RobertoPNW Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 First time poster, could use some advice please. A woman I work with, and dated, broke off our relationship. Her best friend tells me to send her a letter of apology and be patient. I ask the friend how I should act around my ex. She says remorseful, but my ex has said she misses the confident, happy gentleman I used to be. How should I be acting around my ex? I see her at least once a day at the office. I want to convey that yes I am remorseful for the end of the relationship, and she knows I want her back in my life. Need any more details? thanks all. Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 A woman I work with, and dated, broke off our relationship. Her best friend tells me to send her a letter of apology and be patient. What exactly are you apologizing for? And have you written this letter yet? -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
Caddy Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Why are you remorseful if she broke up with you? And I also want to know why you are writing letters of apology. Did you cheat on the woman? Step on her foot while dancing? Why would you need to apologize? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobertoPNW Posted January 7, 2004 Author Share Posted January 7, 2004 Originally posted by Caddy Why are you remorseful if she broke up with you? And I also want to know why you are writing letters of apology. Did you cheat on the woman? Step on her foot while dancing? Why would you need to apologize? I'm remorseful because I am completely at fault for it. She said I was the man of her dreams, and she is the woman of my dreams. The problem is that I lied about my past. I still can't believe that I would do this to such a wonderful woman. I lost her trust, she lost the love and passion. She gave me her heart, mind, body and soul completely. I just wasn't able to do the same. I was scared of trusting her completely, but she trusted me completely and I broke that trust. I did write the letter and sent it to her this morning. I basically said that I understand why she broke off our relationship, that she is not at fault in any way. I mentioned I will be enrolling into counseling to sort out why I can't trust in myself enough to be completely open and honest. Good news is that she came to see in the afternoon today. She gave me a big smile and thanked me for the letter. I'm not taking it to mean that we are back together, she'll determine that step. I won't contact her again except for a birthday card in about 3 weeks. I'll just let her sort out what she wants now. Link to post Share on other sites
Marty_McFly Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 I think you've almost answered your question for yourself. You're right, she does know how you feel, and that you're remorseful that the relationship ended, so you don't have to show it. Now it's time to be the cool, confident person she fell in love with, and play the waiting game. You're lucky that she sees you at work everyday, because when you are being the guy she fell in love with, she'll be able to witness it and won't be able to forget it even if she wants to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobertoPNW Posted January 7, 2004 Author Share Posted January 7, 2004 In regard to the b-day card: my b-day is the 23rd and hers is the 27th. I have a feeling that I won't get a b-day card from her. I'm thinking I should still give her a card even though I might be really hurt without a card from her. I'll keep the message short and joyful. If no card from her would it mean it's over between us? Maybe I shouldn't read into that too much? thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobertoPNW Posted January 7, 2004 Author Share Posted January 7, 2004 I feel so much like telling her the love between us is still there, we just need to find the joy again. Well, that's at least what I think, she may have second thoughts. Dam! I wish I could read her mind! I'd give anything for that option. Good thing is her best friend is telling me what to do correctly "if" we get back together. That should be a good sign I hope. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Pssh. I say to hell with her, just be how you wanna be. Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Roberto what is the friend telling you to do? Link to post Share on other sites
ThatAngelGirl Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 I agree with UCFKevin here... be yourself. Don't try to alter your mood or personality to suit her. Best of luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobertoPNW Posted January 8, 2004 Author Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by ThatAngelGirl I agree with UCFKevin here... be yourself. Don't try to alter your mood or personality to suit her. Best of luck to you! I think that is right, I should be the way I was when she met me. I should be the person she fell in love with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobertoPNW Posted January 8, 2004 Author Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by lost_in_chgo Roberto what is the friend telling you to do? My ex's friend is telling me I should not insist on going back to how we were just before the troubles began. That I should not insist on reinstating our bf/gf status. She tells me that we need to get to know each other better and go on some casual dates, no big romance until she makes the moves. I am willing to try it, what do I have to lose? I want to let my ex know that we are blessed to know we don't need each other for anything. Rather, we can desire each other and that is a powerful advantage. But, I know I can't pursue the relationship until she is ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobertoPNW Posted January 8, 2004 Author Share Posted January 8, 2004 Well, we passed by each other in the office today. I was wearing a new outfit today, real casual. She once told me her fantasy is to see me in a greasy white t-shirt and blue jeans, working on a car, then she walks over to me and..... Well, I wore a clean white t-shirt and blue jeans today. Let me tell you she was all smiles and looked me up and down, like she was undressing me with her eyes. I said hello and she smiled back and said hello. Her eyes were big and wide open, we gazed into each other's eyes. I still won't take it as her wanting me back, but oooohhh it feels good. (secretly saying: don't screw this up!, don't screw this up!