When to bring up marriage talk

[greatgirlfriend]

If the current guy I like still never becomes a serious relationship, I may keep my options open. One of those options is that eventually I want to marry. Not when I first date someone, but eventually. However many men don't want to marry. Others will change their mind eventually when they meet the right woman. So when should this topic come up? I don't want one of those relationships where you just date for years.

[BlackLovely]

Hey sweetie. During the first few conversations, it's a good idea to ask a man what he is looking for. If you hear anything other than "I'd like to have a relationship that leads to marriage." or something to that effect, you know not to waste your time. Also, remember that actions speak much louder than words.

I don't know how old you are, but if you want marriage, try not to date men less than 30. Men do not mature as quickly as we do; most men do not start thinking of marriage until then. Of course, there are exceptions to any rule, such as some men NEVER grow up.

Have a clear idea of what you are looking for, including dealbreakers. You can't find something if you don't know what it is, right?

Make sure that you are always on the same page. After a year or two, if a a man doesn't at least start talking about marriage, it's time to move on.

[carhill]

So when should this topic come up?

 

Recent conversation:

 

Woman: 'what are you looking for in a relationship?'

 

Man: 'I enjoyed being married'

 

Time elapsed = three dates.

 

YMMV

[greatgirlfriend]

Hey sweetie. During the first few conversations, it's a good idea to ask a man what he is looking for. If you hear anything other than "I'd like to have a relationship that leads to marriage." or something to that effect, you know not to waste your time. Also, remember that actions speak much louder than words.

I don't know how old you are, but if you want marriage, try not to date men less than 30. Men do not mature as quickly as we do; most men do not start thinking of marriage until then. Of course, there are exceptions to any rule, such as some men NEVER grow up.

Have a clear idea of what you are looking for, including dealbreakers. You can't find something if you don't know what it is, right?

Make sure that you are always on the same page. After a year or two, if a a man doesn't at least start talking about marriage, it's time to move on.

 

Thanks for the advice. Right now I am not looking for anyone (I have a guy I like who wants to be friends only) but don't want to waste my time dating guys who only want to date. I am 39 so the majority of the guys I'd date would probably be within several years of my age. Yeah, I have set the year date to see where the relationship is. If I am dating someone a year and they don't mention engagement I am bolting. I don't want to scare guys by thinking I'll want to marry after one date (I won't) but also want them to know what I am looking for.

[greatgirlfriend]

Recent conversation:

 

Woman: 'what are you looking for in a relationship?'

 

Man: 'I enjoyed being married'

 

Time elapsed = three dates.

 

YMMV

 

That's simple and to the point. I don't want to appear desperate to marry, I am not. I just want that option because as I get older I see the benefits of marriage. I told a friend I want to be married and she was stunned because I never wanted marriage.

[carhill]

A simple reality marriage taught me is that potentials (or partners, like a husband or wife) do not perceive us in exactly the same way we perceive ourselves. A word or an action meant earnestly in one way can be perceived in a completely different way.

 

The longer version of my stated comment is that I enjoyed being married and would enjoy marrying a compatible and loving partner and I now have, as a result of a failed marriage, clearer and more easily communicated boundaries of what that compatibility and love are perceived by me as.

 

Another guy might be fine with some beer in the fridge and sex on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Every person is different.

 

If you meet a never-married Catholic man your age, you can assume he's marriage-minded or a sociopath but be sure to ask, clearly. Then, watch his actions to support his words.

[greatgirlfriend]

I will ask him to be clear on the opinion. I know that if this situation doesn't work out, then no more being unclear. Not worth my time.

[make me believe]

You should absolutely ask in the very beginning!! I am the same as you, I know I want to be married someday and I refuse to waste my time on a relationship that has no potential to end in marriage. So I asked my boyfriend on our 3rd date. We were talking about past relationships and I asked if he ever considered marrying any of his exes. He said no and I asked if he ever wants to get married someday. He said he does when he finds the right person, and I told him that I want a relationship that has the potential to end in marriage. It was SO relieving to have that conversation right off the bat!

 

If I am dating someone a year and they don't mention engagement I am bolting.

 

I agree with this completely!! Especially since you are in your 30s and will be dating men around the same age. If they don't know if they want to marry you after a year, then you pretty much have your answer!

[Barky]

Especially since you are in your 30s and will be dating men around the same age. /QUOTE]

 

Well, she's not going to be in her 30s for long 40-something men are something altogether different. Most of them are divorced and looking for young women. 40-something divorced men are enjoying their "second childhood." She may have to bump it up into the 50s. Probably find much better men for what she's looking for in that range.

[aerogurl87]

I think you should bring it up in the early stages of dating because it's better to have a pretty good idea of where things are going from the get go, than to wait 6 months in and find out you both don't have the same goals for the future.

[Barky]

That is the main women's conundrum isn't it? It's like men and sex, only 10X worse. A man might lose out on a hundred bucks or two wining and dining a girl only to find out she has no intentions of sleeping with him, whereas a woman might lose a year or more of her life before realizing the man would rather hack off his hand than marry her.

 

Not something you can really bring up on a first date, is it? Unless you want to scare off a large percentage of dudes. Dunno man, dunno.

[Lauriebell82]

I personally would wait until we at least starting "dating" to bring up that kind of topic. Like within the first month of your relationship.

 

The problem arises though when both do have plans to marry, however one partner (usually the woman) becomes ready to marry faster then the man. You can't really prevent that from happening unfortunately.

[Woggle]

Make him want to marry you instead of putting pressure on him.

[Barky]

Make him want to marry you instead of putting pressure on him.

 

I totally agree with this but so few, few, few women actually know how to make a man want to marry them. If I, as a man, could somehow become a woman I could get men to want to marry me in an instant. But every time I tell a woman how to do it she doesn't believe me.

[alphamale]

So when should this topic come up? I don't want one of those relationships where you just date for years.

around the six month mark assuming you'rre a serious couple. if he doesn't propose by the two year mark then give him his walking papers

[CandyGirlXO]

I totally agree with this but so few, few, few women actually know how to make a man want to marry them. If I, as a man, could somehow become a woman I could get men to want to marry me in an instant. But every time I tell a woman how to do it she doesn't believe me.

 

 

 

How? I will believe you