Vertex Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Background: I am 23 years old, living/working in NYC. I was out with some female friends the other day and they all basically told me the same sort of thing: I need to hit on girls more often. Apparently I am "Tall, smart, good-looking, funny, stable, chill, etc" according to them, and I have to wonder how true these statements are or if they are "appeasement statements." "If you hit on girls more often, I guarantee you'd have very good luck -- do you have any idea how many creeps and douches are out there hitting on girls?" I feel like if these things were really true, I'd be approached by girls at least once. My main problem is that I am ridiculously shy and have a hard time approaching people at random (I usually meet new people through other people). In normal conversation I think I'm okay at first (I ease up over time), but I almost never approach women. If what they said is true, would you ever approach a guy if he seemed your type? Do you not approach guys as a general rule? What goes through your mind when you see someone you'd maybe like to get to know? Do you hold back or wait to be approached? I need some help, here
alphamale Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 dude, chicks give you the green light to approach with their signal(s). you have to learn the signals. then YOU have to approach them. chicks don't like to approach guys but the ones that are interested will let you know non-verbally.
Author Vertex Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 What kind of signals, even? I don't even think I *get* signals, which is why I am having trouble with this sort of thing. I feel like I never get any girls "checking me out" or anything.
alphamale Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 What kind of signals, even? I don't even think I *get* signals, which is why I am having trouble with this sort of thing. I feel like I never get any girls "checking me out" or anything. there are tons of signals. chicks are always checking out guys. you should looks at some books on sexual flirting or courtship body language
EnglishMuffin Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Bear in mind that I am the only person I know amongst my circle of girlfriends who asks a guy out so I may as well be a minority voice. I think my not hesitating to approach a guy has been factored by my feminist education, academic outspokenness, and being the oldest daughter. would you ever approach a guy if he seemed your type? Yes. Do you not approach guys as a general rule? Nope. What goes through your mind when you see someone you'd maybe like to get to know? Actually nothing if he is a strange at a public setting. I don't think beyond that my speaking to him first (usually asking a question or throwing a social line) leads to a conversation, then it is nice; if not, oh well his loss. If he is someone I see on a semi-regular basis, I probably have analysed his personality by now and will give him a few conversation opportunites to see how he responds. If not reciprocated/I realise he is not quite what I thought he is, then I conclude he will be a classmate/acquaintance and never cross the line again. Do you hold back or wait to be approached? I need some help, here Depends on the circumstances/surroundings. If he is a fetching stranger that I only have a mild interest, and is in a far proximity zone that I have to go out of my way to speak to him, then I may not proceed. I think eye contact/smile is usually a good sign. Women can tell from the guy's reaction and mannerism that if he's reciprocating the interest or not. There have been times I initiate a friendly conversation and the guy replies but only in a polite manner without engaging further. In such cases, I take it as no and move on.
littlewhiterose Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 I feel like I never get any girls "checking me out" or anything. Oh no, We are! We just do it really quickly and on the sly...
hats Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 The vast majority of girls will not approach you. Some girls are shy like you. Some girls think that men prefer to be the initiator. But I think the biggest thing is that most girls already have guys that are approaching them, so why would they even bother?
PJKino Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 (edited) No matter how good looking you are they rarely approach you.I have friends who get women all the time and are real good looking but they still have to do the approaching.. If youre not bad looking you shouldnt have problems..Plus youre tall women love that..They think its magical.. Edited February 20, 2010 by PJKino
Kamille Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Totally agree with Alpha re: Signals. No, I don't approach guys. I give out signals. (I know I know, it's totally unfair that girls have this easy). I had to learn to give signals. (I was too shy to do it and use to wonder why guys never hit on me). Signals are: Girls glance at you, look at you, smile at you. At a bar: girls try to dance close to you, catch your eye and smile at you. Once in a conversation with a girl, she leans over, touches your arm, back or leg. Remember, as easy and lame as that sounds, I had to learn to do that. A lot of girls are as shy as you are. And maybe your first step should be the same. Go out, and try to establish eye contact and smile at a girl you like. If she smiles back, approach her with some random comment about the scene.
Author Vertex Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 I am not sure if I even get smiles! I feel like I may as well not even be there... makes me wonder if all my height/"looks"/etc really matter. I'm an otherwise great, confident guy... just very shy at "making conversation."
alphamale Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 No matter how good looking you are they rarely approach you... no, if a guy is really good looking they will approach you
PJKino Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 I am not sure if I even get smiles! I feel like I may as well not even be there... makes me wonder if all my height/"looks"/etc really matter. I'm an otherwise great, confident guy... just very shy at "making conversation." Im the same way..Dont know how to initiate a convo with a stranger..Though i never get anyting close to a signla just usually get dirty looks if i apprach so i stopped approaching..
Kristine Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 I'm a woman and I do NOT approach men. I flirt back, okay when I'm not completely caught off guard, but approaching NEVER.
PJKino Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 (edited) no, if a guy is really good looking they will approach you Maybe if hes top 1% good looking...My boy whos getting marired now but gets tons of women,hes hooked up with most the women in our circle of friends they always talk about how good looking he is and when we go out he still has to appraoch women rarely does one just go after him.. Women are very self conscious about approaching strange Men Edited February 20, 2010 by PJKino
Author Vertex Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Well, that being said, what kind of signals do you give off?
Kristine Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Signals? Well I had to think about that one. A smile, a wink, a conversation if he starts one. Other than that I don't know. I'm not a hottie so I don't get approached often but I have been approached at the pool, a grocery store, the library twice and none of it led to a date so I suck on some end.
Author Vertex Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 I'm not even after a hottie -- just someone reasonably cute and has a good mind. XD I'm not after the chick with the biggest jugs or whatever.
gypsy_nicky Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 no, if a guy is really good looking they will approach you isnt this too much of common knowledge? I think women get the same initial response as men when confronted with someone really attractive-intimidation. But they will use covert tactics to play the unassuming person closing the distance (i.e asking for directions, information etc).
Knittress Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I tend to show my interest by running for the hills. So, no.
crosswordfiend Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 there are tons of signals. chicks are always checking out guys. you should looks at some books on sexual flirting or courtship body language And with experience you'll even learn to screen out the ones who are just flirting for fun and have absolutely no intention of getting together with you.
Author Vertex Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 I guess I can't tell either way. Like I don't get the feeling any girls are giving me signals.
crosswordfiend Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I guess I can't tell either way. Like I don't get the feeling any girls are giving me signals. Do you ever notice when a girl is looking at you?
Stung Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I used to occasionally approach guys, but honestly, not very often compared to how often I simply let them come to me, or sometimes encouraged them to come to me. Nothing too blatant: catching their gaze for a millisecond longer than necessary (probably more than once), a half-smile, inclining my head towards them, including them in the conversation if they were nearby, whatever. This is what many women ordinarily do to let someone know they'd be receptive to an approach. If the guy didn't pick up on it I usually just let it go, figuring he wasn't interested or had a girlfriend or something... I have asked a couple of guys out or just kind of picked them out and focused in on them, but I'm also more direct than a lot of women. I think women also get more forward as they get older and gain confidence; if you're looking to meet girls in their early 20s, you're gonna have to get more proactive about it. I also usually preferred to meet guys through some kind of setting ensuring a common ground, like a class or an event or mutual friends, than being hit on by strangers in a bar.
leoine Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 as a girl the signals i give off are the ones that have been stated here already: eye contact, smile (that's hopefully reciprocated) and just open body language, standing away from the gal-circle (which i know may be quite intimidating), doing an across the room "cheers" with my drink in my hand, start to dance with them. BUT I go all shy with the people I am really attracted to. I suspect its because I don't want to "stuff up" so to say. However, all in all i prefer it when guys approach because it demonstrates that they are into you - especially when it is in a place and you're all strangers to each other. I would approach, or at the very least try to get talking to a guy i fancied in a group in a friends of friends setting because its undeniably easier than approaching a stranger.
Author Vertex Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Do you ever notice when a girl is looking at you? I don't think so, lol.
Recommended Posts