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobertoPNW Posted January 10, 2004 Author Share Posted January 10, 2004 I asked the best friend if they spoke about the apology letter. She said yes but she is sworn to secrecy and can't discuss that conversation. What could that mean? Well, the friend said again to give her time. My struggle is knowing that I lied to my ex over things that she says are really no big deal. The point is that I lied and she feels "cheated". I had told her there is nothing else in my life to lie about, but she doesn't trust me right now. She did at least say that she wants us to get to know each other better. If she gives me another chance I might suggest that we start over from the beginning, then go forward at her pace. Is this right? Or should I be a little more obvious in my intentions of romance? thanks all. Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Hmmm, sworn to secrecy. Take that as a good sign. Something was said that relates to the letter that she doesn't want you to know. That's better than not reading it or rolling her eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 I think the "sworn to secrecy" part was added by the friend more as a "don't tell her I told you" mechanism. Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Hmmm, naahh Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobertoPNW Posted January 10, 2004 Author Share Posted January 10, 2004 Is it cool or uncool to pry more info from the best friend? She doesn't mind my questions, but I don't want to go too far. Link to post Share on other sites
Marty_McFly Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Tread carefully with what you ask. Anything you say or ask of this friend will probably get back to your ex, because if this person is telling you everything your ex is saying it's very likely that they are also telling your ex everything you're saying. If you play it correctly, it can actually be a tool to your advantage, because you can create and communicate your message to your ex via your actions and conversations with this person, without actually breaking the no contact rule. Thus, even if you feel vulnerable around this person, don't ask the "needy" types of questions that you know you wouldn't ask directly of your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Originally posted by lost_in_chgo Hmmm, naahh She obviously didn't keep the vow of secrecy, did she? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobertoPNW Posted January 10, 2004 Author Share Posted January 10, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker She obviously didn't keep the vow of secrecy, did she? She's trying, but she really wants us to be together. Besides, the friend has known me alot longer than my ex. It just happened that the two ladies became very good friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobertoPNW Posted January 11, 2004 Author Share Posted January 11, 2004 Whenever we encounter each other in the office she makes it a point to position her body so that we can gaze into each other's eyes. She does it every time. I can't just walk by and avoid eye contact. How am I going to get her to miss me? I mean the eye contact is not for a fraction of a second, it's 2-4 seconds long with a smile and usually a hello from her. I end up walking away shaking and nervous. The hard part is that I can't assert myself romantically right now. I tried that two weeks ago and she basically ignored me and changed the subject instead. I spoke with the best friend briefly today. My main statment was that I desire my ex so much but I will leave her alone unless she wants anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Marty_McFly Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Eye contact between two parties requires FOUR eyes. Obviously, if you are trying to maintain that separation then look away. She obviously is wanting your attention for some reason or another, whether it's to tease you or because she really wants you back is still a question. When she makes eye contact, don't ignore her, but it's probably also not a good idea to continue playing her game until you know if she's ready to step up to something real. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobertoPNW Posted January 12, 2004 Author Share Posted January 12, 2004 Well today was a better day. I was able to get my co-workers (who understand the situation) to run some of my errands for me. I didn't see my ex today. I did talk with my ex's friend. I said that I am enrolling in counseling tonight to address my issues. I also stated that I wish I could take back what wrongs I've committed and do all that is right next time. I can accept that my ex may not want me back. I just want to be the best man that I can be for myself. But I do miss her, I long to hold her hand, kiss her passionately and hold her tight. Hopefully, some of this will "leak" back to you know who. My friend responded by saying how such a great guy I am and wished her man was more like me. uh oh, her report to my ex better be good, hehe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobertoPNW Posted January 21, 2004 Author Share Posted January 21, 2004 Help please, give me your opinions, thanks! About 3 weeks ago my ex said to her best friend to never mention me again. Bad omen I know. The truth is whenever I do something nice, or say something nice to my ex she runs to her best friend to tell her all about it. What? I thought my ex didn't want to discuss me? Is this a good sign? Link to post Share on other sites
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