Always wanted a second chance

[durr]

There's this girl i used to date a few years ago while we were in college together. She recently came back into my life a few months ago when we both decided to go back to school. Since August of last year when we went back to school, we had been hanging out and talking a lot as just friends but I sometimes got the impression of something more. She was sort of dating someone at the time but they were having a lot of problems. Serious problems for her. Well in December of last year at the end of the semester I told her how i felt about her and that I thought there was something between us and I wanted to try dating again. She said she had been thinking about it too and that she was ready to move on from her boyfriend. She also said that I was a big part of the reason she came back to school and that she missed me and thought about me a lot over the past year and half we hadn't talked. These things made me believe she was thinking the same thing I was. Due to her situation with her boyfriend and the fact that she had been going through a lot she said she wanted to take a little time and sort things out and clear her head. I was fine with this.

 

After we talked we didn't see each other for a few weeks due to winter break from school. The first week we were back at school everything was like normal. Well since then I've been getting the cold shoulder from her for a few weeks now. We still see each other at school and talk at school but any attempts to talk outside of school have pretty much been ignored by her. When i asked her about it she told me that her head was still messed up and she was still sorting things out. She also told me she still talks to her ex/boyfriend. It was a very short conversation. I haven't called her or tried to spend any time with her outside of school since she told me she still talks to her ex. She hasn't made any effort to talk to me or spend time with me either. When we are at school we still talk like normal for the most part. I kind of feel like things are unresolved because we haven't really had a good conversation about it.

 

I suppose what's confusing me so much is the things she said to me when we talked. It seems I was led to believe something that may not have been true. Is this a case of her finding comfort in someone until her boyfriend comes back around and tries to get in her good graces again? Do you think I should bring it up again and ask her what she's thinking? Do you think i should make one last effort to try and spend some time with her? Should I just try and be her friends with her like I was before and wait it out? I really don't know what to do.

[BigTenInchRecord]

Your best bet is to forget about her and move on. As long as your pining for her, she will not come back. If you make the effort to go no contact, you will slowly and surely push her from your thoughts, and take her off the pedestal you have her on.

 

This will work in your favor no matter what. It may suck and hurt at first, but eventually you will either A. get over her and move on, finding someone better who won't play games like this, or B. get over her and move on, and have her realize she made a mistake and beg for you back. Hopefully at that point you will be in a position to say no, and only take her back if something has really changed.

[durr]

See that's just the thing. I can't really go no contact. We have 2 classes together and we are in a study group together. So like it or not I have to see her at least 2 days a week for an extended period of time. Other than seeing her at school I have gone no contact since she told me she still talks to her boyfriend. I'm just having a hard time trying to distance myself from her at school. I find myself wanting to talk and flirt like always when we're studying. I don't know. I guess I'll just have to figure it out as I go.

[DustySaltus]

If she really wanted to get back together she would've came on a lot stronger than she has. She knows your feelings and you need to distance yourself from her. Keep the study groups "all business" and otherwise cut off contact with her. If she confronts you about this tell her you cannot be her friend....because at this point you really can't.

 

Tell her it's all or nothing and if she wants to get back together to get in contact with you after she has broke it off with her ex and cleared her head for good.

 

The way she acting will drive you crazy. Time to regain the power over yourself again.

[durr]

 

The way she acting will drive you crazy.

 

It's definitely driving me crazy.

 

I've thought the same thing. She does know exactly how I feel about her and yet she has done nothing with it. It really pisses me off.

[Tea]

I understand how weird it is that you both opened up emotionally and for her to come back and keep you at arm's length is disconcerting.

 

Here's the thing. She told you exactly how she felt. She was very honest and told you she needed time to figure out her life. Of course she has/had feelings for you. Those feelings may be heightened because you are there emotionally when she is having trouble with the boyfriend. However, she is probably reflecting why it didn't work out the first time around and, perhaps, her feelings are just the residual effects of being comfortable around you because of your history.

 

She said she needed time. There is nothing more you could do but step back. Not sure why you want to continue to flirt with her when you've already made clear you are available. She knows this. She doesn't need more hints. If she does like you or wants to pursue it, you will know. You've left the door opened, stop beckoning her to come in.

 

The interesting things about exes are that you know each other intimately and it's comfortable. However, one has to be careful not to fall into the same rut. Maybe she really likes her other ex despite the drama/problems he causes.

 

Don't force it. If she never comes back around, she really did not want to work things out with you. Be friendly, but don't keep persisting. She knows exactly what she's doing and it's what's best for her.

 

Good luck.

[durr]

Thank you Tea. That's probably the best answer I've got from many different people. I understand what you say about me leaving the door open for her and that I should stop trying to drop hints. She already knows.

 

I suppose I should just be friendly when we're at school (which I've kind of been doing) and have no contact otherwise. She knows where I am and how to contact me if she decides to.