giotto Posted February 21, 2010 Share Posted February 21, 2010 I suggest you do it, and stop wasting people's time on here... Nice one... Link to post Share on other sites
Barky Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 I suggest you do it, and stop wasting people's time on here... You said what everyone was thinking Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 What Barky said is true about the boredom part with men, I think, and that I find depressing and discouraging. I think that is why it is extremely unwise to marry young. You have your head full of optimistic nonsense about life and romance, and life comes and grabs you by the tail like an unwanted kitten and bashes your head against a wall! My hope is that by being my husband's best friend and us being a great team together, the urge to stray and find some trashy tail would be far outweighed by the great things we have built together. I work very hard to never take him for granted, to save the best of myself at the end of the day for him, and to always treat him as the most important person in my life. (yes, I know that is no guarantee..) I think what you see in relationships such as the OP is one spouse has essentially checked out and doesn't care about their spouse's feelings or needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 Barky's on the money. It's why most of the really hardcore fetishes are practiced by old people. It has to be weird to keep the spark after so long. mmm... latex angel. One day I hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Gerhard Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 SarahRose, I can't speak for all men, but I'd tend to agree with others that the presence of adult children in the house might be playing a role. Have you ruled out the possibility that he's having an affair? A common characteristic of one who is having an affair is reduced sexual interest in their spouse. There was also a response in here asking why would a man marry if he knows his sexual interest will dwindle after a while. I think there could be a number of reasons, among which are: - The other non-sexual things which connect two partners - Marriage or long term committed relationship equates to regular sexual activity, while being single leaves you in a position of not knowing when or where you're going to have sexual activity - unless you've got very low standards or you are a "chick/guy magnet". -G Link to post Share on other sites
Author SarahRose Posted February 22, 2010 Author Share Posted February 22, 2010 SarahRose, I can't speak for all men, but I'd tend to agree with others that the presence of adult children in the house might be playing a role. Have you ruled out the possibility that he's having an affair? A common characteristic of one who is having an affair is reduced sexual interest in their spouse. There was also a response in here asking why would a man marry if he knows his sexual interest will dwindle after a while. I think there could be a number of reasons, among which are: - The other non-sexual things which connect two partners - Marriage or long term committed relationship equates to regular sexual activity, while being single leaves you in a position of not knowing when or where you're going to have sexual activity - unless you've got very low standards or you are a "chick/guy magnet". -G Ordinarily I would agree but we barely have sex when there isn't anyone here. I think it is just a convenient excuse. As for your last comment about regular sexual activity. I suppose that is for his benefit whenever he feels like it as that is what it has turned into. The rare times he is in the mood he is relentless for it.When I do that, I am flat out ignored and rejected just like this morning when I tried for 30 minutes to get some action and all he did was turn away from me laying there cold as stone. Lately he keeps commenting how angry I am. Well no fing wonder I am angry and resentful! I was so angry this morning I just wanted him out of the house! Link to post Share on other sites
Gerhard Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 Ordinarily I would agree but we barely have sex when there isn't anyone here. I think it is just a convenient excuse. As for your last comment about regular sexual activity. I suppose that is for his benefit whenever he feels like it as that is what it has turned into. The rare times he is in the mood he is relentless for it.When I do that, I am flat out ignored and rejected just like this morning when I tried for 30 minutes to get some action and all he did was turn away from me laying there cold as stone. Lately he keeps commenting how angry I am. Well no fing wonder I am angry and resentful! I was so angry this morning I just wanted him out of the house! Have you thought about trying something outrageously sexy in an attempt to turn him on? I'm sure you know what excites him. Do something different or more extreme in that direction and see if that gets him excited. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 Have you thought about trying something outrageously sexy in an attempt to turn him on? I'm sure you know what excites him. Do something different or more extreme in that direction and see if that gets him excited. sorry, but you have no idea... being in the same position as SR, I can't tell you it doesn't work... it is emotional abuse... as simple as that. And blaming the whole thing on aher is cop out... Link to post Share on other sites
Author SarahRose Posted February 22, 2010 Author Share Posted February 22, 2010 sorry, but you have no idea... being in the same position as SR, I can't tell you it doesn't work... it is emotional abuse... as simple as that. And blaming the whole thing on aher is cop out... Thanks for the support. I don't think people can understand it until it happens to them. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 Thanks for the support. I don't think people can understand it until it happens to them. no, they can't... it's a very ugly place to be in... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 Right now it has become a battle of wills. I am not blaming anybody but I will tell you something about men. When women demand something from us we don't want to do it. There is this subconcious aversion to feeling like we are whipped or that she has our balls in her purse. When the same woman backs off and lets him come to her men can then be very generous. Right now he sense that you resent him and subcionciously he does not want to give in. Link to post Share on other sites
