durr Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 Do you think it's ever a good idea to date someone who has been a really good friend for the past 5 years? I met this girl the very first day of college and we have been really good friends ever since. We hooked up a couple times (no actual sex though). Well she was kinda weird about it after the first time it happened. She didn't talk to me for about a week. When I finally saw her she said she thought it was a bad idea that that happened. The thought had been crossing my mind about trying to date her but that shut that down pretty quick and I never really thought about it again. Well a couple weeks ago we were out together. I could see her kind of giving me these looks (you know the looks) so I just said what's up. That opened up a whole can of worms and she basically told me that she wanted to date me and that she has wanted me to come after her for a long time. There was more to the conversation than than but that's the gist of it. I know you can't really give me advice on whether or not to date this girl but like I asked what do you think of dating someone who has been a really good friend fo yours for many years. Link to post Share on other sites
gregp Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 I would give it a shot, if she wants you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author durr Posted February 20, 2010 Author Share Posted February 20, 2010 I've been thinking about it but I'm not completely sure. The thought had obviously crossed my mind in the past but then got put out of my mind. Another thing that's holding me back is that I'm not 100% sure if I see her like that and I don't want to jump into something if I don't know I'm completely there. That's not fair to her or me. We've been friends for so long that it seems weird. We definitely get along great whenever we're together. We laugh and have fun and can talk about anything. I don't know. I guess the bottom line is this. I'm a little afraid that if we do this it could end badly and I lose a great friend. On the flip side of that I'm also a little scared that it could work out great (however silly that sounds). Link to post Share on other sites
Dolos Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 Not wanting to lose her is a natural fear to have, but you shouldn't let that stop you from dating her if that's your only concern. Its possible things could end badly between you, but its equally (if not more) possible that you could have a good long lasting relationship. Also consider that if you choose not to date her you may lose her as a close friend anyway, at least for a time. Something else to ask yourself is how would you feel if say, next week, you found out she was going to start dating some other guy? It might help you decide how you feel about her to think about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamesith Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 I'm in the same boat you are dur. I've actually been one to feel a strong connection with my very good friend. I think since reading a whole lot of different stories, that to me in my opinion.. I came upon this just last night after I created my own thread about this very situation. "I think a lover should actually be a friend first. If you are looking for more than sex, a lover should be a friend first. The key advantages are as follows: Knowledge A friend know you - who you are, what you wish to become, your strengths, your weaknesses, your dreams, your fears, your likes, your dislikes, etc. Knowing one's partner is the basic foundation for any meaningful relationship. Knowing someone takes time and time reaffirms what is learned you start a sentence and your friend finishes it; or you both utter the same exclamation in a particular circumstance. Understanding A friend understands. Beyond knowing the facts, a friend understands why better than anyone else - why you are the way you are, why you like this but hate that, why certain things are sacrosanct to you, etc. A friend therefore needs less explanations from you such that they can take decisions on your behalf exactly as you would have. They understand the differences between you and can defend you if the need arises. Acceptance Having known and understood you, a friend accepts you - just as you are, flaws and all. While they never stop nagging about an annoying habit they'd still rather have you just the way you are! Rather than try to change who you are, they encourage you to be a better person. They complement you so that you can be the best you. Respect Respect naturally follows acceptance. A friend respects you. This is something that tugs at the core of every human being - to be respected as a fellow being. A friend will never mock or put down either privately or publicly. A true friend will respect your wishes and let you make your mistakes. When you learn from those mistakes they will never mock you; you can be sure of their their support and commendation. Fairness Lastly, a true friend is fair to you. Their knowledge of your person and circumstances will always reflect in their behavior towards you. This is not to suggest that they will always sacrifice for you, but rather they will never make 'unreasonable' demands or have 'unrealistic' expectations given all they know about you which others do not. If we had more lovers who are friends, the world would be a better place by far!" Obviously there a downsides to everything and no two people are alike and things could be different to someone else who reads this. Sure not everyone will agree. But after you know reading this, to me this gives me hope. But if two people aren't willing to take that chance then you keep it at friends if not then things will ultimately in my opinion blossom now that I've gotten a chance to see this story.:) Hope this helps out in anyway shape or form. Link to post Share on other sites
Author durr Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 yea that all makes pretty good sense. I think you should be friends and not just lovers. It makes for a better relationship. I'm still on the fence about this friend though. It's been on my mind a lot more lately. Maybe we should just start hanging out a little more and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamesith Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Yeah totally hang out a couple more time and see if anything happens, if not then you gotta think about taking a risk. I'm at that same point right now with my good friend and I think the only way to fully know what could be is to let things happen. Keep me posted. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHarvest Posted February 27, 2010 Share Posted February 27, 2010 Yeah totally hang out a couple more time and see if anything happens, if not then you gotta think about taking a risk. I'm at that same point right now with my good friend and I think the only way to fully know what could be is to let things happen. Keep me posted. Love your whole post above Jamesith. Very very profound and insightful! Link to post Share on other sites
Jamesith Posted February 28, 2010 Share Posted February 28, 2010 Thanks blueharvest. I have been at that point in my life countless times and when I came upon the story that I posted earlier. It really hit me that you know maybe the things that I wish that could be, aren't meant to happen yet or that as I mentioned above that taking a risk as many people have given me advice to do is another one of those... how you say deal or no deal. I guess for me I was so scared to take that risk because I didn't know what might happen should I take the risk again. But now I feel as if I continue to be a friend maybe eventually we'll be lovers some day. If not then at least I can say I gave it 100% this time. Thats my two cents for today. Link to post Share on other sites
jckkeith Posted March 6, 2010 Share Posted March 6, 2010 It can be good but, it all depends on your friendship to begin with. I dated my best friend while we were in high school and, though it didn't work out for us, we're still very good friends. As for if its worth risking the friendship- that all comes down to how much you think it would benefit to change the way you are now. Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted March 6, 2010 Share Posted March 6, 2010 JMHO, but dating your good friend - or best friend - as I did could be the best thing you've ever done. It shows maturity in your dating processes. You're no longer just seeking a hot sexual relationship, but looking for the substance that makes a relationship last. How do I know? I once dated my best friend. We aren't still dating, we just got engaged. I, like you, had doubts because I just couldn't imagine my life without him there for me. He felt the same way. At first, it was so incredibly funny and sweet. Now, it's everything a person could want (although we did hit a bad patich before we got to this point). However, in the end, I can't believe anyone could get so lucky as us. I don't know this girl, but I think you should give it a chance with an open heart! Link to post Share on other sites
juliet Morrison Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 Well here is my two cents.....do nothing. just keep being friends. If you dont know how u feel about her then you dont want her. I am the girl that told the best friend that she is in love with them...and got back nothing. That he just does not see me in that way. So if you dont see her in that way dont toy with her. Please i ask of you dont do it. Being Friends is more important then being with her in a relationship. Relationships come and go but freinds are forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts