Triggers

[Nikki Sahagin]

What are your triggers? The things that slam there way into an otherwise calm day and make you think of him/her? That bring that shot of heartache into a happy day?

 

For me its TV shows we used to watch, it used to be food we would always eat together, for a while having an empty bed. My number 1 trigger is seeing other happy couples; kissing, hugging, making plans, WORKING THROUGH MISTAKES, that last 1 KILLS me because my ex COULDN'T work through our mistakes (or perhaps chose not to as an excuse). These things always hit home for me. Love songs just p*** me off as well

[ussy]

I agree with you, when i see other happy couples together my heart starts to sink, a real crap feeling

[MySweetie'sGone]

It can be a song, a tv show we used to watch or even one of my fav shows that I know he knows I watch! lol. A scent that I catch a whiff of as I walk to my car that reminds me of time spent with him. Oh yea...and those texts or phone calls I get every 2 weeks (that scream "DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME! I DONT WANT YOU...BUT DONT FORGET ABOUT ME!":o

[ditched]

TV Shows are definately a trigger for me. Certain shows just make me think of her and I bundling up on the couch with some take out and a glass of wine. Also there are certain scents that do it too me. I catch a certain scent that reminds me of a scented candle that she would light while we were lying around my apartment. Me playing video games while she hammers her jewelry. Or i smell something and suddenly im with her on one of our vacations together. And there are still some bands that i LOVE that i can't even listen to. ugh.

[HeavenOrHell]

Yes TV shows, or certain things in my house which was our house, empty bed, certain songs-not cheesy love songs type crap but just songs he liked which I might hear elsewhere, seeing couples together is one of my worse triggers and the worse one of all is bumping into him

 

 

What are your triggers? The things that slam there way into an otherwise calm day and make you think of him/her? That bring that shot of heartache into a happy day?

 

For me its TV shows we used to watch, it used to be food we would always eat together, for a while having an empty bed. My number 1 trigger is seeing other happy couples; kissing, hugging, making plans, WORKING THROUGH MISTAKES, that last 1 KILLS me because my ex COULDN'T work through our mistakes (or perhaps chose not to as an excuse). These things always hit home for me. Love songs just p*** me off as well

[skydiveaddict]

certain songs do it to me as well. And seeing couples hugging/kissing. Even riding my motorcycle is a trigger, cause she used to like to go for rides. And skydiving 'cause she used to worry about me doing that. One more: seeing any girl that even remotely looks like her.

[skydiveaddict]

and the worse one of all is bumping into him

 

 

Yes that would be terrible. At least I don't have that concern. I don't know how I would handle that one

[Nikki Sahagin]

I thought i'd add a couple more of my triggers which I think are more neurotic in nature but hey! - I have a very neurotic Monica from Friends side at times.

 

Whenever I get ready, do my hair, put on something new & look great & know that he isn't there to notice or compliment me or appreciate me. I went through a stage of NOT wanting to look nice and making no effort to avoid that horrible feeling but now i'm back to making effort again sometimes that pang is still there though, that I have no-one to appreciate the effort i've gone to.

 

Also I sometimes notice other girls I think he'll like rather than spending time focusing on guys I like. And that always hits me hard; thinking any new girl is potentially a new girlfriend from him. I went out last night and got chatting to a girl in the bathroom who was so pretty and lovely and I thought...there's no shortage of amazing and beautiful girls for him...and I always seem to think its hard to find a decent guy.

[skydiveaddict]

I forgot the worst one of all: when she texts me or calls. I never read the texts or answer the phone but it's still a killer.

[McGrupp]

ugh there are so many...

 

since she works in finance, any mention of stocks or financial **** on the radio.

 

her city. and actually the whole state of connecticut

 

most of the songs on my ipod

 

girls with big butts and small waists

 

ugh...this hurts

 

the show House, the food network

 

my house. my bed. my car floor mats.

 

sex. ugg boots, ice cream.

 

a lot of movies.

[HeavenOrHell]

Yeah it's only a matter of time before I bump into him and his next gf who is probably (probably as in he is getting close to her and fancies her) an ex pal of mine. Deep joy.

 

 

Yes that would be terrible. At least I don't have that concern. I don't know how I would handle that one

[HeavenOrHell]

I do this too I notice all the women who I think he would fancy and think which one is going to end up with, which one of these women has no idea she will be contributing to my heartache. It looks likely to be an ex pal of mine which is even worse.

