princess75 Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Hi, I broke up 3 months ago now. It is not hurting anymore, cause my ex bf is all the time around. There has not been a single day since we havent met each other. He went out with another gal but we still maintained our relationship, including the physical one(sometimes). I know everyone will say if he could do that , then he is not worth it. But I am positive he is worth it for me. We had too many problems at the end of our relationship, which we happen to not be facing them anymore...we have talked about them. There has been an effort from his side for this to happen too. Although the other gal exists they have not met since December 13th, so practically I guess she is not that important. She also goes out with other guys, so I am not making her suffer nor anything like that. Now, how do I go about with my ex bf. He is still not wanting to commit, I am confortable with the situation but I dont know if it is ok or not. I feel we are definitely progressing, as long as I dont pressure him at all. I wonder if this has happened to any of you? I basically go with what my inner guts say, what does anyone suggest out there? Link to post Share on other sites
carra Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 princess, why does your ex agree to see you everyday, and more importantly, you agree to see him everyday if you guys are broken up? it sounds like a friends w/ benefits relationship to me. if you are okay with that, then whether or not it is wrong is a judgement call that sounds like you have already made. Link to post Share on other sites
Steve2usa Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Sounds like you have found a comfort zone with your ex that you both are physically enjoying. But you have to ask yourself, are you comfortable because he is around you all the time or because you are still intimate with each other. Be careful, since he still does not commit, he may never, because he has his cake and gets to eat it. If you are looking for more with him and really want a loving and caring relationship with him, then I suggest that being monogamous friends should be the order of the day or else he will always interpret that you'll just be there when he needs it. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I would'nt want to see you set yourself up for more hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author princess75 Posted January 7, 2004 Author Share Posted January 7, 2004 Well, I am not into a physical relationship only. We do share lots of other things, the physical part is just one thing more. We have dinner together, he takes care of me, we share stuff...etc. My problem with him is that although all of this is true he then withdraws away. For example since New Year we have met most days and talked on the phone too. He is the one doing the visitings and the callings. And I respond well, and we talk about Life. I am right now deciding into going to a PhD program, and would like to pursue it in UK (currently I am based in Chicago) and his reaction to this was "Are you going to leave me alone?" But then yesterday he changed his attitude. He didnt call, ok I know day b4 yesterday we met and all, but then he didnt call ..and I called him instead.(1st time after our long breakup) And instead of reacting well, he says "Who is this?" As if not recognizing me, and I just told him you knwo who it is. Well, then we had a short conversation and he said he was in no mood to talk to anyone. I hung up and called later on to see if he was doing ok, and asked him if I had done any mistake..he says no but also says not necessary to talk everday. I just told him please not to go far away, he says he is in no mood to talk to anyone. I know I should respect this, but these are the reactions which make me crazy. Like if we would be "friends with benefits" but he be constant I would not mind. Now I dont know if couples call each other everyday or not. I have been going out prioro breakup for 1 year and a half with him, so I feel that if we dont talk everyday something is wrong...but is something wrong? What do you guys think? Thanks for all the helpful comments till now! Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Well, considering that he's told you he does not want to commit, I think you are wasting your time. Even though in your mind you two may be making progress, it doesn't seem that he feels that way or that he is even looking at things that way. Look at this for what it is: you have a friends with benefits situation. He is dating other women. He has told you he doesn't want to commit. If this is all you think you deserve, then go for it. It doesn't matter how often you talk or how often you get physical. This is going nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author princess75 Posted January 8, 2004 Author Share Posted January 8, 2004 Well, I am still sticking around. How to know if it is not going anywhere? Yesterday we met again and we had a g8 time together. It was actually fun! And also loving. I am not sure how can I really tell if it is not going anywhere...because I knwo he needs time to figure out other personal stuff in his life, basically if we see those other aspects he would not be ready to commit. I think the pressure being gf/bf was too much too so the whole bubble bursted. I dont know maybe I am also confortable in this zone, as I have also the possibility of reevaluating what I want from life and from him or a relationship. Wonder....but then when if I would be completely fine ...why am I even talking about it. Can it be inexperience in the field? Link to post Share on other sites
InLoKo Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by princess75 Well, I am still sticking around. So your decision has been made. Link to post Share on other sites
Author princess75 Posted January 10, 2004 Author Share Posted January 10, 2004 HI All! Thankx for all the comments...I am moving on..I have come to realize, that although I WOuld love for it to work out..he is not sincere with his feelings...and if I stick around I will get hurt. All this energy is being wasted...and I am drained now. I do become happy when I am not with him, I get happy when I am with him...but thne he still has a strange phobia. Which if I try to talk about it..he become reluctant to do so. We are fine for 3 days, and 5th day..he goes backwards...adn pretends we are "just acquaintances" so....why on earth should I be in this relationship? IT is a back forth thing..we is making me crazy now. WEll...will keep you informed... Take care Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Good decision. This guy seems wishy-washy. Also, my guess is that he could be scared that you are possibly going away and therefore tries to push you away so he won't be hurt while you are gone. In any case, I don't think you should give up this opportunity to do your phD in the UK. I know this is off topic, but what are you studying anyhow? Link to post Share on other sites
Author princess75 Posted January 11, 2004 Author Share Posted January 11, 2004 Sarah ...thanks...for the advice. I am going for a Phd in Psychology! Well, I will definitely not ruin this opportunity....but continuing with my relationship... I still have feeling for him..which I find hard to let go. Sometimes I think it can wokr out and he wants to too..by his actions..not his words. He says he doesnt want it to, but does all to make things better...so I dont understand him. Sometimes I tihnk I should give it time..but then I dont want to get hurt right? Well...I will...concentrate on other aspects..like career for now... Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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