I am broken.

[mikeymad]

Here i sit.

Lamenting over years past. I can dish out advice like the best of them, yet my flaw is I can never accept it for myself. I find it funny that we never see a recon here. We outwardly cheer for it, but silenty hope it will fail, for it means that we didn't fail ourselves, and we are not alone in our misery. That misfortune hits all misfits the same.

 

Wondering who the WAS has become mystifies me. That someone I held so near and dear to my heart has a conniption when I ask how she is holding up. I don't want her things, her money, or her house. All I want is a chance, and alas, the chance of that runs through my fingers like sand in an hourglass. I am lost, I am broken.

 

It started with no physical contact. Then limited phone calls. Now no texts. Emails are hard to come by. Mutual friends are torn, as well as my heart. I can stay and fight and suffer personally, or leave and try to start

again. Battles both internal and external.

 

This is not the girl I know. She has become battle hardened, inner strengthened against an invisible enemy that means her no harm. Yet suffering in silence is my only remedy.

 

I counsel people mainly to counsel myself, yet it pains me to move forward. The plans and promises that I spoke into existance seem to retreat upon themselves, never to be realized. Mrs Jekyll, and Ms Hyde, welcome to existance. May I be your doormat.

 

Maybe it foolhardy for me to hang on to my cultural, bibilical, legal obligation to fight for this union we call marriage. My faith in all of the above is shaken, for every pro is now a con.

 

I don't know if the walls can be broken down and bridges reconstructed, but I feel despair creep over me like a cold cold hand of loneliness. It feels like there is no hope to stop this train that will ultimately cause pain and regret, yet she seems to think everything will be fine.

 

She labels herself a "survivor". Survivor of what? It fumes me. But yet I wonder what challenges the new day brings, and what pain she can inflict upon me.

 

In barely a week we will meet face to face, and I am terrified at the prospect of meeting her. I know I will break down. I know I will cave, plead, beg. All in the name of love. It is in the hands of Johnny law now, and feelings have no place in court.

 

The sad part, is I love her still and always.

 

crap.

[Gunny376]

First off "Friends don't let Friends Post/text/nor e-mail whle drinking!"

 

I can tell because your getting all poetic here!

 

When we get married? We marry three different people? Perhaps four?

 

The first is the one that we think we're marrying?

 

The second? Is the person we're actually marrying?

 

The third is the one that comes about as result of having married us?

 

The problem with marriage is you really can't tell if you've got a good one? Or a bad one until you marry them?

 

A good one will love you until death!

 

A bad will make damn sure you go first!

 

Finally, the potential fourth person? Is the one you meet in divorce court ~ as in ~ "I cannot believe that's the same person I've been married to all these years!"

[Barky]

Advice: get a good lawyer if you don't already have one.

 

It always strikes me as odd that tough guys get all shaky when it comes to doing battle with their ex-wives. And make no mistake, you are now doing battle with her. She's vilified you in her own head. You are her enemy. If you beg for mercy she will crush you with no mercy.

 

You have to prepare for war, because war has been declared upon you.

[Gunny376]

Hell you think this one was rough? Wait until you go through your second, third, or fourth one!

 

Today, I heard the awful news

Someone told the gospel truth

Said you've been running 'round

With a stranger who just hit town

 

He's got a black mustache

And a red Cadillac

Now he's got you

And I've got two

Divorce lawyers on my back

 

Single again!

Back on the streets again

The old bars ain't changed much

Just a new face or two

When you're out of touch

 

Single again!

Born to lose, dying to win

Only thing I'm running from

Is the alimony man

Because I'm single again

 

Drifting around from bar to bar

Running into our old friends

They won't know where ya are

 

Last I heard, a little while back

You were cruising town in his Cadillac

Drinkin' champagne... showing off a diamond ring

 

I'm getting by

In these hard times

Livin' from drink to drink

 

Single again!

A'back on the streets again

The old bars ain't changed much

Just a new face or two

When you're out of touch

 

Single again!

Born to lose, dying to win!

The only thing I'm a'running from

Is the alimony man

'cause I'm single again!

 

Gary Stewart

[aimchase]

Mikey,

 

I've seen many of your posts and each time you give a wealth of good advice. That advice is very consistent.

 

I know that when you pass this, it isn't because you want other LS'ers to suffer and fail in their own lives. You do it because you know it's the correct way forward and helps people to move on, whether that be in the interests of an eventual recon or a permanent separation.

 

It's very easy to dish advice to people when you're not emotionally attached, yet it's a nightmare when you're a central piece of the jigsaw. You must implement the very advice you give others, as deep down, you know that it is the correct way forward no matter what you want in the future.

 

Do not break down in front of her. Do not beg and plea, you know as well as everyone what the outcome of that will be. It will only end in regret.

 

I'm relatively new to this site but have taken on board some tremendous comments, including your own. It's truly working, because i'm sticking to it. My ex just called me and asked if I wanted to 'do something today'. Three weeks ago I would have jumped in. Today, I instantly thought of your advice and politely declined. The only reason she's asking me is because OM hasn't come to see her this weekend (though even OM is being prepared for the boot, from what I understand).

 

We all have bad days and may lapse on a few things we vowed not to, but the journey must continue in the direction you intended. Please don't fold on me - I look at wise people such as yourself as the example in this respect, and a guidance within my own relationship. Take mine and others in return.

 

Be strong. As so many people said, inner and outer strength is a great attraction and helps you in your own pursuits. If you break down in front of your ex, she just sees a burden which she doesn't want on her shoulders.

 

Live by the rules you give others. Because if you don't, then your own words become no longer valid.

 

Best of luck

 

Aim

[Gunny376]

Mikey,

 

I've seen many of your posts and each time you give a wealth of good advice. That advice is very consistent.

 

I know that when you pass this, it isn't because you want other LS'ers to suffer and fail in their own lives. You do it because you know it's the correct way forward and helps people to move on, whether that be in the interests of an eventual recon or a permanent separation.

 

It's very easy to dish advice to people when you're not emotionally attached, yet it's a nightmare when you're a central piece of the jigsaw. You must implement the very advice you give others, as deep down, you know that it is the correct way forward no matter what you want in the future.

 

Do not break down in front of her. Do not beg and plea, you know as well as everyone what the outcome of that will be. It will only end in regret.

 

I'm relatively new to this site but have taken on board some tremendous comments, including your own. It's truly working, because i'm sticking to it. My ex just called me and asked if I wanted to 'do something today'. Three weeks ago I would have jumped in. Today, I instantly thought of your advice and politely declined. The only reason she's asking me is because OM hasn't come to see her this weekend (though even OM is being prepared for the boot, from what I understand).

 

We all have bad days and may lapse on a few things we vowed not to, but the journey must continue in the direction you intended. Please don't fold on me - I look at wise people such as yourself as the example in this respect, and a guidance within my own relationship. Take mine and others in return.

 

Be strong. As so many people said, inner and outer strength is a great attraction and helps you in your own pursuits. If you break down in front of your ex, she just sees a burden which she doesn't want on her shoulders.

 

Live by the rules you give others. Because if you don't, then your own words become no longer valid.

 

Best of luck

 

Aim

 

Jezz and all I have to say is "Don't you do it!" Yet they say and mean the same!

 

I yet stand in awe of the naked ape! Excuse me why I go myself some humble pie!

[Steadfast]

Mike,

 

Your marriage relationship isn't slipping through your fingers, it's being torn from them. You each hold half of that fragile union and she's destroying hers. You don't like it, you'd do anything to keep it from happening, but you can't stop it. When this occurs the only place for us to search for solutions is inside, because that's where we are. But the facts are if you don't want this, it's not your fault. You aren't doing it. She is.

 

You know the above is true. Now, what to do about it? The answer? Nothing. What can you do? Love her more? She's rejected your love Mike, what makes you think she'll be open to a larger dose? If a person doesn't like green beans, do you spoon more of them on their plate?

 

Don't indulge her rebellion. Don't let her hold the key to your emotions. Take it back. That's a struggle sometimes but we must. Fight for control.

 

As for when you see her and how you'll act, you've got to get a handle. You know that. Forget the tough guy 'I don't care' attitude, you don't feel that way and if you try, she'll see right through it and her level of interest will drop even farther. But control...that's a different story. Everyone; men and women alike both respect the person who's in control of themselves. She's no different. How about being honest? Say; 'I'm uncomfortable around you because you're destroying our lives and I'm powerless to stop it. Please stay away'. Or 'You know how I feel. No need to repeat it. You are going to do what you want to do. Because of that, so must I. What choice do I have? But if I must move on, I'll do so without your interference.'

 

Don't act Mike. Be. Be good. Be kind. be tough, but loving. Be you. It's Ok because -again- you have no other choice. What she does, she does.

[mimidarlin]

Mikey,

Be strong. Your advice is always valuable. I think that all of us realize it is difficult to talk the talk and walk the walk 24/7. Some days we're more vulnerable than others. You believe in keeping your vows...she doesn't. You believe on working on the issues...she doesn't. They say it takes two to tango...or cause problems. It takes two to try and solve the problems.

 

The dumper/leaver doesn't hold all the cards. Hide some of those Aces up your sleeve and keep some of the power for yourself. You need to keep some self respect.

I want reconciliation but he has to be committed to it as well. If he told me today that he wanted to move back in and reconcile I would be very cautious. I told him that I wouldn't let him move back in until I felt confident that we were both going to work hard.

Take care. Be strong. Respect yourself.

[Barky]

Thing is, it's probably the OP's weak behavior that helped alienate his wife anyway. So is it really a surprise that he's continuing it now?

 

He'd have to totally change his personality to take any of this advice. Ain't gonna happen.

[mikeymad]

meaning what barky? and thanks for the vote of confidence.

[hopesndreams]

I find it funny that we never see a recon here. We outwardly cheer for it, but silenty hope it will fail, for it means that we didn't fail ourselves, and we are not alone in our misery. That misfortune hits all misfits the same.

 

With the support on this forum and getting an understanding of what a "cheater" truly is, why would anyone with this information hope the BS gets back with a lying cheat? Unless the cheater is/has true remorse, it's all pointless anyway with much needless suffering.

 

I don't hope for a recon to fail. But, unless 2 people work on it, it ain't happening and there is someone fooling themselves into believing it could work. That is when the really tough advice comes out to spare the person further pain. That advice is to get the D.

 

As for Barky's comments. Read his threads.

[Gunny376]

Here i sit.

Lamenting over years past. I can dish out advice like the best of them, yet my flaw is I can never accept it for myself. I find it funny that we never see a recon here. We outwardly cheer for it, but silenty hope it will fail, for it means that we didn't fail ourselves, and we are not alone in our misery. That misfortune hits all misfits the same.

 

Wondering who the WAS has become mystifies me. That someone I held so near and dear to my heart has a conniption when I ask how she is holding up. I don't want her things, her money, or her house. All I want is a chance, and alas, the chance of that runs through my fingers like sand in an hourglass. I am lost, I am broken.

 

It started with no physical contact. Then limited phone calls. Now no texts. Emails are hard to come by. Mutual friends are torn, as well as my heart. I can stay and fight and suffer personally, or leave and try to start

again. Battles both internal and external.

 

This is not the girl I know. She has become battle hardened, inner strengthened against an invisible enemy that means her no harm. Yet suffering in silence is my only remedy.

 

I counsel people mainly to counsel myself, yet it pains me to move forward. The plans and promises that I spoke into existance seem to retreat upon themselves, never to be realized. Mrs Jekyll, and Ms Hyde, welcome to existance. May I be your doormat.

 

Maybe it foolhardy for me to hang on to my cultural, bibilical, legal obligation to fight for this union we call marriage. My faith in all of the above is shaken, for every pro is now a con.

 

I don't know if the walls can be broken down and bridges reconstructed, but I feel despair creep over me like a cold cold hand of loneliness. It feels like there is no hope to stop this train that will ultimately cause pain and regret, yet she seems to think everything will be fine.

 

She labels herself a "survivor". Survivor of what? It fumes me. But yet I wonder what challenges the new day brings, and what pain she can inflict upon me.

 

In barely a week we will meet face to face, and I am terrified at the prospect of meeting her. I know I will break down. I know I will cave, plead, beg. All in the name of love. It is in the hands of Johnny law now, and feelings have no place in court.

 

The sad part, is I love her still and always.

 

crap.

 

I've read this over and over again and its profound!

[mikeymad]

I never got the chance to re-edit my initial message. It's not that I'm against recons. I do hope it works out for people, really I do. It's a bittersweet feeling, when you are in such despair about one yourself. This isn't about cheating, this is about all the conditions surrounding the R in which that happened. Many resources have said to work on yourself and what you did to contribute to the demise of the R, so I am. I am trying to rectify the wrongs I did, so that there will be a less conflictual environment in which she can see her part more clearly. It is possible that's the incorrect path to take, and maybe that needs to happen after the D when NC is happening, and the reality will set in for her.

 

@gunny: profound? and yes, friends shouldn't let friends near a keyboard/phone when drinking.

[Chrome Barracuda]

She's placing the blame on you because it's called re-writing the marriage the WS does this to make themselves feel better about what they are doing!

 

They are villifying you because you are the enemy. And that is the script they are supposed to play out!

 

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!

 

you know this and I know this. Bottom line take it for what it's worth, she did you a favor. You can make a fresh start, so why dwell on it???

 

Your too young for this crap. Let her go and move on.

[You Go Girl]

Foolish people always throw away good people.

Good people keep a steady course, and start anew when the time is right.

Foolish people eventually look back with regret and unhappiness and yearning for what was.

Good people just keep plugging on...and are their own reward.

[mikeymad]

because we got involved with a "foolish person" doesn't that make us a bigger fool as well?

And this whole karma bit...I don't buy it. it sounds like we can hold our heads high because whether indirectly or directly we want (or know) the WAS to get what's coming to them for causing us pain. but what if what's happening now is karma coming back to us? It just sounds like a passive form of being vengeful

 

And yes, I know i'm probably one of the younger ones here, which a) makes me stubborn as hell, but b) it's not a reason to be "thankful" it's happening now. If you have to get an arm cut off, no matter when it happens you still don't have an arm. And if that arm is constantly infected, you have to live with that MUCH longer.

 

I know much of the advice I'm getting is to get the D. Obviously there is nothing I can do to stop it if she wants it. But to give up means to accept defeat. Giving up is what the WAS is seemingly doing. Yet nothing in this world is worthwhile if it's not worth fighting for. Millions of people have laid down there lives for complete strangers in the time of war, even as a lot of those people have been against the war in the first place. Being willing to go the distance for one person should be a test of our faith, of our patience and perseverance, of our willingness to sacrifice to put others above ourselves. I don't want to take away from anything that the military does and make trite comparisons, as I am extremely grateful for their service, but there are some similarities between the commitment of service and the commitment of marriage. I am going through a personal hell each and every single day (war), but I am choosing to go through it for a purpose. To try and save my marriage, to get my wife back. Call me an idiot, but I'd rather be on the field when the final whistle blows than on the sidelines. It's often difficult to choose which path is the appropriate one to take...

That being said, I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to respond and counsel me. I continue to struggle, and I hope that you don't give up on me...

Edited February 23, 2010 by mikeymad
i'm wordy.

[Chrome Barracuda]

because we got involved with a "foolish person" doesn't that make us a bigger fool as well?

And this whole karma bit...I don't buy it. it sounds like we can hold our heads high because whether indirectly or directly we want (or know) the WAS to get what's coming to them for causing us pain. but what if what's happening now is karma coming back to us? It just sounds like a passive form of being vengeful

 

And yes, I know i'm probably one of the younger ones here, which a) makes me stubborn as hell, but b) it's not a reason to be "thankful" it's happening now. If you have to get an arm cut off, no matter when it happens you still don't have an arm. And if that arm is constantly infected, you have to live with that MUCH longer.

 

I know much of the advice I'm getting is to get the D. Obviously there is nothing I can do to stop it if she wants it. But to give up means to accept defeat. Giving up is what the WAS is seemingly doing. Yet nothing in this world is worthwhile if it's not worth fighting for. Millions of people have laid down there lives for complete strangers in the time of war, even as a lot of those people have been against the war in the first place. Being willing to go the distance for one person should be a test of our faith, of our patience and perseverance, of our willingness to sacrifice to put others above ourselves. I don't want to take away from anything that the military does and make trite comparisons, as I am extremely grateful for their service, but there are some similarities between the commitment of service and the commitment of marriage. I am going through a personal hell each and every single day (war), but I am choosing to go through it for a purpose. To try and save my marriage, to get my wife back. Call me an idiot, but I'd rather be on the field when the final whistle blows than on the sidelines. It's often difficult to choose which path is the appropriate one to take...

That being said, I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to respond and counsel me. I continue to struggle, and I hope that you don't give up on me...

 

But what are you loosing? a woman who's a liar, a coward for leaving, a cheater on top of that?

 

I mean you really want to be saddled with a woman who cannot be a real woman and own up to her bad choices and make things right?

 

The OM whoever he is, is in for a world of hurt. Because she'll turn around and do it to him. and then what, he's gonna be like damn the XH was right she is F-ing crazy.

 

Trust me that's what always happen. Or he'll either get fed up and kick her to the curb anyways.

 

My idea is for you to focus on making yourself happy. Do not dwell on her!!!

