unsureLP Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 I'm not excusing her actions in the bit, but that was an effect of what was going on, not a cause. Much like the fire is not the cause, but who left the towel on the stove, and the stove on, and things unattended that led to the fire. That is the biggest thing, because a towel on the stove isn't a big deal by itself. If I can correctly identify those issues, you nip problems in the bud before they get to a 5 alarm blaze. So I'm a new member who doesn't know the whole story, so take my words with a grain of salt. But whatever was happening between the two of you does not justify an A. Ok, so if she felt something for this guy and it made her realize that there were things wrong with your R, then she should have taken that as a wake up call to talk to you about things. Instead of acting on something that would just create more problems, she should have been mature and given you (and herself) a chance to bring back the spark to the relationship she should have been committed to. So, while there may have been other things that caused her to "want" to stray anyway, the "act" of straying is never "caused" by anything you could have done. There's a really good episode of "This American Life" on infidelity and my favorite of course is the guy who could have, wanted to, but didn't. http://www.thislife.org/radio-archives/episode/393/infidelity Keep your head high. Link to post Share on other sites
tnttim Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 So I'm a new member who doesn't know the whole story, so take my words with a grain of salt. But whatever was happening between the two of you does not justify an A. Ok, so if she felt something for this guy and it made her realize that there were things wrong with your R, then she should have taken that as a wake up call to talk to you about things. Instead of acting on something that would just create more problems, she should have been mature and given you (and herself) a chance to bring back the spark to the relationship she should have been committed to. When I first came here I would have agreed with you, but after reading and educating myself so much on the subject, I disagree. His W probably tried numerous times to get her message across that she was unhappy. Us men have a huge problem when it comes to listening to what your woman is saying to you. We don't speak the same language. Women speak out their problems, men internalize them. So when a woman goes on and on and on and on, we lose interest and don't pay attention. So we end up missing some real information about how they really feel. Look at some posts from women, "he never listens to what I say" from men "Then all of sudden she left me for no reason", "things were great between us then...." or "She never told me she was unhappy." All of that tells me that men and women are not communicating at the same level. Women have 5 levels of communication, men just 1. Educate yourself about the opposite sex. Men learn to understand the levels, women understand men don't have but just 1 level. Link to post Share on other sites
unsureLP Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 His W probably tried numerous times to get her message across that she was unhappy. Us men have a huge problem when it comes to listening to what your woman is saying to you. We don't speak the same language. Women speak out their problems, men internalize them. So when a woman goes on and on and on and on, we lose interest and don't pay attention. So we end up missing some real information about how they really feel. Look at some posts from women, "he never listens to what I say" from men "Then all of sudden she left me for no reason", "things were great between us then...." or "She never told me she was unhappy." All of that tells me that men and women are not communicating at the same level. Women have 5 levels of communication, men just 1. Educate yourself about the opposite sex. Men learn to understand the levels, women understand men don't have but just 1 level. Actually I agree with you on the communication issue. What I meant is that I don't personally see an A as the answer to miscommunication. There are other ways to try and wake the other person up that are not as damaging. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mikeymad Posted March 9, 2010 Author Share Posted March 9, 2010 The A wasn't to "wake me up". It was for her. Pure, simple, and selfish. No need to continue to discuss this issue. unsureLP, I've been over this particular issue in other threads and have come to terms with what I do know about it. Yes it is important but only a piece of the puzzle. Link to post Share on other sites
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