I'm in recovery, she doesn't drink, but her family does...

[starmap3]

This, most likely, is not a big deal but it stirs something up in me so I thought I'd get some feedback.

 

I am on probation for dwi. I have been in recovery for over a year now and my girlfriend and I are having a baby in May. She doesn;t drink and neither do I. However, her father is a booze "hider". Her mother bitches at the father for drinking but hides her own wine in her car and other places and drinks it when he isn't around. The sister drinks but she's not really an alcoholic... HER birthday is March 5th.

 

Knowing that my girlfriend is pregnant and that I am on probation and in recovery my girlfriend was solicited to be the designated driver for her sister and mother so they can go out on the sister's birthday and drink. Again, my girlfriend doesn't drink, that's not the issue. The issue is...

 

1. She is pregnant so why would these idiots ask her to do this for them? She can't seem to say no to them. I don;t think she minds but she hates drinking.

 

2. This is a sober household (mine and hers) and their family knows I am not drinking. Do you think it's inconsiderate as a whole for them to think this is cool (to ask her to be their DD when neither of us drink AND she is 7 months pregnant).

 

In the end I think I am most worried about the whole mentality of her side of the family. My child will not be around them when they drink or when they are intoxicated to any degree. Also, they seem to think it's ok to just call 15 minutes before they stop over and it's not. Again, my girlfriend can;t seem to establish clear boundaries with her family despite my complaints about them.. the boundaries.

 

What do you think?

[fennel6]

I think you're being a bit hyper-sensitive. Your gf is pregnant, not ill with cancer. She's going to drive them, not be drinking along with them. Of course, you have every right to not permit your child to be in their presence while they are drinking, I'd do the same...but, I don't see that it's inconsiderate for them to ask a healthy person (probably the only sober person they know) to drive them on this evening. Apparently, your gf doesn't have a problem with it, either.

 

P.S.

Congratulations on your recovery- that's huge!

[Clep]

It seems to me that it doesn't bother your wife to be the dd so she doesn't have a boundary to set. It also seems that you are asking her to set a boundary for herself that suits you.

 

My guy doesn't drink and is in the AA program but he would be a dd for me to go out and have a good time. If he was feeling uncomfortable there with me he would go home and pick me up later when I am done.

 

I do not think it is inconsiderate for them to ask her as she has the ability to say no if she so chooses Sounds like she is choosing what is right for her and respecting their choice to do the same.

 

It makes sense to me for your child not to be around intoxicated people.

 

It is futile to worry about the mentality of another in my experience....I can only worry about and control my own.

[2sunny]

have you gone to al anon? you need to understand that you cannot control others... you can only choose for yourself.

 

the sooner you realize this the better you will be.

[D-Lish]

Just remember that it's your decision to stay sober, it's a lifestyle you and your wife have chosen for youselves. Just because you don't drink doesn't mean you are entitled to the expectation that others shouldn't.

 

If your wife is the DD for this celebration- that is her choice, and it sounds like a responsible plan for all involved.

 

It's your wife's family- I'd do the same thing for any of my family members in the same situation.

 

I went through a heavy period of alcoholism- and now that I don't drink much, I am ALWAYS driving my friends drunken asses around. I did so tonight. Everyone got home safe and sound- and that's what matters.

 

In my group of friends, the pregnant girls are always the DD- it's a right of passage:cool: