I'm 25, he's 18. Am I being ridiculous?

[Shannie]

I have one hell of crush on this guy who's 7 years younger than me. I think that maybe he's attracted to me too, though it's difficult to tell for sure because I'm not flirting with him and testing the waters in the same way that I would with a man my own age/a bit older. We're friends and we hang out quite frequently (with other people there too), maybe I should just leave it at that...?

 

I am consistently told that I look younger than 25, but that's by the by. It doesn't change my real age (which he knows). Am I being stupid even thinking about persuing such a young guy? I've never been interested in younger men before and I can't quite shake the feeling that it's a bit weird. I know that's unfair because I've dated older men quite happily - social norms, I suppose.

[dazzle22]

It is not ridiculous to be attracted to a younger person, just dangerous for you emotionally when the guy is only 18.

I am 12 yrs older than my husband, but I started dating him at 50 ! he would have been VERY dangerous for me to date at 18, given his history of behavior then and in his 20's. An 18 year old guy is going to want to play the field for quite some time yet, and the two of you may end up having a nice relationship, but the odds of it lasting given HIS age are not good. If you are not set on something long term, that is different.

[D-Lish]

I met my exH when I was 24 and he had just turned 19.

I was all caught up in the age issue as well. He was mature beyond his years, and that eventually won me over. I was 30 when we married- he was barely 25.

 

He is my exH now- so I can't necessarily give you a success story- but it was awesome and successful for quite some time.

[Lindarose84]

It depends on what you're looking for. If you want something non-committal, casual, and fun then go for it. Guys date younger all the time, so should women.

 

However, if at this stage in your life, you're ready to shift gears into something more long term, serious, leading towards marriage type of thing, this thing has disaster written all over it. Although you guys are only 7 years apart, you're both in completely different stages of life. He JUST entered adulthood and I'm sure he'll be wanting to test the waters of adulthood for a bit before settling down with any one person. In this case, if you stick with him, you're more likely to get hurt in the end.

[threebyfate]

18 is pretty young for a 25 year old woman. I think you're headed for some rough waters, if you go down this path.

[foreverlove06]

You could potentially have something really great with this guy, but then again you might not... You cant really judge it based on his age. Im 22, and my boyfriend was 19 when we started dating--- Obviously, not as drastic of an age gap as you & your friend but still.... I had never dated someone younger before, and once I found out his age, I pretty much wrote him off completely. And then we started talking more, and it turns out hes more mature than any of the older guys I have dated! We click on every level, including the maturity level... (And ive always acted older than my age). It really just comes down to what society considers normal... But think about it, Age is only a number. And if the guy was older this wouldnt be an issue, so why should it matter for females? Good luck!

[EnglishMuffin]

I met my ex bf who was 17 when I was 23. Two years relationship. Don't think I'd do it again. It's just that...boys at the age are not too into the idea of responsibility. While I think there should be exceptions, the lack of experience does come in play if you want a serious committed relationship where you need your guy to stay with you in the times of stress.

[harmfulsweetz]

I like someone younger too. It does depend on the guy and what you're after. For me, I want non-committal fun (I'm 22, he's 18) and I think at his age, that's perfect. If I want something committed, and long-term I would have a rethink, I know what I was like at 18, and what others were like then, and wouldn't want to tie him down to me. You have to find people up on your level, he may be more mature than others but he's still 18, he's starting university etc, work, and he will still be interested in playing the field. It's not weird to like someone younger, I think most women do, some just don't admit it.

[Ross PK]

No, it's not ridiculous. He's an adult just like you.

[Zeegagge]

Like others have said, may be fun for a minute but don't get involved in anything long term. He's at a different phase in his life and trying to tie him down now will only end with the "I never really got to see what was out there" speech.

[blind_otter]

It's no big deal but you must prepare yourself for a level of emotional intensity that is perhaps not something you want to deal with anymore.

 

I've found, as I get older, that when I was 18 I was willing to expend vast amount of emotional energy on things that I now, at 30, consider unnecessary.

 

Also, we should remember that the human brain is not fully developed in the late teens. The human brain, namely the parts that govern rational and logical thought and decision making, do not finish maturing until the middle 20s.

 

So, knowing this, you can't really get uppity about people in their late teens making bad decisions, or making stupid choices, because their brains aren't necessarily even equipped to think in an entirely logical manner.

 

If you take into account the reality of emotional and neurological development, and don't have the same expectations you would have of someone in their 20s of him, then it might be OK. But that takes a level of emotional maturity that i have yet to see in any 20-something I've ever met.....

[Ruby Slippers]

You're both adults, so I say go for it if you want to. If nothing else, you'd probably have some really hot sex.

 

If you want something serious, though, just keep in mind that he IS a teenager.

[Gerhard]

In reading through the responses, there are a lot of generalizations about the 18 year old. But one thing that hasn't been mentioned is he the type of guy who can get a date with just about anyone he wants? If so, feel free to have some fun with him, but don't expect it to last. On the flip side, if he is the type of guy who has trouble getting dates - and knows it - then stick with him. Not only is he less likely to flee, but he'll more likely appreciate you for being into him.

[Shannie]

Thanks for all the replies, I appreciate it. The general consensus seems to be that it might be ok for a short-term fling but is unlikely to have any longer-term potential, which is kind of what I'd thought. I'm not really after any more meaningless flings (I've had my fun with those, time to move on ) and I do think that it might well be unfair to expect too much committment from somebody who hasn't had the chance to do all that for themselves yet. So yes, I probably shouldn't persue him.

 

Gerhard - no, he isn't the type of guy who has women flocking around him. As far as I can tell, he's a long way from being a player. I don't know that he has trouble getting dates, as such, more that he's not overly forward with women.