Does this seem odd to anyone?

[phineas]

I sense some bitterness here towards single mothers that I don't understand.

 

I agree she made a very poor choice with her last guy.

but guess what? i'm going to be a single father because I choose a POS to marry & have kids with. Yet I don't see nearly as much animosity towards guys like me & our poor decision making skills.

 

She was with a guy for 6 yrs & let him move into her house. He cheated on her and treated her badly. he turned violent & she had to have him removed by the police.

 

The last guy was a rebound & she has told me that & she has admitted she let herself be fooled by him & his good looks. If she hadn't taken some responciblity & blamed it all on him then it would be a different situation.

i was listing the reasons that relationship ended.

I didn't specifically state she took the blame for letting the guy into her bedroom because i didn't think it was relevent to my main question.

 

i've been seperated for almost a yr.

I have not gotten involved with any woman beyond a date & havn't been laid or even kissed someone in 8 months.

 

by my choice. Any woman i've met looking for a relationship (and that's all of them) i've turned down.

 

my divorce will not be final for a while because of the financial mess my wife left when she walked out to be with her boyfriend.

 

I'm not about to jump into anything & fall in love, but i'm also not going to spend the summer drinking beer on my back porch alone either.

 

But, lets be realistic here, i'm 38 yrs old. Unless i start hitting on chicks in their 20's just about every woman I meet in my age range is either going to have kids or want kids.

 

I don't want anymore kids & have no desire to re-marry anytime soon so that cuts my options down quite a bit.

 

I've read all the responces & decided i'm not going to do any overnight things with this woman unless we are dateing.

I will discuss this with her.

If she takes offense & stops talking to me, problem solved.

If she wants to date & "jumps my bones" that's good also because I REALLY need to get laid & I like her personality. double bonus for me.

 

If something goes down i'll be sure to respond back with an update.

[phineas]

It's funny how things work themselves out.

my friend called me up wed morning & asked if I wanted to get dinner sat night she was all excited & happy.

 

I said sure, then she said she had some appliances being delivered so we'd be playing it by ear. (yeah, just a little red flag there)but I was on the way to a meeting & had to cut the convo short.

She said she had to work nights the rest of the week but would talk to me by Sat.

 

Sat at 2 pm I hadn't heard from her & left a message asking what the plan was.

 

5pm she called me back. I could tell right away it wasn't going to happen.

she acted totally disinterested, kept yawning over the phone, said she had a headache, she was tired & in a funk, she didn't feel like going out, she was waiting for her niece to stop by & pay her some money she lent her, oh & she didn't have a baby sitter. (her mom lives with her but she was busy & couldn't watch the kids)

 

Then she said she'd try to get a baby sitter & call me back in a little.

That was 6pm.

 

8PM i left a message asking if everything was ok & to call me back then met some friends out.

wasn't going to hang around & waste my rare sat night without the kids.

 

10 pm i get text saying she was ok & her niece showed up. I didn't respond.

 

So I plan on calling her later today & calling her out on making plans with me then blowing me off last minute & asking her what is going on.

 

She's never flaked on me like this before. She's also never asked me to do anything alone without the kids before either.

 

The two are obviously related.

 

I have to say, I was surprised by how much I was looking forward to spending some one-on-one time with this woman so I could get to know her better without the distraction of kids.

 

Oh well.

 

I suspect I won't be talking to this woman anymore because I just can't stand flakes (men or women) & usually distance myself from them.

[phineas]

she called me back.

She sounds depressed.

Tells me she is feeling overwhelmed. Juggling the kids & her mother & her job ect. How her mother gives her crap about watching the kids if she asks her to babysit then turns around & makes her feel guilty if she asks someone else to watch the kids by saying things like "i'm not good enough to watch the kids"

 

Tells me her mother makes her feel like a horrible person if she tries to go out & have a social life ect.

 

She also did her best avoid any conversation that involved her asking me out & blowing me off.

 

so basically, I told her when she is done making up lame excuses as to why she isn't dateing she can give me a call because i'd like to take her out.

 

Probably a little harsh but, I was just really disappointed that she behaved that way.

I guess i expected better from her.

 

OH well.

Edited March 7, 2010 by phineas

[spiderowl]

I totally sympathise. I have a male friend who has done similar things. He's said that if there's anything I'd like to go and see, he'd be happy to accompany me. When I talked in the summer of going to stay in a cabin for a while, he said 'yes, sounds a good idea, I could join you' and pretty much invited himself along. Does he just want to be a friend? I haven't a clue! So, because I don't know, I carry on treating him just as a friend.

 

I'm not clueless when it comes to signs and I'm fairly used to guys hitting on me. Some are more blatant than others, but in most cases it's obvious they'd like to be more than friends. This guy seems sweet on me and others have commented, but ... I can't assume anything. If he is interested, he's going to lose out because I won't be chasing him.