I feel there's no shortage of prettier younger women than me, well there isn't I'm nearly 44 for a start. And it is bloody hard to find a decent guy like my ex.

 

 

 

Also I sometimes notice other girls I think he'll like rather than spending time focusing on guys I like. And that always hits me hard; thinking any new girl is potentially a new girlfriend from him. I went out last night and got chatting to a girl in the bathroom who was so pretty and lovely and I thought...there's no shortage of amazing and beautiful girls for him...and I always seem to think its hard to find a decent guy.

[HockeyMom]

All of the above.... Basically just about everything in my everyday life.

[HockeyMom]

It would probably be easier to think of the things that don't trigger my thoughts of him. About the only one i can think of is the time I spend at the gym.

[HeavenOrHell]

Sorry but I did laugh at "the whole state of connecticut" and "my car floor mats"

Actually one of mine would be the warning sound of vans reversing cos some of them almost sound like a little tune, and I made up a silly tune from hearing one of them, and he used to hum it too, and we used to find it funny

 

 

ugh there are so many...

 

since she works in finance, any mention of stocks or financial **** on the radio.

 

her city. and actually the whole state of connecticut

 

most of the songs on my ipod

 

girls with big butts and small waists

 

ugh...this hurts

 

the show House, the food network

 

my house. my bed. my car floor mats.

 

sex. ugg boots, ice cream.

 

a lot of movies.

[just1guy]

The curtains that her family and I put up together in my house when they first visited it.

 

Most of the furniture in my house that she helped pick.

 

The empty spot where she normally slept next to me.

 

My dog. I remember she had suprised me with adopting her when I got home from work 2 years ago. I kept the dog after the breakup and she didn't even put up a fight for her.

 

When someone asks me, "hey, where is your girlfriend?" or "Have you asked that girl to marry you yet?"

 

Thinking about that dress that I surprised her with, and she'd tell me that she will wear it only on special occassions because it meant alot to her. I never got to see her in that dress.

[shadowplay]

I thought I was over my ex, but I realized yesterday that I'm not 100%, though probably over 90 %. Some of this may also be related to my hormones being screwed with the pregnancy. I feel weirdly emotional

 

As of yesterday:

 

Seeing girls I think he'd like better than me. Whenever I see a really outgoing, attractive hipster girl who seems like his type I feel my heart drop.

 

Anything that reminds me of our inside jokes or the sweet things he told me that I believed.

 

Sometimes even when my new boyfriend tells me sweet things about myself I think that I'm not good enough because I wasn't good enough for my ex.

 

------------

 

I really hope this passes. I was feeling better last night, but crappy today.

[DenverBachelor]

It used to get me a little when I saw couples out together. Then I realized that most people in public put on an act no matter what issues their going through internally.

 

Now when I see a happy couple out together, I just remind myself that she's probably dragging him to go shopping for stuff for the house, picking out clothes with him and then he's probably going to have to eat dinner with her parents later, etc.

 

Whereas I can skip around town, go to a movie, flirt with the girls all over the city, go to art museums, clubs, travel and I don't have to be tied down to any one person. I don't have to worry about agreeing on what we'll eat, where we'll go, if we have to go to her parents, etc.

 

You know how people say the grass is always greener? Well sometimes you have to look down in your present point in life and just run barefoot through the green grass you are currently standing in and stop wishing you were in some other field.

[brwneyedgrl3333]

Anything and everything can trigger a memory for me right now...it's been just a few days short of 2 months since the breakup with NC on either side.

 

Going grocery shopping on the weekends and seeing other couples together while I am shopping alone.

 

Songs on the radio that are the same songs as ones I put on a CD for us that we played while making love...that's the WORST! Just sucks.

 

Motorcycles--major trigger for me. Loved to ride on the back of his Harley and just so enjoyed that time together.

 

ice cream--his very favorite thing

 

An expression he used to use will pop out of my mouth and I feel like someone sucker punched me.

 

the smell of popcorn....would pop a bag and snuggle up on the couch together

 

9:30 in the morning during the week when he would call me everyday on his break....I look at the clock and feel the stab in my chest knowing the phone won't be ringing.

