monkey Posted January 6, 2004 Share Posted January 6, 2004 Hi All I've posted this a fiew times but feel i need to on this part of the site. I met my gf in Aug 02 & from then on my life changed totally for the better, i stopped my boring life of going out drinking with the boys, being in a stagnant job & in the same place. My life was finally doing what i had always wanted having found the right person to do it with. My gf is from Hungary & she has a totally different life style to anyone i ever met before. She's into clean living which has helped me quit drink, she loves the out doors & the cycling walking hobbies that i am & quiet nights in & changed me so much from the person i didn't like that i used to be. She has also a wonderful heart & mind that i am so in love with. We travelled to her country to spend 3 months with her family which was magical, i'd always wanted to do something like this with a girl & now i was & it was magical. When we first met she had the plan to go to the USA to try her luck there & that she didn't want a relationship to hinder her, but i persevered & she realise how much i wanted her & so we became a couple. After time spent in Hungary at her parents house we returned to England to get her visa for the USA & by now i had planned to come with her & try & start a life in the USA. We stayed at my parents house for 8 weeks before our departure, 8 weeks of hell because my mum & gf didn't get on at all, but we had nowhere else to go for such a short time. My gf for the last 2 weeks found somewhere she could stay because she was feeling so bad at my parents & i felt so guilty & that i'd let her down that i couldn't find somewhere. In the past, before we met i had suffered from anxiety problems & being on medication & meeting her & my life changing improved me so much & i thought i was cured. I had noticed the feelings of anxiety unexplainably returning & i was very upset on the plane about feelings i had let her down. After a week or so in America, in new environment, i know i should have been loving it but wasn't feeling myself & one day at the beach, my gf announced that she wanted to cool things off & wanted to be just friends. from this day on i fell apart emotionally, i couldn't handle it at all & should have returned home. Our situation was causing problems with the family we were staying with, she was looking after the kids there. They said that it wasn't working & they asked me to leave, my plane ticket wasn't for 8 weeks so i got somewhere else to stay, instead of returning home. We spent a lot of the remaining time together as friends but i was very fragile & felt i had messed everything up. She told me that if i was to return home & get well i could return back & we'd try again, by now it was October & i had a job offer for February to return to,& this kept me going! however my anxiety problem was affecting her, making her unwell & i felt real bad but was unable to help my emotions & constant paranoia & needing reassurance. We did yoga together & cycled a lot & did nice things, but with this horrible shadow of anxiety that was spoiling everything. After returning home i realised she had emailed my family saying she had done & said a lot of things to get me back to England & that she needed freedom & did it to help me even though she felt bad & didn't want to be with me like that. I totally understand this but never the less i felt decieved. I emailed her a lot because i needed answers & was feeling a lot worse, especially as i was back where i didn't want to be & felt this problem i was having was jepordising our future! We now email occasionally but i miss her so much & am very jealous & paranoid because she is a lovely person & gorgeous & i think of all the wonderfull days we could be having if it wasn't for my stupid anxiety that i can't help. I am having medication & a therapist, & am feeling much better but all i think of is her & she says we can meet as friends, but doesn't know if she'll want to be with me again, i changed my entire life to be with her & have nothing here, i burned all my bridges here & everything is in limbo & i can't stand it. Returning & showing her my change would also help further my recovery period, but i guess she's scared of seeing no difference! She says she cares for me, but like a mother, whereas when we met we were lovers. This i am sure we can be again in time & all i need is the chance to show my improvement, surely i deserve this, i never was bad to her, i just had this stupid problem! Going through these situations, i thought bonded a relationship. I know if the roles were reversed i'd do anything to help her & i would love her all the more. I never say never & she always told me to be positive as i was when we first met & live in hope that time can heal us both. I just look forward to her mails & can't understand why i am being treated like i beat her up or something, i couldn't help this & i just hope that time will make her realise that. I love her & miss her so much & i know she has feelings for me, just this no contact thing kills me! She knows i'm the good hearted funny guy she fell in love with underneath everything. Please advise anybody that hasn't in my other posts. Thanks for listening. Link to post Share on other sites
Cpunch75 Posted January 6, 2004 Share Posted January 6, 2004 A crucial lesson to be learned is, that lovers can't be each others therapists, because once you talk to someone about his/her emotional problems, they BECOME part of the problem and no longer feel romantic feelings for you anymore, but feel sympathy for you, as you noted "She says she cares for me, but like a mother, whereas when we met we were lovers" Once the roles are changed, that is it, no longer in her mind is she going to think of you romantically. "This i am sure we can be again in time & all i need is the chance to show my improvement, surely i deserve this, i never was bad to her, i just had this stupid problem!" Don't be naive, You can't guarantee how someone is going to feel for you again, and you don't know what is going on in her head at the moment. Appreciate this as a learning experience, If I were you I would tackle the anxiety issues by seeing a therapist and cleansing your soul of unresolved issues. Work on yourself first. Your Girl will come, Trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 6, 2004 Share Posted January 6, 2004 Please advise anybody that hasn't in my other posts. Because so far you don't wish to accept the advice you've been given? Because you'll only listen to someone who says 'yes, she should want you back again'? Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey Posted January 6, 2004 Author Share Posted January 6, 2004 Dear moimeme Just because your a senior member, it doesn't make you right, i am just wanting a variety of opinions from people who haven't made theirs. Someone else told me that they are sure she will, after time, see my true colours & realise it was an illness that i can get well from & become my old self! So there is a positive opinion. Thanks for your holy opinion, i accept what you say, but it isn't the be all & end all of opinions & you aren't definately correct or wrong for that matter!! Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 monkey i know how hard a breakup is, i'm in a living hell at the moment as much as you want to believe you will be with her again to relieve this pain it just might not happen it would be better for you to accept she won't be back and if she does that will be a great surprise somebody else can't say for certain that she will come after you afterall nothing i find is ever certain in relationships you just never know what the universe will do next Link to post Share on other sites
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