Gerhard Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 sorry, but you have no idea... being in the same position as SR, I can't tell you it doesn't work... it is emotional abuse... as simple as that. And blaming the whole thing on aher is cop out... Which is emotional abuse? Doing something outrageously sexy in an attempt to entice your mate to be more sexually involved with you? Or withholding sex from your spouse? Or both? Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 both, depending on the circumstances... Link to post Share on other sites
Author SarahRose Posted February 22, 2010 Author Share Posted February 22, 2010 Which is emotional abuse? Doing something outrageously sexy in an attempt to entice your mate to be more sexually involved with you? Or withholding sex from your spouse? Or both? I've tried doing outrageously sexy things. I think it works about 1 in 20 tries Link to post Share on other sites
Author SarahRose Posted February 22, 2010 Author Share Posted February 22, 2010 Right now it has become a battle of wills. I am not blaming anybody but I will tell you something about men. When women demand something from us we don't want to do it. There is this subconcious aversion to feeling like we are whipped or that she has our balls in her purse. When the same woman backs off and lets him come to her men can then be very generous. Right now he sense that you resent him and subcionciously he does not want to give in. What do you suggest? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SarahRose Posted February 22, 2010 Author Share Posted February 22, 2010 The more I think about the company in the house excuse, the more ridiculous it is. It is not like they are in here 24/7. They are gone sightseeing all day and out at the clubs at night. For him to tell me no sex for the next 3 weeks is like me telling him sorry that because there is family here I'm not going to speak to you for 3 weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 What do you suggest? Try laying off the resentment for a little while and if that does not work maybe it is time to end things. Right now your approach will get you nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Gerhard Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 I've tried doing outrageously sexy things. I think it works about 1 in 20 tries Why do you think it works only one in twenty times? Ask him what his sexual fantasies are. Maybe just asking him will get him turned on. And you'll also learn something about him by the way he reacts to the question. Link to post Share on other sites
cuppa Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 sorry, but you have no idea... being in the same position as SR, I can't tell you it doesn't work... it is emotional abuse... as simple as that. And blaming the whole thing on aher is cop out... Yeah, I agree with this. Sexy lingerie? yes, i've done that. Subtle, sophisticated, sexy dress? yes. Getting naked underneat a trench? absolutely. seduced him with wine & cheese in a nice hotel with million dollar view? yes. Cook him his fave meal? yes. Does it work? No. And no, I don't have a single celulite in my body. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SarahRose Posted February 22, 2010 Author Share Posted February 22, 2010 Why do you think it works only one in twenty times? Ask him what his sexual fantasies are. Maybe just asking him will get him turned on. And you'll also learn something about him by the way he reacts to the question. Trust me, I have tried everything under the sun and he just turns his back to me or keeps watching the tv. Link to post Share on other sites
silverfish Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 Try laying off the resentment for a little while and if that does not work maybe it is time to end things. Right now your approach will get you nowhere. Amen to that Link to post Share on other sites
mem11363 Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 Woggle's comment is total and complete bs. SR This has only become a power struggle because he is ignoring a core marital need - a physical need to feel loved and desired. And the fact he was comfortable with the porn while you were slowly withering from neglect - that was shamefully selfish on his part. And he was very very resistant to turning his focus from porn to you. Any situation where your partner abuses you and you fight back by definition becomes a power struggle. Situation like this if you didn't make it a power struggle he would just continue to ignore you. What do you suggest? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 It is not BS. Men hate being nagged or pushed into doing things. When a woman backs off in most cases he will freely do the same thing she is nagging him about without hesitation. Some men are just hopeless and will never give no matter what and that might be the case here but one thing is certain and that is her current approach is not working. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SarahRose Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 Woggle's comment is total and complete bs. SR This has only become a power struggle because he is ignoring a core marital need - a physical need to feel loved and desired. And the fact he was comfortable with the porn while you were slowly withering from neglect - that was shamefully selfish on his part. And he was very very resistant to turning his focus from porn to you. Any situation where your partner abuses you and you fight back by definition becomes a power struggle. Situation like this if you didn't make it a power struggle he would just continue to ignore you. Exactly! They are causing our anger and resentment by constant rejection. So we arent even allowed to havenormal feelings about this for fear of offending the person who is rejecting us I have backed off and I get the crumbs when he is in the mood. He is content with his porn daily and being with me about 1-2 times a month Link to post Share on other sites
Gerhard Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Trust me, I have tried everything under the sun and he just turns his back to me or keeps watching the tv. It sounds to me like he either doesn't like you anymore or he's suffering from depression. Does he show any interest in pornography or other women? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts