husbands', my brothers' and male friends' names and the reverse of this. It's not deliberate. Names don't mean much to me. It's probably why I have a hard time remembering peoples' names. My ex-MIL used to call every man "George", since she couldn't remember their names, even her son and husband. Once again, not deliberate. If you think about it, names aren't intuitive. They're just a form of memory work. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Hey Lady. Congrats on your engagement :love: and now I have to 'accept' being called by her name because it's a habit! Well, no, you don't "have to". But. You would be wise to...because you accept that sometimes we lose control of our faculties and sometimes the result is a "brain-to-mouth malfunction." OTOH. There was one guy who didn't seem to think it was a big deal and didn't seem to be making any effort to break his "habit". So I decided to help him...and, more importantly, me -- called him by one of my ex's names (when it was just the two of us, not in public), was suitably apologetic of course, didn't mention that he'd been doing the same thing. Think I only had to do it twice, maybe three times. As far as her sticking in her oar. Yeah...that's just her. Let him know you're happy to be with someone who is so generous and compassionate as to be able to still be there for his ex. Laugh about it together. Go with him on his "crisis calls". Ask her, "Isn't he the greatest and the bestest ever?" Like that, maybe? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chinook Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 hahaha! Ronni, I love you. I can always rely upon your understanding ear Both .... Yea, I know. I was really just having a rant. I didn't want to do it in his direction really because he already feels so bad about it!! (sure sign it was a brain fart!) As for her... well, the less energy I expend on her, the better... that said I tend to be better at placing her positively in our emotional lives than he does, so maybe it's not such a bad thing after all. :0 Thanks guys... Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Whoah and yes, sorry about that, was focused on trying to defray some of the "annoyance" factor of being called someone else. Congratulations on your engagement! Link to post Share on other sites
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