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Triggers

Nikki Sahagin

By Nikki Sahagin,
in Coping

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skydiveaddict

skydiveaddict

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My trigger happens at random times and its when I think of her doing sexual things with another dude. All the freaky things we did, when I think of her doing it with someone else it really gets to me.

 

 

In my world it's even more simple. Just the thought that she's with another guy period. Bad trigger I agree.

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9Lives

9Lives

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What are your triggers? The things that slam there way into an otherwise calm day and make you think of him/her? That bring that shot of heartache into a happy day?

 

For me its TV shows we used to watch, it used to be food we would always eat together, for a while having an empty bed. My number 1 trigger is seeing other happy couples; kissing, hugging, making plans, WORKING THROUGH MISTAKES, that last 1 KILLS me because my ex COULDN'T work through our mistakes (or perhaps chose not to as an excuse). These things always hit home for me. Love songs just p*** me off as well :eek:

 

Good post..i hate love songs. I wont listen to them at all. I only listen really to talk radio right now.

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9Lives

9Lives

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seeing him triggers the hurt....going places we both go triggers the hurt.

 

I just quit our group organization cause I dont want to see him anymore. too painful

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just1guy

just1guy

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My trigger happens at random times and its when I think of her doing sexual things with another dude. All the freaky things we did, when I think of her doing it with someone else it really gets to me.

 

 

I forgot to add this also. Man, this one is tough to get rid of.

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firefight

firefight

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Went out with some people for a b-day to a club... same club as the one she broke my heart at... same anniversary as our first date... but its been a long time, and so I'm good right?.... Well on my way to forgetting, and I don't even care if she's at the club, or if I see her with someone because I'm fine... It's been such a long time anyway...

So I meet a gorgeous girl, anniversary date.... Valentine's day... same club as the one we broke up officially... and the name of the girl I met?

She has the SAME NAME!! Honestly, all I could do was laugh and the new girl just sort of looked curiously at my reaction to her name. WTF... Coincidence??

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HeavenOrHell

HeavenOrHell

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Oh ffs!!! :eek:

My ex has an unusual name, so hopefully I'll be ok that score :laugh:

 

 

Went out with some people for a b-day to a club... same club as the one she broke my heart at... same anniversary as our first date... but its been a long time, and so I'm good right?.... Well on my way to forgetting, and I don't even care if she's at the club, or if I see her with someone because I'm fine... It's been such a long time anyway...

So I meet a gorgeous girl, anniversary date.... Valentine's day... same club as the one we broke up officially... and the name of the girl I met?

She has the SAME NAME!! Honestly, all I could do was laugh and the new girl just sort of looked curiously at my reaction to her name. WTF... Coincidence??

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Sadcakesleo

Sadcakesleo

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Ok I have another trigger, When I dream about her. good, bad it doesn't matter I will wake up and it's not real and I get a anxiety attack. Happened last night. This trigger usually stays with me for a good part of the day.

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HockeyMom

HockeyMom

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All of the above.... Basically just about everything in my everyday life.

Today is a killer, already cried tons..probably will more. Doing housework and have the ipod going. Definately not a good move on my part but there's just so much of my favorite music on there. I guess I'll have to just skipping over songs like I do at the gym or cry all day...this sucks!!!!!!! Doesn't help that I had to see him tons again yesterday at work. I sometimes wonder why it seems he hangs around places at work that I am when I don't think he needs to be there. Today is just a rotten day! I hate everything and I just want him back!!!!!!!

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rand0m

rand0m

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Everything in my life reminds me of her.

The apartment we picked out together that I live in, alone.

All the furniture.

Her hair I still find on the bathroom floor.

The tall mirror leaning up against the wall that she used to get ready in front of.

Pictures on the walls that I haven't had time to take down.

Her smell still lingering in her office.

Buying the same groceries we used to buy together.

The empty space in my bed, her pillow still there.

Watching tv (I've cut that out).

Going to the gym downstairs and her not on the elliptical.

Knowing her key is sitting in the drawer instead of in her purse.

Empty passenger seat.

Shopping, drinking, eating out, getting coffee.

Having her blocked on my facebook and having no clue what she's up to.

Driving anywhere near her parents' house.

When I dropped a bunch of her stuff off a few weeks ago I brought it into her "new" bedroom, which seemed so cold and fake, but I could tell she was settling in.

Certain mutual friends who I know have a strong connection with her.

The places we used to go for drinks/dancing.

People who still don't know we have broken up and ask me how she's doing.

Knowing she's in Mexico right now.

Not knowing who she's with/if she's safe/what she's doing.

Thinking about the creepy guys hitting on her just to get one thing.

Anything to do with sex/intimacy drives me mental.

Still comparing other girls I meet to her.

Her calling/texting gets my hopes up for nothing.