 

tall guys with dark eyes and dark hair always make my heart jump into my throat...everytime I see one, I'm reminded of my ex.

 

Any good looking , happy gal I see makes me wonder what his new flame looks like....could even be her! Don't know for sure and don't want to but my gut says there's someone else already.

 

Can't yet drive across the river to the area he lives....too many memories there and most of the happy memories in my life from the past 2 plus years.

 

So many things. When any of these things happen...it helps to tug up a memory from when he was beyond cruel or hurtful and tell myself that I dodged a bullet when he dumped me. I'm worth so much more then how he could treat me at times. We're all package deals....can't seperate the good from the bad... That helps. Just wish the whole grief process would get it's butt in gear already and move along! Tired of feeling sad, lost and out of place everyday.

[twinklecat]

Uh, had a bit of a crappy day today with a nasty trigger (as generally I've been quite good at occupying myself and kicking him out my head when something reminds me of him) but today at work, a friend was talking about him (work in the same place, along with his new girl who is my ex best friend) I tried to change the subject, but some stuff still got through, my friend mentioned he went and bought a Puppy with the new girl, and it brought me right back to when I first got together with him and he said we'd get a dog (it never happened) but I had totally forgotten about that until that was mentioned, and there more memories came flooding back

 

It's just his general attitude, he's so smug now, how he's done the dirty on me and seems like he likes to boast about it, from what my friend managed to say before I told her to stop and changed the subject. How could anyone revel in breaking someones heart? It disgusts me to think I loved this man!

[brwneyedgrl3333]

twinklecat..Sorry you had a tough time today....He sounds like an ass! If he's cockin' off about what he did to you I consider that low-life. You deserve so much better!

And what's with the friend that feels the need to share this info with you? Does he or she NOT have a clue that that sort of information may hurt you to hear???

With friends like that, who needs enemys?! SHEESH!

 

Again.....You deserve SO MUCH BETTER!!!

[twinklecat]

Thanks brwneyedgrl3333, just a bad day, on the plus side it's the first time I have felt like this in weeks so it is getting better

 

The friend, she meant well, she was trying to make a joke about it, and once I changed the subject she got the message and didn't say anything more, and actually she had a look of like "oh crap, shouldn't have said that" These kinds of things are going to happen when we all work together, thankfully it's rare!

 

I definitely do deserve better, anyone who is comfortable in what my ex has done and reveling in someone elses pain isn't right at all, so to be totally honest, they (ex and ex best friend) have done me a total favour, it's just hard with days like these.

 

I hope you're okay by the way, I agree with the grief process, wish it would move along a bit quicker! We will get there though! x

Edited February 21, 2010 by twinklecat

[rec2]

There are soooo many. From a food item at a restaurant that I know she would have liked, to the same model car she had, the type of dog we used to own together, tv shows, songs and music artists, driving by the places we used to visit, even talking to our mutual friends. It seems like no matter where I turn there is something I can find that makes me think of her.

[phoenix1]

Triggers? So many, still. People who have not seen either of us in awhile asking me, "where's/how's ____?" Just happened Fri, even though it has been 5-6 months since we broke up. And even worse - when I tell them they say things like, "I can't beleive it, I thought you guys would get married..you seemed so happy...etc etc".

 

Driving past the neighborhood where I lived when we were first together and soooo in love. Seeing all the places we would go, walk, eat at,the apartment I lived in.

 

Finding a piece of jewelry this morning that he gave me the first time we broke up and got back together. I agreed to go to dinner, he picked me up, gave it to me and at dinner he looked upset and when I asked him what was wrong, he said he was afraid that he had lost me forever. He was so upset, so heartbroken...Now he just let me go forever...I saw the jewelry today and felt overcome with sadness.

 

The steps by my old work where I would sneak out, and sit and talk to him on the phone. The highlight of my day. I drove past them a while back and just had a meltdown.

 

But I will say that as time goes on less things trigger and not so deeply. So if you are just broke up and you feel like EVERYWHERE you look something you reminds of them - it will get less. And then it's just every once in awhile, smack! You get hit. Like this morning - I wasn't looking for that jewelery, I was just cleaning out a drawer, ughhhh.

[Sadcakesleo]

My trigger happens at random times and its when I think of her doing sexual things with another dude. All the freaky things we did, when I think of her doing it with someone else it really gets to me.