A weird situation

[yolei]

I'm in a need of some guidance about this sticky situation.

 

One of my closest friends introduced me to this guy about a month ago and ever since then we've spent a lot of time together. I guess it could be said that we're friends but in a very weird way. Being busy and trying to put my career ahead of everything, I've been sort of oblivious to any guys who might be interested in me. Anyway, at first we hung out a little bit here and there. Then that ended up transforming into hanging out a couple of times a week, studying together, etc.

 

I enjoy his company a lot and find myself very attracted to him. We have a lot of things in common, plus he's a good looking guy so I'm also attracted to him physically. Either way, he has a girlfriend. He mentioned her once in passing and that was the end of discussion. He never really talks about her and I probably wouldn't have even known about her if I didn't ask.

 

When I found out, I backed off and tried to keep things as platonic as possible because I'm not the type to break someone apart. However, it's been really, really hard to keep away. The connection between us right now is way too strong. I tried avoiding him. He was upset. Then I tried being purely platonic and setting grounds to just being friends, but I found myself liking him even more. I have no idea what to do. I don't want to just cut him off - he's a sweet, funny, intelligent guy and the last thing I would want to do is hurt his feelings in any way, while also hurting myself in the process. And yes, I believe the feeling is mutual (I haven't confirmed it but based on his actions/words/body language I'm fairly certain), which makes this situation crappy.

 

Anyone been in a similar situation or has any advice on what I can do? If you need more info, ask away.

[FreeNow]

If you need more info, ask away.

 

No further information needed.

 

Here ya go... straight from the hip!

 

I enjoy his company a lot and find myself very attracted to him. We have a lot of things in common, plus he's a good looking guy so I'm also attracted to him physically.

 

But he's unavailable.

 

he has a girlfriend.

 

He's unavailable.

 

I'm not the type to break someone apart.

 

If you really aren't then you know your relationship with him has to end.

 

Then I tried being purely platonic and setting grounds to just being friends, but I found myself liking him even more.

 

He's unavailable.

 

I have no idea what to do.

 

You sure about that?

 

He's unavailable so the solution is to back off and end any relationship with him. Anything else and you will "break someone apart."

 

And yes, I believe the feeling is mutual (I haven't confirmed it but based on his actions/words/body language I'm fairly certain)

 

He's unavailable and since the feelings seem mutual things need to end if you don't want to be a factor in problems between him and his girlfriend.

 

 

IMHO, you won't end this thing so you'll end up with a guy that isn't all that you might think he is. If he was all into you and wanted to do things in an appropriate way then he would end things with the girlfriend and then ask you out. With anything short of that, get ready for the karma bus one day.

[yolei]

Someone seems a bit bitter. I guess you've gone through the whole cheating part and been hurt in the past. So have I aka been cheated on.

 

It's not a simple "stop" hanging out situation since we're in the same class. This whole thing wouldn't be a problem if I only saw him once a month or something like that.

 

I didn't want advice on how to break them apart. I wanted advice on how to come out of this situation without making it any more complex - aka both sides of the coin. And ignoring him, stopping communication will make the situation complex. Hanging out with him further will ALSO make the situation complex. Maybe talking about this with him would be a better idea?

 

IMHO, I don't think you get my question and are assuming. Don't even get me started on karma.

Edited February 20, 2010 by yolei

[FreeNow]

Someone seems a bit bitter.

 

Not bitter at all. Life is actually pretty good.

 

You asked for opinions and then insult people when they give them... WTF?

 

I guess you've gone through the whole cheating part and been hurt in the past.

 

I've been cheated on and I've been involved in an affair with a MW. Although, all of that was years ago.

 

What I wrote had to do with my years and experience. Some might even call it wisdom whilst others might call it foolishness. Which one is up to you to decide for yourself. Either way it effects me not.

 

It's not a simple "stop" hanging out situation since we're in the same class. This whole thing wouldn't be a problem if I only saw him once a month or something like that.

 

Yes, it really is THAT simple. I've had employers, employees, and patients before that had a thing for me and vice versa. You can be in the same class and not be involved with him. What the heck would you do if you couldn't stand the guy? Would you drop the class, change schools, quit your job, etc? No, you would probably learn to ignore him. That is what you can do with this guy that gives you the tinglies... ignore him, he is unavailable.

 

I wanted advice on how to come out of this situation without making it any more complex - aka both sides of the coin.

 

I don't give advice. Here is my opinion... leave him alone, he is unavailable.

 

There is no "other side of the coin."

 

And ignoring him, stopping communication will make the situation complex. Hanging out with him further will ALSO make the situation complex.

 

It's not complex. Let him know that you don't want to mess with things between him and his girlfriend then distance yourself. Say it and mean it. Follow through. Very simple.

 

Maybe talking about this with him would be a better idea?

 

There ya go sport!

 

IMHO, I don't think you get my question and are assuming.

 

I believe your question was understood well enough. You stated that you have some feelings and believe he also might. You stated that he has a girlfriend and you don't want to break apart anyone's relationship. What important parts did I miss?

Edited February 21, 2010 by FreeNow