 

You must become indifferent to her memory. Grieve but forget her. In the long run you will make it better for yourself.

[You Go Girl]

Don't call yourself a fool for opening up your heart to loving someone, and the vulnerability that comes with that.

Thing is...you can fight the good fight, and do--I'm not telling you to stop--

but you can't right her wrongs, you can't make her open her eyes and see...

look at this way--if she gets what she presently has her mind set on-a divorce-

and if she decides in a year or two that you were good for her and that she wants you back--

will you be able to open up your heart to her again?

It's a really tough thing to consider. Loving someone until the end is something to aspire to--being a martyr can be too painful though.

You can't stop the course she's on. Beg, plead, do all those things if it will make you feel that you went the distance--and with any luck at all maybe her heart will hear you--

but if it doesn't--you do need to respect yourself and take care of yourself.

Bottom line is that we are all our own person on this journey. We are only one person--whether married or not--and will be judged by our peers on what we do in life, not what our spouses do.

You are your own person. You entered this world alone, and you'll leave it alone. Judge yourself by your actions--not the actions of others.

Karma is just another way of saying that there's no taking shortcuts, no escaping lessons that need to be learned.

By the way, I like to write--your opening was very poetic and eloquent.

 

I'm not suggesting you get the divorce--but if it's beyond your control and inevitable--people here just want to help you keep your self-esteem and respect--and to not be broken.

[mikeymad]

Random night. Random thoughts. Can't sleep...clowns will eat me. (a joke, i'm not really going insane from no sleep yet)

 

Ugh. Just saw a picture online of my w. Pretty sure she isn't wearing her wedding ring anymore. I know I should probably expect that at this point with what she has said but it still hurts like hell to know I scrimped and saved my friggin student loan money to buy her that, and she throws it away just like she is doing to me. This ICMC court thing on monday is gonna be a bitch, and I'm really dreading it. I think just because the finality of everything is gonna really hit home once i see her face to face and she probably will be stone cold. I'm telling you, next week I'm gonna be needing some big time support. I can feel myself getting anxious and running through a whole gamut of emotions just thinking about it, thus not sleeping really lately. Has anybody whose gone through this have any advice for me?

 

A few weeks ago I also made an account on match on a whim, to see if I still "got it". Except every girl on there was not my W. I also saw someone who had a strikingly similar appearance, and I freaked. I felt dirty. I would hate to have her find out and think that I was moving on. The thought patterns we have during this whole period are sometimes disturbing, even to myself.

 

Just a question to the women....what the hell do you do with the engagement ring? Keep it? Hawk it? Give it back?

 

I also have a friend that's both of ours that still talks to her pretty regularly. Would it be out of line for me to talk to her and see if she'll talk to my W? I mean, probably everything that comes from me she'll discredit, but maybe something from someone else will help. Or maybe I'm grasping at straws here. Fark I sound pathetic. I just want to cut all the bs between us. To be completely transparent and for her to at least acknowledge that. For her to actually talk to me about her feelings without worrying how exactly to word it. I'm on a slippery slope here...and i know that it's just gonna take something like this to send me into a downward spiral. Or maybe if i bang my head one more time against the wall, it'll work, er i mean 3 times, make that 5, 10, 40.

life = the suck right now

Edited February 25, 2010 by mikeymad

[You Go Girl]

Random night. Random thoughts. Can't sleep...clowns will eat me. (a joke, i'm not really going insane from no sleep yet)

 

Just a question to the women....what the hell do you do with the engagement ring? Keep it? Hawk it? Give it back?

 

I also have a friend that's both of ours that still talks to her pretty regularly. Would it be out of line for me to talk to her and see if she'll talk to my W? I mean, probably everything that comes from me she'll discredit, but maybe something from someone else will help. Or maybe I'm grasping at straws here. Fark I sound pathetic. I just want to cut all the bs between us. To be completely transparent and for her to at least acknowledge that. For her to actually talk to me about her feelings without worrying how exactly to word it. I'm on a slippery slope here...and i know that it's just gonna take something like this to send me into a downward spiral. Or maybe if i bang my head one more time against the wall, it'll work, er i mean 3 times, make that 5, 10, 40.

life = the suck right now

 

Every woman is different--I kept my wedding/engagement ring from my first marriage. We were together (counting not married) 20 years, from when I was 16. That ring still means something to me. Just because it ended doesn't mean that I didn't share 20 yrs with him. I don't ever wear it--I just look at it once a year. Honestly, I still don't know what to do with it.

Talking to friend--well, why not? Is there something to lose by doing so? Women tend to reach out all the time, probably to a fault, as they share often info that the H thinks shouldn't be shared. Men, on the other hand, tend to not reach out even when it's in their best interests to do so.

p.s. Immediately remove anything in domicile that even slightly resembles a clown face.

[Steadfast]

Mike, you've been given good advice and you'd be wise to take it. Still, no amount of good advise is going to keep you from the stages of grief, anger, self-doubt and acceptance you'll be dealing with in the next months.

 

And years. On average, it takes two so I've heard. I'm two years out and things are much different, but not so different that I can't relate exactly to what you're feeling. In some crazy way it is good to know what's ahead ...you'll be able to recognize the different emotional phases and deal.

 

Speaking of averages, when a woman leaves a relationship in the time - tested manner that yours has, there is a good chance that she won't be changing her mind anytime soon...if ever. I say this because you've chosen to fight. That's your choice, but at some point you'll grow tired of beating your head against the wall. All I can say is this; she knows. She knows you love her, knows you don't want a divorce. What can you possibly add? At this point respect is probably the only thing you can earn that you don't have from her, and that can only be accomplished by standing up for yourself, being your own man and moving on. So, I say this with all the gentleness I can muster: If you love her, let her go.

 

Finally, know that what you are feeling is normal. Feelings about other women not measuring up, haunting dreams, sadness...loneliness. If you didn't feel those things there would be something wrong with you.

 

When you see her for this meeting, just be yourself. But in control. Be respectful of your surroundings. Listen carefully and react in measured steps. Control, control, control! Be kind, but firm. She, and everyone else will know you're hurting, but showing self-love will go a long way in proving that you are in control of you. That's attractive on many levels and probably to her too. But the real gain is how you'll feel about yourself.

[mikeymad]

Ygg- I was talking about an intervention from "our" friend to her. Not sure if she'll do it, or just stop talking to me out of awkwardness, not that it's not there anyways. It seems like nobody is trying to help us get through this, they are just taking sides. What really hurts is the my friends who just kind of shy away from speaking to me. Not that I blame them, I'm the only one going/been through this and I feel like a damn leper.

Edited February 25, 2010 by mikeymad

[You Go Girl]

You're no leper Mike, anymore than I am, although my H makes me feel that way often enough

 

intervention? as in on tv? setting her up to be at a place w/o her knowing that you will be there?

Or just the friend as a mediator and she knows you will be there?

 

Whatever you mean exactly, I think you have every right to expect a sit down eye to eye tete a tete with full open honesty. Would she?

 

I don't know your entire story, Mike. I read a few of your threads. It seems you went away on business and there was an EA on her side.

I think the intervention might not be a good idea--she might refuse feeling cornered like a rat.

Have you tried saying to her on the phone, Listen, we really need to sit down and discuss this entire situation.

I don't know what you have already tried, but I'd start with the above question.

She sounds hostile--like she's angry with you. Sometimes when people are angry they like to punish the people they love. It feels good sometimes--I did it to my first H.

I wish I'd known when to quit, but I continued--right through a divorce.

[mikeymad]

not like a "you've gotta stop sniffing airplane glue" intervention, more like a semi-neutral 3rd party sitting down with her (and not me) and having a discussion about things. I don't know if she'll feel too uncomfortable to do it, or how to go about asking her. i'm almost certain w won't sit down and talk if i ask her to, she has told me she has said all she needs to, all I am is empty promises, and that it was a shame she believed them all the way to the alter (i know she says a lot of this stuff in what she believes is being honest, but it's very cruel to me). and for me to ask her on the phone would mean that we'd have to be talking on the phone . she is very much like someone previously said, convinced herself this is about her wellbeing and her survival, and she can't focus on me or us. I'm just wondering if this whole D is an emotional reaction for her, and if i can just get her to put it off for a while it can give things a chance to settle down.

[mikeymad]

ps. my lawyer called to talk about monday, and said she spoke to my w's lawyer, who had this to pass on to me.

" I hope your client isn't looking for any sort of reconciliation, because that door is pretty much shut".

This day keeps getting better.

 

If I am posting too much, just tell me to shut up. Sorry, but of all people i think you guys "get" what's going on the most more than any other people, especially in my age group who aren't even married, or barely so themselves.

Edited February 25, 2010 by mikeymad