Seeing her hurts like hell, but not seeing her hurts just the same.

Other couples make me sick at this point, especially long term relationships that have worked and continue to work while ours fell apart.

 

After the Olympics die down, and the tax season is over, I'm going on a complete overhaul: Apartment reno.. I think so! New wardrobe... I think so! Getting rid of all her stuff (because I know she's not coming for it).. I think so!

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Odyssey

Odyssey

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Used to be pretty much anything really...

 

- Any girl with long red hair be it in the street, on tv, in a magazine etc... (:rolleyes: silly me)

- Any one driving the same type of car she has.

- The smell of her perfume, shampoo etc.

- Romantic movies, songs etc.

- Couples holding hands.

- Empty-side of the bed...the sofa...

- Her calls & texts.

- Running into her friends.

- Running into her.

- ...even LS sometimes.

 

And now some of those things still remind me of her, but without the lingering pain (thanks to nc). Its more reminiscing and fleeting.:)

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stanlovesJ

stanlovesJ

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for me a big one is social networking like myspace , because everyday , wherever i am i type in her url (memorized) and check her mood , picture , new.

 

and when i see her friends ....

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4givrnt4gtr

4givrnt4gtr

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Ohhhh im so glad I saw this post.... Ive struggled with this all day because it just happened AGAIN

 

My biggest trigger is when either I tell someone that knew us at some point that we broke up and their response is "oh you guys are going to get back together" or when I vent to my friends and they say the same thing...

 

Actually, even when I tell people that didnt even know us together what happened between us and why we broke up, I always get the same freaking response "Oh you guys are gonna get back together, just watch"

 

I feel like saying, "Really? could you possibly inform him of this please????"

 

Its the first time I break up with someone and the entire world seems in agreement that we are going to get back together anyway.

 

 

It drives me crazy because though I try to be rational and ignore their comments I cant help but get a glimmer of hope. Maybe they are seeing something Im not?

 

Then i smack myself back to reality and see how at this points, its really almost impossible....

 

and ofcourse that cause all other triggers....

 

the songs he dedicated that come on the radio

things i say that i picked up from him

his music

his city...god i see the name of his freaking city EVERYWHERE

the car he wanted to buy

seeing his favorite magazine at the coffee shop

 

 

Ugh I swear i wish i could put myself in a capsule, isolating myself from everything that reminds me of him.....until im 100% over him

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Nikki Sahagin

Nikki Sahagin

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I think the more we are exposed to these triggers, the more we will eventually become desensitized to them so in a way that exposure is necessary. I'm frightened to see my ex, though I have seen him quite a few times now since we broke up, because my heart is hammering in my chest so madly its like I've fallen down a flight of stairs.

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Crusoe

Crusoe

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Triggers? There were many, most pass. Then there was years of nothing, she was done, gone, forgotten about. Now and for the last two years there is but one, sleep. Every damned time I go to sleep she is there and every time I wake up I have to shrug it off. Its routine now, a constant, just something I accept and live with.

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jlr

jlr

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- Oasis "Wonderwall" or the Ryan Adams cover of it.

- Project Runway (I wasn't super into it, but I'd watch it with her anyways) or other random TV Shows.

- Cinnamon and Red Hots candy. She used to make this Red Hot Apple Sauce in the fall/winter.

- Doing dishes. Weird, right? But alot of times she'd make dinner, and I'd do the dishes. So I think of her when doing them.

- Purple. She had purple in her hair. The color always makes me think of her.

- Etta James. She loved "At Last".

- Fall. We had alot of good times in the fall, when the leaves were changing.

- This Animal Safari thing we went to when we were first dating. Any time I see an ad for it, I freak.

- Our old apartment building. I drive past it to get to a concert venue sometimes. Sucks.

- Making lunches. I used to pack her lunch for her because she'd forget and not eat all day. Needless to say, I don't pack lunches at all anymore.

- "The Dark Crystal". She loved that movie.

- Movies in general. Netflix. We used to curl up and watch ALOT of movies.

 

Ugh. I miss her so much. It's been over a year since we broke up, and about 2 months since I've heard from her now. And I still miss her so much.

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thepulse27

thepulse27

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I think the more we are exposed to these triggers, the more we will eventually become desensitized to them so in a way that exposure is necessary. I'm frightened to see my ex, though I have seen him quite a few times now since we broke up, because my heart is hammering in my chest so madly its like I've fallen down a flight of stairs.

 

I agree we slowly de-sensitize, things still hurt, but a lot less than they used to. But I'm really hoping for a time when they simply cease being triggers at all.

 

That might sound unrealistic, but it's kind of essential, because every single thing in my life can remind me of her. I literally shared everything in my life with her, so there's memories attached to every place I go, and every thing I do. They are getting less painful, but slowly. Very slowly.

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